Guys I need some help....

[rydia57]

What is the deal with holding your cum forever? Someone has asked me to write a fantasy for him with this, but I don't understand why you hold it so long...does it feel better to wait? It doesn't hurt does it? Does the pleasure last longer too? When you jack off... is it better to stroke for an hour or two then get it over in five minutes? It would be easier to write if I could have some help understanding this...

 

[Guest]

I think it's all about delayed gratification.

Also, being deprived of orgasm, but being kept almost at the brink of orgasm, can be a kind of power-play thing in a D/s scene.

I'm actually writing something along those lines at the moment.

From what I know, it is like an intense pain/pleasure sensation. The guy wants to come; needs to come, but is being denied it - either by himself or by someone else.

Also, there really are guys who can fuck for an hour or two, without allowing that release. That's self-control and is done by complete free-will, often because they enjoy fucking so much and don't need to come five times in a day to get full enjoyment from everything. Because, often, once they have come, they feel physically drained. If they can hold off coming, all the better for both.

Lou

 

[CharleyH]

Also, there really are guys who can fuck for an hour or two, without allowing that release. That's self-control and is done by complete free-will, often because they enjoy fucking so much and don't need to come five times in a day to get full enjoyment from everything. Because, often, once they have come, they feel physically drained. If they can hold off coming, all the better for both.

Lou

Either that, or they are getting paid to be in a porn flick.

 

[Guest]

Either that, or they are getting paid to be in a porn flick.

HA! Now, there's an idea...

 

[dreampilot79]

Lou

I'm not sure what you mean....

For me, I get as much or more pleasure from the pleasure of my partner, than from my own release. I can delay orgasim by sheer willpower. Sex, to me at least, is about sharing. To NOT delay or control my orgasm, to simply fuck and cum, is like using a woman's body as nothing more than a masterbatory tool. The whole point of sex is to attempt to share mutual pleasure.

Generally, the longer the sexual excitement stays at the edge, the more intense the sensation when I do allow it. That, at least for me, is generally true, but not always.

The point for me, is merely to delay my satisfaction until I am sure that I have provided my partner with the maximum pleasure she can obtain before allowing myself that release.

If you mean delay orgasm simply for more pleasure to the man.... I can only speak for myself. Usually that provides a more intense orgasm, but not always and so it is a risk. I prefer timing to delay, if that makes any sense.

If you mean delay orgasm for days on end... wellllll to each his own.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Either that, or they are getting paid to be in a porn flick.

That's exactly what I was going to say. Though I gather it's easier for porn stars to hold it because they're not really in the heat of the moment. They're constantly having to stop or change position and take direction, so they're not focused on cumming.

 

[mDyne]

I Hope This is Helpful

I think CharlieH has it pretty much right, but I'll express and amplify in my own words:

Having sex, whether it's with one's self or with someone else is intensely pleasureable. It's not only the orgasm that's pleasurable, it's the feelings that come before that release too. They're great.

If a man is very extremely aroused, and by aroused I don't mean has a great big hard erection, I mean what goes on inside his head, then When he has an orgasm, he may be able to have another smaller one right away, or he may be able to get it up and do it all again and have another orgasm, smaller than the first, after not a very long time, but that's it for awhile. We need time to recover, and this time depends on the individual, and as I mentioned, the level of arousal.

Once we have that release, it's over for us for awhile, and so if it is possible to not come, and if all the feelings leading up to an orgasm are so very pleasureable, which they are, why not delay? Of course ultimately if we can't come then it's not a good feeling. It's maddeningly frustrating, and can sometimes be painful (blue balls, like getting hit in the balls but not quite that bad). To stroke or screw for an hour without coming, rather than having the one two three quick big bang is a wonderful thing, and is in no way painful for me, and the blue balls thing is something I only experienced once in my life and it was very mild.

The most common sexual dysfunction for men is premature ejaculation. I think this comprises about 85% of men's sexual problems. About 15% is inability to ejaculate. I know one man who has the former problem, and three men and one woman who have some form of the later.

Men who have the premature ejaculation problem claim that the feeling of their penis in a vagina is just so exquisitely delicious that it sucks the semen right out of them. These men also, I believe, come quickly when they masturbate. Coming quickly is also frustrating, especialy when having sex with a partner.

Those who have difficulty coming break down into two groups. Some have physical problems, for example older men with prostate problems. The others have psychological problems, and most of these people can come when having sex with themselves, but are inhibited by the interpersonal relationship with a partner. These inhibitions can sometimes be overcome by working with a partner to build arousal (over a period of time, weeks or months even, she/he teases the hell out of you, then you fuck each other to death).

I personally take a long time to orgasm. I'm not bragging, I'm just lucky. Even when I masturbate it takes me twenty to forty minutes, and I love every second of it. If I've got the time, like if I have a weekend home alone I may prolong my ejaculation for hours. Even beginning, stopping, leaving the house to ogle (politely and discretely) some cuties at the mall and build arousal further, and coming home to start again. If I come, then my arousal level and ability to stimulate myself is reduced, and my fun is over for awhile. It's in no way painful, but eventually I get to the point where I just can't stand the pleasure anymore without that final burst of heavenly release. Fuck that feels good.

Building arousal is great (I love getting teased). Longer is better -- prolonging sex without coming is no problem (for me). The final release is a must.

 

[Guest]

Lou

I'm not sure what you mean....

For me, I get as much or more pleasure from the pleasure of my partner, than from my own release. I can delay orgasim by sheer willpower. Sex, to me at least, is about sharing. To NOT delay or control my orgasm, to simply fuck and cum, is like using a woman's body as nothing more than a masterbatory tool. The whole point of sex is to attempt to share mutual pleasure.

Generally, the longer the sexual excitement stays at the edge, the more intense the sensation when I do allow it. That, at least for me, is generally true, but not always.

The point for me, is merely to delay my satisfaction until I am sure that I have provided my partner with the maximum pleasure she can obtain before allowing myself that release.

Yep, that's exactly what I meant.

You, (and definitely the man I was thinking of when I wrote what I did) make the BEST kind of lovers.

 

[TheEarl]

It's a trick that would be very neat to learn. Generally I've found that the more time you take over it, the better your orgasm is. And as Dream said, the whole point of the exercise is to get those lovely noises out of your Lady.

The Earl

 

[dreampilot79]

Yep, that's exactly what I meant.

You, (and definitely the man I was thinking of when I wrote what I did) make the BEST kind of lovers.

Awwwwwwww Lou.. now ya got me blushing!

 

[cantdog]

That said, there is a delayed-cum technique.

The sensations are strongest in intense arousal (except, of course, for the come itself). The technique is to bring the man up there and hold him there, where every touch is maddening. For some people it can be done inside a body: both partners cease motion and prolong the erection. Each little movement is an event, it's not strenuous per se, and if you work at it, you can extend it a long time indeed. Mouth and hand work on a bound partner fits more into a bondage scene, as Lou says, but the mutual exercise of both partners attempting deliberately to prolong is its own reward. Worth trying. You'll not usually have time for it, but on a long weekend away from the kids in that mountain cabin or beach house, it's really an amazing thing to have in the repertoire.

 

[dreampilot79]

I think what you are describing is the skill of a woman... (where were you a few years ago?) and not the delay performed by the man.

Now we're back to sharing and just a question of who is in control. But then, I guess we're splitting hairs!

 

[Fleatopia]

I've asked my boyfriend this very question before and his answer is always two-fold.

The first part is what was pointed out above, the pleasure isn't just in the ejaculation, but in the enjoyment of the sensations that come with fucking. This makes sense enough, but his second reason is that once he cums the lovemaking session is over and he's out of it until he can recover. He wants all of those good feelings to last as long as possible.

Both of these reasons make sense to me, but sometimes it would be nice if he'd just lose control and cum like crazy because of something I did.

 

[Belegon]

I can finish very quickly if I allow myself or I can hold back. As I have gotten older and lost the quick recovery ability of youth, I have more incentive to hold back. I am very energy-drained after cumming, and it becomes a distraction to be fighting that desire to just collapse if my lover is not sated and I am still trying to please her.

The only issue I have really had with this is that sometimes by delaying it I remove the ability to finish for a while. While it is normally a male failing to be overly goal oriented in sex, believe me that it can be worrisome to a woman if the man does not climax. She worries that it is her performance at question.

That is why I have "faked" in the past.

But I actually have been just fine with those times. My orgasm is a part of the play, but not necessarily the reason for it.

 

[Vincent E]

If a man wants to prolong pleasure he may hold off on the actual ejaculation. The final squirt is often just that - final. For many men and their women, the final release is the end of the sexual encounter. Some men are just attuned to stopping once they come; for others the final release is not easily recovered from.

However, a man who is in tune with his body may often choose to hold off that moment of final release because being on the brink of an orgasm for a long time is actually pleasurable in itself. It is kind of like being suspended in mid-air sexually. The feeling of the building climax, controlled and managed, can keep a man in a heightened state of arousal for quite some time if he has the patience and the discipline not to just try and squirt for the sake of climaxing.

We men begin jacking off at a young age. By his twenties a male has probably come thousands of times, so the actual release becomes no big deal. It is just another orgasm in a long line of orgasms. If that man can manage his orgasm, he may find that he is able to either enjoy a more powerful climax when the time comes or he may simply choose to enjoy that feeling of being on the brink.

This might actually be a theme for an erotic story called Living on the Edge.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Some forms of Tantric Yoga taught practitioners to withhold ejaculation as a path towards enlightenment.

In Buddhist tantra, actual ejaculation is very much a taboo, as the main goal of the sexual practice is to use the sexual energy towards achieving full enlightenment, rather than ordinary pleasure.

Full Citation at Answers.com


Of course, that is not what is going on here, but Masters in Tantric Yoga developed many off the disciplines under discussion..

 

[Dar~]

To NOT delay or control my orgasm, to simply fuck and cum, is like using a woman's body as nothing more than a masterbatory tool.

Sounds like fun to me . . .

 

[dreampilot79]

To NOT delay or control my orgasm, to simply fuck and cum, is like using a woman's body as nothing more than a masterbatory tool.

Sounds like fun to me . . .

Not as much fun as sharing the experience.... In fact... leaves me quite short!

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Lou

I'm not sure what you mean....

For me, I get as much or more pleasure from the pleasure of my partner, than from my own release. I can delay orgasim by sheer willpower. Sex, to me at least, is about sharing. To NOT delay or control my orgasm, to simply fuck and cum, is like using a woman's body as nothing more than a masterbatory tool. The whole point of sex is to attempt to share mutual pleasure.

Generally, the longer the sexual excitement stays at the edge, the more intense the sensation when I do allow it. That, at least for me, is generally true, but not always.

The point for me, is merely to delay my satisfaction until I am sure that I have provided my partner with the maximum pleasure she can obtain before allowing myself that release.

If you mean delay orgasm simply for more pleasure to the man.... I can only speak for myself. Usually that provides a more intense orgasm, but not always and so it is a risk. I prefer timing to delay, if that makes any sense.

If you mean delay orgasm for days on end... wellllll to each his own.

Dreampilot has a point here, and I won't disagree, but I don't think this is the only real answer, nor is it necessarily the primary one. That doesn't mean that all of us have this second reason in mind, but frankly (and I mean no offense to anyone one who's answered thus far, guys) the one I quoted seems to be almost token any more. It's tehe answer that isn't really not true, but is expected. Her pleasure, to be read "I'm a considerate lover."

I'll admit this applies to me at times, and in more ways than just this exact topic, but it seems to me that it is sometimes overlooked that we men have the same "internal voices" that women have, but that they say different things. I'm talking insecurities here. Many women seem to have that little nagging voice that says that they aren't good enough as they are because they should be perfect, which means they simply have to be a size 1/100 in jeans and have a .0001 inch waist, with no split ends, no stretch marks, a flawless complexion and breasts that are natural but don't sag... I mean at all, not even a little.

What do men have? Well, if you ever hear a guy talking shit about his "sex life" (the quotes are definitely necessary) he tends to have a 10" cock (or is it 10'? ) and can stay hard through five ejaculations and "he can do it! He can do it allll nighttt longggg..."

You see my point. In the bedroom department, what do men tend to concern themselves with? Penis size; erectile disfunction; premature ejaculation. Basically, what I'm saying, is eventhough it may not be necessary for us to put so much effort into lasting longer, insecurity more or less leads us to beleive that lasting longer is a sign of our... Manhood? Virility? Dunno what word fits best, but I think you understand what I'm trying to say.

I used to try too hard to hold it (no, I didn't get over it; I'm just not getting any at the moment... ) and I'm pretty sure this is why.

Okay, ramble complete.

Q_C

 

[rydia57]

little help...

hmmm...


I only understood a couple of those. Tatelous was the clearest, and I definitely understood Fleatopia's wanting her guy to lose come because of something she did. I find the holding it all day until the guy is finished with "pleasing" the woman strange, cos' making him cum is like half of the arousal. To me, sex is like tennis...constant, simultaneaous, passionate... uh, well, I probably should rephrase tho.
When there isn't a woman likely... in the forecast, why would a guy go for hours and possibly days to hold the cum? Is this more pleasurable than the coming in five or six minutes, or does it show good restraint for that sex to come?

 

[dreampilot79]

I guess I'm either strange or the only sane man on the planet.

Physically, I'm overendowed with a beer belly... underendowed with remaining hair... and wellllll.... the only way I can give a girl 10 inches is if she doesn't mind doing it twice (ok....OK... thrice).

Still through it all, I don't have any sexual insecurities. My insecurities are abot attracting women (I'm very very shy and very very afraid of offending) but once we are headed for the bedroom (ok.. the blanket on the beach will work)... I'm just fine. I know things will work out.

 

[dreampilot79]

hmmm...


I only understood a couple of those. Tatelous was the clearest, and I definitely understood Fleatopia's wanting her guy to lose come because of something she did. I find the holding it all day until the guy is finished with "pleasing" the woman strange, cos' making him cum is like half of the arousal. To me, sex is like tennis...constant, simultaneaous, passionate... uh, well, I probably should rephrase tho.
When there isn't a woman likely... in the forecast, why would a guy go for hours and possibly days to hold the cum? Is this more pleasurable than the coming in five or six minutes, or does it show good restraint for that sex to come?

Sex is like people's moods.... always different. What works one day is NOT effective another. The key is in reading what your partner needs/wants today. For MOST women and many men... giving pleasure is at least half the experience. Holding off an orgasm indeffinetsly is robbing HER as much as him. The trick is to know HOW LONG to hold off.

As for going hours and hours....putting it off for days..... I don't understand either.

 

[mDyne]

I Need Some Help Too

I'm working on a story and I need some help too, and parenthetically I was very taken with Ms. Virtual Berlesque's story "Phantom of the Rush Hour." She did such a fine job describing the fingering of a woman on a bus, that perhaps she could aid in answering my question, though most any woman and more than a few men could as well.

It's been quite a while since I had my fingers exploring the inner delights of a vagina, but I remember feeling that part that is forward and below the pubic bone, more commonly known as the G-spot, but the hell with that silly name, really that whole anterior surface. I remember the feeling of a ridge line running up and down the center. Whether the ridge is of bony, cartilaginous, or more skinlike material I don't exactly remember.

How about a description of what that ridge feels like for the outsider, and heck, if you want to go for it it could be for the insider as well.

Thanks, m