*growls*

[Guest]

Ya know I think I have lost my mind... I am ready to murder the next man that I ask a YES or NO question to and I don't actually get an answer.

Have I missed something here.... I mean really did I miss a step on in the rule book that says they are the 'action' people but heaven help them from actually saying yes or no on something.

Help... am I alone in this or from the other side.... guys am I asking too much by wanting a yes or no?

 

[slyc_willie]

Ya know I think I have lost my mind... I am ready to murder the next man that I ask a YES or NO question to and I don't actually get an answer.

Have I missed something here.... I mean really did I miss a step on in the rule book that says they are the 'action' people but heaven help them from actually saying yes or no on something.

Help... am I alone in this or from the other side.... guys am I asking too much by wanting a yes or no?

My simple answer would be, no, you're not asking for too much. But then, it might help if we knew what brought this on

 

[Belegon]

Ya know I think I have lost my mind... I am ready to murder the next man that I ask a YES or NO question to and I don't actually get an answer.

Have I missed something here.... I mean really did I miss a step on in the rule book that says they are the 'action' people but heaven help them from actually saying yes or no on something.

Help... am I alone in this or from the other side.... guys am I asking too much by wanting a yes or no?

many of us have been programmed over the last twenty years to avoid blunt answers...

 

[impressive]

Ya know I think I have lost my mind... I am ready to murder the next man that I ask a YES or NO question to and I don't actually get an answer.

Have I missed something here.... I mean really did I miss a step on in the rule book that says they are the 'action' people but heaven help them from actually saying yes or no on something.

Help... am I alone in this or from the other side.... guys am I asking too much by wanting a yes or no?

No, you are not alone.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I think that a great deal depends on the question to which you want a "yes" or "no" answer. Some questions lends themselves well to such answers; others do not.

What's the question?

 

[rgraham666]

many of us have been programmed over the last twenty years to avoid blunt answers...

Just so.

 

[Dar~]

legs is the word, go forth and spread the word.

 

[3113]

guys am I asking too much by wanting a yes or no?

Do you expect a yes or no answer to that?

Truth is, this is a common problem among modern males. You may not know this, but there is a support group here on Lit for them. Bel, Slyc and Rob all belong to it and are making progress. Most scientists agree that it starts sometime in youth, when men's testosterone levels are high, and there is a terrible fear that answering a yes/no question directly will lead to them not getting laid (questions like "Does this dress make me look fat" and being punished for the answer is what eventually leads to panic mode when asked yes/no questions, and sends men into a spiraling anxiety attack where neither word can be uttered). It's terribly sad.

This fear is compounded by society's admiration of "strong, silent" males, who don't say anything at all. Hence, we end up, tragically, with...Ambiguoua-Masculinatus. An unreasoning fear in men of the word "yes" or "no."

It's lucky that the words that need to be spoken at the altar are "I do" rather than "Yes," else none of these men would be capable of marriage...

Try to be understanding.

 

[Guest]

Me: "do you want to come out to the beach?"
Him: "I don't know what I am doing yet"

days later

Me: "well... whatcha up to"
Him: "don't know, might go somewhere, don't know where"


Me: "so do you want to get something to eat this weekend?"
A different Him: "I don't know maybe"

 

[Guest]

many of us have been programmed over the last twenty years to avoid blunt answers...

How come?

 

[Belegon]

Do you expect a yes or no answer to that?

Truth is, this is a common problem among modern males. You may not know this, but there is a support group here on Lit for them. Bel, Slyc and Rob all belong to it and are making progress. Most scientists agree that it starts sometime in youth, when men's testosterone levels are high, and there is a terrible fear that answering a yes/no question directly will lead to them not getting laid (questions like "Does this dress make me look fat" and being punished for the answer is what eventually leads to panic mode when asked yes/no questions, and sends men into a spiraling anxiety attack where neither word can be uttered). It's terribly sad.

This fear is compounded by society's admiration of "strong, silent" males, who don't say anything at all. Hence, we end up, tragically, with...Ambiguoua-Masculinatus. An unreasoning fear in men of the word "yes" or "no."

It's lucky that the words that need to be spoken at the altar are "I do" rather than "Yes," else none of these men would be capable of marriage...

Try to be understanding.

There is also, in my age group, the latent memory of having done such things as being a seventeen year old opening a door for a 30 year old woman and then getting chewed out in public for being sexist.

Very confusing.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

I guess it matters on the question...

Ask me do I like cooking? Straight answer.

Girl asks me "does this make me look fat"? I weigh the consequences.

 

[3113]

Me: "do you want to come out to the beach?"
Him: "I don't know what I am doing yet"

days later

Me: "well... whatcha up to"
Him: "don't know, might go somewhere, don't know where"


Me: "so do you want to get something to eat this weekend?"
A different Him: "I don't know maybe"

AH! you're having that problem. Easily solved. Don't say: "Do you want to come out to the beach." Say, "We're going to the beach now. Get your stuff."

Much easier as it doesn't require any thinking on his part Nine times out of ten, he'll enjoy himself and tell you what a good idea it was...even if he originally grumbled about it.

 

[Guest]

I think that a great deal depends on the question to which you want a "yes" or "no" answer. Some questions lends themselves well to such answers; others do not.

What's the question?

Oh and I forgot to add my favorite one lately

"are we seeing each other or am I just a convienent lay?"

 

[slyc_willie]

Oh and I forgot to add my favorite one lately

"are we seeing each other or am I just a convienent lay?"

Yowtch.

I don't know many people -- male or female -- who could answer such a question with a simple 'yes' or 'no.'

Could you?

 

[Dar~]

Oh and I forgot to add my favorite one lately

"are we seeing each other or am I just a convienent lay?"

my answer is yes.

 

[slyc_willie]

my answer is yes.

To both?

 

[Dar~]

To both?

certainly.

 

[slyc_willie]

certainly.

Just an example where a 'yes' or a 'no' can be an ambiguous answer . . . .

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I love blunt answers. I think it's one of the things that has kept me celibate over the last twelve years.

 

[slyc_willie]

I love blunt answers. I think it's one of the things that has kept me celibate over the last twelve years.

I think you just validated 3113's point.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Yes.

 

[carsonshepherd]

It might not be the question...
it might be the person you're asking.

 

[Liar]

There are three ways to honestly answer a yes-or-no question.

"Wanna go out for a cuppa coffee?"

Yes.
No.
I don't know.

All three can be perfectly honest, straight answers.

Although the last one is often a covert "no". Postponing the face-threatening act of turning down the asker's initiative. Hoping it will be forgotten, rather than facing an awkward social situation.

The other covert "no" is of course the "Yes, but...[insert far-out excuse]".

 

[BlackShanglan]

Me: "do you want to come out to the beach?"
Him: "I don't know what I am doing yet"

days later

Me: "well... whatcha up to"
Him: "don't know, might go somewhere, don't know where"


Me: "so do you want to get something to eat this weekend?"
A different Him: "I don't know maybe"

Ah. The vague non-committal. It has a number of possible root causes:

1) He really has no idea what he wants to do and he's not terribly excited about any of the options. For this reason, he can't summon the energy to make up his mind.

2) He has something else he wants to do, but doesn't want to give you a flat "no" in case the other plans fall through and he needs something to occupy his time.

3) He doesn't want to, but is hesitant to say "no" because he's concerned that he will hurt your feelings. He'd rather stall than flatly deny.

4) He's not terribly excited about the idea, but does enjoy keeping you on the hook to validate his own sense of what a sexy stud he is.

5) He's at work, having another conversation on IM, or is otherwise too distracted to give your question proper attention.

6) He's doing or contemplating doing something this weekend that he does not care to discuss, and is being vague on that account.

At any rate, yes, he's being unhelpful. Happily, the same remedy works for pretty much all of the above. Ask him cheerfully if he'd like to go, respond to anything other than an absolutely clear "yes!" with "OK! Have fun!" and then go about the business of having fun without him. You should also - and this is most important - make absolutely no accomodation for him should he later decide that he would like to join you after all. "Oh, I'm so sorry - I'm just out the door! Maybe next time!" is a good line to remember; "Oh, thanks! But <insert male name> is coming, and we're just heading out" is another. Your goal, for his sake and for yours, is to have a bright, cheerful, lovely time without him.

This will teach you that you don't have to hang on his decision, and it will teach him that if he wants a shot at a fun and delightful time with an exciting person like you, he'd better leap at the chance when it's presented. Personally, I'd much rather enjoy myself alone than drag along some sullen lump who can't summon an ounce of enthusiasm anyway.

Shanglan