Growing Old, Settling down.

[mysty74]

I have just recently realized that I will hit thirty in a year and a half. I had not realized how close I am. Age seems like a pain in the but when your younger. Waiting for 16, 18, 21. The whole time you are wishing to be older but now that I am " there" I can suddenly wonder why in the heck I was in such a big hurry? Why was it so important to get away from parents and rules? Where was my head???
I feel so out of touch here, could someone tell me if this is normal, or am I merely over reacting and in need of a pshyciatrist?
M

 

[ScarlettRose]

you are normal, you are over reacting, and you don't need a psychiatrist, at least not for anything you typed in this thread so far. (not saying you need one, just covering my ass cuz i have no idea )

 

[JazzManJim]

I feel so out of touch here, could someone tell me if this is normal, or am I merely over reacting and in need of a pshyciatrist?
M

Nah, you're normal. Incredibly so, in this case.

thirty is one of those ages where folks start treating you like a responsible adult and you realize that you can't get away with stuff you used to do when you were younger. That's not to say that your life is over, but it's just different.

 

[mysty74]

I think one of the hardest parts is feeling that I no longer fit in with the younger crowd, yet the adults seem so darned stuffy sometimes....
M

 

[JazzManJim]

I think one of the hardest parts is feeling that I no longer fit in with the younger crowd, yet the adults seem so darned stuffy sometimes....
M

Oh I still feel like that and I'm 34.

 

[MissTaken]

Babies!

You are all babies !

 

[mysty74]

Babies? Nah, just reaching the self discovery age. You know, realizing that the world doesn't revolve around me after all. Now when did that happen???
M

 

[Lost Cause]

Why does it take so long to become "reflective"

You're among friends, I walked that same path you are on now. Just relax and try not to find the reason in everything, it comes in time. I always thought I'd be dead by 21, 30, and 40, damned living kept getting in my way! Just stop now and then to smell the roses, and party like it'll be your last day.

 

[horny_giraffe]

The hard part for me (I'm 33) is that the media generally focuses on, and glamorizes youth culture--the idea that kids are better than adults, somehow. What I've come to realize is that for those adults in the know, this is mostly tongue-in-cheek. It's just the kids that take this myth seriously.

All this sort of iconoclastic sort of view--"We're not gonna take it." and "Anarchy Now!" and "We want to be free!"--the older I get, the less it makes sense. Free from what? I'm the one making the rules! People my age are getting into politics, practicing law, getting their tenure.

Most of the time, I'm finding out that if I don't organize that "boring" meeting or go visit that "icky" aunt--it doesn't happen. Ever. I find that my life consists more and more of just unstructured time. It's up to me to make something of it.

As a kid, I was trained to believe that it's all about reacting. One solves math problems, or writes an essay on a given topic, or complains about their curfew. One holds demonstrations against evil corporations or corrupt governments. But that's all kid's stuff.

What being an adult means to me is about creation--creating icons (for those little ungrateful little kids to react and rant about, I suppose,) trying to make some meaning in an apparently meaningless world.

More and more, I realize that I'm it. I'm the one. People need to do very little--and most of the time, that's all they do. If I've got a vision, chances are I'm the only one who's going to care. If I want something, I have to make it for myself.

Some day, my parents will be dead. Probably, I'll still be alive, then. Who will be the boss, then? Who will I blame or credit? Will I continue to react against my memories, or will I finally take responsibility for the creation of my own life? Even now, I look at my aging parents and I realize that they are just living their own lives. Sure, they care about me. But those days when I was a focus of attention are long gone.

So what's next? There's still a ream of blank paper sitting in the printer. Are the printed sheets all going to say "All work and no play makes Johny a dull boy?" Time to crack them knuckles and get down to work, I guess.

 

[cymbidia]

Thirty is an unusually emotional birthday for many of us, for all the reasons discussed here. You'll get over the freak-out part of it, though, and learn to deal with the harsh truth of not being a kid anymore. It won't hurt you, that realization. In an odd way, your life will become bigger with the emotional acceptance of that bit of knowledge.

One thing to know, though, one truth you're overlooking:
Those "stuffy adults"? We're the ones with all the money and free time to go and do the really fun stuff. We're the ones who seem to be too ancient to possibly find joy or fun in all the exciting things reserved for "youth" - but, actually, we're the ones who are doing most of that fun stuff.

We know who we are.
We know what we want.
We have the time and money to get it.
And our sexuality is in overdrive, babykins, make no mistake on that account, along with a mastery of sexual technique that leaves the frantic humping of our youth in the dust behind us.

For most of us, everything about our lives gets better as we age: truth.

You just gotta get past that first hump of acceptance around not being a kid anymore. Leave the little glittery things of childhood behind and come join us at the adults' table, won't you? You'll like the view, i promise. Up here, we have the bone china, the fine crystal, and the good silverware. We use it while we're playing footise under the table, after we've sent the kids outside to play before bedtime.

 

[Cheyenne]

Thirty wasn' t so hard for me. It took until I was 32 before I started to fall apart. Then it took me a few years to get back on track. By 36, I was fine again. But I don't ever want to relieve those 3 or 4 years of my life. We all find our niche as an adult eventually, but it can be tough defining yourself for awhile.

 

[lisalove]

Ahhh, you're just going through the dreaded Saturn Cycle. You better hang on, cause it lasts a few years.

 

[peachykeen]

nothing to be scared of. I've learned that being an aware adult is a hell of a lot more powerful a place to operate from than clinging desperately to some mythical idealization of 'youth'.

30 was an excellent year for me. Bought a house, got married, moved to another country, made loads of good friends, got to travel the world a bit. Am 33 now and although my present circumstances are a bit shit I really am in love with life. Looking forward to the many years with my husband, renovating our house (if ever we move back to the US), much more travel, starting a family, adventure after adventure. If that's boring and settled, fine, I'll be that. And I'll be happy

 

[millieteases]

Deal with it. You're a real adult now - lot's of freedom, lot's of opportunities -

Live! Be Free! Be responsible! Be entertaining!

Stop worrying about age and start making the world a better place.

 

[medjay]

I'm a year and a half from being 30 myself and I'm looking forward to it. I've never really fit in with my peers anyway -- I've always been an "old soul".

Actually, I can't wait until I'm sixty. Then I'll be able to wear plaid shirts with a straw hat, khaki shorts, black socks and white shoes and no one will give a damn! I would do it now but everyone would think I was just trying to be funny.

 

[mysty74]

I don't think it is so much that I am scared. I have kids, 4 of them , and a wonderful man. I have a fun job,we both work, and are looking forward to the time when it will be just us. Kids we have had since the beginning. Responsability is not the issue.

I think the issue with me personally is that I don't know who I am. I try to be kind to the people I meet, I try to raise my children the right way. Maybe I feel that the way to make a difference in the world is through kindness.

I think the trouble I am having now is that I still WANT to do the things I used to, I just don't have the time, or energy, or inclination to do them. And when I actually do these things, such as go out dancing, I always feel out of place. The crowd seems so much younger these days. And I feel like I should mother all of these kids, instead of providing a negative influence. Which leads to me going home and saying forget it.

I just wish I knew where I fit in in the great scheme of things, but I guess philosophers have been asking that question for years.

As for being happy, I am. I have beautiful, intelligent, truly wonderful kids, my fiance is the sweetest, most generous person I have ever met. My extended family are all wonderful and very supportive. And I have great friends.

But when will I stop feeling so darned restless all of the time?

Thank you all for the wonderful advice, I think I just really needed to hear that I am not the 1st or last to go through it.

M

 

[Orwell84]

At 30 you're still a young "whipper snapper." I wouldn't worry too much about it.

In terms of feeling restless, I'm well over thirty, and still have some of those feelings. I don't know about others, but personally have become somewhat more philosophical about the processes of life as I've aged. When I was younger, I just lived life and didn't think too much about it. Now, I tend to think about it all more than I used to.

I try to be optimistic. Hopefully the passing years mean that I have lived at least a liitle bit, and that I'm not just older, but hopefully a little wiser, a little more travelled, a little more experienced, I little more in tune with life's experiences, and a little more able to just relax and enjoy what life has to offer. In this context, I try to look at "age" as a good thing.