Group Sex and STDs

[CelestialBody]

 

[Juliangel]

It was me and I know some of the families involved. CB what the article fails to mention is that they were in middle school (6th, 7th and 8th grades)when many of the parties started taking place. My own son will be going to the school most of them went to next year.

opps never mind it does mention that further down.

[Edited by Juliangel on 11-02-2000 at 10:41 AM]

 

[Weird Harold]

I didn't take the time to read the entire link right now. I've seen some other articles on this episode of Frontline though.

CB said:
"Please, if you are going to ridicule these kids, or pass judgement on their parents, do not reply. I guess I what I'm looking for is your reactions."

The issue of parental supervision must be part of this discussion. So must the issue of sex education in the schools be part of it.

There's a lot of factors that lead to this kind of behavior, but they all start with "what do the children know about sex" and "parents teaching their children how to resist peer pressure."

Somewhere along the line, somebody failed the children involved by not teaching them what they needed to know. Others failed to exert proper supervision.

I agree that Who is at fault in this particular case is not what needs to be discussed. The real question is "How do the parents and teachers where you live keep it from happening there?" How can we (the parents, teachers, and others here at Lit) help prevent similar occurances around the world?

In my case, the answer is I can't keep it from happening to the neighbor kids, but I can be available to my granddaughters to help them learn self-respect and the dangers that can come with 'being part of things.' I can be available to offer advice to their parents when problems arise.

One bit of advice all of the children involved in this could have used that I gave my daughters regarding their friends.

"I don't care who you choose to have as friends. Just don't let them be a bad influence on you. Instead, YOU be a GOOD influence on them."

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Adoratrice]

I read the entire thing.......


I am signing off right now to go spend some time with my beautiful,smart,funny & virgin 12 year old daughter.

 

[Weird Harold]

WH, I should have been more clear. There is a tendancy for people in general to point the finger at someone else-anyone for things like this. I was aiming toward what could be done to prevent this from recurring.

There is definitely an "it's not MY fault" attitude in the world today, but that lack is another entire thread. (It's already on here somewhere.) In order to determine what can be done to prevent a reoccurance, it is necessary to understand what caused this case of underaged peomiscuity. That understanding can't be reached if the role of parents and the children themselves is excluded from the discussion.

Yes, there is plenty to be done at home, but after a certain point kids don't listen to their parents.
...
sometimes its hard to tell who's right, the people around or your parents.

That's why parents, grandparents, and teachers have to make kids think. Just telling them something is "because I say so" doesn't teach them to think about right and wrong. Children are much smarter than most adults give them credit for.

Consider the age group involved here, these kids are already confused-they're just hitting puberty and more likely than not, they are going to listen to their friends, not their parents. It goes much deeper than what you can do for your kids, society as whole is also partially at fault.

Who children that age listen to all depends on the realtionship formed with their parents at an earlier age. There is always going to be some element of rebellion at that age as kids test the values their parents taught them. If their parents (and elementary teachers) also taught them to think for themselves then "peer pressure" doesn't have to result in STDs.

For example, I mediated a dispute between my youngest grandaughter and her aunt (the babysitter) yesterday. Since the Grandaughter is a few days shy of three, she's often not taken seriously when she tries to express herself.

Her aunt was expecting her to behave with a maturity beyond her years, and her complaint of "but I'm just a kid" was ignored as being a childish cop-out. It's not. It's an inarticulate attempt to explain that too much was being asked of her without explanation.

I know that yesterday will help her to know that Grampa will listen to her problems when she can't talk about them with anybody else.

If all children had a "grampa" or someone other than their parnts to talk to, many situations such as that in Conyers would be at least less widespread, if not avoided.

... Take a good look at the thread "LGN" How many women there don't have a strong sense of self worth

For that matter, how many men responded to that same thread with self-depricating humor or false bravado to hid insecurities about how they look.?

How many were like me and did not respond because simply discussing how we look naked is embarassing?

Everyone has doubts at one time or another. I got stuck at a weight of 97 pounds for an extended period of time at the height of the "don't be a 97 pound weakling" advertising campaign by Charles Atlas. That experience shaped and scarred my self-image, even though I was never teased about it.

At the send-a-friend site I recommended the other day, there is a collection of kids opinions about Love and a couple of others along the lines of "Kids say the darndest things." The quotes are indeed funny, but if you actually "listen" to what the kids are saying, it's scary.
(http://sendafriend.com/KidStyle/)

That "listen" is important. If more parents and teachers really listened to kids and paid attention to not only what they say and how they say it, but to what they don't say, many of the self-image problems prodiced by puberty would go away.

If you listen to the kids' interviews its scary how so many people can feel so incredibly isolated, those kids don't have a comfort zone. This isn't about good behavior or bad behavior, its about respecting yourself. That is what is missing.

There is that "listen" again. Imagine if the parents, teachers, pastors, grandparents, et al, had "listened." Imagine if those same people had taken the time and effort that the interviewers did.

Would there have been a story for Frontline to report?

There are thousands of places like Conyer, GA in the world. Many of them have nice chaste children that the world expects such places to have. Many have clandestine teen orgies just like Conyer had.

Listening to children won't solve everything, but it sure beats nailing them into a keg and feeding them through the bunghole until they are (disfunctional) adults.

[Edited by Weird Harold on 11-02-2000 at 05:51 PM]

 

[Svedish_Chef]

The world just gets into everything quicker nowadays, and since parents aren't setting good enough boundaries stuff like this happens.

 

[Weird Harold]

The world just gets into everything quicker nowadays, and since parents aren't setting good enough boundaries stuff like this happens.

Since parents aren't, who should? Or how can we teach parents how to set better boundaries?

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I just finished reading the whole thing then...

"Dont go back to Rockdale... and waste another year" - REM

WH, The parents should set boundaries from the beginning.

Once little johnny has every toy there is to own by the age of 6, what has he got to look forward to? Did he actually learn that being good gets you somewhere or was it spoil the child and let him do what he wants.

Parents seem to be so much more worried about getting ahead nowadays that they forget their greatest legacy is their children, and all the money in the world is not going to help this child if he has been left to his own devices, and due to no attention is now a drug-addled rapist.

Coming from a 21 year old without kids may seem rather hypocritical, but I have done it looking after other kids and will continue to do so when I have my own. If they deserve a treat, they will get one, if they deserve a smack I will give them that too and I will tell them why.
None of this, "Its alright honey you didn't mean to climb on the shelf to steal biscuits and eat them all did you? Come to mummy"

Right my rant is over... and Harold if not the parents(OR guardians) who? Well there really is no good substitute.

 

[Wizard]

I saw something about this on 48 hrs or 20/20 ................DAM fucked up....................