Group Poem "Live" by Haiku do you

[Haiku do you]

LIVE Revision
by Haiku do you

We are Easter Lilies,
our petals, Hope and Promise,
shared smiles, hushed sighs, and quick
kisses form our stem. We rejoice in our
commitment. In love we live.

We are Summer rainstorms,
winds embraced with passion,
thunders resonating fulfillment,
the Promise and the Hope
love and life unending

We share the light and rain,
Unsullied and in nobility,
soaring, if only briefly,
Passion and color undiminished by greed,
we are Easter Lilies.



LIVE
by Haiku do you ©


We are Easter Lilies,
our petals are Hope and Promise,
shared smiles, hushed sighs, and quick
kisses form our stem. We rejoice in our
committment. In love we live.

We are Summer rainstorms,
whose winds embrace with passion,
whose thunders resonate fulfillment,
of the Promise and the Hope
of love and life unending

We share the light and rain,
Unsullied and in nobility,
soaring, if only briefly,
Passion and color undiminished by greed,
we are the Easter Lilies.

 

[Savage Kitten]

oh, i miss spring so bad! the rebirth of our mother earth, when everything is so fresh and new.

I liked the 1st stanza. Its more of a declaration than a statement. It worked as a great beginning, loosely weaving it so the others may add their colorful yarn.

The 2nd stanza is good. I enjoyed the images of spring thunderstorms and cleansing. It would have flowed better, for me, if you had not used the same words (cliche borrowing U.P.'s word) that was in the 1st stanza.. perhaps found a different way to say the same thing? of the Promise and the Hope

The 3rd stanza would have tied in with the other 2 more quickly if you had wrote We are the light and rain, instead. My favorite line by far is "Unsullied and in nobility, soaring, if only briefly,"

Great job Haiku Do You

*kickin winter to the curb*
Sk~

 

[Unmasked Poet]

Remain in the light

After coming off the Consenting Couplets version I feel I am in some sort of struggle of biblical proportions. Darkness and light. The tone of this poem is near perfect from first to third stanza. The execution is seamless the word choice just dandy. The only thing I found lacking is a kick ass image to fall into it. I will write more later.

U.P.

 

[mskittykatt]

Hello and Well Met Haiku do you,
In the first verse the word commitment is spelled wrong, a mistake so easily avoided. =( as well as the word, commitment itself not fitting very well into the feeling I get before and after it’s use.
I like how this verse shows so much of springtime love without introducing people.

In the second verse I think the summer rainstorms could have been done more justice not using the same descriptive line, “hope and love”
I especially like the “life unending” as rainstorms both breakdown the old and refresh the new every time they come.

In the third verse part of the power is lost by the change of phrase in the first line “we share the light and rain” instead of “we are the light and rain.”
I love the phrase “soaring, if only briefly” because it catches the nature of changing seasons in their rise and fall very well. highlighting both the beginning and an ending to the poem.

Over all I would have to say the association in my mind, that Easter Lilies bring up for me has my Pagan heart and mind screaming.
It an incredibly sick contrast between the beauty described and the cycle of life and love with the controlling, dominating Christian teaching which can not be avoided. As the holiday, Easter, itself is in celebration of a man who’s teachings are largely ignored by his followers.
Despite the knot in my stomach at the underlying meaning of Easter, in my opinion, the real cause for celebration at that holiday is brought to a very soft and accentuating light in this poem.

 

[Debbie]

This poem made me sigh and smile happily at the same time. I felt the imagery of the beautiful Easter lilies, summer rainstorms (humid weather, warm rain, somtimes stormy and unpredictable; a great time to curl up safe and warm with your lover) were strong in my mind.

I thought the first stanza was great.

"We are Easter Lilies,
our petals are Hope and Promise,
shared smiles, hushed sighs, and quick
kisses form our stem. We rejoice in our
committment. In love we live."


This could easily stand on it's own as a poem. But the second and third stanza's compliment it well. Bringing together the imagery of the Easter Lilies, so beautiful, soaring, if only briefly. Speaking of hope and promise. Integrating so much more though.
Silently telling me of the hope and promise life has. I love the line, "In love we live."

 

[SA Storm]

Debbie is on target

 

[Hitchhiker]

heh I've read this or very similar before

Haiku,
Ms kitty will know whence I come.

But just little line and you might understand.
"There's music in the sighing of the reed;
There's music in the gushing of the rill;
There's music in all things, if man had ears;
The earth is but the music of the spheres."
(George Gordon , Lord Byron.)
---------
The above is why I don't write poetry I can't live up to that sort of genius.
Even all this with standing your poem is picturesc.
______
If we could all be as wise in life, as we are verse.
Then what an Edan this would be.
-----
Just a bit off the top of the head.:

 

[TheDR4KE]

Okay ... some feedback from me

Overall I quite enjoyed this poem, although I felt that the middle stanza went in one direction while the third went in another I liked the way the last poet turned the 'we are' order around to finish with it. Also a good circle of life technique.

The first stanza can stand by itself for me. Great little poem. I'm not overly familiar with the symbolism of easter lilies, so don't really respond to that.

The second stanza makes the work grander for me, and draws on the 'we are' element rather than the easter lilies element of the first stanza. A very mystic style, like the Song of Amergyn.

The third stanza went back to the lilies, bringing the rain in as well, but I felt that a third and differnt something to be would have been better after the second stanza.

That said, I think stanzas 1 and 3 could also go together as a single poem brilliantly (try it)

Drake

 

[Maid of Marvels]

These are a few of my favorite things...

daughter, Easter lilies = Springtime = images of hope, rebirth and new beginnings. Moms. Flowers in bloom.

ariosto, Thunderstorms. *sigh* A drumroll of thunder as lightning illuminates the stage. Raindrops dance.

alltherage, You brought it all together. aLIVE.

Sheesh, am I making you nauseous? Just call me Ms. Hyperbole. I love the imagery. Thank you.

 

[tigerjen]

Without being long-winded, I thought that I was going
to be reading about a "springtime theme" esp. when
Easter was mentioned, as the Easter holiday (as in
"Easter Lilies") in a way starts off the spring season.
I don't see how summer falls into this poem.

This poem isn't making me go yippiee.......

 

[perks]

when I think of Easter Lilies. I see funerals. Have you ever gone to a funeral where there weren't easter lillies? I don't know if it has to do with the indoctrination of fundamental christianity and then thought that the dead will rise again one day, but either way, I'm ingrained to think of easter lilies in a morbid way.

So, imagine my shock when I read the line, hope and promise in the first stanza. That's when I first thought of the biblical connection. The symbolism, not that of the poets, but that of Christianity in general. Omg, and then there was a relationship.....huh?.....I'm so freakin confused...what the hell are they trying to say?.....ohhhh..your petals are hope and promise, hushed sighs. Quick kisses form your stem. Your imagery breaks down in the symbolism of the easter lily and then in the structure of the poem.

second stanza,
I actually kinda liked the imagery of this stanza. It wasn't completely poetic, nothing made me tingle to the point of saying.....damn <with an emotional sigh>. I feel that had to do with the subject. However, I enjoyed the line "Whose winds embrace passion"....that is soooo spring fever<which I love>. I wish you hadn't repeated the words whose and of.

third stanza
who is the we? we share the light and rain. Are you talking about the lilies?...I imagine you are. I think you lose the poignancy of the second stanza by speaking of the rain in passing like that. It was Lilies<pop> it was Thunderstorms<pop>....and then...just lilies was important enough to keep talking about. You negated a whole stanza
I concur that "soaring, if only briefly" is one of the best pieces of imagery in this poem. It is a line that I thoroughly enjoy. I don't enjoy the word greed, I don't understand what you're trying to say here. You also lost the continuous thread of Promise and Hope in your structure.

overall, the poem confused me. I look at poetry not just as the obvious, but as the underlying current. The symbolism, or the feeling needs to be apparent. I'm not sure what this poem is trying to convey.

 

[Haiku do you]

symbolism

when I think of Eater Lilies. I see funerals. Have you ever gone to a funeral where there weren't easter lillies? I don't know if it has to do with the indoctrination of fundamental christianity and then thought that the dead will rise again one day, but either way, I'm ingrained to think of easter lilies in a morbid way.

perky, as someone who thoroughly enjoys seeing layers in poems and enjoys symbolism, your connection never occurred to me. A solid point that I had not expected.

First, Easter lilies are not common at funerals in my culture. I have good deal of experience with them, too. Some years, I have attended as many as five in a year and I have often spoken at them. In my life, funerals are so integral that while they are sad, I don't think of them as morbid. They are apart of reality.

Second, I don't see myself as the stereotypical religious person. Like you, I have a metaphysical bent. I chose the Lily because symbolically, I value it's tie to birth and that is life. To love is to live. I should have considered other possible perceptions. Aesthetically, I chose the Lily for it's pure beauty. I like prefer simple elegance and this flower represents that for me. I look forward to when they are in season. I have often bought them when I want to feel good, and I have had them given to me by lovers.

overall, the poem confused me. I look at poetry not just as the obvious, but as the underlying current. The symbolism, or the feeling needs to be apparent. I'm not sure what this poem is trying to convey.

We all bring our perceptions to poems. There are times when I have to push back my experience either because it doesn't help me see the poet's view or it stops me from hearing what the poet is saying.

I can't tell you how many times I have had to have something explained to me because I couldn't get it. Then someone else shares her interpretation and the light bulb goes off. The message is there. Sometimes I need help seeing it. I didn't see the funerals in this. Your interpretation shows how one could be affected an image intended or not.

I don't think a reader is wrong for what she sees or doesn't see in a read. If she never says it then how will a writer know if it's what she wanted the reader to know? I might not choose to change the image, but I will know that some will see it differently than I intended. Thank you.

Thanks to everyone who commented. Hope I have cleared up the confusion. I have more poems. Can't expect you to like them all.

Peace,

daughter

 

[lovetoread]

I agree with perky on this one. I am confused at the end of this poem. But only from the stand point of Easter Lilys. I didnt get the religious aspect that she brought up.

But no matter my thoughts,your poem did conjure up images in my head,and for me that is what I want.

Good job and a great poem.

 

[perks]

haahahahahah..OMG...daughter.....lol...I didn't know it was you. It doesn't even sound like you<grin>.

I wonder if, when we read the poetry of the greats, if we had known them, they would mean something entirely different.

We all grasp at our subcultures to help define what we read. It makes you think on so many different levels. I was discussing anger with a friend the other day. The point was made that someone else cannot make you angry, you allow yourself to be angry. I think this is the same in poetry. Poetry only makes you feel a certain way, because that is the way you want to feel, that is the way you define it. Our definitions come from what we know, not from what we don't. Only in learning of eachother, can we truly understand the writings of another..

guuuurl, let me read it again
perks

 

[Whispersecret]

LIVE
by Haiku do you ©


We are Easter Lilies,
our petals are Hope and Promise,
shared smiles, hushed sighs, and quick
kisses form our stem. We rejoice in our
committment. In love we live.

I see a newly married couple here. I see all the optimism inherent in that union. Lovely. Brings me back to my own wedding and makes me yearn to feel that again.

We are Summer rainstorms,
whose winds embrace with passion,
whose thunders resonate fulfillment,
of the Promise and the Hope
of love and life unending

And here the idea continues for me. Every marriage will have rough times. (Don't think summer needed to be capitalized.) And even when couples argue, there is that bond between them that remains. (At least, that's the ideal.) Life unending...hmmm, well maybe this stanza is about making a baby and not about arguing. Yeah, I think I like that better.

We share the light and rain,
Unsullied and in nobility,
soaring, if only briefly,
Passion and color undiminished by greed,
we are the Easter Lilies.

I didn't read the word "Easter" to be religious, but merely to further describe the lillies. However, I picture them to be white, which is sorta not a color, so it can't be diminished... When I see the word "greed," I think that perhaps this poem is about the ideal of marriage, which is the giving of yourself to another person and the beginning of becoming a selfless person whose life is now (supposedly) irrevoccably (sp?) linked to another's.

I think the message in this poem is important and it touched me. This is perhaps the only poem in the Olympics whose theme (as I interpreted it) spoke to me so clearly that I didn't focus so much on the mechanics. Or perhaps there was so few "errors" to distract me that I was able to truly read what was written.

 

[alice]

lovely bouquet

Hey, d!

I enjoyed this. Liked the images and how you three meshed well together. Congratulations to you and your team.


alice

 

[KillerMuffin]

Um, I didn't get it.

I see the correlation drawn in the first stanza of a marriage or other such partnership and Easter Lillies. I also see the correlation drawn in the second stanza of the same coupleness and summer storms. I found it to be both cliched and a little unique at the same time. The third stanza didn't make any sense to me in relation to the first two. I don't really get the point of it. I don't really get the point the first and second stanza were trying to make in the whole Easter Lilly/Summer Storm thing.

The first and second worked together to make the poem, but the third left me hanging and left me wondering what the point was. There was a good flow that didn't quite make it for me.

Perhaps I'm just obtuse.

 

[Dillinger]

Well done! It is interesting for me to read the different directions that everyone has taken this in.

And it always opens my eyes to see people use combinations of words that would never occur to me:

"kisses form our stem"
"thunders resonate fulfillment"
"unsulled and in nobility"

The language is so pliant and a beauty to behold in the words of poets.

 

[Jazzy2]

flowers and rain

d, you know I like what you do. I think you and crew pulled this off without being sappy. Good thing too 'cause you know I wouldva checked you about it. LOL

jazzy2

 

[alltherage]

Thanks to everyone who responded with feedback to our poem.

 

[daughter]

revision is up

bump

 

[Whispersecret]

The second stanza is much more streamlined. Nice job.