Greetings, looking for feedback on my first story.

[LucilleCF]

Might as well throw myself to the wolves.

I've just submitted my first story and the ratings seem to suggest that it's not that good. I'd love some honest feedback from other writers/readers.

My pen name is LucilleCF.

The story in question is The Confessor in the Loving Wives section.

Link:https://www.literotica.com/s/the-confessor-1

Enjoy!
... or not.

 

[yukonnights]

I read your story and enjoyed it. It is quite unique and very well written. In my opinion the story should have been well received...except you put it in the wrong category. There are several comments mentioning that at the end of the story.

I've never suggested this before, but I think you should edit it in order to move it to a more appropriate and appreciative audience. I think it's a great story and should be made available to the proper audience. As was suggested by some on the story comments; Perhaps Lesbian would be best. Also, edit out the intro part that mentions cuckoldry as that carries a certain meaning here that isn't really applicable to your story.

For sure, don't let the reception and reaction you've received make you feel you can't spin a good story. It really is very creative, unique and technically well done. Sorry you got the Loving Wives category wrong—don't feel bad, I did the same thing on my first story here.

If you choose to edit it: Resubmit the story just as if it's a new one, BUT—add the word EDIT in the title field. Put a note in the NOTES field stating that you accidentally put it in the wrong category and would like it to be moved. Choose and select the new category you want it in , then submit.

(NOTE: I've never moved a story so hopefully someone else will confirm or correct my instructions above.)

 

[LucilleCF]

I read your story and enjoyed it. It is quite unique and very well written. In my opinion the story should have been well received...except you put it in the wrong category. There are several comments mentioning that at the end of the story.

I've never suggested this before, but I think you should edit it in order to move it to a more appropriate and appreciative audience. I think it's a great story and should be made available to the proper audience. As was suggested by some on the story comments; Perhaps Lesbian would be best. Also, edit out the intro part that mentions cuckoldry as that carries a certain meaning here that isn't really applicable to your story.

For sure, don't let the reception and reaction you've received make you feel you can't spin a good story. It really is very creative, unique and technically well done. Sorry you got the Loving Wives category wrong—don't feel bad, I did the same thing on my first story here.

If you choose to edit it: Resubmit the story just as if it's a new one, BUT—add the word EDIT in the title field. Put a note in the NOTES field stating that you accidentally put it in the wrong category and would like it to be moved. Choose and select the new category you want it in , then submit.

(NOTE: I've never moved a story so hopefully someone else will confirm or correct my instructions above.)

Thank you for your response. Nice to know that I'm not a completely shit writer.

I think I'll take your advice and post future installments of the story under lesbian or fantasy (probably fantasy), but I'm going to leave the current story where it is because of the people who favorited it (I'm assuming resubmitting the story would delete it from their favorites).

It may only be 4 people, but they are the first 4 people to like something I posted here.
Call me sentimental.

 

[KeithD]

No, when using the editing process you don't loose votes or previous comments. That said, moving categories is a request not the author's discretion. The Web site editor retains the privilege of deciding the category.

 

[wxpprnpprnt]

A random novice's two cents:

I thought it was good and the low rating is unfair. The writing seemed fine to me. The story was not from among my particular interests but I found it engaging. You know you did a good job if someone reads an entire "erotic" story that isn't even to their specific taste, and that was the case here.

Minor complaint: I felt it was a little "campy" in the sense that the wife started off so naive. I mean it seemed like she was in a major alternate-world religion (or was it a small sex cult set in our world? ) so she should have had some inkling of what was coming. Maybe if they were brand new members of a smaller religion or something it would be understandable. But please don't make too much out of this: It didn't stop me from getting into the story. I also wonder if you could trim out a bit at the beginning and start with the couple meeting Nadine just to tighten it up, but again, no big deal.

I thought it was an interesting exploration of the sexual themes.
I usually skip right over "lesbian" themed stories (no offense, just doesn't float my boat that much, like many other things) but this one was different, probably due to so many layers of psychology and mystery going on. I definitely enjoyed reading it! The descriptions of the kisses were particularly good, it could have just contained kissing as the only intimate act and not have lost much imo. I think that is proof of considerable skill. I'm honestly baffled by the low rating and must assume it's some fluke of the LW category as suggested. I'd definitely be interested in your future work.

 

[yukonnights]

No, when using the editing process you don't loose votes or previous comments. That said, moving categories is a request not the author's discretion. The Web site editor retains the privilege of deciding the category.

Keith, Should any request be as an EDIT as I described or a Private Message to Laurel? On this one, it really doesn't fit in LW and is more of an alternative world involving primarily lesbian interaction (so far). Since one of the women is married, later chapters may take it out of the lesbian genre.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Keith, Should any request be as an EDIT as I described or a Private Message to Laurel? On this one, it really doesn't fit in LW and is more of an alternative world involving primarily lesbian interaction (so far). Since one of the women is married, later chapters may take it out of the lesbian genre.

It's best to submit a category change equest as an EDIT with a polite note in the Notes to the Editor box - and in this instance, pleading newbie ignorance, "Kitty Mama, I did not know what I did, choosing Loving Wives." That way, it gets in Laurel's processing queue and she'll see it with the story attached. Sending a PM is not so efficient, as she then has to call up the story. KeithD is right, Laurel has final say, but in these circumstances, I reckon she'd probably move it without too much fuss.

 

[LucilleCF]

A random novice's two cents:

I thought it was good and the low rating is unfair. The writing seemed fine to me. The story was not from among my particular interests but I found it engaging. You know you did a good job if someone reads an entire "erotic" story that isn't even to their specific taste, and that was the case here.

Minor complaint: I felt it was a little "campy" in the sense that the wife started off so naive. I mean it seemed like she was in a major alternate-world religion (or was it a small sex cult set in our world? ) so she should have had some inkling of what was coming. Maybe if they were brand new members of a smaller religion or something it would be understandable. But please don't make too much out of this: It didn't stop me from getting into the story. I also wonder if you could trim out a bit at the beginning and start with the couple meeting Nadine just to tighten it up, but again, no big deal.

I thought it was an interesting exploration of the sexual themes.
I usually skip right over "lesbian" themed stories (no offense, just doesn't float my boat that much, like many other things) but this one was different, probably due to so many layers of psychology and mystery going on. I definitely enjoyed reading it! The descriptions of the kisses were particularly good, it could have just contained kissing as the only intimate act and not have lost much imo. I think that is proof of considerable skill. I'm honestly baffled by the low rating and must assume it's some fluke of the LW category as suggested. I'd definitely be interested in your future work.

Glad you enjoyed it.

To your criticisms:

Yeah, their world is in a kind of sexual 'dark age'.

All premarital sex is banned and pornography is treated like a schedule 1 drug; you can get into a lot of serious trouble if you're caught with some. As such, most people in that world are very inexperienced when it comes to sex, outside of the limited education they receive in school on the subject. These are all things I should have put into the story, and I'm kind of kicking myself for leaving them out, but it was already getting a bit too long for me. (Fun fact: This story was originally supposed to be 3000 words in length. Ha!)

All that being said, I acknowledge that my approach did end up making Delilah into a pretty one dimensional 'virgin-to-nympho' character. I tried to give hints of her true nature at the beginning of the story, but I see where I could have done a better job of explaining her mindset and their world.

Also, the story was originally 2000 words shorter.

At first, I had intended for it to start just as you suggested, with Samuel and Delilah outside the church right before they met the Confessor. But as I started writing I realized that I wanted to give more time to the backstory. Sorry if that made the beginning feel like a long slog.


Anyway, thank you for the feedback. I really am taking it to heart and hope to improve.


PS. I really did take my time with (read: agonized over) the kissing scenes, so it really pleases me that you enjoyed them.

 

[LupusDei]

I'm not an author as I haven't yet published anything here, and actually I don't speak English... But I do follow the forums here, and read around, mostly closely to my kinks, what mean I have never been interested and soon decided to completely avoid Lowing Wifes category as it is here. So I didn't even consider to read your story before reading comments in this tread that it doesn't belong. That also mean, I went in as a prepared reader, already knowing too much about the world I will encounter.

From that position, I enjoyed the story.

Actually, if you consider moving it (and I think you should, even if it won't reset your tragic score) I don't see why not also take the opportunity and add this bit to the author commentary up front

Yeah, their world is in a kind of sexual 'dark age'.

All premarital sex is banned and pornography is treated like a schedule 1 drug; you can get into a lot of serious trouble if you're caught with some. As such, most people in that world are very inexperienced when it comes to sex, outside of the limited education they receive in school on the subject.

Maybe even instead of warning about cuckoldry and infidelity -- in the world of Church of Goddess Dyanarah there was none, as I understood it. Unless you meant Simon's infidelity to the Goddess, he's a sorry unbeliever without a slightest love for Her in his heart. Yeah, I'm not fully serious, but that's a fact! For me, it was Simon who seem a bit out of place, requiring some pending explanation of how his world-view had formed under the circumstances he's in.

I wonder no one had yet commented on the Lowing Wifes category as such here.

Well, all my knowledge is second hand, but according to what I have read it is a battleground with several entrenched groups of trolls besieging each other strongholds constantly and flinging dung by the bucket around. Each of those groups have very narrow set of expectations and hate anything else with passion. I think it was somewhere said that any rating in that category should be regarded as at least 1.2 points higher in comparison to stories in any other category. Apparently some of those readers think that 3* is a positive score to give. Seriously.

However, you seem to have managed to infuriate most of them, something some authors here have tried to achieve intentionally and mostly failed. So, you may take that as a small consolation prize, you have found the magic formula for trolling Lowing Wifes entrenched readership: religious cuckoldry of a meek good guy with an aggressive lesbian woman! Great discoveries often happen by accident.

 

[gordo12]

I wonder no one had yet commented on the Lowing Wifes category as such here.

Well, all my knowledge is second hand, but according to what I have read it is a battleground with several entrenched groups of trolls besieging each other strongholds constantly and flinging dung by the bucket around. Each of those groups have very narrow set of expectations and hate anything else with passion. I think it was somewhere said that any rating in that category should be regarded as at least 1.2 points higher in comparison to stories in any other category. Apparently some of those readers think that 3* is a positive score to give. Seriously.

However, you seem to have managed to infuriate most of them, something some authors here have tried to achieve intentionally and mostly failed. So, you may take that as a small consolation prize, you have found the magic formula for trolling Lowing Wifes entrenched readership: religious cuckoldry of a meek good guy with an aggressive lesbian woman! Great discoveries often happen by accident.

LOL

Yes, in that category a 3* is a positive vote. It's more like well that wasn't great but I see some potential so please keep trying kind of vote.

The story was an interesting plot. I read it when it got published.

1/ It was a feminist centric, man hating (from my perspective) lesbian kind of story. That brings the first backlash. It didn't belong in the LW category and reading through the comments a lot of readers agreed. Just because the wife loved her husband ISN"T justification for a story to be there.

2/ You made the male a weak cuck and LW readers hate cucks. With a passion. You sparked that passion and got voted against.

3/ Religion and politics are touchy subjects. I know. I put one simple comment in a story about a certain clown occupying an important position in Washington. Some applauded and some readers trashed the entire story because of it. So truth isn't always welcome

With regard to #1 my theory is to take the most offensive part of a story and look for a category THAT will fit into.

Don't beat yourself up. Honestly it wasn't your writing or your ability as a writer. A different category would have produced a winner. You can ask to change the category but it doesn't get a new run in the new category. Very few people will read it now, but if you change categories at least you should get more positive feedback.

It's a learn and keep trying for the future kind of situation. Move on!

 

[GroverLang]

Delete and resubmit

I would submit your story as an edit and in the notes write an explanation for Laurel. Tell her you want to delete the story because you are unhappy with it and want to write a different version which you will be submitting in a different category.

Amend/alter/rewrite the story however you decide and submit it in the correct category as a new story. I’m sure you will find it gets a better reception.

It’ll go into the new category as a new story and will start off anew. You lose your comments but more importantly you lose your score. A week to delete the story and then as soon as you are happy with your rewrite submit it.

I know this works because I’ve done it.

 

[NoJo]

Hi, I read your published story. I really enjoyed it. DON'T DELETE IT! Maybe move it to another category, and add an expectation-setting preamble for the hard-of-thinking.

It wasn't particularly long or rambling compared with many (that remark is re your question in the AH, where I originally posted this, until I noticed you've requested feedback on yr story ).


Don't expect your readers to be quick enough to predict the impending ("Samson/Delilah") theme of the story from the first paragraph.

The female supremacy (or however you want to describe it) aspect of your story is one I myself write, pretty much exclusively now. Warn the readers in the first paragraph about this. That way your 1-voters would have hit the back button instead. Loving Wives is notorious for snippy readers. I've NEVER published stories there; Instead I choose less popular categories (in particular Mind Control, which I think may possibly have fitted your story better).

Rather than adapt your story to fit your readers, just aim to ensure that your readers are restricted to those people that might appreciate your story.

Blasphemous themes (by U.S. standards, which are less tolerant than Western Europe) are always going to get some people riled up.



Joe