Greetings from a newcomer.

[Toxn]

I’m new, both to the boards and to BDSM. Iv read just about everything on Wiki about S&M and I frequently read Literotica stories so i thought this would be the natural place to come and introduce myself.



If anyone has any resources or books on being a Dom or S&M in general that they highly suggest id much appreciat it.

 

[neonflux]

I’m new, both to the boards and to BDSM. Iv read just about everything on Wiki about S&M and I frequently read Literotica stories so i thought this would be the natural place to come and introduce myself.

If anyone has any resources or books on being a Dom or S&M in general that they highly suggest id much appreciated it.

Welcome, Toxn!

THis is a lovely corner of Lit, btw.

Take a look at the library here, for a start.

For me, "Consensual Sadomasochism" (Sybil Holiday) and "The New Topping Book" were very helpful for a start. I am sure that others will weigh in with some good informational web sites.

Neon

 

[CutieMouse]

Welcome to our little corner of Lit.

The BDSM Library thread Link is a wonderful resource.

There aren't really any stupid questions, and I've found interests, concerns, and limits sometimes shift over time- which is a lovely opportunity to revisit issues from a different perspective... so if you have questions, ask. I'm sure you'll get a multitude of answers.

IMO some god starter books are:

The New Topping Book

and

The Loving Dominant

If you need reassurance that all this stuff isn't nearly as odd as society thinks it is, you might enjoy

When Someone You Love Is Kinky

I've also heard good things about:

Screw The Roses (I believe the rest of the title is Give Me The Thorns, but I'm not 100% sure.

For a general overview of various proclivities in the Lifestyle, many people seem to like the book Different Loving.

Most of the books are available on Amazon.com; Greenery Press (greenerypress.com) is a small BDSM friendly publisher, and would probably greatly appreciate the support of buying directly through them.

Edited to add-

I forgot Consensual Sadomasochism! Thanks Neon.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Halo Toxn this is a good place to come and hang your hat and get some useful information at the same time

The book CutieMouse was unsure about is Screw the roses, give me the thorns. Its supposed to be a pretty light hearted book on bdsm. That is one of the reasons that its suggested to be read when you start out.

 

[Toxn]

Wow that was fast and supportive. I do have questions. Im learning about S&M because the girl I’m currently with expressed interest in me being her Dom. I finally worked up the courage to do some research on S&M and found that i was developing an interest in it. My question is:
Is it advisable to start a D/s relationship with someone who you have had a very rocky relationship with in the past. With a person who finds it hard to communicate her feelings, can be manipulative when hurt, can be easily hurt, and is deathly afraid of being judged.

 

[CutieMouse]

My question is:
Is it advisable to start a D/s relationship with someone who you have had a very rocky relationship with in the past. With a person who finds it hard to communicate her feelings, can be manipulative when hurt, can be easily hurt, and is deathly afraid of being judged.

Is it possible?

Yes.

Is it *healthy*?

Probably not.

Healthy BDSM requires a mountain of honesty, trust, and the ability to communicate needs, wants, desires, and limits. IMO, there is no room for manipulation in a healthy BDSM relationship.

It might be worth asking the person in question *why* she is seeking out a BDSM based relationship.

It might also be worth asking yourself *if* you have a desire for such a relationship, yourself, why that is so, and what you wish to get out of it.

 

[myinnerslut]

hi, welcome to lit.

i've found in the past that BDSM has a huge amount to do with honesty and trust. making sure you can trust your partner, especially if they are swinging a whip at you or doing something e lse that may harm you is essetial

 

[FurryFury]

Wow that was fast and supportive. I do have questions. Im learning about S&M because the girl I’m currently with expressed interest in me being her Dom. I finally worked up the courage to do some research on S&M and found that i was developing an interest in it. My question is:
Is it advisable to start a D/s relationship with someone who you have had a very rocky relationship with in the past. With a person who finds it hard to communicate her feelings, can be manipulative when hurt, can be easily hurt, and is deathly afraid of being judged.

This really sounds like a recipe for trouble regardless of the type of relationship you engage in with this person. I'd have to say not just no but HELL no.

Fury

 

[Toxn]

Is it possible?

Yes.

Is it *healthy*?

Probably not.

Healthy BDSM requires a mountain of honesty, trust, and the ability to communicate needs, wants, desires, and limits. IMO, there is no room for manipulation in a healthy BDSM relationship.

It might be worth asking the person in question *why* she is seeking out a BDSM based relationship.

It might also be worth asking yourself *if* you have a desire for such a relationship, yourself, why that is so, and what you wish to get out of it.

I agree with you i dont think there is room for manipulation in any relationship.

When i play a more dominate role with her she’s alot more open and seems more at ease. Im not sure why but she seems more comfortable being submissive. As for myself, yes I want this. Iv dated this girl off and on since high-school (almost a 4 year span now). She means alot to me. But there has always been a wall between me and her emotions. The few times she has been completely open with me have been absolutely amazing. Im hoping that by exploring S&M i can find some way to enable her to completely trust me rather than only trusting me to a point.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I agree with you i dont think there is room for manipulation in any relationship.

When i play a more dominate role with her she’s alot more open and seems more at ease. Im not sure why but she seems more comfortable being submissive. As for myself, yes I want this. Iv dated this girl off and on since high-school (almost a 4 year span now). She means alot to me. But there has always been a wall between me and her emotions. The few times she has been completely open with me have been absolutely amazing. Im hoping that by exploring S&M i can find some way to enable her to completely trust me rather than only trusting me to a point.

for me, in order to submit, i have to trust Him COMPLETELY from the beginning. it's not about 'submitting' and then finding that trust. yes the trust grew more and more but i trusted Him from the start, read A LOT of websites on the lifestyle, talked to another submissive, etc...and if she is not 'open' with what she wants, how she feels, etc...then that's a pretty big red flag also, as it takes VERY open communication to have ANY relationship, and especially a D/s one. my suggestion is, sit down and talk about it, look at websites together, books, or whatever and get a feel for what it is exactly that you BOTH want out of the relationship, and go from there....as my Master always says "the lifestyle is a journey, not a sprint" so take your time and 'ease' into it, see what you like, and throw out the rest......good luck to you..and welcome!

 

[CutieMouse]

She would need to be able to tell you what she needs/wants from a D/s relationship- at the very least.

If you walk down the path of "we'll do this BDSM stuff, and it'll get her to open up to me!" then what happens when you do something she doesn't like, or cross an emotional line that shouldn't have been crossed, and it triggers a bad reaction/flashback/something, or your idea of submission and her idea of submission don't match, or you enter into a situation that requires an enormous amount of trust, and it just. isn't. there? What happens if she's seeking out a D/s relationship to run away from/hide from her responsibilities, and she sucks you dry (emotionally, spiritually, physically)? What happens if you get caught up in White Knight Syndrome (with a twist of kink) and lose yourself to her drama?

 

[neonflux]

for me, in order to submit, i have to trust Him COMPLETELY from the beginning. it's not about 'submitting' and then finding that trust. yes the trust grew more and more but i trusted Him from the start, read A LOT of websites on the lifestyle, talked to another submissive, etc...and if she is not 'open' with what she wants, how she feels, etc...then that's a pretty big red flag also, as it takes VERY open communication to have ANY relationship, and especially a D/s one. my suggestion is, sit down and talk about it, look at websites together, books, or whatever and get a feel for what it is exactly that you BOTH want out of the relationship, and go from there....as my Master always says "the lifestyle is a journey, not a sprint" so take your time and 'ease' into it, see what you like, and throw out the rest......good luck to you..and welcome!

Hi Toxn, it sounds like there is a lot of love there on your part. I would second LSR on reading, researching, talking. I would proceed with caution - I think that D/s can create more intimacy when both partners are mature and open and communicative. But even though one would assume that the Dominant player will be in control, Tops can be as easily hurt as bottoms can be and just as easily manipulated under the right circumstances. I am in no way disrespecting your feelings for your friend, or your hopes for your relationship. Just saying please take care...

With best wishes.

Neon

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Welcome Toxn.

Have some fun with us. We don't bite...hard.

Oh and the books yes "Screw the Roses..." is a good choice as well as "The Loving Dominant."

Don't take things too seriously here and you'll have some good experiences while learning and just having fun meeting new people of kindred souls.

Oh and remember don't feed the trolls.



d

I’m new, both to the boards and to BDSM. Iv read just about everything on Wiki about S&M and I frequently read Literotica stories so i thought this would be the natural place to come and introduce myself.



If anyone has any resources or books on being a Dom or S&M in general that they highly suggest id much appreciat it.

 

[His_pita]

Welcome, Toxn! Have fun on your journey.

 

[submissiveknight]

This really sounds like a recipe for trouble regardless of the type of relationship you engage in with this person. I'd have to say not just no but HELL no.

Fury

Toxn, I would have to really agree with Furry here. As far as reading up on everything and gaining knowledge is great! With whom you do it with is another reality altogether! I would be careful just IMO.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I’m new, both to the boards and to BDSM. Iv read just about everything on Wiki about S&M and I frequently read Literotica stories so i thought this would be the natural place to come and introduce myself.



If anyone has any resources or books on being a Dom or S&M in general that they highly suggest id much appreciat it.

www.leathernroses.com and www.castlerealm.com are two great places to start. Try googling BDSM resources and you will find a plethora of them.

Good luck.

 

[Toxn]

Thank you all for. I don’t think iv ever felt so welcomed on a message board before. Thanks to all those who posted books and resources and thanks to all those who posted advice.

 

[FurryFury]

Yes!

I meant to say welcome but after seeing your description of a type of person I'd hate to become involved with (but have painfully been with in the past,) I forgot. So, sorry about that.

Welcome!

Fury

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Thank you all for. I don’t think iv ever felt so welcomed on a message board before. Thanks to all those who posted books and resources and thanks to all those who posted advice.

you're welcome..and good luck to you!