Great Way to Lose Weight

[tn_8tiv]

Here's a great new weight-loss plan.

SEX...FUCKING...COITUS NON-INTERRUPTUS

Just think about it. You don't have time to eat (except oral sex). You get a lot of exercise. Yu get your heart rate up. You burn a lot of calories.

Let's all get back in shape!

 

[Pixie]

ACTIVITY / CALORIES BURNED

REMOVING CLOTHES:
With partner's consent..........12
Without partner's consent......187

UNHOOKING BRA:
Using two calm hands.............7
Using one trembling hand........36

GETTING INTO BED:
Using skateboard.................3
Lifting partner.................15
Dragging partner along floor....16

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
For normal healthy man...........2.5
Losing erection.................14
Searching for it...............115

PUTTING ON CONDOM:
With erection....................1.5
Without erection...............300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
If the woman who does it is
Experienced.....................6
Inexperienced..................73
If a man does it...............680
Add (5) calories for retreiving it from across the room.

POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen........................26
Russian- Woman on bottom, man getting permission.........55
American- Both on top...........60

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:
Bouncing.........................7
Sliding around...................9
Serious skidding................12
Whiplash........................27

ORGASM:
Real............................27
Faked..........................160

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
Expression didn't change...........1/2
Orchestra swelled..................6
Birds sang
Small birds.......................3
Large birds.......................7
Earth moved.......................30
Shoes flew off....................35

PULLING OUT:
After orgasm.......................1/2
A few moments before orgasm......500

PENIS ENVY:
For woman..........................3
For men...........................72

GUILT:
Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally..........53
You're enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are
starving..........................2
Sex on your lunch hour.............3
Putting it on expense account.....20

AGGRAVATION:
Partner keeps showing plants.......5
Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay..................14
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time.........................10
Partner is taking phone calls......7
Partner is making phone calls.....40

GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse...............60
By your spouse...................100
Trying to explain.................55
Trying to remain calm............100
Leaping out of bed................75
Getting dressed in one motion....500
Thanking partner quickly...........2

 

[tn_8tiv]

ROFLMAO. Pixie, great research.

 

[Pixie]

Thanks....

Now all I need is a willing partner...
Exercising isn't as much fun all by your lonesome

 

[tn_8tiv]

Re: Thanks....

Now all I need is a willing partner...
Exercising isn't as much fun all by your lonesome

If I run/swim all the way to Finland from here, I may be too exhausted to help!

"Willing but unable"

 

[freescorfr]

Here's a great new weight-loss plan.

SEX...FUCKING...COITUS NON-INTERRUPTUS

Just think about it. You don't have time to eat (except oral sex). You get a lot of exercise. Yu get your heart rate up. You burn a lot of calories.

Let's all get back in shape!

Not done me any good tn_8tiv. I still have kilos to lose and a fair good penile milege notched up. When I did lose weight I didn't feel nearly as randy as when I am a bit heavier.

I think this weight thing is a load of crap. An extra bit of weight is a sign to your body that in the hunter-gatherer stakes you've been doing ok. So reproduction is ok. So get on with it. Your the alpha male, and not a skinny sneaky fucker.

This lose the extra pounds stuff is fashion driven garbage. The aerobic thing is fine - keep the heart pounding. Keep fit.


The only problem, as I said in an earlier thread is that every 10kilos = 1 inch off willy length - well, visible willy length as Black_bird pointed out, well not literally pointed out. And so not litteral willy length.

 

[freescorfr]

P.S. love it Pixie

 

[RawHumor]

Re: Re: Thanks....

If I run/swim all the way to Finland from here, I may be too exhausted to help!

"Willing but unable"

LOL

NEGOTIATING YOUR WAY TO BE WITH SOMEONE YOU MET ON LIT:
They live in the same state/province/small country as you... 250
They live in a different state/province/country but the same continent...... 1,000
They live in a different continent.... 10,000
And you're married.... +5,000
And he/she is married.... +2,500
And you can't afford "normal" transportation... +15,000

 

[tn_8tiv]

Re: Re: Re: Thanks....

LOL

NEGOTIATING YOUR WAY TO BE WITH SOMEONE YOU MET ON LIT:
They live in the same state/province/small country as you... 250
They live in a different state/province/country but the same continent...... 1,000
They live in a different continent.... 10,000
And you're married.... +5,000
And he/she is married.... +2,500
And you can't afford "normal" transportation... +15,000

Now let me see if I have this right. When I add up all of the calories burned...hmmmmmmmm

45 Million...Crap, I need something to eat. Anyone have a candy bar?

 

[ksmybuttons]

What is the Protein Content of Orgasmic Discharge?

Woman could live by cum alone as I am sure there is protein content in male ejaculate...those little fishes have to have protein, but what about men? Must I share his cum with him to allow for his vital nutritional source also? Or do we need to have a ratio of 1 woman to 3 men to allow for frequent rejuvenation? And what about lesbian sex - it would keep hydration but what is the nutritional content?

Just wondering...

 

[Pixie]

Oh well...

If I run/swim all the way to Finland from here, I may be too exhausted to help!

"Willing but unable"

That would be no good then
And my Pixie magic doesn't seem to work lately,
I try and try but just can't fly...
Maybe it's that extraweight I need to loose

 

[Pixie]

I wan't candy....

Now let me see if I have this right. When I add up all of the calories burned...hmmmmmmmm

45 Million...Crap, I need something to eat. Anyone have a candy bar?

I've got plenty...
Too bad I have to burn all the calories all bt myself

 

[RawHumor]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Thanks....

Now let me see if I have this right. When I add up all of the calories burned...hmmmmmmmm

45 Million...Crap, I need something to eat. Anyone have a candy bar?

That'd take something like a Power Bar... or maybe 2 or 3.


Make sure to bring some Gatorade - you'll want to keep your fluid level high.

 

[tn_8tiv]

Re: I wan't candy....

I've got plenty...
Too bad I have to burn all the calories all bt myself

No you don't. Maybe if I try real hard I can reah Finland from here.

 

[Pixie]

Re: Re: I wan't candy....

No you don't. Maybe if I try real hard I can reah Finland from here.

Did I hear someone say hard?

You start running and swimming then
and I'll give you candy when you get here

Ooh
Seems like this Pixie is growing some horns...

 

[tn_8tiv]

Re: Re: Re: I wan't candy....

Did I hear someone say hard?

You start running and swimming then
and I'll give you candy when you get here

Ooh
Seems like this Pixie is growing some horns...

Now someone else is getting horny? We'll have to see about that

 

[Pixie]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I wan't candy....

Now someone else is getting horny? We'll have to see about that

Now? What do you mean now
Gods...It's been ages...
And I'm very constantly...and then I come here to read
through all this stuff, talk about asking for trouble

Well now...
Why don't you just come here and have a closer look

 

[tn_8tiv]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I wan't candy....

Now? What do you mean now
Gods...It's been ages...
And I'm very constantly...and then I come here to read
through all this stuff, talk about asking for trouble

Well now...
Why don't you just come here and have a closer look

*hopping the next Concorde*

BTW Your PM Box is full

 

[DopeyAngel]

Re: What is the Protein Content of Orgasmic Discharge?

I am told that there are 800 calories in one load of 'ahem' cum from a man. How depressing. Though sex does burn off a lot of calories - provided you aren't eating off each other in the process
Lol pixie.

 

[Pixie]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I wan't candy....

*hopping the next Concorde*

BTW Your PM Box is full

Woohoo!!

So when is that flight landing?
I'll be waiting, with loads of candy

 

[ksmybuttons]

Re: Re: What is the Protein Content of Orgasmic Discharge?

I am told that there are 800 calories in one load of 'ahem' cum from a man. How depressing. Though sex does burn off a lot of calories - provided you aren't eating off each other in the process

When they started feeding chickens less animal fat, the animal fat in eggs was dramatically reduced. If a man were fed with the appropriate foods, I am sure one could reduce the calorie count. Especially if the nourishment was from"SEX...FUCKING...COITUS NON-INTERRUPTUS."

 

[hatara]

OMG

This thread is just way too funny.

Personally I think we should all go on a sex diet to lose weight. LOL

But since my bf lives 20 hours away I will be spending lots of time fasting between visits

 

[WhiteRose]

800 calories?

Hmm...yummy mouthful of fresh jism...or one piece of pecan pie...

*does math*

That's either six men (leaving me tired but totally satisfied) or one whole pecan pie (leaving me ralphing in the restroom)

Duh!

Bring on the men!

 

[Pixie]

Fasting?

That's no fun at all

I think it's time we break out our buzzing little friends...
You know..."I can't believe it's not a cock!"
That should be good for a diet snack

 

[DopeyAngel]

I'm sure you're onto something there buttons.....runs off to put bf on a serious diet...!