Gratuitous Anything Thread

[Angeline]

Not that we need another--lord knows I post whatever I want wherever I want. (Sorry Lauren--I try, but I'm just too effing garrulous.) But I found this link and I didn't know where else to post it. I used to have a "Cool Site of the Day" thread, but that's too much work. So here.

Look at this.

Poetry Therapy

You can be certified in this the point of which, if I understand it correctly, is to use poetry to make people feel better--or at least feel something, get in touch with their feelings.

Isn't that what poetry is supposed to do anyway? I know I have used poetry for my own (and other people's) therapy forever. Haven't you? (darkmaas, isn't there a poem in all this?)

I can't figure out if this is offensive to me or not, lol. Anyway my favorite song on the new Elvis Costello cd is on and I wanna, I dunno, go dance or something. But what do you think?

 

[flyguy69]

I blame the Bush Administration

for forcing me to get my feel-good sessions out of a back alley coat hanger hack like you, Angeline, instead of a reputable Certified Poetry Therapist. When safe, effective rhymes are made available to the 35 million Americans that currently turn to web based doggeral and end up with crossed eyes and iambic tinnitus, only then can we call ourselves free.

No wonder so many of us have to board busses for Canada to get affordable verse.

 

[Angeline]

Re: I blame the Bush Administration

for forcing me to get my feel-good sessions out of a back alley coat hanger hack like you, Angeline, instead of a reputable Certified Poetry Therapist. When safe, effective rhymes are made available to the 35 million Americans that currently turn to web based doggeral and end up with crossed eyes and iambic tinnitus, only then can we call ourselves free.

No wonder so many of us have to board busses for Canada to get affordable verse.

I'm considering opening a poetry therapy practice. If you want to laugh you get Ogden Nash, get in touch with your dark side? Boys get EA Poe, girls Sylvia Plath. I think I could make it work. I have other ideas, too.

I'm thinking 75 bucks an hour for poetry therapy. Shrinks get that and it probably helps as much...

 

[Angeline]

A little BoSox humor sent to me by the once and future Rybka.

A Boston Red Sox fan, a Chicago Cubs fan and a NY Yankees fan were all in Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the US Army.

While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were sentenced to death!

With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be
released after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one wish before your whipping".

The Cubs fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Cubs fan was carried away bleeding and crying.

The Yankees fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself), and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back." But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Yankee fan crying like a baby.

The Red Sox fan was the last up ( he had finished off the crate- given his allegiance, who could blame him), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said "you support the greatest baseball team in the world, your supporters are the best and most loyal fans in all the world. For this you may have 2 wishes"

"Thanks, your most royal highness'" the Red Sox fan replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave," said the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks..

To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."

GO SOX!

 

[WickedEve]

Anything?

Well, I just had a disturbing thought. Do I really know what good poetry is? I read many new poems by novice poets. Then I read the PC left by readers who don't post poetry or come to the board. So, I'm not sure what they know or don't know about poetry. Anyway, they rave over some of the most god awful crap imaginable. (Is that too harsh? Sorry. Just my opinion.) They seem sincere, and I'm sure to them the poems are simply wonderful. I think I write good (not great but good) poetry. I know (at least I believe) that many of you here on the board write good and even great poetry. And many of us would agree that some of lit's poetry is poorly written. But now I'm wondering if there is a group out there on a whole other level who look at me and maybe some of you and say, "What god awful crap they write." lol

I think I need to explore more. I hardly look at any other sites/boards. I know what's here and that's about it. I just assume we're good and great, but are we? Am I missing something? I wonder what silly mistakes I'm making with my poetry. Is there someone out there reading my poems and seeing all the flaws that I don't know exist? Is someone looking at my poetry the same way I look at those rhyming dicks of burning passion poems?

 

[WickedEve]

Yes, I know what good poetry is and I'm not yet writing good poetry. I just found this on the classical poets thread. Angeline posted:

"Sigh...
I love the way he writes. Look at the mixture of pain and disregard in this poem...

Prisoners
Yusef Komunyakaa"


I read it and it's good; it's great. I need to read more poetry. I'm a lazy bitch who never reads anymore. No wonder I'm trying to figure out if I know good poetry. How could I when I hardly ever read any further than what's at lit! I'm just disgusted with myself. I'm going to go have a cup of tea.

 

[Angeline]

Yes, I know what good poetry is and I'm not yet writing good poetry. I just found this on the classical poets thread. Angeline posted:

"Sigh...
I love the way he writes. Look at the mixture of pain and disregard in this poem...

Prisoners
Yusef Komunyakaa"


I read it and it's good; it's great. I need to read more poetry. I'm a lazy bitch who never reads anymore. No wonder I'm trying to figure out if I know good poetry. How could I when I hardly ever read any further than what's at lit! I'm just disgusted with myself. I'm going to go have a cup of tea.

I was just gonna tell you to read that thread, lol.

I try to read stuff from other sites every day--I mean great poetry. Not that there isn't some here, but you know what I mean.

I'd put Into the Mountains or some of your other poems up against Yusef's or anybody's. Anyway there's always going to be someone who says "Hey you! You're stuff's not good enough." I posted Upriver on a very academically oriented poetry site (well, they seemed to be frustrated academics--the worst kind, lol). They all basically told me to repost it on their "Beginner's" section and maybe I'd learn something. And the poem needed work; that's why I put it there, but I knew it was good. Anyway about two weeks after that it was accepted at Exquisite Corpse. So I know I have to keep trying to learn and improve, but I know I can write and so can you.

Want a cookie with your tea? I just made some.

 

[WickedEve]

I had drugs instead of tea. Well, aspirin. I'm going to start reading through that thread! I need inspiration. My life and surroundings are so dull that I have hardly an iota of inspiration. I need something extreme to happen around here, like... umm... a tree limb breaking or a neighbor coming out of his house. Sigh...

 

[Guest]

<snip>Anything?

Well, I just had a disturbing thought. Do I really know what good poetry is? I read many new poems by novice poets. Then I read the PC left by readers who don't post poetry or come to the board. So, I'm not sure what they know or don't know about poetry. Anyway, they rave over some of the most god awful crap imaginable. (Is that too harsh? Sorry. Just my opinion.) They seem sincere, and I'm sure to them the poems are simply wonderful.

<snip >


Go Hallmark! So - call me a poetry snob. I'll read you over some of the fly-by-night poets any day. I feel comfortable saying that because I'm pretty sure they don't venture in here OR read any of our works.

 

[Angeline]

Read some stuff by Adrianne Rich. I find her very inspiring lately. Or depressing. Well, in that I react the way you did when you read Yusef's poem. I might as well give up. On my best day, I'll never approach that. But that's defeatist. I refuse to wallow in that. I'd rather delude myself.

 

[WickedEve]

Go ahead and delude yourself.

I know what keeps me from being a really good poet--my damn life! I have not experienced enough. I have not seem enough. I have not suffered enough! Well, that's what I think. lol But honestly, if you go through life calmly and basically stay in one spot and live safely and love frugally, then you have nothing to write about that will elevate you to the level of a very good or great poet. That's what's happening to me. I have kids. I work at home. I have dirt outside and running water inside. What the hell am I going to write about? I've written about family and memories. I made up that neopetal series because I looked out my window and it was the same view that's been there all my life. I'm in the same house I grew up in. Same neighbors. I'm not even in slow motion. I'm in no motion! lol

 

[flyguy69]

Go ahead and delude yourself.

I know what keeps me from being a really good poet--my damn life! I have not experienced enough. I have not seem enough. I have not suffered enough! Well, that's what I think. lol But honestly, if you go through life calmly and basically stay in one spot and live safely and love frugally, then you have nothing to write about that will elevate you to the level of a very good or great poet. That's what's happening to me. I have kids. I work at home. I have dirt outside and running water inside. What the hell am I going to write about? I've written about family and memories. I made up that neopetal series because I looked out my window and it was the same view that's been there all my life. I'm in the same house I grew up in. Same neighbors. I'm not even in slow motion. I'm in no motion! lol

Eve, there's nothing wrong with you that a $75/hr. Certified Poetry Therapist couldn't fix. But get a real one, not those fly-by-night ones.


I attended a poetry reading by "professional" (all of them collegiate instructors of writing) poets for my first time this past weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed the contrast in styles among them, but was struck by this similarity: they all had an interesting story to tell. One taught in rural China. One had been a touring Jazz musician. Beyond their linguistic skills and senses of humor, they relied upon interesting things they had done, places they had visited and people they had met to craft poetry that not only impressed me with their talent but also left me feeling, somehow, smarter because I had listened.

At the same time I wondered if a Chinese farmer would find this poetry instructive. Would a musician smile at insights to a nightcub owner's mind? I expect so. The enlightenment poetry provides does not flow from the author having done something that no one else has ever done, but rather from seeing it a way no one else has ever seen it. Frost that with linguistic skill and humor, and you have good, maybe even great, poetry.

Frankly, Eve, you are strongest at those things that are most important to poetry. Many of us have kids, many of us drive old cars, many of us have had our hearts broken, I've even lived in Virginia, but you see those things in a light that few of us have ever known. You are also adept with language and one time you were even kind of funny.

I don't know what you aspire to, but I aspire to someday write like you.

And your observation about fleeting new poets is exactly what I was noting in the "Parallel Communities" thread!

 

[WickedEve]

and one time you were even kind of funny.

What do you mean at one time? I'm funny. Damn it! I'm funny! Someone tell this guy how funny I am. I'm a fit of hysterical laughter. I'm the tickle between your silly toes. I'm still fuunnnyyyy. Okay, I write a lot of seemingly sad poetry. But often there's dark humor there. Okay, maybe I'm not funny. I'm a giggle of darkness. A midnight snicker. Hey, and what do you mean by "kind of"? So... now I'm not funny and when I was funny, it was only kind of? Well, now I'll be obsessing over this all day long.

 

[WickedEve]

OKay, you ridiculous possum of a man. This is funny--in a sad and dark sort of way, but it's funny.

bob bob in bed
by WickedEve ©

bob bob is upside down,
bat sleeper, beneath the quilt,
crooked toes and wife's nose,
staring down the barrel of her vagina.

she hates little bob bob,
gives him slippers for christmas.

 

[flyguy69]

OKay, you ridiculous possum of a man. This is funny--in a sad and dark sort of way, but it's funny.

bob bob in bed
by WickedEve ©

bob bob is upside down,
bat sleeper, beneath the quilt,
crooked toes and wife's nose,
staring down the barrel of her vagina.

she hates little bob bob,
gives him slippers for christmas.

Yes, that was it.

 

[WickedEve]

Yes, that was it.

What do you mean by "yes, that was it"? That was the only kind of funny thing you've read by me? Well, for your information, I'm writing a possum poem. It's a true story and it's funny. And you'll love it since you're a varmint yourself.

 

[flyguy69]

What do you mean by "yes, that was it"? That was the only kind of funny thing you've read by me? Well, for your information, I'm writing a possum poem. It's a true story and it's funny. And you'll love it since you're a varmint yourself.

Hmmm, your dementia is deeper than I expected. It may require more than a single session with a Certified Poetry Therapist. Perhaps if we assemble a crack team of poets, humorists and furriers we may be able to get to the bottom of the source of your discomfort. This is gonna be expensive.

 

[tungtied2u]

What do you mean by "yes, that was it"? That was the only kind of funny thing you've read by me? Well, for your information, I'm writing a possum poem. It's a true story and it's funny. And you'll love it since you're a varmint yourself.

You mean like this?

Possum and taters
what I'm having later
for dinner
I'm the bread winner

It'll be soft and tender
beat by the fender
of my Chevy truck

 

[flyguy69]

You mean like this?

Possum and taters
what I'm having later
for dinner
I'm the bread winner

It'll be soft and tender
beat by the fender
of my Chevy truck

See? Look what a little time in therapy did for TT!

 

[WickedEve]

See? Look what a little time in therapy did for TT!

I don't really have time for a therapist. How about pills? Maybe poetry prozac or something.
You know, I keep hearing a weird noise in my closet and under my stove. (No, I don't have any critters in my house) I was trying to decide if I'm having an emotional breakdown or if the place is haunted. Then I decided that it doesn't matter, because it's something to write about.
Most poets are either insane or funny.

 

[flyguy69]

Most poets are either insane or funny.

Funny, you don't sound crazy. I really think you should pay Angeline's clinic a visit, Eve. I'm sure she'll do it pro bono.

 

[tungtied2u]

Funny, you don't sound crazy. I really think you should pay Angeline's clinic a visit, Eve. I'm sure she'll do it pro bono.

I disagree fly. Although Eve may well need, even desire a pro boning...I'm not sure Angeline's the one for the job......

What?....you sai pro bono?.......never mind...

 

[WickedEve]

I disagree fly. Although Eve may well need, even desire a pro boning...I'm not sure Angeline's the one for the job......

What?....you sai pro bono?.......never mind...

pro boning? Angeline? Hey, Ange! Get your strap-on out!

 

[tungtied2u]

pro boning? Angeline? Hey, Ange! Get your strap-on out!

Could this be? Yet another facet of the multi-talented Angeline exposed......

 

[flyguy69]

Could this be? Yet another facet of the multi-talented Angeline exposed......

To which the Red Sox fan replied... "Tie the Yankee fan to my back."

and she's funny, too!