Grammar question

[Jada59]

There's an ad on the radio that drives me batty! The woman says, "Everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer."

I ran this through two grammar checks and it came up fine. But it sounds wrong to me.

I'd say, " Nobody could be nicer than the people at Dr. Yardley's office."

Opinions?

 

[rescatooor]

There's an ad on the radio that drives me batty! The woman says, "Everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer."

I ran this through two grammar checks and it came up fine. But it sounds wrong to me.

I'd say, " Nobody could be nicer than the people at Dr. Yardley's office."

Opinions?

Sounds clunky. Just because it's technically correct doesn't mean it's good usage.

 

[rescatooor]

The little I know about radio writing, however, is that it's advisable to end the sentence with the most important information. So "Dr. Yardley's office" should have to be at the very end, since that is what is being advertised. So maybe Jada's first suggestion is pretty good.

It's a needlessly complex construction, the original. It sounds like it's supposed to seem like a testimony though, so the weird structure might be an attempt at colloquial local speech. I don't know.

 

[stickygirl]

There's an ad on the radio that drives me batty! The woman says, "Everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer."

I ran this through two grammar checks and it came up fine. But it sounds wrong to me.

I'd say, " Nobody could be nicer than the people at Dr. Yardley's office."

Opinions?

I had an English teacher who'd shout at us if we used the word nice.

Skin care ads do it for me - they're always using made up scientific terms like 'uses hydraceous follium enthretapeutics' or 'anti granularising vitabiotics' which is all such bollocks. 98% water with some palm oil and UV blocker thrown in an expensive plastic pot that'll wash up on a beach somewhere far away from Jennifer Aniston.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Not everyone uses the English language correctly. It is grammatically correct and to my ear sound just fine.

And that's the way most people talk, so...

 

[Jada59]

Thanks everyone!

 

[ElectricBlue]

Skin care ads do it for me - they're always using made up scientific terms like 'uses hydraceous follium enthretapeutics' or 'anti granularising vitabiotics' which is all such bollocks. 98% water with some palm oil and UV blocker thrown in an expensive plastic pot that'll wash up on a beach somewhere far away from Jennifer Aniston.

But, but, but, you're a scientist. Don't you believe that stuff?

 

[mynameisben]

Most folk don't hold up advertisement literature as potential nominations for the Nobel Prize.


Ben

 

[LilyWaters]

There's an ad on the radio that drives me batty! The woman says, "Everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer."

I ran this through two grammar checks and it came up fine. But it sounds wrong to me.

I'd say, " Nobody could be nicer than the people at Dr. Yardley's office."

Opinions?

it's clunky, but I can see why they did it. First, because it's not meant to be comparative to other offices, but rather to how pleasant they would have been expected to be on the job. Second, because they want it to sound like an off-the-cuff, unrehearsed, person-on-the-street testimonial. It will contrast nicely with the more formal elements of the ad. I wouldn't write it in a grant proposal, but I can see why they specifically constructed it that way to appeal to an audience.

 

[LilyWaters]

I had an English teacher who'd shout at us if we used the word nice.

Skin care ads do it for me - they're always using made up scientific terms like 'uses hydraceous follium enthretapeutics' or 'anti granularising vitabiotics' which is all such bollocks. 98% water with some palm oil and UV blocker thrown in an expensive plastic pot that'll wash up on a beach somewhere far away from Jennifer Aniston.

YES YES YES to this, 100%, also an enormous pet peeve!!!

 

[MillieDynamite]

There's an ad on the radio that drives me batty! The woman says, "Everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer."?

Sounds like south-speak, "Ya'll need to know, everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer. When they pulled that tooth, lardy they cried with me. the laughing gas helped a bit, might should've had a hit before he pulled it, tough. You all be sure to ask for the gas, ya hear?"

 

[SimonDoom]

It's ad speak. Grammar is irrelevant. The key is to make an impression in a tiny amount of time.

Your version is more grammatically correct, but it's much worse as an ad. The word "nobody" is a negative word. The word "Everybody" is an inclusive word. Starting an ad pitch with the word "everybody" is better than starting it with "nobody."

Apple used the slogan "Think Different" for a while. It should be "Think Differently." But that wouldn't sound as good.

It's the same with songs. I don't ever use the word "ain't." It's uncouth. But it's a popular and useful word for songs. The Beatles used it. Bob Dylan. Selena Gomez. It's part of the music lyric vernacular.

 

[KeithD]

It's fine. It's informal voice. It's grammatical enough. If everyone was given the same voice, folks would just stop listening to and reading other folks.

A mainstay in amateurs giving writing advice to other amateurs is to try to change their voice to their own--to render it their way rather than to work with the way the other wanted to write in in their own voice. There isn't one way to write or say anything. If there were, once again, nobody would have to listen to or read anything more than once. And they wouldn't need to listen to or read anyone but themselves.

 

[SamScribble]

As Joan Didion once said: 'Grammar is a piano I play by ear.'

What sounds right to you may not sound right to me. And no amount of 'grammar-checking devices' will change that.

Onward and upward, people. And may the devil take the grammar-checking devices.

 

[PennameWombat]

There's an ad on the radio that drives me batty! The woman says, "Everybody down at Dr. Yardley's office couldn't have been nicer."

I ran this through two grammar checks and it came up fine. But it sounds wrong to me.

I'd say, " Nobody could be nicer than the people at Dr. Yardley's office."

Opinions?

Sounds clunky. Just because it's technically correct doesn't mean it's good usage.

The goal of much ad copy is to sound like ‘real’ people. It’s a real phrase that would be a very common colloquial usage where I grew up. I’d most likely barely note it if I heard it.

And for here, it’s something good to keep in mind. People don't speak in grammatically concise phrases. At least this one is correct English grammar, if not the most concise. As I’ve posted elsewhere, I look for the grammar checkers to complain when I write dialogue. Some characters have more, others less, of that.

There is also my character who used to be an English teacher but became a police officer. She takes adjusting her grammar strictness to extremes and does it consciously, especially in undercover roles.

 

[Jada59]

Thanks everyone!

 

[dmallord]

The little I know about radio writing, however, is that it's advisable to end the sentence with the most important information. So "Dr. Yardley's office" should have to be at the very end, since that is what is being advertised. So maybe Jada's first suggestion is pretty good.

It's a needlessly complex construction, the original. It sounds like it's supposed to seem like a testimony though, so the weird structure might be an attempt at colloquial local speech. I don't know.

One person's colloquial speech is another's formal prose. But, I favor the colloquial logic, also.