Got my stuff accepted, please take a look!

[jackell99]

Got my first two stories approved last night.
Please take a look and let me know what you think of either or both!
I've gotten good feedback from a small circle of friends who read my stuff, but I want some Honest feedback from readers who don't know me.
Thanks in advance!
Jack

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=371779

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=371781

 

[The_Fractal_King]

You're a sick disturbed little man.

Nah, just kidding. You're a good writer. Day Work has a genuine feel to it that's hard not to appreciate. The characters are basically believeable (although I'd love to know how Bly kept going like that) and they show some development over the course of the story. You managed to avoid all of the common severe mistakes which I won't list because they probably would never occur to you anyway. The sex scenes make me jealous as a writer and I'll leave it at that.

Congratulations on taking the dive into writing.

 

[litchipking]

Welcome, and well done

First of all, welcome to Lit. I hope your experience is as rewarding as mine has been.

I got a chance to read Day Work. I took a moment to vote and comment but let me say here that I really enjoyed your story.

You introduced two engaging characters and your talent for description is simple and beautiful. You have a good economy of words.

As I mentioned in my public comment, I especially enjoyed the naïveté of the virgin oral encounter. Setting the story in a time when that particular sexual act was not en vogue gave the scene a “first time” feel even though both characters were obviously experienced with sex.

I did spot a few typos that you may want to fix. (The procedure for editing your posted stories it detailed on this site). No big deal but if you are like me those little careless mistakes will gnaw at you.

The only big problem I have with the story is Sarah’s motivation for cheating on her husband. Maybe if she was in a loveless relationship or if her husband had lost interest in sex or if she knew of her husband’s affair with the widow down the road… But you fail to share any real impetuous for her infidelity. As it is, I am left with an unpleasant image of this woman who I would have preferred to have embraced.

Anyway, don’t let my one complaint detract from my other comments. I did find your story very well written and I was quickly drawn in by your simple descriptions and well-paced dialogue.

I’ll try to get to your other story later when I have more time.

Chip

 

[litchipking]

Me again

Okay, Lucky is a delight.

Spunky, sexy, funny - I bet she was a blast to write as well. She reminds me a bit of a fringe character in a story I wrote earlier this year. She, too, could say anything and often did. I know how much fun it was writing her. I hope you enjoyed Lucky.

The story is well told and the action hot. Count me as an instant fan. I'm looking forward to your next submission.

Chip

 

[jackell99]

Thanks

Thanks for the feedback.
I think my wife fell in love with Lucky a little bit when she read it...I'm certain I did.
I can't really figure out why her story isn't being read as much as Day Work, except that Day Work is listed first.
I am encouraged by your responses. Hopefully more people will take the time to offer me their thoughts.