Got hit today

[SeaCat]

So I moved the car to the side of the carport so I could wash it. The same thing I do every month. I'm finishing up when the guy across the street comes rumbling down the road in his truck. (This is the renter I've mentioned before.) He tried to pull into his parking spot but just can't seem to make the cut to fit between the other cars. He sits there in the road for a minute before he sees the open spot across from his parking area, the open spot where my car usually sits.

He backs up then pulls into the open spot. I'm not feeling too good about this so I walk over. I'm standing there watching as he pulls further and further into my spot. I start yelling and waving at him but he completely ignores me even as I pound on his truck. I can only watch as he hits then pushes my bike over. Only then does he shift into reverse, back across the road and park his truck.

I stand the bike back up and check it over quickly. I'm happy to report it came down on the crash bars which did their job and protected the bike. No damage. To say I'm an unhappy camper as I head across the street is an understatement. He sees me coming and climbs out of his truck and asks; "What the "F" do you want?"

Oh I truly wanted to rearrange his face as well as give him an attitude adjustment but I backed down. I told him I just wanted to compliment him on his parking and headed for home.

Now I know there are those here who are saying I was being cowardly, but you don't understand my sense of humor. Instead of destroying him, which was tempting, I decided to ruin him mentally. The games shall commence.

Maybe I should wait until I return from my trip to New England? Then again there is the bottle of Buck Lure and the Party Baloons in the back room just calling to be used.

Cat

 

[AsylumSeeker]

So I moved the car to the side of the carport so I could wash it. The same thing I do every month. I'm finishing up when the guy across the street comes rumbling down the road in his truck. (This is the renter I've mentioned before.) He tried to pull into his parking spot but just can't seem to make the cut to fit between the other cars. He sits there in the road for a minute before he sees the open spot across from his parking area, the open spot where my car usually sits.

He backs up then pulls into the open spot. I'm not feeling too good about this so I walk over. I'm standing there watching as he pulls further and further into my spot. I start yelling and waving at him but he completely ignores me even as I pound on his truck. I can only watch as he hits then pushes my bike over. Only then does he shift into reverse, back across the road and park his truck.

I stand the bike back up and check it over quickly. I'm happy to report it came down on the crash bars which did their job and protected the bike. No damage. To say I'm an unhappy camper as I head across the street is an understatement. He sees me coming and climbs out of his truck and asks; "What the "F" do you want?"

Oh I truly wanted to rearrange his face as well as give him an attitude adjustment but I backed down. I told him I just wanted to compliment him on his parking and headed for home.

Now I know there are those here who are saying I was being cowardly, but you don't understand my sense of humor. Instead of destroying him, which was tempting, I decided to ruin him mentally. The games shall commence.

Maybe I should wait until I return from my trip to New England? Then again there is the bottle of Buck Lure and the Party Baloons in the back room just calling to be used.

Cat

You're a sot like me. We take abuse like sponges. Not that we can't cause havoc when neccessary, however <grin>

 

[SeaCat]

You're a sot like me. We take abuse like sponges. Not that we can't cause havoc when neccessary, however <grin>

Oh don't get me wrong. This little S.O.B. is going to pay. Unfortunately for him he is going to pay my way. I'm going to play and I'm going to have fun.

Think about it this way.

Buck Lure on the Heads.

Gas vented directly into his exhaust.

Magnesium on his bike heads and exhaust.

Gunpowder in his exhaust.

Spark Plug Wires moved.

Pepper Spray introduced into his home A/C.

Buck Lure in his truck A/C.

Dead Critters under his Trailer.

Shall I go on?

Cat

 

[Guest]

Oh don't get me wrong. This little S.O.B. is going to pay. Unfortunately for him he is going to pay my way. I'm going to play and I'm going to have fun.

Think about it this way.

Buck Lure on the Heads.

Gas vented directly into his exhaust.

Magnesium on his bike heads and exhaust.

Gunpowder in his exhaust.

Spark Plug Wires moved.

Pepper Spray introduced into his home A/C.

Buck Lure in his truck A/C.

Dead Critters under his Trailer.

Shall I go on?

Cat

He sounds like a true jerk, Cat.

Have fun.

 

[KLCK]

Toss a bobcat into the back seat.

 

[john-the-author]

As I read the list, the phrase "Think of it as evolution in action" came to mind.

Well, that one and "Don't get caught."

 

[TE999]

Oh don't get me wrong. This little S.O.B. is going to pay. Unfortunately for him he is going to pay my way. I'm going to play and I'm going to have fun.

Think about it this way.

Buck Lure on the Heads.

Gas vented directly into his exhaust.

Magnesium on his bike heads and exhaust.

Gunpowder in his exhaust.

Spark Plug Wires moved.

Pepper Spray introduced into his home A/C.

Buck Lure in his truck A/C.

Dead Critters under his Trailer.

Shall I go on?

Cat

That sure beats leaving a flaming bag of dog shit on the front door mat, ringing the doorbell and running.

 

[rgraham666]

Oh, this is going to be fun.

 

[starrkers]

Prawn heads in the air vents is friendly - clingingly so.

Just sayin'.

 

[matriarch]

Makes me think of the old 'prawns in the curtain rods' story:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

 

[scheherazade_79]

Makes me think of the old 'prawns in the curtain rods' story:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Good luck with it, Seacat. Let's us know how you get on

 

[DesertPirate]

Oh don't get me wrong. This little S.O.B. is going to pay. Unfortunately for him he is going to pay my way. I'm going to play and I'm going to have fun.

Think about it this way.

Buck Lure on the Heads.

Gas vented directly into his exhaust.

Magnesium on his bike heads and exhaust.

Gunpowder in his exhaust.

Spark Plug Wires moved.

Pepper Spray introduced into his home A/C.

Buck Lure in his truck A/C.

Dead Critters under his Trailer.

Shall I go on?

Cat

A man after my own heart!
Revenge and practical jokes can be so much fun

 

[SensualCealy]

Anyway of disconnecting his septic system? Hmmm...

I find rotting chicken carcus' to be the top of my list for revolting odours- Im sure with your bbqing you should have a few of them that can be used for other things than making stock. lol

That Florida sun could do wonders-while you are gone to New England!

Anyway you could get one under the seat of the truck? (oops did I say that out loud?)

Have a great holiday!
C

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Oh don't get me wrong. This little S.O.B. is going to pay. Unfortunately for him he is going to pay my way. I'm going to play and I'm going to have fun.

Think about it this way.

Buck Lure on the Heads.

Gas vented directly into his exhaust.

Magnesium on his bike heads and exhaust.

Gunpowder in his exhaust.

Spark Plug Wires moved.

Pepper Spray introduced into his home A/C.

Buck Lure in his truck A/C.

Dead Critters under his Trailer.

Shall I go on?

Cat

Oh, Cat, if you weren't married...

 

[SlickTony]

These all sound like good plans. Do keep us posted.

The prawn shells in the curtain rods is an oldie but a goodie. The part where they sell the house back to her for a song and then run off with the curtain rods is a new twist to me.

 

[shereads]

I have a baaad feeling about this.

 

[jomar]

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking truck!

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

Makes me think of the old 'prawns in the curtain rods' story:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Oh man can I steal this and turn it into a loving wives story?????? This rocks!!!!!!!!!

 

[matriarch]

Oh man can I steal this and turn it into a loving wives story?????? This rocks!!!!!!!!!

Go ahead, it's an old story that's been on the internet for a while. Whether or not it's true......who cares, it's funny!

Look forward to reading the story.

 

[SeaCat]

Back to revisit an old post.

My neighbor has been having a run of bad luck for some reason. He has had to replace the seat in his truck due to an ungodly stench coming from it. Lord knows what died in the cushions. Maybe he spilled something?

He has also had to have his truck towed twice due to it not starting. I'm wondering if he got some bad gas along the line?

Speaking of gas, his bike started up with it's usual scream not too long ago, and kept screaming at high R.P.M.'s until he managed to shut it down. The bike was picked up later that day for servicing.

Oddly enough he didn't use his A/C in the trailer for a while, we never heard it kick on and the wondows were always open. I heard from another neighbor that the wiring in the Compressor Motor was corroded so badly it wouldn't run.

While he had the windows open in his place a cuple of Squirrels got in through a torn screen and just tore the place up. From the smell coming from the bedding tossed in the trash one of those squirrels must have had a skunk in it's ancestry.

This guy does like his parties, did I mention that? He loves to have some friends over so they can drink beer and sit on the patio in the cool of the night laughing and screeching. He then sleeps late and it seems he never does any maintenance on the place. He's been kind of letting the place get run down and trashed looking. About the only bit of work he does is haul the trash barrels out to the side of the road on trash day, usually holding his aching head with one hand and trying to block out the loud noises. It seems this lack of maintenance caught up with him this morning when the hinges on his front door gave way. He opened the door when he came hom from where ever and the door just kind of came off in his hand. I was wondering what the commotion was over there.


Hmmmmmmm, Bad luck does seem to be following this guy.

Cat

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh don't get me wrong. This little S.O.B. is going to pay. Unfortunately for him he is going to pay my way. I'm going to play and I'm going to have fun.

Think about it this way.

Buck Lure on the Heads.

Gas vented directly into his exhaust.

Magnesium on his bike heads and exhaust.

Gunpowder in his exhaust.

Spark Plug Wires moved.

Pepper Spray introduced into his home A/C.

Buck Lure in his truck A/C.

Dead Critters under his Trailer.

Shall I go on?

Cat

yeah, you should go on.

But make it reaaaaaaly subtle.... instead of removing the sparkplug wires, you can slip a knifetip in and sever the copper inside the insulation, yanno? Yank the wire to stretch out the plastric, rub a little dirty grease over the slit, and it'll become one of those wierd "will she run?" things....

It seems pretty obvious he hit your bike absolutely with malice aforethought.

 

[Vermilion]

Prawn heads in the air vents is friendly - clingingly so.

Just sayin'.

Dmmit - that was my suggestion too!

What's Buck lure?

x
V

 

[Vermilion]

Makes me think of the old 'prawns in the curtain rods' story:


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Hrm, the one I know she sewed prawns into the curtain hems, but the rods is better - and I love the twist of them taking the rods with them!

Another fun revenge story I heard of was sprinkling mustard and cres seeds over the carpets, then watering liberally. Amusing, no?

Looking forward to hearing what happens to this eejit next. Perhaps an ant infestation?

x
V

 

[SlickTony]

As usual, these inquiring minds want to know!

 

[SeaCat]

Dmmit - that was my suggestion too!

What's Buck lure?

x
V

Buck Lure is Urine taken from a Doe that happens to be in heat. Highly aromatic.

Cat