Good beginnings

[SimonDoom]

Tina never exactly meant to burst into tears.

She'd sat down at the local bakery because she wanted a big and hot chocolate chip cookie, accompanied by a milkshake with a crazy number of mini marshmallows on top. She'd managed to place the order, but before it could arrive, her heart had given out and she dissolved into silent tears.

I like one-sentence opening paragraphs. I use them a lot. The one change I would make to your opening is that I would get rid of the word "exactly." It's an unnecessary qualifier. I'm guilty of using those all the time. But when I pay attention, I realize I don't need qualifiers. It's a stronger sentence without "exactly." But the idea of the opening is a good one.

I opened my 8-chapter "My Mom Is A Hot Mom" series with this one-sentence paragraph:

"Growing up, I never thought my mom was hot."

Yes, it's playing on Literotica cliches. But, as a reader, after one sentence, you know exactly where this story is headed. The story is an unabashed mom-son story, so I figured what the heck. It seems to have worked. The story did very well.

I started another story "Mailgirl and More" with this one-sentence paragraph:

"You could be a mailgirl."

Again, it jumps into the subject matter right away. And it jumps into an ongoing dialogue, and I figured the reading audience would be curious to know who's talking to whom and how the conversation got on the subject of mailgirls. I introduced the subject matter by jumping into a dialogue between the protagonist and her friend rather than through a lot of narration, and I liked doing it that way.

 

[AlinaX]

Here are some of my opening lines that I think are quite effective:

• When the hole appears in the wall in front of me, a hole that would be a tight squeeze for my pinkie, I have just enough time to think, "That's odd," before the thundering echoes of the ship's hull hammer against my ears and a hundred alarm systems awake, screaming emergency.
• I didn't know, the first time I sank my teeth into Syntyche's dark neck, that she was pregnant.
• I love my husband, Eric, but I am a highly sexed woman who finds it very difficult to say 'No' to interesting propositions.
• His cold eyes regarded me as if I were vermin.
• The thing about having a cock in your mouth is that it's really difficult to ignore.

 

[yowser]

As a reader I like to know very early on who is who and where we are. The first character we meet can have some mystery, but there has to be some idea of who they are. Doesn't take much but give some idea of location. And plant in the reader a question or two that needs attention. As a reader I prefer some sign early on that the author is in control of the story.

Here in a few sentences I establish the lay of the land:


It was inevitable that someone at work would notice my overnight bag.

Ira eyed it thoughtfully, tucked into a corner next to my desk in the university archives, as he stepped into my office. He raised an eyebrow.

'Is Miss Stay-at-Home-Sophy actually going somewhere this weekend? Not cooped up in her little cottage on a Friday night reworking another draft of the "The Abelartus Text"?'

 

[Trionyx]

My story Ashley's Sister (https://literotica.com/s/ashleys-sister) has rapidly shot to the top number of views of all my stories in just a few months, even more than my one blue W contest winner from a year ago. When I look back at it, I believe it was due to the 'short description' line which was a quote from the story and was also the first line of the story: "You want to fuck my sister, don't you?"

The opening section had several features of SimonDoom's well thought out list: A great opening sentence. Jumping right into a conflict or adventure that I want to see resolved. Introducing me right away to a character that interests me, so I immediately want to know what's going to happen to the character. A clever conversation or piece of dialogue.

The story has done well with the scores, but not my highest by far. But the number of views and favorites far exceeds any of my other stories. I believe readers were pulled in by the description line (as has been discussed here in the AF several times) and the opening section. I now try to concentrate on them the most, but coming up with both is a major challenge.

 

[NotWise]

I don't know how you'd tell if an opening is successful, except in cases like Trionyx's or when there are specific reader comments.

 

[KeithD]

I don't know how you'd tell if an opening is successful, except in cases like Trionyx's or when there are specific reader comments.

Why, the universal reader many seem to insist must exist will send you an e-mail saying the opening was successful.

 

[shakna]

I don't know how you'd tell if an opening is successful, except in cases like Trionyx's or when there are specific reader comments.

That's why you write for yourself, first! At least you always know whether the introduction is boring, that way. And care less if anyone else actually does disagree.

 

[Rustyoznail]

That's why you write for yourself, first! At least you always know whether the introduction is boring, that way. And care less if anyone else actually does disagree.

I did exactly this on the story I'm writing now. I wrote an opening paragraph with the MC alone in her kitchen, baking muffins and thinking to herself.

I reread it a couple of days later and thought "If I had bought a book with this opening, I'd have given up already." I introduced a neighbour who'd popped in for a coffee, and the whole story makes more sense.

 

[KeithD]

I often open with dialogue and not just the story opening--the start of separated sections as well.

 

[XerXesXu]

The dark and stormy night comes from 'Paul Clifford' by Edward Bulwer-Lytton in 1830.

Pulled it. It's a well set-up morality tale, neglect the poor at your peril, congruent with Dickens' social commentary and, doubtless, read by him. Chapter 1 is prefaced with a dark poem by Crabbe, about a wretched life and the immediate prospect of a wretched death, so you’re primed for the opening. A person of the lowest order, as a matter of urgency, seeks a bible for a dying mother, also of the lowest order, so she can swear the former to secrecy about her child. He can only find a bound playbook that looks like a bible. He’s sworn, but after her death, he steals her letters. The child is committed to the care of the hostler, an unmarried -
? prostitute.

What could possibly happen next? I’m going to read on.

Dick Van Dyke should have been made to memorise the dialogue in Ch 1 and recite it ‘til perfect, then he’d have known when to add, and when to drop an aitch, incorrectly.

The author is a classicist, so most of the text is easily intelligible, and rendered in real sentences, and real paragraphs, if you’re an aficionado of that sort of thing. He does explain some of the lower order expressions, which may have been mysterious to the early Victorian middle and upper classes.

 

[EarlyMorningLight]

Alright, I’m quite proud of the opening of the story that I just submitted, so here’s a teaser:

—-

“Okay, so, after working with the same touring band for years, you’ve got a whole new lineup now. What sort of energy is that bringing to the older songs?”

She sipped her tea and looked over my shoulder, out the window. At least I assumed that’s where she was looking. I couldn’t tell what was happening behind her giant sunglasses. She paused to light up another Camel Mild and took a long drag. After she exhaled, she tilted her face ever so slightly towards me and shrugged.

This interview was a fucking disaster.

I picked up my recorder and stopped it, making sure she could see what I was doing.

“Did you want to try this again another time? You’re in town until the end of the week, right? We’ve got the photo shoot scheduled for Thursday. We could always sit down again before or after that.”

Again, a long pause. She drummed the nails of her left hand against the table. There was no other noise in the hotel suite save our breathing and the distant hum of an air conditioner. She took a couple more drags before speaking.

“That depends. Are your questions still going to be fucking bullshit on Thursday?”

I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my eyes. “My questions? You mean what I had left over after your people told me what I could and couldn’t ask about?”

“If you don’t like it, I’m sure your editor can find someone else.” She leaned forward now, forearms resting on the table. Her signature bleached blonde hair had been chopped short and asymmetrical, a mess of organized chaos that matched her demeanor. Her lips were coloured a deep red, and there were faint lines at the corners where they turned up in a smirk. “I don’t know why the fuck they sent a baby to do this in the first place. How old are you, kid?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m 24.’

She chortled. “A goddamned child.”

“By my age you had already released two albums.”

“Yeah? And I was a child then, too. So what?”

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I find beginnings the hardest part, getting things rolling without sounding trite. I finally finished my first story (sat up half the night working and reworking the beginning especialy), now just deciding if its good enough to submit. SCARY SHIT!!!

 

[EarlyMorningLight]

I find beginnings the hardest part, getting things rolling without sounding trite. I finally finished my first story (sat up half the night working and reworking the beginning especialy), now just deciding if its good enough to submit. SCARY SHIT!!!

Do it! If you’re putting that much thought and effort into it, you’re already ahead of the game. In my experience, the writers who care and second guess are always, always better than the ones who are completely without any fear or self-awareness.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Do it! If you’re putting that much thought and effort into it, you’re already ahead of the game. In my experience, the writers who care and second guess are always, always better than the ones who are completely without any fear or self-awareness.

I did it!

 

[EarlyMorningLight]

I did it!

Can’t wait to read it!

 

[ElectricBlue]

Do it! If you’re putting that much thought and effort into it, you’re already ahead of the game. In my experience, the writers who care and second guess are always, always better than the ones who are completely without any fear or self-awareness.

You can care without having to second guess yourself, and you can be self-aware but without fear, when it comes down to writing.

Be fearless, don't think twice, I say. If I'd doubted myself on my best work, they'd never have been written.

 

[8letters]

I don't really have anything to add to SimonDoom's excellent OP. I thought about adding examples of my following his advice, but others are doing that.

Eventually, I got to thinking about when I didn't follow the OP. Two of my stories come to mind. The first is My Sister Set Me Up on a Blind Date. The opening scene is mostly the MMC talking with a cop who has pulled him over. This is the one scene the cop is in, so spending time introducing him doesn't advance the story. I started with that scene because the MMC's last name is "Chevrolet", and I wanted to show what it'd be like to have a last name of "Chevrolet". But I think the scene works well as a way of introducing the characters. The readers got to see the two main characters react to a stressful situation, the MMC tells the cop the important background information I wanted the reader to have, and it also gives the reader a feel for how small of a town the main characters live in.

The second is My Lingerie-Loving Sister Moves In, which starts with a 212-word info dump - the MMC had drunken sex with his sister once, it was a disaster, and they've been uncomfortable around each other ever since. After the info dump is a scene between the two main characters. The two characters are uncomfortable with each other the whole time and aren't connecting. I felt that them having had drunken sex that was a disaster wasn't something I could slowly introduce in their first scene together, and the scene worked better with the reader knowing the issues at the beginning of the conversation.

 

[Duleigh]

Stand-alone stories are easier for me to write openings for. I’m curious if others feel the same way

Actually, I find openings for multi-part stories much easier, almost all the work was done for you in Part 1. There's no more universe building to be done, unless there's a new character to add, there's no new introductions needed. In a stand-alone story you have to start from scratch, build a whole new world, then ease your reader into the world as painlessly as possible.

 

[Duleigh]

Here are some of my opening lines that I think are quite effective:

Your last opening line is a truth of life that cannot be ignored, but the first one, that is incredible! It REALLY makes me want to read that story

 

[Voboy]

I agree, but I was referring to stories that have different plots but share common characters within the same universe, not chapter stories.

Just about all my stories are like this, other than those explicitly titled as series. I feel no responsibility to start out in a certain way. Longtime readers can [apparently] keep up well enough; new readers get a fresh story, as all my in-universe pieces stand alone.

Most of my pieces are in FP, which lends a certain immediacy anyway, but in a "same universe" kind of story it has the added benefit of letting me not worry very much about continuity between stories. Because who knows how reliable the narrator might be?

Go ahead and start in the middle. Don't worry about confusion, as long as you clear it up later. I like reading stories like that, so I go ahead and write them that way. Seems to work.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Hoping it would be funny, I wrote a story about a nineteen year old virgin who gets caught peeping in a window by his fellow camp counselors. The women decide to all have their way with him, to teach him a lesson.
I thought I might as well open in the middle of the action:

"Suck his balls!" They all chanted.

My eyes flared, wondering if something like that would hurt. I craned my neck to look down, watching tiny, dark-haired Carla flash a sneaky smile as she cupped my balls in her hands and rolled them around for a bit before she dropped her head and one after the other drew my nuts between her lips and started sucking -- really freaking hard!

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Hoping it would be funny, I wrote a story about a nineteen year old virgin who gets caught peeping in a window by his fellow camp counselors. The women decide to all have their way with him, to teach him a lesson.
I thought I might as well open in the middle of the action:

"Suck his balls!" They all chanted.

My eyes flared, wondering if something like that would hurt. I craned my neck to look down, watching tiny, dark-haired Carla flash a sneaky smile as she cupped my balls in her hands and rolled them around for a bit before she dropped her head and one after the other drew my nuts between her lips and started sucking -- really freaking hard!

Should have mentioned, the story is called: Always a First Time for Everything.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'll echo the advice to start with the action... But not the action. I dislike it when sex is the very first thing that pops up. Not invested, yet. So all you're doing is calling your piece a stroker, and that's not interesting to me, yet.

This made me think of my favourite opening, which is literally a movement, catching the narrator's attention:

It was the movement that first caught my eye.

That automatic sequence of movements done by muscle memory, repeatedly and without thinking, dexterous and complete - the red nail fingertips of her right hand, several silver rings on her fingers, flipping open the top of the box. One finger aligned the flipped up lid so the angle was right, then two fingers grasped the filter and pulled a cigarette out.

They could have been touching her clitoris, the movements so precise, the purpose so similarly exquisite.

I was three tables away with a direct line of sight.

Garter Belts and Cigarettes

 

[KeithD]

I even sometimes start in the middle of sex. Readers haven't complained. I don't think there are any "never do" truths in successful story writing.

 

[Duleigh]

I even sometimes start in the middle of sex. Readers haven't complained. I don't think there are any "never do" truths in successful story writing.

My 14 chapter story "We're a wonderful wife" starts in the middle of the hottest 3 way I've ever written and only one person is identified, then it jumps back in time 14 years. Lets see if anyone hangs with the story long enough to figure out what is going on.