Going pro

[Christhecat]

For the ladies: Would you be bothered if a guy you had started seeing -- nice, normal, STD-clean -- had slept with escorts in the past when he was lonely? If so, why?

 

[misty82]

So long as he's been tested recently, and so long as he never visits them while we're in the relationship then I can't see what difference it would make.

 

[littlebitshe]

To be completely honest... when I read this my first reaction was Ewww That's really desperate .

I think for me personally it would turn me off from the guy because I'm strongly attracted to a confident man and IMO if a guy feels he needs to pay an escort to get sex then he's not very confident (again IMO).

 

[infinity706]

My question is, why would this ever come up anyway? It's not like "Have you ever fucked a prostitute?" is a question women tend to ask very often.

 

[RedHeadedGlory]

As long as he's clean for STDs, wouldn't care.

On a desperation level it's no worse to me than say, a drunken ONS (which isn't an ideal thing to hear about either, but everyone's human).

It's just the difference of whether someone wants to pay up front and get it over with, or spend the time and money trolling a bar.

 

[tryptamine]

^^
That is not a good parallel...

A one night stand is a mutually sought out sexual encounter between people who are both out to enjoy it.

But with a prostitute, the man is essentially paying the woman so as to use her body for sex with (unless he's hopelessly naive) the knowledge that she will not be enjoying it. I think that the level of sexual objectification involved with sex work, and the commodification of bodies that it involves, make it a completely different thing from a one night stand.

That's why I would have a problem if my partner went to a prostitute. It shows that they are the kind of person who is okay enough with the objectification and commodification of women to enjoy that kind of sex.

 

[satindesire]

^^
That is not a good parallel...

A one night stand is a mutually sought out sexual encounter between people who are both out to enjoy it.

But with a prostitute, the man is essentially paying the woman so as to use her body for sex with (unless he's hopelessly naive) the knowledge that she will not be enjoying it. I think that the level of sexual objectification involved with sex work, and the commodification of bodies that it involves, make it a completely different thing from a one night stand.

That's why I would have a problem if my partner went to a prostitute. It shows that they are the kind of person who is okay enough with the objectification and commodification of women to enjoy that kind of sex.

As much as I support the ideas of prostitution and sex workers, and as much as I do not judge women who choose to work in such a profession, I agree with the above poster.

Any man that willingly pays for sex knowing that the sex worker will receive little to no pleasure for sleeping with him, well...that screams "I don't put value on sex".

He's paying to masturbate inside her body. He could do the very same with a sex toy or his own hand. Practically for free.

Also, I dislike dating promiscuous people in general...any person who sleeps with many, many partners (for free, willingly, not talking about sex workers here) usually is trying to fill some sort of void, and I don't like dating people with mommy/daddy/abandonment problems or any other kinds of issues. I hate baggage, I don't need more carry-on when I'm trying to live a healthy life of my own.

I need a man who really cares about sex and puts a lot of value on the pleasure his partner feels. Valuing women is important...he should think of women as people, not a meaty hole to fuck.

 

[tryptamine]

As much as I support the ideas of prostitution and sex workers, and as much as I do not judge women who choose to work in such a profession, I agree with the above poster.

Oh absolutely, I have to add this caveat...this is nothing to do with the sex workers themselves. They are women making a rational decision, I'm not saying they are dirty or stupid or passive victims or anything like that. It's the men I have a problem with.

 

[Tyr51]

It hasn't bothered me.
In fact, the man was an exceptionally considerate (and long term) lover; a true lover of women who just really enjoyed the act and the person he was with.

So..... he had a threesome in a massage parlor in Thailand while stationed overseas? He was disease free and had some interesting stories to boot. lol


But I expect I might be different from most people.
Knowing as many people as I do in the sex industry (and I have no idea how it happened, seriously), their jobs don't take away from their love of being intimate with someone they care about. I don't imagine that it does anything different to their client.



I don't care what a partner's past is, provided it's not something that is going to affect our health and well being. What matters to me is how we are when we're together, and the strength and connection of that relationship.


Men and women use one another for sex all the time. Money changing hands doesn't make it any more using someone than exchanging a freebie. It doesn't even raise an eyebrow for me anymore.

 

[lindahotstuff]

The way I look at it is that guys will take a woman out, buy her dinner, drinks, talk sweetly, all in the hope of bedding her. he is paying for sex. The woman goes to bed with the guy because he has been nice and bought her dinner. Is the guy a John and the woman a pro? What's the difference when a guy pays for sex in cash instead of dinner/drinks, etc. Stop being so judgemental. Just make sure the guy has gone to a high class professional escort rather than a drugged up streetwalker.

 

[sweet_escape]

For the ladies: Would you be bothered if a guy you had started seeing -- nice, normal, STD-clean -- had slept with escorts in the past when he was lonely? If so, why?

I've never been in that situation before, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't bother me. As long as he stopped doing it once we got together, I couldn't see a problem with it.

 

[Cathleen]

A person's past matters to me. After all, we are who we are because of our experiences, so I want to know lots of the "who, what, where and why." Isn't getting to know someone the point of it all?

I don't know how I'd feel, can't fathom a guess even. I'd need to know a lot more about the person to decide if that mattered, or any other one thing mattered. There are many things that go into those decisions.

 

[A_Kefka]

The way I look at it is that guys will take a woman out, buy her dinner, drinks, talk sweetly, all in the hope of bedding her. he is paying for sex. The woman goes to bed with the guy because he has been nice and bought her dinner. Is the guy a John and the woman a pro? What's the difference when a guy pays for sex in cash instead of dinner/drinks, etc. Stop being so judgemental. Just make sure the guy has gone to a high class professional escort rather than a drugged up streetwalker.

I tend to see it differently. If i'm dating someone, its becasue I enjoy spending time with them. I'm spending money to make the night enjoyable, not in exchange for sex later. If there is sex later it should be because we both enjoy it, and want to please the other, not because she feels she owes me for the date. The idea of paying someone for sex is a turn off to me.

 

[rosco rathbone]

^^
That is not a good parallel...

A one night stand is a mutually sought out sexual encounter between people who are both out to enjoy it.

But with a prostitute, the man is essentially paying the woman so as to use her body for sex with (unless he's hopelessly naive) the knowledge that she will not be enjoying it. I think that the level of sexual objectification involved with sex work, and the commodification of bodies that it involves, make it a completely different thing from a one night stand.

That's why I would have a problem if my partner went to a prostitute. It shows that they are the kind of person who is okay enough with the objectification and commodification of women to enjoy that kind of sex.

Objectification & commodification aren't hot??

 

[Derya]

doesn't matter

It would not bother me given the example as its described. Now if a partner were running to a paid escort without my knowledge while we're engaged in an intimate relationship that's a different story but not because of the paid for aspect but because something is wrong with "us" and how we're connecting sexually.

A ton of men and women spend a lot of time and false behavior trying to achieve sexual satisfaction and there's a ton of lonely people out there. I don't see anything wrong with legalized sexual work/services.

As far as the comments about its somehow wrong because the female didn't enjoy it or it's just sex, well isn't half of what men and women engage in in this world "just sex". A whole lot better to be up front, pay for and get what you want at the time. I don't guess a massage therapist is busting with joy over massaging my knotted up back or funky feet (hehehe) while I lay there relaxing and meditating but they do it to earn a living and probably take some kind of pride in what they do. Or maybe the chef at the fine dining establishment downtown.... I'm not eating there to compliment them and make them feel good on their creative efforts with rack of lamb nor are they making it for the benefit of me telling them what a culinary wonder they are or are they worried about what I ate at any other meal, I'm there because I want gourmet rack of lamb instead of $1 menu double cheeseburger at McDonalds and they're satisfied if I'm paying the $32.00 price on the menu. Now if my friend, or family, or lover makes me a special gourmet meal that's a different event, a different action one deserving of mutual thanks, affection whatever, but the afor examples...paid for services. No different than paid for sex.

To clarify before getting jumped on..... in my comments I'm referring to consenting adults choosing work in the sex industry for financial gain, not addicts, or desperate dependent individuals, or anyone forced into sexual behavior by circumstances beyond their control. Those circumstances are wrong for all parties involved.

 

[niv78]

I dont see anything wrong with it, in fact I have thought about it for reasons that have not been discussed here. There are times when you want to try out a new fetish or kink and dont want to just ask a regular woman, she may run around and tell others. With a professional woman they expect that kind of thing and do not judge you for it.

 

[Wings27]

I never quite understood the throught process of "Supporting the sex workers but despising the men who PAY said workers". Without those men, the sex industry wouldn't have anything to do. How can you support one half of the equation and not the other?

If any man in a relationship with me had visited someone and paid her for sex, I'd just think...wow, he must not have wanted a relationship at that time! Not that he was horrible. I can understand basic needs, and I agree with many of the posters above, as long as he's not doing it while we're together it's not a big deal.

 

[kimbernee]

I wouldn't be crazy about it but if it was a rare event long in the past I wouldn't condemn him for it. The fact that I've never dated a guy who has tells me that either guys lie about this more than most topics or that the traits I like in men don't lend themselves to paying for sex.

And to whoever asked why it would come up, yes I've asked the question before. I like to know my lover's whole sexual history.

 

[sweet_escape]

.....

 

[N_B]

Oh absolutely, I have to add this caveat...this is nothing to do with the sex workers themselves. They are women making a rational decision, I'm not saying they are dirty or stupid or passive victims or anything like that. It's the men I have a problem with.

As much as I support the ideas of prostitution and sex workers, and as much as I do not judge women who choose to work in such a profession, I agree with the above poster.

So it's fine that women offer sex for business, but men who employ those women are somehow less decent? Kind of a brutal double standard, no?

(I love playing devil's advocate)

 

[PertPerth]

I see nothing wrong with it.
I have joined a dating agency - isn't that along the same lines? Paying for a date isn't that far from paying for sex.

 

[sweet_escape]

So it's fine that women offer sex for business, but men who employ those women are somehow less decent? Kind of a brutal double standard, no?

(I love playing devil's advocate)

I agree. Women are offering the service and men are paying for the service. As long as the men are single I can't really see how it hurts anyone. If he continued to do it once he had a partner, that'd be a different story.

 

[working_girl]

Any man that willingly pays for sex knowing that the sex worker will receive little to no pleasure for sleeping with him, well...that screams "I don't put value on sex".

Firstly, I think it's a sweeping generalisation to assume that no sexworker enjoys the job. IME most sexworkers find a guy who is interested in her pleasure as well as his own a bonus. It adds much more to the experience. An escort doesn't walk through the door, disrobe and lie there like an inflatable doll. There is a connection made, albeit fleeting.

He's paying to masturbate inside her body. He could do the very same with a sex toy or his own hand. Practically for free.

I seriously doubt it or that is exactly what he would have done, no? Yes, there are guys who want nothing more than use of a wet orifice but most clients are not like that. They want to chat and flirt a little, enjoy intimacy and the feel of a woman in their arms. PIWherever sex is the destination, not the entire journey.

To the OP... in case he's still about.

I don't think it would be wise to volunteer this information needlessly. Most women will not understand in the slightest (as you have seen from other posts) and you will possibly make her insecure or lower her opinion of you for no good reason. If it's in your past and not something that you would ever do while in a relationship, I really don't see what the benefit is in baring this particular square inch of your soul.

 

[working_girl]

I never quite understood the throught process of "Supporting the sex workers but despising the men who PAY said workers". Without those men, the sex industry wouldn't have anything to do. How can you support one half of the equation and not the other?

Exactly.

Escorts are a different breed of sexworker from prostitutes and they get into the game because they want to. Thise who can't handle it or don't enjoy it at all don't last too long. All the escorts I know set their own limits on what they will and won't do, they manage their own working hours and enjoy making a lucrative living from something that wherever possible, they enjoy. Why shouldn't they enjoy it where possible? How is it somehow nobler for them to suffer through every booking?

Of course there are clients who are unattractive or who you can't connect with and then it becomes more of a job but that's the nature of the business and savvy girls handle it by imposing extra limits (e.g. no kissing) and being more professional and focused on the client rather than themselves.

 

[Christhecat]

To the OP... in case he's still about.

Yep. Still about. Just taking it all in ... I appreciate the answers, even the less-than-sympathetic ones.

This came up because of a recent conversation with a friend about whether I should divulge such information to a woman I was dating recently (we're not dating now, but not for this reason). Should I be completely honest, so as not to lie by omission, or should I keep quiet about it, particularly since I'm clean and -- as was said -- wouldn't do it while actually seeing anyone. The friend said she thought less of me for these activities and figured this would makes things difficult with anyone I dated. I asked to see if that was actually the case -- would a cross-section of the sexually open-minded women on literotica think less of a man for having taken this route?

I think Working Girl and others are right -- there's no need for it to come up, especially if it might harm things. I like honesty, but unless you just have an absolute trust level, there's no reason to screw things up over something that can't be changed and wouldn't affect the current relationship on a practical level.

I value all the opinions here, but I will say this: It was never about objectification. It was about the fact that I haven't had good luck with women, partly due to my own issues with shyness/confidence/whatever you want to call it, and partly because of environment and just plain bad luck and bad timing.

I enjoy being close to women. I enjoy talking with women. The great thing was, you could discuss literature and politics with a great girl in this situation and you KNEW you were going to get lucky afterwards (unlike trolling bars). I don't think it's naive to think they might enjoy it either -- if you do your research and go for class, you're going to encounter wonderful people who just have a unique job that allows them to do something they enjoy (and yes, it's very important for her enjoy it). When it's just sex with no genuine human connection, it's pretty damn unenjoyable, for me and for her.

I can't say I like this route -- a real relationship is infinitely more preferable -- but until that comes along, isn't it better to find a way to not have to do without? No guessing, no game-playing, just honest and up-front, where both parties are firmly aware of what the boundaries are? Personally, I have a great admiration for these women, and absolutely view them with a lot of respect.

As I side note, I just started watching "Secret Diary of a Call Girl," which deals with some of the issues discussed here. Who knows exactly how accurate it is (well, I don't know anyway), but it's very entertaining.