Going down

[Starbuck69]

Does anyone know of any ladies that did not like having a guy go down on them?

Assuming that the guy is clean shaven and that he at does it well enough that she does get to the big O.

At first she said that she wasn't clean down there and then that she didn't like it after about 7 years, and now she says she only like its when she is in the mood, but she hasn't been in the mood in the last 10 years.

Is it true that some just don't like it or is it just that Im that bad and she won't tell me, because I really injoy doing it.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Sure, I divorced one.

WTF does cleanshaven have to do with anything, though? You may have more issues than she does.

 

[izabella]

Some women don't have the big O from oral. Are you sure she comes that way?

 

[Starbuck69]

It seemed like it from the muscle spasms and the juices flowing and from her holding my head down between her legs and her legs trying to crush my head, she also told me so.

 

[izabella]

Then she's the only one who can tell you why she hasn't been in the mood in 10 years.

Maybe there's other stuff going on between you two, or in her head, that you need to understand. Oral is intimate, and it can take a while, so if she's not feeling close to you or just wants to get the sex over with, she might not be in the mood for it.

 

[Starbuck69]

When I did talk to her she got all upset because she said that she thought every thing was perfect.

And as far as getting it over with quickly that does seem to be the case, she just wants to get to the penetration part of it and very little foreplay, I have told her a few times that I want more foreplay because I want the whole love making last much longer.

 

[hogjack]

Her name was Donna. You probably know her.

Remember, we used to hang out at the West Gale Bowling Center?

 

[SweetErika]

When I did talk to her she got all upset because she said that she thought every thing was perfect.

And as far as getting it over with quickly that does seem to be the case, she just wants to get to the penetration part of it and very little foreplay, I have told her a few times that I want more foreplay because I want the whole love making last much longer.

Maybe she enjoys penetration more than anything else.

Maybe she's uptight about sex in general.

I'd guess she's not enjoying sex and likely isn't orgasming. She may have been faking during the oral to get it over with quicker.

I used to not really enjoy oral. I was self-conscious, didn't want my husband to feel obligated, and, frankly, he didn't really listen or bother to learn what was pleasureable (nor did I communicate well). I avoided it and tried to get it over with by encouraging him to come up and fuck me (didn't take much). Then, he started refusing, listening/learning, and I started communicating, and it's been great for the past few years.

It sounds like you two aren't communicating well. If you're doing what you should, and the relationship's good, she should be receptive and willing to work on your concerns (e.g. you want to extend your lovemaking). You might consider counseling for the communication, and any other underlying issues, and see if that helps with some of the sexual problems.

If oral and lots of foreplay isn't something you can live without and she's unwilling to compromise, you'll have some difficult decisions to make.

 

[M's girl]

It seemed like it from the muscle spasms and the juices flowing and from her holding my head down between her legs and her legs trying to crush my head, she also told me so.

[shrugs] .... I can do all that and have no orgasm, or even come close...

 

[Starbuck69]

I'll just have to keep talking to her and working on it, because cheating or leaving her are not even a option.

 

[M's girl]

I'll just have to keep talking to her and working on it, because cheating or leaving her are not even a option.

Wise attitude!

 

[Starbuck69]

I think so, because like I'm here to inform and be informed, and for me its mainly be informed, even though I have been with my wife for over twenty years, there are a lot of things I just dont understand, I thought I did at one time but now I understand that I must have been just in some kind of dream world, thing that I understud her and ladies, what a laugh, I dont have a clue most of the time

 

[M's girl]

I think so, because like I'm here to inform and be informed, and for me its mainly be informed, even though I have been with my wife for over twenty years, there are a lot of things I just dont understand, I thought I did at one time but now I understand that I must have been just in some kind of dream world, thing that I understud her and ladies, what a laugh, I dont have a clue most of the time

It's a mystery I suppose. Freud already concluded that a long time a ago: Was wil das weib. After all his research he was still clueless. But I'm convinced women are not the huge mysteries men think them to be. The key is always to talk to each other and tell each other what it is that you want and need. It sounds easy, simple, and yet it is not. Men and women are such different creatures on so many levels. Me? I also don't understand men most of the time. I don't understand why they sometimes do the things they do (to women) and then are surprised why it does not work well for them.

Forget everything that is stereotyped. It's you and her. So you need to find out what she wants and needs, and vice versa she needs to do the same. Only then you can come close to having a relationship that works for both of you - most of the time.

I read somewhere (article by Dutch - female - psychologist and relationship theraphyst) that people often expect far too much from a relationship, and that they should be lucky, instead, if it's working for 40%. You will always be two individuals with your own wishes, needs and expectations. Unless we all become mindreaders (and then willing to act accordingly and sacrifice big time on many levels) we need to understand we always will have to compromise and make the best of what we have and get. It's doable, though. If you realize that you get the best out of what you make of it together and things can't always be perfect, you have a much better chance on happiness.

 

[Starbuck69]

I try talking to her but she doesn't tell or show me much, I don't know if it because she is trying to protect my male ego or if its because she was brought up catholic or both, I have told her that it won't hurt my ego even thou it would but its much more import to me that I know so I can make her and me happier.

She used to be much more open but after we had a couple kids, she stopped talking to me about things in the bedroom.

I have read so many thing about marraiges not working after a long period and I dont, I wont let that happen I love her way to much for that.

She tells me that its me and that I must be going thru a mid-life thing, hell maybe I am, I dont know, Im just to the point that I want our lives to be better than great, is that wrong?

 

[izabella]

Have you ever read "His Needs, Her Needs"? I think that's the title. It talks about the different needs that men and women have in marriage relationships. It might be helpful to understand your wife a little better. There's another book, "Light Her Fire" which is even more to the point and gives you some very simple tips on how and what to communicate to your wife on a daily basis that might, well, light her fire.

Most important point of both books is that women need to feel that you think they are special outside the bedroom before they can feel special inside the bedroom. You might have extra communication work to do because of her religious background, but it can't hurt to practice some of the tips - like specifically telling her how lucky you feel to be with her, complimenting her every single day about something, telling her how you love her just as she is, etc.

 

[Starbuck69]

Yes I do tell her things like that all of the time, I also do things for her as well,
Im not sure if I have read the other thread or not so I will look it up just to make sure.

And its not just a bedroom thing, we dont spend much time together any more and when I do ask her to go out to dinner or movies or hell for that matter most of the time she says she needs to either work or clean house, that is one of the reasons why I hired two more employee's at her work and hires a maid service to clean the house every week.

Im just trying to understand more because she will not open up and tell me what is going on, she just tells me that we are older now, hell we are only 41, and the last time I check we both still have a pulse

 

[gemaussieslut]

its not to say i dont like a guy going down on me...
its just self confidence i guess?!
maybe she doesnt like the idea of it thats all - the idea of it freaks me completely! so im not particuarlly experienced with it... BUT im sure its great... I Just need to be comfortable with someone doing it and seeing me. LOL
does that make any sense
and its odd
its not like i hate giving head. LOL> its my favorite past time
so maybe she is just a bit self conscious

 

[sba]

Personaly i won't let a man go down or even near me, if
1-He smokes
2-He has yellow teeth
3-bad breath
4-false teeth

Do you suffer from any of the above list?
Assuming that you don't have any of the above,then she just don't like it period!

 

[InMyPrime]

Sure, I divorced one.

WTF does cleanshaven have to do with anything, though? You may have more issues than she does.

I think by clean shaven - he means that he does not have razor stubble that is going to be uncomfortable to her. I don't think that means he has issues -

 

[Starbuck69]

Well we both smoke, and as far as the teeth or bad breath I do brush and keep them clean, so I not sure what it has to do with going down on her, as far as being with her ie. kissing and talking yes I do agree it is very important.

And maybe she doesn't like it, and the first 7 plus years of our marriage she was just faking it I don't know that what Im trying to understand, I have tried talking to her about it and I get different answers depending on what year I ask her.

Its not that I can't live with out doing this but this is some thing that we did when we were having sex all of the time, and now it has gotten to once a month if Im lucky and she thinks there is nothing wrong with it.

I just want more of what we had when we where younger, and at times I think that Im in the wrong for just thinking or wanting more.