God Rigs Election: It's Bush In A "blowout"

[shereads]

The Topic Enforcement Police have been urged by U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft to assist with the war on terrorism by broadening this forum's topics of discussion to include the following:

• God's right to interfere in a democratic election

• faecology (the study of animal waste)

• Mars probes: are they fair to Mars

>>>subtopic: was there a U.S. plot to destroy the Beagle?

>>>subtopic: if there is life on Mars, does it have the same rights as a human fetus?

• Do multiple mentions of the words "Ashcroft" and "shoe bomb" increase the likelhood that one's internet use will be flagged for monitoring?

• Your dirty stories: porn? or erotica?

• Your other thoughts, observations and discussion challenges are welcome, assuming they don't belong in carefully topic-enforced threads such as "88888."

Discuss.

-----------------------

I'll go first, since I happen to have up-to-date information on two of the proposed topics.

In the U.S. news: religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Friday he believes God has told him President Bush will be re-elected in a "blowout" in November.

Speaking on his "700 Club" program on the Virginia Beach-based Christian Broadcasting Network, Robertson said, "I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004. It's shaping up that way."

"The Lord has just blessed him," Robertson said of Bush. "I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad, God picks him up because he's a man of prayer and God's blessing him."

The Rev. Barry W. Lynn, executive director of_Americans United for Separation of Church and State, commented, "Maybe Pat got a message from_Karl Rove and thought it was from God."

My questions: Does God have the right to get in the middle of this? Why doesn't God save America the expense and frustration of a two-party election, and just annoint Bush live on The 700 Club?

For you Biblical scholars and theologians: Is "blowout" the sort of word God might actually use when speaking to Pat Robertson? Is God trying to be "hep" and relevent here, or is this perhaps a mistranslation from the original Hebrew, comparable to calling Mary a "virgin" instead of a "young girl"?

Could God have meant "slaughter" or even "explosion," and if so, did He intend it as slang - or literally?!

Does God's advance announcement of a Bush victory mean the election is preordained, and that voters from both parties can stay home? Or is there still the possibility of an upset?

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In a recent National Geographic, University of Georgetown faecologist Martha Weiss reveals that that the common skipper catterpillar, a mere inch-and-a-half long, is capable of "firing off fecal pellets that land up to five feet away," the equivalent of a centerfielder rifling a baseball to home plate.

For Gauche: In your opinion, do faecologists fall into the category of "doers," "thinkers," or "shit shovelers"?


Here's a picture of God's voice on broadcast television ("my homeboy," saith the Lord):

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by shereads the common skipper catterpillar, a mere inch-and-a-half long, is capable of firing off fecal pellets that land up to five feet away

Dear Sh,
That's one of the most fascinating things I've ever read. I sure hope Perdita sees the item.
MG
Ps. I think P.Robertson meant "blowjob." Ashcroft is a well known tooter of the Presidential horn.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: God Rigs Election: It's Bush In A "blowout"

I sure hope Perdita sees the item.

Yes, ewe-face, I read it and I knew it would catch your faecological fetishistic fascination.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

Fact:

"Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is reason enough for anyone to watch television.

("Oh look. Patent leather on an ankle boot. For those formal hiking occasions.")

 

[Couture]

Pat ain't the only one hearing voices.

‘God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East.” George W. Bush, June 2003 in discussions with Abbas on Palistine.



"No, I don't know that Atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God". George Bush Sr., August 27, 1987

 

[minsue]

Sher, your Tolkein reference on the other thread made me think of this picture. It was my wallpaper for quite awile &, now that I've seen it again, may have to put it back.

- Mindy

 

[minsue]

Pat ain't the only one hearing voices.

‘God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East.” George W. Bush, June 2003 in discussions with Abbas on Palistine.



"No, I don't know that Atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God". George Bush Sr., August 27, 1987

Makes me so proud to be an American...

- Mindy

 

[shereads]

Frodo has failed

Brilliant, Minsue.



One ring to ruin them all.

 

[Guest]

Couture and Mindy: you've ruined my evening.

shuddering,

Perdita

 

[minsue]

Couture and Mindy: you've ruined my evening.

shuddering,

Perdita

So Sorry!!!

 

[Guest]

So Sorry!!!

No need for an apology, it was just my way of commenting on the reality of the quotes and the metaphor of the photo.

Perdita (recovering still)

 

[shereads]

Circling the wagons, so to speak

Perhaps our war on terrorism could take some lessons from nature.

In the same National Geographic article on insect faecology (see: skipper caterpillar hurls fecal pellets 5 feet, above) we learn that smyrna blomfildia caterpillars protect themselves from predatory ants by building a "frass (feces) chain."

 

[shereads]

The Laslo Letters is a book by whoever the guy was who played Father Guido Sarducci, back in the day, on SNL.

As "Laslo Toth, American," he sent letters to corporations, celebrities, politicians and bureaucracies of all sorts, and published their replies.

The Mars missions have reminded me of one of my favorite Laslo Letters. Writing to NASA about an early Mars experiement whose goal was to burn a soil sample and see whether carbon was present, Laslo complained,

"Burning a soil sample and finding carbon won't prove there is life on Mars. It will prove that there was life on Mars, and you killed it."

 

[minsue]

I haven't received one for some time, but the website below was sending daily e-mails of various lies & half truths of the Bush administration. They were often illuminating, usually disturbing & always interesting. I do hope they haven't stopped for good.

Daily Mislead

- Mindy

 

[Quasimodem]

. . . In the U.S. news: religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Friday he believes God has told him President Bush will be re-elected in a "blowout" in November. . .

I think Maths had it right.

Pat forgot that that he wasn't alone in the bed; and the hooker said "blowjob."

 

[Icingsugar]

>>>subtopic: if there is life on Mars, does it have the same rights as a human fetus?

If there is life on Mars, one of these three things will happen within a year:

1. Our buddy George appoints it the new third wheel on his Axis of Evil.
2. The Miss Universe concept goes completely down the drain.
3. Some tv network sends over a crew to film Paris Hilton herding it.

 

[Guest]

Ah ha ha, Cakesven, you've cheered me up.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: God Rigs Election: It's Bush In A "blowout"

If there is life on Mars, one of these three things will happen within a year:

1. Our buddy George appoints it the new third wheel on his Axis of Evil.
2. The Miss Universe concept goes completely down the drain.
3. Some tv network sends over a crew to film Paris Hilton herding it.

Number 1 is certainly possible, but I don't think it will happen immediately, Ice. The President will first give Mars the opportunity to establish a democratic government, possibly with on-site assistance from Condi Rice.

Number 3 goes without saying.

The Miss Universe pageant shouldn't be affected at all, though, anymore than the World Series is bothered by the existence of baseball outside the U.S. You're either in or you're out. It's not our fault if Mars girls can't get pageant sponsors.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: God Rigs Election: It's Bush In A "blowout"

I think P.Robertson meant "blowjob." Ashcroft is a well known tooter of the Presidential horn.

MG, your assumption disputes the very basis of the two-party system: Republicans get rich, Democrats get blow jobs.

 

[Edward Teach]

[B>>>subtopic: if there is life on Mars.....[/B]

If there is life on Mars, it will be okay for a while unless there is also oil on Mars. Then President Bush, guided by his keepers, will invade immediately and democratize the planet for its own good. One planet, under Haliburton, with contracts and justice for all.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I think it's all a typo. See, what it was supposed to say in the article, is that Bush thinks he is God, and he's going to rig the election next time.






Too.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Pat Robertson embodies everything that is frightening and dangerous in Christianity. Sanctimonious, judgmental, militant, and intolerant.

We're horrified at the religious fanatics who want to establish theocracies in the Middle East, and then we put up with people like him over here. He must have wet dreams at night envying the power the Mullahs have in radical Islam.

---dr.M.

 

[shereads]

We're horrified at the religious fanatics who want to establish theocracies in the Middle East, and then we put up with people like him [Pat Robertson]over here. He must have wet dreams at night envying the power the Mullahs have in radical Islam.

When the U.S. invaded Afghanistan and began exposing the abuses of the Taliban, I naively assumed that people here would make that connection and that there would be a strengthened resolve in this country to keep church and state separate.

I'm still amazed that the scales seem to have tipped the other way. As if placating the God of Christian zealots like Pat Robertson is necessary to keep Islamic zealots out of our lives.

 

[shereads]

Those scattered rocks look familiar...

I'm waiting for conspiracy theorists to notice that the surface of Mars looks an awful lot like the surface of the Moon.

 

[Guest]

Re: Those scattered rocks look familiar...