God Help Me..

[LivingDeadGirl^]

I know this will sound like a stupid question..but, I could use some advice from men primarily..


When we go to bed, my boyfriend always has a hard-on, but only sometimes initiates sex. Does a hard-on always indicate desire for sex? Or, sometimes does it mean that hes horny, but not into having sex necessarily?


I appreciate your honest input =)

 

[1stClassNiceGuy]

Nope, doesn't always mean a desire for sex.

Sometimes it can happen for no reason at all.

But, it could also be that he does want it, just only initiates sometimes because he may be worried you are gonna think he wants it all the time.

My first advice would really be to ask him about it.

 

[SweetErika]

I know this will sound like a stupid question..but, I could use some advice from men primarily..


When we go to bed, my boyfriend always has a hard-on, but only sometimes initiates sex. Does a hard-on always indicate desire for sex? Or, sometimes does it mean that hes horny, but not into having sex necessarily?


I appreciate your honest input =)

It's not a stupid question if you honestly don't know and want to learn.

Obviously I'm not a guy, nor do I play one on TV, but I have learned a fair amount of this kind of stuff after being intimate with my hubby for so long.

Your bf is having spontaneous erections. They're completely normal, "arise" from hormones, and he gets them throughout the day and night. Have you noticed how this happens when he wakes up in the morning (commonly called 'morning wood') too?

Spontaneous erections usually don't indicate men are being stimulated or aroused, and while penetration's possible, most men won't find it very comfortable. However, it is possible to provide sexual stimulation during one, and turn it into a genuine arousal erection. It's like how we can be lubricated and have sex, but that wouldn't be pleasureable without mental and other physical stimulation, though when you add mental and physical stimulation, we're ready to go and sex feels great.

Learning about your partner's body is great, and asking these types of questions can be a wonderful way to build intimacy. I'm not discouraging you from learning on your own, certainly, just suggesting he'd likely be more than happy to answer any questions like this, and probably has a million of his own about you.

Here's more info on spontaneous erections
Here are the Google results if you'd like to learn more

 

[LivingDeadGirl^]

Well, for some reason despite my usual confidence, I feel too shy to initiate sex. So, when he grinds against me when we are just going to bed, but never makes any big sex initiations, I feel a little rejected. I'm guessing someone will say I should initiate or I should talk to him about it, but I seem to be strangely repressed when it comes to this specific instance. I was kinda hoping a guy would say that if I make him hard just by cuddling that I have almost no chance of being rejected. =)

 

[felonious_monk]

As a longtime owner-user of a penis, I feel I have some area of comment that could be useful

A lot of times I get erections based purely on pleasant sensations or stimulating contact, but I won't have a drive for sex. As much fun as guys like to think they'd have about always wanting the girl to initiate sex, the honest fact is his libido may not always be as raging as his hardon. I've had it happen at least a few times.

My advice would be to be a bit communicative with him on it. Find out how much of a sexual pace he can keep, and if he's getting exactly the level of activity he'd prefer. Take all criticism in stride, remember, you're both out to enjoy each other honestly.

Another piece of advice, if he's grinding on you while he's erect, you could always initiate some deeper foreplay, or play along a little more and see how he goes with it. Who knows, the whole thing might just be a tad masturbatory on his part?

 

[LivingDeadGirl^]

This forum is like penis 101, I learn so much =)

 

[felonious_monk]

Oh, trust me, I put the little bastard through his paces. I'm sure this forum's got a few collective centuries' worth of sexual experience.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, for some reason despite my usual confidence, I feel too shy to initiate sex. So, when he grinds against me when we are just going to bed, but never makes any big sex initiations, I feel a little rejected. I'm guessing someone will say I should initiate or I should talk to him about it, but I seem to be strangely repressed when it comes to this specific instance. I was kinda hoping a guy would say that if I make him hard just by cuddling that I have almost no chance of being rejected. =)

Well, it sounds like you'd like to be a little less repressed/have the confidence to initiate sex, so this could be a good opportunity for you to take some baby steps toward that goal.

Remember, it works both ways: if you feel a little rejected when he doesn't make a move, there's a very good chance he feels the same when you don't. Most guys absolutely LOVE it when their partner initiates...they feel sexy, wanted, and needed just like we do when they seemingly have to have us.

We can give you info and ideas, but you're going to have to communicate on this one, babe. How about just telling him you'd like to learn about him, and while you love it, sometimes you get a little confused about what you should do when he cuddles with an erection. Ask if he could give you another signal if that behavior has mixed meaning, or if he'd like you to ask him what he's thinking at the time. No biggie...you can do it!

 

[felonious_monk]

Well, it sounds like you'd like to be a little less repressed/have the confidence to initiate sex, so this could be a good opportunity for you to take some baby steps toward that goal.

That's what I'm thinking. It doesn't have to be some massive sexual overture, just generally being more sexually approaching. Experiment and be playful.

I think a good attitude to have would be to play with just basic foreplay without the obligations of actual sex. Learn to enjoy the situation without the pressure of it being like a point game. Remember, this is sex, which is, like, the most totally awesomest thing ever. So, you should enjoy it right?

 

[SweetErika]

That's what I'm thinking. It doesn't have to be some massive sexual overture, just generally being more sexually approaching. Experiment and be playful.

I think a good attitude to have would be to play with just basic foreplay without the obligations of actual sex. Learn to enjoy the situation without the pressure of it being like a point game. Remember, this is sex, which is, like, the most totally awesomest thing ever. So, you should enjoy it right?

Good thoughts. Welcome, BTW!

I recall having similar issues with my hubby...it's tough to know when it's spontaneous vs. arousal just because he's near me vs. he's looking to start something. After this long, we have nonverbal signals and freely initiate and decline if we miss those, but we definitely had misunderstandings that were only worked out through communication and time.

 

[A_Kefka]

He may or may not want sex, (if he is grinding against you its a definate possibility). The only way to find out for sure is to make a move or ask.

If he does want to have sex, he may not be saying so if he thinks you don't. Since everyone thinks that women don't want it as much as men (not always true, luckily), he may not be initiating things even if he wants to because he doesn't want to make you think that sex is all he cares about, always asking you for it.

I know for me, just because I get hard it doesn't mean that I want sex, although I'd get into it pretty quickly if a partner started things. So if you want it, try it. Even if he wasn't thinking it at first, he probably will like that you got things going.

 

[human_male]

I think you should feel totally confident about yourself, and your sex appeal. The answer to your question though, is technically no. The penis has a mind of it's own. But that said he probably wants it all the time anyway. And I certainly doubt you'd have to worry about him rejecting you unless he's some sort of religious nut or a jerk. But I understand that even women who've been married for years feel the same way.

You may also have noticed the morning erection. That doesn't mean sexy dreams or anything. I think that's just a fluctuation in hormone levels during sleep.

But I certainly think you should just go for it.

Party on.

 

[uksilverlining]

Well, for some reason despite my usual confidence, I feel too shy to initiate sex. So, when he grinds against me when we are just going to bed, but never makes any big sex initiations, I feel a little rejected. I'm guessing someone will say I should initiate or I should talk to him about it, but I seem to be strangely repressed when it comes to this specific instance. I was kinda hoping a guy would say that if I make him hard just by cuddling that I have almost no chance of being rejected. =)

I agree with what's been said so far, us guys do get an erection for no reason at all, though getting into bed with a woman, particularly if you are brushing against each other, would very likely raise one for me. Maybe then just some subtle half cuddle, half rubbing movements of your body against his will let him know you've spotted the erection and maybe like to get further acquainted with it It does seem like a confidence thing with both of you, so slow and easy does it, build up the confidence together.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well, for some reason despite my usual confidence, I feel too shy to initiate sex. So, when he grinds against me when we are just going to bed, but never makes any big sex initiations, I feel a little rejected. I'm guessing someone will say I should initiate or I should talk to him about it, but I seem to be strangely repressed when it comes to this specific instance. I was kinda hoping a guy would say that if I make him hard just by cuddling that I have almost no chance of being rejected. =)

Well I've been known to get a spontaneous erection or two in my day, some times from simple friction and nothing overtly arousing. However, if he's grinding on you and getting an erection, I would bet thats a sign of arousal. So why doesn't he go farther? He might be trying to send you a signal and hoping htat you'll take the next step. This could be that he wants you to initiate or it could be him not wanting to seem like a total horn dog trying to have sex every night.

Don't feel rejected, feel empowered. It sounds to me like he's offering you a chance to initiate in a situation that is safe. Of course I can't offer you a 100% guarantee that he won't say no, but as a guy I can tell you that if I am grinding against my wife with a hardon in bed, chances are I'm not going to turn down sex. A hard on isn't a true signal, but grinding on you is a big signal. IMO.

Good Luck!

 

[EJFan]

Well, for some reason despite my usual confidence, I feel too shy to initiate sex. So, when he grinds against me when we are just going to bed, but never makes any big sex initiations, I feel a little rejected. I'm guessing someone will say I should initiate or I should talk to him about it, but I seem to be strangely repressed when it comes to this specific instance. I was kinda hoping a guy would say that if I make him hard just by cuddling that I have almost no chance of being rejected. =)

LDG... i used to be the same way. very extroverted but repressed when it came to discussing sex in the confines of a relationship. that changed when i wound up in a relationship with someone who was even more quiet about sex than i was. then i realized how much of a strain it is on a relationship for one partner to be so close-mouthed.

try your best to start a dialogue... you'll both wind up happier and it's not as stressful as you might imagine to open up. just give it a chance.

 

[LivingDeadGirl^]

Dang, I couldn't have asked for better advice from ya'll. I'm impressed. I'll definately take everyones advice. I've only had one other boyfriend, and he was extremely assertive regarding sex, so I really never learned the skills of initiating, as there was almost never a time when he wasn't trying to initiate himself. Funny how that annoyed me, and now I have the exact opposite situation. Karma I guess.

 

[LukkyKnight]

I suggest you reach out and grab his cock. If he starts pretending to be asleep you can assume he's not up for intimate sexual play. If his reaction seems ambiguous try giving it a minute or two of oral stimulation, and if it's still not clear but YOU are interested sit on his face.

 

[only_more_so]

There is a definate difference between being erect and being horny. Sometimes I am incredibly horny, but am not erect (but would be given an ounce of encouragement). Other times I am erect and just not horny.

If you are in doubt as to which it is with your boyfriend, ask him. Or if you are in the mood and he isn't putting on the moves, just go for it. Being a guy, I know it is a turnon to have a girl wanting sex from me.

 

[Naked Blade]

I agree with LukkyKnight - just reach out & grab his cock - then if he's hesitant talk to him about it. Communication is underrated as a sex toy!

 

[uksilverlining]

Dang, I couldn't have asked for better advice from ya'll. I'm impressed. I'll definately take everyones advice. I've only had one other boyfriend, and he was extremely assertive regarding sex, so I really never learned the skills of initiating, as there was almost never a time when he wasn't trying to initiate himself. Funny how that annoyed me, and now I have the exact opposite situation. Karma I guess.

Good luck!

 

[lost5pints]

I know this will sound like a stupid question..but, I could use some advice from men primarily..


When we go to bed, my boyfriend always has a hard-on, but only sometimes initiates sex. Does a hard-on always indicate desire for sex? Or, sometimes does it mean that hes horny, but not into having sex necessarily?


I appreciate your honest input =)

hey, i dotn know if this helps or not, but my husband gets hard ALL the time. if hes the least bit tired he gets what we call 'a sleepy stiffy' not necessarily that hes horny, just that hes tired. seriously. pretty much every night, and definately during that half awake half asleep time if we're in the car and im driving.. if sex is initiated when hes got a 'sleepy stiffy' sometimes, it takes forEVER for him to cum.


crap,i just noticed that im signed on under his sn.. lol, oh well.. thsi is L5P's wife {5PHF}

 

[Bono13]

I didn't read all the posts, so forgive if I'm just repeating something already mentioned.

As has been posted a hard-on can occur quite often without arousal. But since you say yourself that you don't like initiating sex, your boyfriend might sometimes be experiencing something that happens to me sometimes:

Sometimes I am horny and actually do feel like having sex but I'm in a bit of a lazy mood or a bit tired. In such a situation, I don't want to make the effort of initializing sex, awakening the arousal of my girl and generally doing all the "work". In such a situation it would be wonderful to be more passive during sex (at least initially). When my girl starts with giving me a hand- or blowjob and then maybe rides me, I usually really get into it and automatically start being more active myself and in the end it's very rewarding for both of us.

So, maybe you should consider this (or something similar) as a possibility.

 

[Norajane]

Well, for some reason despite my usual confidence, I feel too shy to initiate sex. So, when he grinds against me when we are just going to bed, but never makes any big sex initiations, I feel a little rejected. I'm guessing someone will say I should initiate or I should talk to him about it, but I seem to be strangely repressed when it comes to this specific instance. I was kinda hoping a guy would say that if I make him hard just by cuddling that I have almost no chance of being rejected. =)

How is grinding his hard penis against you NOT initiating sex? What more do you want him to do? He might feel rejected when he grinds against you and you don't respond, so then he drops the whole things and goes to sleep.

 

[LivingDeadGirl^]

Bleh, I'm apparently too stupid to quote people, but good point Norajane. In my limited experience, I guess I'm oblivious to all but the most obvious signals.

I think that Bono13 hit it on the head, he most likely gives up and goes to sleep if I don't catch on within a few minutes.

Thanks again guys, I've been all over him like a cheap suit lately...it's been way more fun that usual.

 

[A_Kefka]

Glad to hear you opened up a bit and are enjoying things.