Gnome Care

[sirhugs]

As I am wont to do, I made a typo in another thread spelling "home care". It came out "gome care". My brain read it "gnome care". I fixed the typo but now wonder what a story called Gnome Care would be all about...

 

[NewOldGuy77]

A mid-30s mom works from home and lives in a beautiful home in a desirable suburban neighborhood. She's obsessed with the aesthetics of her outdoor space and spends too much time and money on it. One weekend, she buys a three-foot-high garden gnome she spots for sale at a roadside farm stand.

During her weeding the next day, the gnome comes to life. He startles the hell out of her when she notices him aggressively weeding next to her. He explains that her skimpy attire and sex appeal triggered his magic, and once she gets over her shock and disbelief, she is fascinated by his incredible gifts for landscaping. He tells her he has two brothers like him and suggests she go to the farm stand and get them.

She returns, buys the other two, and finds they all operate similarly. If she dresses provocatively enough, they come to life and help in a big way.

Each time the mischievous gnomes animate, however, they require just a little bit more to bring them to life the next time...and they also need a little more to turn them back into lawn gnomes instead of magical landscapers.

Soon, she has the most fantastic front and backyards in the neighborhood, but she also has a gnome problem. Once you start them up, they never stop. Day after day. Her husband comes home early from work and finds the four of them in the backyard - his bikini-clad wife being hosed down by the laughing gnomes as they clean her up. At first he's shocked, but then he's amazed to watch them one by one revert to inanimate lawn gnomes once his wife has done exactly what each perverted one demands.

Damn, that’s brilliant!

 

[LiverpoolMaster]

Here in the UK it would certainly come under the National Elf Service... that is, provided the Tory bastards haven't privatised it...