Give up Your Power

[Shadowsdream]

Lust to play the BDSM games with a curious passion to experiment can be the destruction of the reality that could have been Yours. Soften those eyes for just a moment and be fooled into declaring Your love as Dominance. Give up Your power to compensate anothers view of who they will recreate You to be will undermine your honesty in who You thought You were.
Then ask Yourself why any submissive should or could over time believe in Your control. The power struggle would never end. The strength that was the attraction now becomes no more than what could be found in sex chat or role play. Tie me up...tie me down....roll over... i own You now.
Didn't the submissive/slave choose this lifestyle because he or she NEEDED to give up that control. Now through Your submission to Dominate at their convenience and how they dictate You single handedly have taken their comfort and thrown the control back into their faces...for what? A moment of D/s play couched in the language of love?
Think about it. How can You have it both ways?

Another thoughtful conversation to expand the mind of Dominants and submissive. Will Y/you join Me?

 

[Merelan]

I have read this over and over, and apologize. But I am not quite sure what you are saying here.

I keep reading manipulation... manipulation. Maybe I need more coffee.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I have read this over and over, and apologize. But I am not quite sure what you are saying here.

I keep reading manipulation... manipulation. Maybe I need more coffee.

Hello Merelan..nice to see you here in this conversation.

Actually the bigger issue than manipulation is freely and conciously giving up the control. It is a choice to allow it to slip through Our fingers and excuse it for something else.
In some relationships it is the perfect answer. My question in the abstract also asks IF the sub/slave began the relationship BECAUSE of the dynamics of BDSM is it fair in the long run to add the confusion of allowing Ourselves to be controlled.
If the answer is yes..and there is nothing wrong with that answer...is it also not fair and honest to call it what it is?
Also couched in that dialogue is *why* would the sub/slave wish to remain in that relationship long term once they realized that they were in fact controlling it?
There are many questions if one can relate to them. No answer is right or wrong...what is right or wrong is the honesty in which they are answered to Ourselves.

Thank you for asking for clarification..and if I have further muddles it please ask again..and again and again! ~~grin~~

 

[TheWanderer]

Hmmmmm...

Actually the bigger issue than manipulation is freely and conciously giving up the control. It is a choice to allow it to slip through Our fingers and excuse it for something else.
In some relationships it is the perfect answer. My question in the abstract also asks IF the sub/slave began the relationship BECAUSE of the dynamics of BDSM is it fair in the long run to add the confusion of allowing Ourselves to be controlled.
If the answer is yes..and there is nothing wrong with that answer...is it also not fair and honest to call it what it is?
Also couched in that dialogue is *why* would the sub/slave wish to remain in that relationship long term once they realized that they were in fact controlling it?
There are many questions if one can relate to them. No answer is right or wrong...what is right or wrong is the honesty in which they are answered to Ourselves.

I believe the question(s) makes sense to me, and while I'm hesitant to offer my answer due to my inexperience as a Dom, the story of The Emperor's New Clothes keeps coming to mind, where the babe spoke the truth..

I've come to the conclusion that some facets of the D/s exchange are illusionary. For two people who truly feel the Dom/sub roles and want to give to each other - they are, in fact, doing the same thing, albeit from different roles. The sub gives out of love, no less does the Dom. Both want to please each other, but the D simply makes it more of a challenge so the sub can more deeply relish in the achievement. Meanwhile, the Dom wants to give to his partner as deeply, but that role comes from the strength, from the control. Trust, love, compassion, forgiveness... all the things that make up D/s are identical, but the steps of the dance are uniquely and diametrically opposite.

In a deeper sense, isn't it always going to be true that the sub will have control over the Dom? Sure, we aren't going to come right out and tell them that, heh... but let's face it, if the person you cherish gives you the loving gaze that melts your heart, and makes you want to pleasure them so well - are you any less held than your partner who's bound and/or chained? :j

It sounds to me that you've come to that realization and see it as a stumbling block. To me, it's a stepping stone in my mind - knowing that both partners have a measure of control of each other. Know what the difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block is?

Perspective. That's it. Nothing more.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to acknowledge your feelings about this, and realize your sub/slave ultimately wants... no, needs to feel controlled. They need to feel the ability to ask permission, to please, to be loved and cherished like the treasure they truly are. Just by accepting their gift, by giving them what they want - yes, even it self-troubling moments like this - you allow that person to feel deeply fulfilled.

Don't forget the 'big picture' in it all - sometimes you just have to smile at the details and focus on what's really going on, above and beyond the details. Don't dismiss your concerns, either, but if it troubles the dynamic within TPE, then discuss it with your partner they way you would anything else important.

Again, just my 3¢ here - Oklahoma taxes are somewhat high...

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Hmmmmm...

I believe the question(s) makes sense to me, and while I'm hesitant to offer my answer due to my inexperience as a Dom, the story of The Emperor's New Clothes keeps coming to mind, where the babe spoke the truth..

I've come to the conclusion that some facets of the D/s exchange are illusionary. For two people who truly feel the Dom/sub roles and want to give to each other - they are, in fact, doing the same thing, albeit from different roles. The sub gives out of love, no less does the Dom. Both want to please each other, but the D simply makes it more of a challenge so the sub can more deeply relish in the achievement. Meanwhile, the Dom wants to give to his partner as deeply, but that role comes from the strength, from the control. Trust, love, compassion, forgiveness... all the things that make up D/s are identical, but the steps of the dance are uniquely and diametrically opposite.

**** actually all D/s relationships do not begin with love..some never get to love...and many thrive for a lifetime on mutual respect and needs.
In a deep long term D/s relationship very little is based on illusion, but the needs compliment and feed each other. A magic of kink, respect, empathy and honesty can be more than enough to hold many in a D/s relationship for a lifetime. Of course many relationships will also enter the realm of love and add another dimension of joy and passion. The D/s dance is about give and take...and take and give.

In a deeper sense, isn't it always going to be true that the sub will have control over the Dom? Sure, we aren't going to come right out and tell them that, heh... but let's face it, if the person you cherish gives you the loving gaze that melts your heart, and makes you want to pleasure them so well - are you any less held than your partner who's bound and/or chained? :j

****No the sub does not always have the control. But yes, another way of putting it is that without the sub there is no Dom/me. Which does not stop that sub or that Dom/me from finding the partner that gives up control to recieve control or vice versa. W/we are bound to each other...IF...W/we are the right combination of people..not necessarily love or kink.

It sounds to me that you've come to that realization and see it as a stumbling block. To me, it's a stepping stone in my mind - knowing that both partners have a measure of control of each other. Know what the difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block is?

****I am in a long term (3year) Mistress/slave relationship 24/7 skin to skin. I have no doubts about My relationship. No stumbling blocks in it.

Perspective. That's it. Nothing more.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to acknowledge your feelings about this, and realize your sub/slave ultimately wants... no, needs to feel controlled. They need to feel the ability to ask permission, to please, to be loved and cherished like the treasure they truly are. Just by accepting their gift, by giving them what they want - yes, even it self-troubling moments like this - you allow that person to feel deeply fulfilled.

**** I am not looking for advice but I do thank you for your concern and the time you took to help Me when you read My post in that way. You will find that many and even most subs do NEED to give up control..and in real life they are given the opportunity to ask permission for any needs they have.

Don't forget the 'big picture' in it all - sometimes you just have to smile at the details and focus on what's really going on, above and beyond the details. Don't dismiss your concerns, either, but if it troubles the dynamic within TPE, then discuss it with your partner they way you would anything else important.

****thank you for joining the conversation and I certainly do look forward to watching Your journey into this lifestyle/lovestyle. It is an amazing place to be.

Again, just my 3¢ here - Oklahoma taxes are somewhat high...

 

[MissTaken]

Does a Dom/me lose or give control when they love their sub?

Is that where we are going with this?

If not, it is a question I am interested in discussing.

In my mind, love is about giving over trust, your heart, your thoiughts and feelings....hence, control, to one degree or another.

I know, I am a hopeless romantic!

 

[WriterDom]

If we turn in our bibles to Ephesians we see that not only can love coexist with bdsm, but it is the way things are meant to be:


Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

 

[MissTaken]

If we turn in our bibles to Ephesians we see that not only can love coexist with bdsm, but it is the way things are meant to be:


Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

And Christ died on the cross for his love.



So, do you give up control by loving your sub?

 

[TheWanderer]

Does a Dom/me lose or give control when they love their sub?
Is that where we are going with this?
If not, it is a question I am interested in discussing.
In my mind, love is about giving over trust, your heart, your thoiughts and feelings....hence, control, to one degree or another.
I know, I am a hopeless romantic!

Then count me in as well, MsT.

But as ShadowsDream so skillfully pointed out, love does not necessarily equal D/s. Just as S&M <> D/s, same with B&D. Sure, very often they are all intertwined, there's no denying that.

In a loving D/s relationship, yes, there is always some degree of control exchanged by both parties, just on a much deeper level than a 'nilla relationship. There has to be.

Now, is that the same *kind* of control as the control used in being Dominant in the life of your partner? Not really. That's just the aspect of a love-based relationship. Any time you allow another person to make you feel a certain way, you give them a measure of control of you - even if you hate your neighbor, there's nothing they can really do to MAKE you hate them, it's your choice.

Same goes for a relationship - you allow control of your emotions to be given to another person, even if you are the Dominant. However, to *exercise* control is bringing out their submissive tendencies, that's an independent dynamic, but both are no less real or valid.

 

[Lancecastor]

Hey....

....stranger, long time no post.

I've read all three of your current thread-starters.

They all sound like they have a common theme to me.

So I'll respond here because this thread has more posts to it.

On your musings about the role of "need"....I think each of us needs, and needs to be needed, in differing ways.

A good relationship between two is one in which among other things the flow of need and needing is understood by and feels natural to each.

Even a co-dependant or dysfunctional relationship has a matched need.

So, while a matching of complimentary needs is desirable, it must work within a balanced, healthy framework that empowers both or the need and hence the relationship becomes destructive & toxic to one or both.

I think this latter thought extends into comment on your post about how the realities of life outside the relationship can seem to impinge upon or create conflict within the relationship.

And I think it also addresses about 80% of all the D/s relationship threads that wind up in one way or another complaining about how subs do or don't do that and D's do or don't do enough of this or that.

Power exchange occurs in vanilla relationships as well as in D/s...vanillas just don't talk about it 24/7.

I think any healthy relationship includes a mutual awareness of the give and take each brings to the table.

Otherwise, as you suggest, it's just about sex, or sharing living expenses or accumulating assets...and we've all seen relationships like that sputter and fail eventually.

I see most of the things you speak about as being mostly about the magic and awareness of two for and with each other.

Lance

 

[Lancecastor]

The Reverend Writer "Flogger" Dom

If we turn in our bibles to Ephesians we see that not only can love coexist with bdsm, but it is the way things are meant to be:


Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

I was married once and the word "obey" was included in the vows.....but it didn't work, Reverend Dom.....she didn't always obey me, nor did she submit to head as Ephesians commands.

Forgive me, Reverend, for she was a sinner against the word.

 

[MissTaken]

I do believe that much of the power exchange and dynamics of affection and love in any healthy relationship are exclusive of the parameters of D/s.

Mutual need, mutual respect, open communication and trust are all elements of solid D/s relationships.

Hell, they re components of any good relationship?

 

[WriterDom]

In the words of Gibran,

"And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. "

Sure, if you have a play partner/fuck buddy that love enters into, it can definitely change the dynamics. But if you see your life as a spiritual journey, the synergy of a loving bdsm relationship completes rather than divides both the Dom and the sub.

I think you've had other threads about the incompatibility of love and bdsm. Love can wreck the train, not only in a bdsm relationship, but in a nilla one as well. But it doesn't have to be that way.

 

[MissTaken]

Agreed, WD.

 

[pierced_boy]

WD this is a good start but

What you write makes sense. However, how many seek something more than a transient experience? Many in my observation.

Is it about spirtualism/synergy or connection and commitment in either "ds or vanilla"

The main reason there are lawyers is to separate people from each other.

The ups and downs of folk are probably more about the participants and the social environment than the "style". Spirtitualism nor synergy replace real connection and commitment although the latter may cramp "style".

from a "stylist" at heart

H

 

[li'a-wahine]

my thoughts

~in a D/s relationship, can the lines be bllurred or changed whenever?~~

From my own perspective, no.
In a D/s relationship, the lines HAVE to be clear, that is the foundation of what it is You have. Rules can be changed, things can be agreed apon between the 2, but it is still up to the Master/Mistress to decide apon the change. Mostly things do not. A submissive comes into this life (D/s) for that reason. Goes through training, learns the protocal, and needs that Dom/me to be in control at all times. It would be a scary thing for that sub to see her Master unsure about HImself.

~~the question of love in D/s~~

I say that yes, there can be LOTS of LOVE in a D/s relationship. but the love I speak of will not soften the hand of the Master, of make the sub choosy about when she would or wouldn't obey. The love that is there would make the lines even clearer in my opinion. example, I am tired, its been a long day, when serving dinner, I am sullen, and even let out a sigh. Now, my Master loves me alot, should He let that go as "my poor pet is very tired, she should just sit and I will get my own things, and I'll let this go because I love her so........heck NO. BECAUSE he loves me, and understands what is needed, I will be punished for my behaviour. Yes, my day can be taken in to concideration, along with my sudden apology I stated after I relized my tiredness had shown through. But if He had let it go, the lines would have become blurred instantly. IJ wouldn't have decided to become testy, but my feeling of security would have been jepordized, and I might start to doubt that He could care for me in the way I need..

OH my, I have typed a lot today, lol......hope this is what you were looking for Ma'am.

lia

 

[zipman]

<snip>Didn't the submissive/slave choose this lifestyle because he or she NEEDED to give up that control. Now through Your submission to Dominate at their convenience and how they dictate You single handedly have taken their comfort and thrown the control back into their faces...for what? A moment of D/s play couched in the language of love?
Think about it. How can You have it both ways?

Another thoughtful conversation to expand the mind of Dominants and submissive. Will Y/you join Me?

God, there are so many things that I want to comment on in this thread, but I will start here!

The assumption up here is that a Dom/me does submit to dominate at their convenience. This is another dangerous trap that is easy to fall into when beginning the lifestyle as a Dom/me, even if it is not 24/7.

My sub is also my girlfriend. Our relationship began as a nilla relationship and as I introduced her to this lifestyle her enjoyment of it has increased with every passing day. There have been many threads about control, and who really has it, the Dom/me or the sub.

Up unitl the relationship begins, the sub has all of the control. Without their submission the Dom/me has nothing. Once submission has been given, the Dom/me then has the majority of the control. They have to have the control in order for the deepest forms of Domination and Submission to occur. If as a Dom I dominate at my subs convenience, then I am being topped from the bottom, period! A submissive wants and needs to submit to the desires of another. Even if she wants instant gratification and thinks she wants domination at her convenience, the sub will soon be bored exactly because it is at her convenience. And as a Dom, there are times when I do want to please my sub when she wants it because I do love her deeply and passionately! It can often be a struggle to not please them when they want to be dominated. But that is where self-control for the Dom/me becomes crucial.

The greatest pleasure a sub should get from BDSM is the pleasure of truly submitting. When I look into my subs face when she is experiencing this, she literally is glowing, and there is a light that shines from her face. My greatest pleasure from BDSM is not an orgasm, but enjoying that look of sheer happiness on my subs face after she has submitted well. This is the "magic" and this is why I choose this lifestyle. Without this element which I will call "the purity of a BDSM moment" it is just kinky sex to me, and as much as I love it, it is not enough for me.

But a strong Dom/me that does not succumb to providing their sub with instant gratification and chooses the more difficult path of withholding this from them will be rewarded with a better sub, a better relationship and a much stronger pychological bond with their sub.

Sorry for the long post SD. The topic and discussion motivated me.

 

[Grvdigger]

applause

Zipman....perfectly said. I agree completely.

 

[TheWanderer]

But a strong Dom/me that does not succumb to providing their sub with instant gratification and chooses the more difficult path of withholding this from them will be rewarded with a better sub, a better relationship and a much stronger pychological bond with their sub.

...and this is why I come here.

Thank you, Zip, there's nothing I enjoy more at this point than insight into the dynamics from those already in the lifestyle.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Does a Dom/me lose or give control when they love their sub?

Is that where we are going with this?

If not, it is a question I am interested in discussing.

In my mind, love is about giving over trust, your heart, your thoiughts and feelings....hence, control, to one degree or another.

I know, I am a hopeless romantic!

A Dom/me need not allow love to change their degree of control. The real issue is perhaps can the Dominant balance the love with the control..as deeply as they did when the sub found their safety and magic in their arms.
All couples are completely different..some begin with love and find D/s together or persue it because their partner desires it. To save the relationship. Many relationships full of love cannot continue because one of the partners needs BDSM to feel fullfilled.
The answer can only be found for each person when they ask themselves what is the REAL need (long term) love? BDSM? both? can you be happy giving up the BDSM for love? Giving up the love for BDSM?
Both partners must be on the same wave length.

 

[Shadowsdream]

In the words of Gibran,

"And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. "

Sure, if you have a play partner/fuck buddy that love enters into, it can definitely change the dynamics. But if you see your life as a spiritual journey, the synergy of a loving bdsm relationship completes rather than divides both the Dom and the sub.

I think you've had other threads about the incompatibility of love and bdsm. Love can wreck the train, not only in a bdsm relationship, but in a nilla one as well. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Actually I do not feel that love and BDSM are incompatible...nothing in life has to be any way. That is reality. What I do believe is that BDSM that leads with the heart will often suffer because the Dominant begins to soften.
Love is the essence of a long term compatibility, joy, magic...what heaven is made of. It is the icing on the BDSM cake...but if the substance of the cake is missing the icing begins to slide.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Give up Your Power

God, there are so many things that I want to comment on in this thread, but I will start here!

The assumption up here is that a Dom/me does submit to dominate at their convenience. This is another dangerous trap that is easy to fall into when beginning the lifestyle as a Dom/me, even if it is not 24/7.

My sub is also my girlfriend. Our relationship began as a nilla relationship and as I introduced her to this lifestyle her enjoyment of it has increased with every passing day. There have been many threads about control, and who really has it, the Dom/me or the sub.

Up unitl the relationship begins, the sub has all of the control. Without their submission the Dom/me has nothing. Once submission has been given, the Dom/me then has the majority of the control. They have to have the control in order for the deepest forms of Domination and Submission to occur. If as a Dom I dominate at my subs convenience, then I am being topped from the bottom, period! A submissive wants and needs to submit to the desires of another. Even if she wants instant gratification and thinks she wants domination at her convenience, the sub will soon be bored exactly because it is at her convenience. And as a Dom, there are times when I do want to please my sub when she wants it because I do love her deeply and passionately! It can often be a struggle to not please them when they want to be dominated. But that is where self-control for the Dom/me becomes crucial.

The greatest pleasure a sub should get from BDSM is the pleasure of truly submitting. When I look into my subs face when she is experiencing this, she literally is glowing, and there is a light that shines from her face. My greatest pleasure from BDSM is not an orgasm, but enjoying that look of sheer happiness on my subs face after she has submitted well. This is the "magic" and this is why I choose this lifestyle. Without this element which I will call "the purity of a BDSM moment" it is just kinky sex to me, and as much as I love it, it is not enough for me.

But a strong Dom/me that does not succumb to providing their sub with instant gratification and chooses the more difficult path of withholding this from them will be rewarded with a better sub, a better relationship and a much stronger pychological bond with their sub.

Sorry for the long post SD. The topic and discussion motivated me.

Thank You Zip..

You have seen clearly the intent of this conversation. To show the complexities of a D/s relationship..why they begin..how to keep or lose them. To truly find your magic is not an easy task. To lose it is as simple as taking what seems to be the easy way out and folding to the instant needs of the sub. It is the Dominant that will be watching the door swing as their sub walks away to find what they thought they had in many cases.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: WD this is a good start but

What you write makes sense. However, how many seek something more than a transient experience? Many in my observation.

Is it about spirtualism/synergy or connection and commitment in either "ds or vanilla"

The main reason there are lawyers is to separate people from each other.

The ups and downs of folk are probably more about the participants and the social environment than the "style". Spirtitualism nor synergy replace real connection and commitment although the latter may cramp "style".

from a "stylist" at heart

H

Agreed..if they NEED the D/s and the control...and the Dominant keeps it and the sub gives it up...both will remain in their heaven. If one shirks their responsibility the other will become unhappy.
Love should strengthen not weaken the relationship.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Hey....

....stranger, long time no post.

I've read all three of your current thread-starters.

They all sound like they have a common theme to me.

So I'll respond here because this thread has more posts to it.

On your musings about the role of "need"....I think each of us needs, and needs to be needed, in differing ways.

***undeniable..and the needs need to be compatible and consistant to remain believable in D/s.

A good relationship between two is one in which among other things the flow of need and needing is understood by and feels natural to each.

***as You know by now My posts come from My 24/7 head space ~~grin~~ and to have reached this place there needs to be an honest ebb and flow of TPE.

Even a co-dependant or dysfunctional relationship has a matched need.

***agreed

So, while a matching of complimentary needs is desirable, it must work within a balanced, healthy framework that empowers both or the need and hence the relationship becomes destructive & toxic to one or both.

***agreed

I think this latter thought extends into comment on your post about how the realities of life outside the relationship can seem to impinge upon or create conflict within the relationship.

And I think it also addresses about 80% of all the D/s relationship threads that wind up in one way or another complaining about how subs do or don't do that and D's do or don't do enough of this or that.

***which is why a D/s relationship must begin in honesty and when or if change needs to occur it should be a matter for communication and not manipulation. Do You agree?

Power exchange occurs in vanilla relationships as well as in D/s...vanillas just don't talk about it 24/7.

I think any healthy relationship includes a mutual awareness of the give and take each brings to the table.

Otherwise, as you suggest, it's just about sex, or sharing living expenses or accumulating assets...and we've all seen relationships like that sputter and fail eventually.

I see most of the things you speak about as being mostly about the magic and awareness of two for and with each other.

Lance

Hello Lance and welcome to the conversation.

How well put are these observations! And from an angle all Your own. The depth and need must be dual in My opinion for the value to reach its full potential.

***I see most of the things you speak about as being mostly about the magic and awareness of two for and with each other.***

Now this sentence really speaks to who I am and My beliefs..each half makes the whole...one on each side of the whip.

Thank You so much for adding Your voice and thoughts to a conversation that makes U/us all think.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: my thoughts

~in a D/s relationship, can the lines be bllurred or changed whenever?~~

From my own perspective, no.
In a D/s relationship, the lines HAVE to be clear, that is the foundation of what it is You have. Rules can be changed, things can be agreed apon between the 2, but it is still up to the Master/Mistress to decide apon the change. Mostly things do not. A submissive comes into this life (D/s) for that reason. Goes through training, learns the protocal, and needs that Dom/me to be in control at all times. It would be a scary thing for that sub to see her Master unsure about HImself.

~~the question of love in D/s~~

I say that yes, there can be LOTS of LOVE in a D/s relationship. but the love I speak of will not soften the hand of the Master, of make the sub choosy about when she would or wouldn't obey. The love that is there would make the lines even clearer in my opinion. example, I am tired, its been a long day, when serving dinner, I am sullen, and even let out a sigh. Now, my Master loves me alot, should He let that go as "my poor pet is very tired, she should just sit and I will get my own things, and I'll let this go because I love her so........heck NO. BECAUSE he loves me, and understands what is needed, I will be punished for my behaviour. Yes, my day can be taken in to concideration, along with my sudden apology I stated after I relized my tiredness had shown through. But if He had let it go, the lines would have become blurred instantly. IJ wouldn't have decided to become testy, but my feeling of security would have been jepordized, and I might start to doubt that He could care for me in the way I need..

OH my, I have typed a lot today, lol......hope this is what you were looking for Ma'am.

lia

you have spoken from your heart and showed U/us all how love, respect and need dictate that the Dominant does not lose their focus.
A submissive that is looking for more than weekend play needs the rules, structure and control of the relationship that makes them feel protected, cherished and valuable. They wish to serve not be served.
Lots of love added to the dynamics is euphoria to both parties.
It is always so nice to have your point of view in My conversations.
Thank you