Give me some feedback please

[Lyndon]

I'd just like to know what you liked, what you hated, what you'd like to see happen, what you wouldn't like to see happen, and anything else you may have to say. Thanks
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=79462
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=79824


Lyndon

 

[English Lady]

Ok first chapter1

I found that really the first 6 paragraphs were pretty useless. you could have just started with you being in the nurses cubical and explained the background there.

Weights/heights/bra size don't use em*L*(ok I can onyl speak for myself but they detract from a story for me)


The idea is a fairly decent one, but the actual act seemed to be almost brushed over. It needed more description, more detail to bring the reader into it.


Overall i would say this was an average story which with a bit of work could be much better.

Chapter two

More to the point(which i liked) I did enjoy the awkward interation part of this story. It fleshed outthe charactersa little more.

Again i felt the actual sex scene was rushed, more detail and description would bring the whole scene alve.


overall, i wouldn't have read these if they were not up for feedback,next time you write, go over and over your work(even get soemone else to read it over for you as well) and cut out unneccessary parts and extend the sex scenes!

Hope this proves helpful to you, if you need someone to read over any future stories give me a shout and i'll do it for you.

 

[Lyndon]

thank you