Girlfriend problems...advice appreciated

[Guest]

I'll try to make a long story short...

For the past several weeks, things haven't seemed right between me and my girlfriend, and everytime I asked her what was bothering her she said she was just tired or feeling stressed and things like that ( she does have A LOT of issues in her life at the moment).

A few days ago she said nothing in her life was going right, and I said, "at least we have each other". I'm sure you can guess her answer to that. So basically she caught me off-guard, as I thought "we" were great. But we have some issues to deal with...normal type stuff, but stuff that needs to be addressed.

Anyways, she said she has too much going on in her life right now and doesn't have the energy to deal with these. I asked her where do we go from here? Is it over? She said it's not necessarily over, and she said she just needs some "time". I totally understand and respect that, and told her to take all the time she needed. I would leave the ball in her court...I wouldn't contact her, and if and when she was ready, she could contact me.

So, after saying all that, my question is this...Did I do the right thing?? I want to give her the space she said she needs, but I don't want her to think I'm abandoning her when her life is so stressed. I would appreciate your advice. Some of the stress in her life right now...her dad has been diagnosed with cancer, her ex is forcing her out of her house, she just got in a car accident, and they cut her hours at work (that's most of them).

I care deeply about her and her. Thanks for listening.

 

[Aquila]

Dude hate to be harsh, but once this happens its best to break it off clean and be thankfull for the good times. nothing is quite as painfull as dragging out a relationship with someone who really doesnt care anymore. and from how you describe it, dude its over.

 

[Lancecastor]

Find someone younger and prettier immediately.

Be seen with her.

Sit back and wait.

Either way, you have a grrl.

Anything else is folly.

 

[jload]

I'll try to make a long story short...

For the past several weeks, things haven't seemed right between me and my girlfriend, and everytime I asked her what was bothering her she said she was just tired or feeling stressed and things like that ( she does have A LOT of issues in her life at the moment).

A few days ago she said nothing in her life was going right, and I said, "at least we have each other". I'm sure you can guess her answer to that. So basically she caught me off-guard, as I thought "we" were great. But we have some issues to deal with...normal type stuff, but stuff that needs to be addressed.

Anyways, she said she has too much going on in her life right now and doesn't have the energy to deal with these. I asked her where do we go from here? Is it over? She said it's not necessarily over, and she said she just needs some "time". I totally understand and respect that, and told her to take all the time she needed. I would leave the ball in her court...I wouldn't contact her, and if and when she was ready, she could contact me.

So, after saying all that, my question is this...Did I do the right thing?? I want to give her the space she said she needs, but I don't want her to think I'm abandoning her when her life is so stressed. I would appreciate your advice. Some of the stress in her life right now...her dad has been diagnosed with cancer, her ex is forcing her out of her house, she just got in a car accident, and they cut her hours at work (that's most of them).

I care deeply about her and her. Thanks for listening.

Not sure why that came up as unregistered, but it was posted by me. What a pathetic little life...I can't even post right.

Afraid you may be right Aquila...but hoping you're not.

 

[Aquila]

Dude, I hate to be the one to rain fire and damnation and the desolation of lonliness upon you, but take it from your friendly neighborhood neanderthal. walk away. remember everything that was good, and let it just fade away. Hope in this instance for it to suddenly turn around, is sadly your enemy.

Have hope, just hope you'll find someone else.

 

[skitch]

hate to support potential bad news..

but Aquila is probably right. I've always been one to overanalyze things before, during, AND after a relationship. Out of all the times i've encountered the "needing time" issue *directly or indirectly*, about 99.9% of the time, it's usually just a nice way of trying to break it off without ending the friendship that you've developed. I may be wrong...if you care about her like i think you do, then I HOPE I'm wrong.

I've always thought of the "needing time" issue to be alot like the "just want to be friends" thing...or the "not ready for commitment yet" thing. I'm the type of person that believes in fate, though. So, I usually try to be optimistic about stuff like this and think "well ok, if we are meant to be together then it will happen when it is supposed to. If we're not, then I'll end up with someone even better and so will she." Might be good for you to look at it from that standpoint. Don't let it get you down though. Easier said, than done, right? Believe me, i know.

I hope everything works out for you, friend.

 

[A Desert Rose]

It's over, pal. As someone at Lit once said "cast your net in another part of the ocean." It is good advice.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Find someone younger and prettier immediately.

Be seen with her.

Sit back and wait.

Either way, you have a grrl.

Anything else is folly.

You're so evil.

 

[jload]

Women

Why do they have to be so soft, sensuous, and sexy?? Damn it all!!!

 

[Aquila]

Oh, another piece of advice you'll hate me for.

Don't be her friend..
Don't hate her,
but
Do Not Be Her Friend
as it will just rip you up inside later as she falls for someone else.


and on a side note..
why do you people gotta make it seem like your agreeing with the devil when you agree with me?

 

[Lancecastor]

Yes, I am evil.

If he wants her back, the best way to wake her up is to be seen with someone cuter...it'll driver her nuts.

At the very least, it gets him Breakup Sex...cuz she will pop back to compete.

Worst case scenario?

He winds up with the cuter one, he gets breakup sex, and his heart stays intact.

That's "evil" ?

You're so evil.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Yes, I am evil.

If he wants her back, the best way to wake her up is to be seen with someone cuter...it'll driver her nuts.

At the very least, it gets him Breakup Sex...cuz she will pop back to compete.

Worst case scenario?

He winds up with the cuter one, he gets breakup sex, and his heart stays intact.

That's "evil" ?

His heart is already crunched or he wouldn't have posted the thread.

That said, I agree with you except in the part of trying to make her jealous. Since she is having a hard time, let her know you will be there if she calls, but you are not going to add more pressure to her life.

Then go out and do what Lance says. Breakup sex is good.

 

[Guest]

His heart is already crunched or he wouldn't have posted the thread.

That said, I agree with you except in the part of trying to make her jealous. Since she is having a hard time, let her know you will be there if she calls, but you are not going to add more pressure to her life.

Then go out and do what Lance says. Breakup sex is good.

So you think I did the right thing by leaving it up to her to contact me??

 

[Lancecastor]

So you think I did the right thing by leaving it up to her to contact me??

YES!

Don't you DARE call her either.

Put a PostIt note by the phone that says "DONT DO IT" and leave it there until you have a new grrlfriend taking her clothes off for you.

You must behave like you don't give a rat's ass.

It works regardless of the outcome.

Never chase a woman that has rejected you.

Never.

Ever.

 

[jload]

YES!

Don't you DARE call her either.

Put a PostIt note by the phone that says "DONT DO IT" and leave it there until you have a new grrlfriend taking her clothes off for you.

You must behave like you don't give a rat's ass.

It works regardless of the outcome.

Never chase a woman that has rejected you.

Never.

Ever.

Sounds like pretty good advice. Gonna be hard to do, but sounds like good advice.

 

[ksmybuttons]

YES!Don't you DARE call her either.Put a PostIt note by the phone that says "DONT DO IT" and leave it there until you have a new grrlfriend taking her clothes off for you.You must behave like you don't give a rat's ass.It works regardless of the outcome.
Never chase a woman that has rejected you.Never.Ever.

Did a little post compression there. You take up way too much space.

He asked me. Woman credibility, you know?

I think you did do the right thing. If you really want to just check because you want her, find a nice card. Let her know that you are thinking about her during this hard time. Mail it and then let it be. No professions of love, no elaborate speeches, just a blank card that says something like:

"I have been thinking about you. I know it is a hard time for you and I just wanted to remind you that I care and I will be there for you if you need anything."

 

[Aquila]

Did a little post compression there. You take up way too much space.

He asked me. Woman credibility, you know?

I think you did do the right thing. If you really want to just check because you want her, find a nice card. Let her know that you are thinking about her during this hard time. Mail it and then let it be. No professions of love, no elaborate speeches, just a blank card that says something like:

"I have been thinking about you. I know it is a hard time for you and I just wanted to remind you that I care and I will be there for you if you need anything."

I say break it clean.. dirty loose ends suck.

 

[Lancecastor]

Well, it's precisely because I knew you'd say something dumb, er, sensitive like that that made me pre-empt you, KMB.

A card will bring her around to suck the life out of him and leave him more hollowed out.

She needs to feel shitty about this, not him.

We haven't heard about the new guy she's banging yet...but he's out there.

Mark my words.

No card!

 

[ksmybuttons]

I say break it clean.. dirty loose ends suck.

That is not a dirty, loose end. It is an opening if she wants it. Depends on how much he really cared. Give the girl a break. Her life is caving in on her and she couldn't handle it all.

He does need to get on with his own, but if he wants to be a sensative new age guy, he will offer that opening. She may feel that she has closed a door that she really isn't ready to completely close, but not able to deal with right now.

Maybe he'll get her, maybe he won't, but he won't be the one that didn't offer an opening.

 

[jload]

I just want her to know I still support her, but my luck...she'll feel abandoned. And I hope she doesn't feel that. But at the same time, I don't want her to feel smothered by me.

Maybe I need a couple of young, nimble 18 year-olds to help me through this.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Well, it's precisely because I knew you'd say something dumb, er, sensitive like that that made me pre-empt you, KMB. A card will bring her around to suck the life out of him and leave him more hollowed out. She needs to feel shitty about this, not him.
We haven't heard about the new guy she's banging yet...but he's out there.Mark my words.No card!

You are right, Lance. If he wants arm candy and sex, that is a great approach. If he wants a loving, caring woman who can really care about him and that does not want to be dominated, he has to be that way, too. Don't turn him into another jaded misogynist.

 

[Aquila]

That is not a dirty, loose end. It is an opening if she wants it. Depends on how much he really cared. Give the girl a break. Her life is caving in on her and she couldn't handle it all.

He does need to get on with his own, but if he wants to be a sensative new age guy, he will offer that opening. She may feel that she has closed a door that she really isn't ready to completely close, but not able to deal with right now.

Maybe he'll get her, maybe he won't, but he won't be the one that didn't offer an opening.

Damn I hate coming off as a prick when im serious. but in this instance. In my opinion, its better to drop her, let her go. break it clean and never look back.
That whole new age guy thing is crap, sensitivity to a womans needs and being respectful is different than putting a welcome matt on your head and begging.

 

[Lancecastor]

Maybe I need a couple of young, nimble 18 year-olds to help me through this.

First bright thing you've said.

Don't look back.

You'll turn into a pillar of salt if you do.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Damn I hate coming off as a prick when im serious. but in this instance. In my opinion, its better to drop her, let her go. break it clean and never look back.
That whole new age guy thing is crap, sensitivity to a womans needs and being respectful is different than putting a welcome matt on your head and begging.

A card is not begging. It is offering an opening if it is desired. I agree he should move on. But regrets. They haunt us as we get older. What ifs. The fewer the better.

 

[Lancecastor]

You are right, Lance.

If he wants arm candy and sex, that is a great approach.

Arm candy and sex vs Feeling for her when she dumps you.


Hmmmmm....tick tock tick tock......decision decision.