Girlfriend issues

[Todyo1798]

Okay I'm new and I'm not even sure if this is the thread I should post this in, or even the forum for it. But fuck that, I need help.

My girlfriend dumped me yesterday, I never saw it coming. She'd said we'd been arguing a lot lately and that maybe we should take a break. I'm wary of taking breaks, I guess I just don't trust the idea that spending time apart is good for any relationship, either way I said we shouldn't.
Next time she replied (this was all done by text) the situation had changed, now she said we should split up because she doesn't want to hurt me by dumping me. We argued, and the story changed again, this time it was that she was never really into emotions or relationships and she was just bored of us now. And then it changed again, she said that she really was asexual and that she'd been faking liking sex the whole time, but now it was just too much.

I tried to say we should meet up, she said she didn't want too because she'd cry. Apparently she doesn't want to start having regrets about dumping me, so I guess that means she's still unsure if she should?

Like I said this was out of nowhere. We had been arguing a lot lately, I've trying to get her to stop kissing one of her friends, and she claims that this is me trying to control her. The day before she dumped me I'd also spoken to a person on a forum she has a lesbian rp thing with. She's gotten angry about all this stuff.

I literally have no idea what I've done wrong though, she's like a wall of ice and I can't get her to tell me why she's left me or what I've done wrong. Anyone got any advice?

 

[StrayKat]

My advice would be to let her go.
Some girls have problems expressing what they feel and sometimes even find it hard to say simply "I dont want you anymore". But all the things she said boil down to that one - she doesnt want you anymore no matter what excuse she is trying to make. So stop fooling yourself that she is not sure and realize she is pushing you away as hard as she knows how.

Back off, respect her wishes and let her cool down. She sounds quite upset and angry with you for some reason. If you still think you have some chance to be together, let her know you will be there for her if she might want you back after she thinks it over a bit. Just dont push anything.

 

[Todyo1798]

My advice would be to let her go.
Some girls have problems expressing what they feel and sometimes even find it hard to say simply "I dont want you anymore". But all the things she said boil down to that one - she doesnt want you anymore no matter what excuse she is trying to make. So stop fooling yourself that she is not sure and realize she is pushing you away as hard as she knows how.

Back off, respect her wishes and let her cool down. She sounds quite upset and angry with you for some reason. If you still think you have some chance to be together, let her know you will be there for her if she might want you back after she thinks it over a bit. Just dont push anything.

If she wasn't mad before she'll definitely be now, I basically spent all of yesterday asking her why she was leaving. I'm angry that it's so ridiculously sudden, we've argued worse before and we stayed together, why now when I've done nothing wrong?
I've been trying to come up with my own plan for getting her back, I'll give her a week or two and then try to be friends again I guess.

 

[mikesaysno]

if she can't respectfully express her wishes in a way that doesn't involve prevarication then her wishes don't deserve respect...However you should still forget her and move on...the guessing game will string you out and fuck you up. It does seem like you're gearing yourself up to play a few more rounds of that horrid game...if that is so then learn from the pain that is almost certainly coming your way

 

[StrayKat]

If she wasn't mad before she'll definitely be now, I basically spent all of yesterday asking her why she was leaving. I'm angry that it's so ridiculously sudden, we've argued worse before and we stayed together, why now when I've done nothing wrong?
I've been trying to come up with my own plan for getting her back, I'll give her a week or two and then try to be friends again I guess.

I hope you realize that all you may sound with such behavior is desperate and just flatter her ego. Is that what you want?
Let her go, dont burn the bridges if you want her back, but do take a stand and keep your dignity. Be somebody she will at least respect.

 

[Todyo1798]

if she can't respectfully express her wishes in a way that doesn't involve prevarication then her wishes don't deserve respect...However you should still forget her and move on...the guessing game will string you out and fuck you up. It does seem like you're gearing yourself up to play a few more rounds of that horrid game...if that is so then learn from the pain that is almost certainly coming your way

I played that game before with my first girlfriend actually. Three months of begging, tears and the occasional suicide threat. I've learnt a lot from that one, and I like to think that it's paying off now.
I know some stuff on psychology, and no one just stops loving someone in a day. Even if I'd killed her family she'd still probably care for me a little. No, of I give her space and then come back like its all normal, she'll come around.

I hope you realize that all you may sound with such behavior is desperate and just flatter her ego. Is that what you want?
Let her go, dont burn the bridges if you want her back, but do take a stand and keep your dignity. Be somebody she will at least respect.

The little voice in the back of my head that goes "You're gong to die alone" kicked in. I begged her not to go
Worst move, but I'm going to back off now. She may have someone else though, hell she might be dumping me to go with him, but she's said nothing to any of her friends so probably not.

 

[serpentwrap]

At first you'll go through regret, anger, melancholy and an anguish of huge proportions all rolled into one. Then you'll get angry at the supoosed betrayal. Then you might feel vindictive a bit. You might even want to hurt her. Slowly, sanity will prevail (you've gotta force yourself not to act on any of the above reactions) and you will just feel embittered. You'll need to get over that as well. After a few days, there'll be just one overwhelming feeling - that of regret. It will nag your insides for some time. Then after a very long time, you'll start remembering the good things about the relationships. Your mind will recollect the good times, teh laughs and the loveliness of teh relationships. Initially, it will be followed by deep sighs and you've gotta shake yourself outta it. Then you will meet another woman, Initially you might be tentative and apprehensive. But DO NOT EVER COMPARE THIS NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH EARLIER ONE. Star afresh. "Strike another match, go start anew... "

Voila, that is when this will become a story you'll tell your pals with exaggeration and guffaws. That is when you might even think fondly of her. As something that was never meant to be.

But listen to StrayKat. Keep your dignity and gradually fade away like the proverbial Clark Gable into teh sunset... I know easier said than done, but the pain and the suffering is a process that no one can help you with. Its your Karma, your destiny that you'll have to live with. Just be positive and try hooking up with someone nicer out here...

 

[Todyo1798]

I just don't really want to let go...I should though. I'll stick with my plan for now, if she still wants nothing to do with me after that then I guess it really wasn't meant to be :/

 

[serpentwrap]

I sincerely wish you the best in your quest...

 

[destined]

I just don't really want to let go...I should though. I'll stick with my plan for now, if she still wants nothing to do with me after that then I guess it really wasn't meant to be :/

Straycat is giving you some really good advice. It's over, let it go, leave her alone and move one. Don't be bitter and don't burn any bridges by doing something stupid.

 

[Todyo1798]

Straycat is giving you some really good advice. It's over, let it go, leave her alone and move one. Don't be bitter and don't burn any bridges by doing something stupid.

I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm going to leave her for awhile and then try to start over in a few weeks. That's hardly stupid.

 

[amofiga]

todyo

You've gotten some good advice already. I don't know how old you are or what your situation was with your girlfriend. I'm an old fart and been through the war for many years. I think back to when I was a silly young buck and acted like a stupid desperate wimp if I got dumped by a girl. Think Allen Harper. I finally wised up and realized that many, maybe most, relationships are in some ways doomed and will eventually end. Fresh flowers die, great food spoils. You just have to gieve for a bit, cry in private if you must, and move on.

It never feels like it when you first break up, but there are many other women out there with whom you may be even happier and more compatible. This I do know, begging never cuts it with anybody, men or women. Nobody wants to feel like they are with someone out of pity. I wish I had a dollar for every relationship that ended, as long as I didn't have to give it back when a new one started. Life is full of cycles.

Good luck. Actually, it would really be in your long term best interest and growth if you actually tried to become a trusted friend of this ex. Sometimes it's surprising how that can turn around again as lont as you don't push it. Been there.

 

[a75]

This was out of nowhere. We had been arguing a lot lately

You 're confused. Either this was out of nowhere, or you had been arguing a lot. In other words... if you had really been arguing a lot, this cannot be out of nowhere!

My opinion: It takes two to tango. If she thinks you are not the right one for her, you must follow her decision. She may have been unfair; perhaps she wanted something different from the start, or she changed along the way. If yes, it's not your blame. It's hers. But c' est la vie, my friend! It's no use crying over spilt milk.

Might she return? Yes, but it is a remote possibility. Now she has built a wall. Don't try to change her mind. Whatever you tell her, she'll feel that you put pressure on her. Whatever you tell her friends, she'll feel that you 're snooping around her privacy. Her reaction will be the same: instict of self-protection, more walls.

I know your heart hurts. Try to understand why it's happened. Not in order to persuade her to return, but in order to understand women better and be better in your next relationship. Good luck!

 

[Jenny_Kawaii]

Why would you waste one minute of your life on someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Move on and don't look back.

 

[SweetErika]

You 're confused. Either this was out of nowhere, or you had been arguing a lot. In other words... if you had really been arguing a lot, this cannot be out of nowhere!

My opinion: It takes two to tango. If she thinks you are not the right one for her, you must follow her decision. She may have been unfair; perhaps she wanted something different from the start, or she changed along the way. If yes, it's not your blame. It's hers. But c' est la vie, my friend! It's no use crying over spilt milk.

Might she return? Yes, but it is a remote possibility. Now she has built a wall. Don't try to change her mind. Whatever you tell her, she'll feel that you put pressure on her. Whatever you tell her friends, she'll feel that you 're snooping around her privacy. Her reaction will be the same: instict of self-protection, more walls.

I know your heart hurts. Try to understand why it's happened. Not in order to persuade her to return, but in order to understand women better and be better in your next relationship. Good luck!

Well said.

You've been arguing a lot, she's been kissing and roleplaying with other people and she's made it abundantly clear that she's not interested in being your gf any longer. So why would you want to even consider trying to get her back?

You need to move on, period.

 

[Todyo1798]

Thank you everyone for your advice and lack of harshness, anywhere else I've asked for advice most people laughed in my face :/

Of course her bff says she likes us together, thinks she would take me back and is encouraging me too. I shall leave her alone and ponder this for a while, then go get stoned and forget her XP

 

[SweetErika]

Thank you everyone for your advice and lack of harshness, anywhere else I've asked for advice most people laughed in my face :/

Of course her bff says she likes us together, thinks she would take me back and is encouraging me too. I shall leave her alone and ponder this for a while, then go get stoned and forget her XP

I'm betting her best friend is either not a great friend (women usually support each other in breakups) or she's trying to scheme/set you up for something. Because there's nothing about the situation you described that said your ex would take you back. She broke up with you in a text message and said she was asexual, plus everything else, FFS. IF she ever does want to rekindle your relationship, allow her to initiate that conversation (preferably in person) and make very clear statements about how she feels. She dumped you, so the onus is on her to make the next move. Don't say a thing to her or her friends apart from cordial conversation, and see what your ex does while you're moving on with your single life.

 

[Haterade]

Even if I'd killed her family she'd still probably care for me a little.

So was I the only person who thought "What the fuck?" when I read this?

 

[Todyo1798]

So was I the only person who thought "What the fuck?" when I read this?

It would seem yes. Most people know an exaggeration when they read it in context.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Your girlfriend and a hot rock have much in common. You're not going to be able to handle either one for long before you get seriously burned.

Drop her ass and move on to someone who is worth your time and loyalty.

 

[akatrex]

Bye Bye Taa Taa!

Women, Can't live with em Can't shoot em!

True Lies 1994

 

[OrelP]

Even if I'd killed her family she'd still probably care for me a little.

With that kind of thinking, no wonder she left you...

I'm not going to do anything stupid,

Tell her to send me a PM.

In all seriousness, live and learn. Be thankful for the experience insted of sad that it's over. You'll be happier with this mindset.

 

[unregistered]

 

[silverwhisper]

todyo, sorry to read this. that sucks.

i don't recall anyone mentioning it besides you, but in all honesty, i agree it sounds like there's someone else.

ed

 

[nakdsub]

You have to move on...

Just the fact that she broke up with you in a TEXT, shows a complete and total disrespect for you and a total lack of consideration for your feelings . If she had wanted you to talk her out of it, or fight for her, she would have said something in person.

Not doing that shows she obviously did not have the same feelings for you as you did for her. If she is that inconsiderate of your feelings you are better off with out her.

I wouldn't even worry about her ever wanting to come back. I doubt she will, but if she did I would send her on her way.

No matter how much you love her, one sided relationships never work. Find someone who will love you back.