GINGERSNAP, YOU RASCAL!!!

[Guest]

I saw you were on the board and tried AIM but you're not showing up there, so I take it you must be at work. Have a fun day, young banshee.

I've got to go now. My soup's bubbling and I'm late for a meeting.

Later, my dear.

The Scotsquatch
xxxx

 

[alexander tzara]

I saw her first, Simian!

 

[Guest]

Did NOT!!!!

 

[alexander tzara]

Did TOO!!! And, just you wait, you great ape! Your expiry date's almost up. 999 posts and that's you finished - just like Rutger Hauer in BladeRunner, my friend. Tick-Tock! Tick-Tock!

My Stories

* * *
"A squid eating dough in a polyethylene
bag is fast 'n' bulbous, got me?"

~ captain beefheart ~

 

[Guest]

I'll believe it when I see it!

 

[Merelan]

No, no..... If it is like Bladerunner that means Roger darling has 4 years from his inception date. So he has a long ways to go. He was incepted in April.
Hahahahaha....

 

[alexander tzara]

Save us, Gingersnap. We've started talking to ourselves.

My Stories

* * *
"A squid eating dough in a polyethylene
bag is fast 'n' bulbous, got me?"

~ captain beefheart ~

 

[Guest]

No we haven't!!!!

*****
Dawn Of The Replicants

I quite like the idea of regenerating after my 999th post, Merelan - just before "Roger Simian" is due to get his special title. Kind of like the Beatles handing their MBEs back.

If I can hold my tongue long enough I maybe still could stretch it out for 4 years though.

[Edited by Roger Simian on 01-18-2001 at 06:45 AM]

 

[Merelan]

I bet Ginger can find a way to keep that naughty tongue busy.

 

[Guest]

Haha. Yes, we're just working on a way of stretching it all the way across the Atlantic. Then maybe I'll finally be allowed to join the X-Men as The Cunning Linguist. I've already got my costume made.

 

[Nicole]

I don't mean to interupt but, well I can see that Gingersnap is going to have her hands full when you do finally meet.

Good Luck Gingersnap

I'm sure you'll have fun though

 

[Gingersnap]

Roger you really are a silly snausage and I love you.

 

[Merelan]

Pass the hankies I think I'm going to cry. Nevermind it was just an eyelash in my eye.

 

[alexander tzara]

I'm Not Wearing Any Panties

Hey, Ginger, don't I get a kiss? Or, at least one little smooch of those Badgirl-Buns? Oh, my sweet-lord-jesus! You're NAKED, woman!

Pass the hankies I think I'm going to....

Uh-oh!



My Stories

* * *
"A squid eating dough in a polyethylene
bag is fast 'n' bulbous, got me?"

~ captain beefheart ~

 

[Guest]

No use crying over spilt milk, Mr Tzara.

 

[Merelan]

I haven't had any cream today, anyone willing to share?
Ewww... it looks curdled, nevermind.

 

[alexander tzara]

I'm sure if Madonna was here she'd offer to help. She did in my new story, anyway.

 

[Guest]

Hey, quit the frikken self-promotion, Tzara, you freak!

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Rachel Picabia]

Who me?

http://vzone.virgin.net/trigg-er.erotic/picabia-2.gif

Oh, you mean Madonna. Didn't even know she was registered here.

 

[Gingersnap]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER YOU SEXY LOVELY MAN!!!

I LOVE AND ADORE YOU SCOTSQUASH!!!!

I still remember the first time I saw your picture and looking at your hair I knew I had to meet you.
I think it was the realization that finally I was looking at someone who knew that most things in life are absurd. I knew that first time we corresponded you would be the one. The one I wanted to meet and ummm well other things too. Remember that first time we talked and all we did was laugh at everything esp. when I told you the operator didn't know where Scotland was or that the United Kingdom was not a place in Disney Land?
I just want to remind you that I think you are the most wonderful person I have every met. You follow your dreams and I wake up every day thanking the Gods that we met.

 

[Nicole]

You Two are so adorable, did you know that?

Happy Birthday Roger/Rachel and whomever else you seem to be nowadays.

Have a good one, and here's to the two of you meeting

 

[Merelan]

Can I wish the lucky man a Happy Birthday too?

 

[Guest]

The post Is longer Than Bob-Toad's Appendage!!!

THE BALLAD OF GINGERSNAP AND ROGER
(Being The True Astonishing Account Of How One Fair New World Maiden Tracked Down A Live Scotsquatch On The Infermation Highway And Made Him Her Love-Toy

Gather round all you little uns. Go fetch your Granpappy Roger his banjo, we'll sit out on the porch on the rocking chair and I'll tell you the tale of how I met Old Granmammy Gingersnaps on a porn site way back in the good old days of the 20th Century. Yes, young Cornelius - that WAS before they made Jerry Springer President.

CHAPTER ONE.......

27th May 2000
STRAND: Why I'd Fuck Almost Anyone In A Short Skirt (started by Roger Simian)

ROGER SIMIAN
Literotica Guru
Registered: Apr 2000
From: Scotland

Cause short skirts always look kinda sexy and I've not had sex since Christmas.

***

DEBORINGAH
Guest
Registered: Not Yet

Well, Roger the Rachel, just go get a short little pink skirt out of your closet, put it on, and go fuck yourself.

Oh yeah, and don't forget to put on your little pink cotton panties. You know, the ones that used to be white until you washed them with your bright bleeding red "I am an asshole" shirt.

***

MERELAN
Sensual Starshine
Registered: Mar 2000
From: USA

ooh.. baby. And I just made a new short skirt.... Nice to see you back.....

***

GINGERSNAP
Literotica Guru
Registered: May 2000
From: Michigan

I love to wear short skirts and at 5'8", my legs are long and since I run daily they are "toned to the bone". Only trouble is sometimes I forget to stoop.... and the "catholic school girl bendover thing" tends to"just bring out the best" in the guys. I think I just might sign up for another wendy ward charm course.......oh did I mention I don't wear any panties????

***

MERELAN

How about we both dress in short, short skirts, little white panties and attend his next show? We could stand in the front... Wanna bet he keeps "accidently" dropping things?

***

ROGER SIMIAN

Oh yeah, and don't forget to put on your little pink cotton panties. You know, the ones that used to be white until you washed them with your bright bleeding red "I am an asshole" shirt.

Oh, Debbie, you precious little thing. You're a real Deboringah For Love, aren't you? Just like Cher was in that Meatloaf video.

Oh, look, Gingersnap - I think Merelan's boot-laces have come undone. You should really give her a hand with those.

rog
xx

By the way - anyone know what setting my washing machine should be at when I'm mixing bleeding reds with muddy pinks? Deborah told me when she was over at christmas but I was a bit drunk and don't remember much about it.

28th May 2000
STRAND: Harmonic convergence: an extended interlude (started by Felix)

FELIX
Guest
Registered: Not Yet

I hate to ruin my budding reputation as the bitter dregs in Socrates' cocktail, but I had an interesting experience today that I wanted to share. It's long but has some sticky bits, so you might want to read it. This afternoon, I gave my girlfriend a backrub. It started out as an almost idle pastime -- a way to occupy my hands while lounging on the bed on a lazy Saturday afternoon........

(long build-up - edited)

At some point I stopped alternating between massaging her clitoris and gentle internal massage and started doing both with one hand. With my other hand, I caressed her body, especially her breasts and the base of her throat. It was clear that she was enjoying herself as the slickness quickly rose. As she became increasingly aroused, I switched to using two hands, but continued the dual inside-out stimulation. It is worth noting that all of this was very smooth and unhurried, even as the pace increased. I was very relaxed and efficient with my actions, and felt no strain or fatigue. I also kept my movements very regular and steady, alternating the primary focus from inside to out while keeping both at comparable levels of overall stimulation.

What happened next is the heart of this story, but unfortunately hard to describe. Eventually, it became apparent that she was approaching her peak. For some reason, though, rather than kick in the "finishing frenzy" that sometimes takes over when things are getting lively, I felt myself grow still. I continued my previous two-handed stroking but began to be aware of being in tune with her body at some deep and fundamental level. I could not have articulated what I felt -- I simply knew in an awareness as effortless and instinctive as breathing. In some ways, it was less of a sense how she "felt" than of how her body was responding, and yet in some way it was a combination of the two.

As her climax unfolded, I found myself feeling oddly crystalline, and yet wholly organic. I am not quite sure if I slowed my pace so much as my perception of time expanded. It was not as though time had stopped, nor as though each moment lasted an eternity. Rather, I felt like each moment had a discrete beginning and end that I could initiate with a lazy thought......

etcetera

***

GINGERSNAP

I do appreciate the above gentlemen for the content and endurance of their essays. I do wonder if your girlfriend got off in a major way because you let your hands express your feelings... I know you're going to rip on me for this.. The existential question is one we all must answer in our own way. I find most of my answers to life in a concise little book known as "Catch 22"

Let er rip guys!

***

ROGER SIMIAN

Dear, Sir,

My ex-girlfriend and I once experienced a rather curious phenomenon similar in quality to the one you have described. Whilst reading aloud in the study from HG Wells' 'Short Essay On Holistic Orgasms and their Direct Correlation To Time-Flux Episodes', my well-lubricated fingers happened upon that organ of my beloved's lower anatomy known as the clitoris (a word of Greek derivation, I believe, just like your name). Both parties (myself and she) were puzzled by how easily my oiled digits (seemingly possessed by some mischievous will of their own) had burrowed their way through the lady's Victorian dress, panties and chastity-belt to the very core of her womanhood in so short a passing of time.

Soon the lady was perspiring profusely and issuing forth a most beastly and loathsome series of grunts and howls that had the hackles rising on RL Stevenson's neck. (Dear Robert often spends Sunday in our company at the mansion mixing potions and perfecting his pirate accent.)

Just as the creaking arm of the old grandfather clock swung its way to 13 minutes past midday, there was a God-awful crackle and we were all hurtled through time and space. I only had a few moments to contemplate the full impact of Mr Einstein's treatise on Time and Relativity before my good lady and I plummeted several thousand fathoms beneath the sea.

Here we had some fascinating adventures involving big oily creatures and a bearded, tyranical sea captain which I hope to chronicle in a later pamphlet.

However, it is the conclusion of our mysterious journey which has, in my humble opinion, a certain harmony with the tale told in your astounding research paper.

The more my beloved climaxed, the further forward in time we were hurtled until we eventually arrived at a co-ordinate far in the future. 1964, to be exact. Here we discovered that fashions have changed somewhat. Gentlemen wear their fringe a good inch lower down their forehead than is customary in our age, and girls don't let you "touch them down there". And believe me - I've asked quite a few.

Now, please allow me tell you about the strange case of the blow-job that turned common aluminium into gold.....

Your faithful servant

Sir Moriarti Rathbone

STRAND: Why I'd Fuck Almost Anyone In A Short Skirt (started by Roger Simian)

WEIRD HAROLD
Opinionated Old Fart
Registered: Mar 2000
From: "No Lost Wages", NV USA

Hey Roger,

I thought you Scots called those short skirts 'Kilts' and got upset when us uninformed types got it wrong. Is there something scary about a scotsman in a pink plaid kilt, or is it just me?

***

LASHER
The Man, The Myth, The Legend
Registered: Dec 1999
From: Pittsburgh

Doesn't the pattern of the plaid tell ya what Clan their from?? That would be an absolute bitch growing up, being a member of the Clan with the pink plaid!

***

ROGER SIMIAN

Yes, life was hard growing up in Scotland dressed in naught but my pink kilt and my sporran. The lads from the tougher clans would often hurl haggis and thistles at me, and chide me with cruel jibes, "Look at McNancy over there in his pink skirt, Feargus!"

"Yes, Alasdair, I'll bet he's not much cop at playing the bag-pipes."

My childhood was sheer misery until the day of my 18th birthday when a bonny lassie from the village, Morag MacUrquhart, noticed the remarkable length of my 'Scottish Pride' and taught me how to toss the caber just like her Uncle Column Lennox used to do in the field behind the school (until a gentleman from the local constabulary took umbridge and punched him square on the nose).

With Morag's guidance I was soon tossing the caber as far and wide as Echelfechen and Kyle of Lochalche.

Aye! Times have changed since then. I hear some of the more progressive boys in Edinburgh have even started wearing trousers, God-forbid!!!!! What'll it be next? Television sets and electricity?

***

KERRIE O'KEEFE
Really Experienced
Registered: Apr 2000
From: Great Midwest

The obvious answer to your thread title, Roger, is this: Because if you were wearing a short skirt, it'd be easier to get your thing out!

Surprised at the venom in the first reply, though. Yikes!

***

ROGER SIMIAN

I know, Kerrie - that Deboringah's bite's worse than her bark. It still nips a bit but the doctor's given me some ointment to rub on it.

That's where ease of access really DOES comes in handy.

***

DEBORAH
Literotica Guru
Registered: Oct 1999

Kerrie, venom you say? Yes, I was trying to pick a fight with Roger but all he did in retaliation was put me on his fuck list. I was hoping to negotiate for trailing him with the camcorder on his/her next date, with Felix. I'm just wondering how many fucking words (I have to look up in the dictionary) it is going to take Felix to explain this one. Harmonic what? I can't wait to hear what Felix has to say about Roger's flute.

Hey, Roger, how did the Ben-Gay ointment feel on old Roger, or Bob, or Dick, or Peter or whatever you call that thing under your pink skirt? No wonder you call Felix "Hot Lips" in our VERY PRIVATE e-mails.

***

ROGER SIMIAN

Where's my big kiss, Sweet Deborah?

God, I love that woman. Come here, my little cuteee.

Have you forgotten my special little name for you all ready 'Debwa the Zebwa'?

rog
xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxx

(BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Stand well back everybody - she's gonna explode any second.)

***

DEBORAH

Roger, you are so fucking stoopid.

It's Debowrah or, in the consonant Hebrew, Dbhwrh and you'll never guess what it means.

I'm going to a thread where you can't stalk me. You probably don't even have a fucking car.

***

ROGER SIMIAN

Did you hear that, everybody? Deborah just told me she loves me. She's mad about me, that girl.

***

2nd June 2000
STRAND: The Truth About Literotica (started by Laurel)

LAUREL
Madam
Registered: Aug 1999
From: San Diego, CA, USA

http://www.wetlands.net/webperv/DSC_2017.JPG

***

GINGERSNAP

Okayyyy!!!!! Thats the ticket! He certainly made a heavy impact on me. I immediately stopped coming to the "porn site" and am now doing all my posting from a Charsmatic druid web site. We were planning to burn his magic markers supply as a gesture towards the "Erector Gods".

God, I want him do you suppose if I took my clothes off and danced for him he would take me in a mad demented sexual encounter? Perhaps if I wore suspenders and fishnets and smoked a cigar.......Oh God Roger where are you come to me, take me, make me eat a chocolate coated haggis or whatever they are called!

***

ROGER SIMIAN

Miss Snap - you've got chocolate all over your lips. Come here and let me lick that off for you.

Oh... there's nothing untoward or leud in that, by the way. I was brought up by a family of tabby cats in the wild and that's how we clean each other.

I must say - the man at the top of the strand is confusing me. So many conflicting thoughts going through my head. From his stance I'm assuming he's some kind of a model (you know, from a Freeman's Catalogue, or whatever) so I'm thinking, 'Good for you, Sir. You're not ashamed to use your looks to bring in the money', but then I start feeling a bit sorry for him 'cause he's only got two fingers on each hand. I really worry about him performing all those every day tasks that we all take for granted. It must take some skill to be able to hold up that board without opposable thumbs.

And, now - my attention is drawn to his plackard and suddenly I understand the full significance of the situation. It shames me that in this day an age a man should be reduced to having to sell Porn Webmasters on street corners just to bring in some kind of a decent wage. (Not sure about his advertising tactics, by the way. 'Pervert' is rather a strong term. He could alienate some of his target market if he's not careful.)

Anyway, just let me know how much these Porn Webmasters are. I'd like to help in any way I can.

************************************************
************************************************

And, so the internet affair began, my little uns. Gingersnap sent the first email entitled, "Is it true that Scotsmen taste better?". The enticing little note and the stunning pic did it for me. I replied the same day: "Gingersnaps taste the best".

All those naughty correspondences are buried in a Time Capsual on Mars, not to be opened till 2064, so.

************************************************
************************************************

to be continued........

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the birthday wishes Ginj, Nicole & Merelan. I'm 32 on Sunday.