Ghis (closed)

[KieranSoares]

"Don' be sorry fer somethin' tha' ain't yer fault," Brogan shook his head and kissed her again. "I love you...I love you so much, Julia..."

Another couple weeks passed by before Brogan was really back into the swing of things, and Ciaran and Annie came home much to his joy and increased comfort. With his wife and children back at his side, he was able to continue at the helm of his clan. Though a bit softer-spoken and not as confident, he returned to the kingship the people loved from him and respected. It'd be a while before he was entirely himself again.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia stood in the background as Brogan slowly started to become more like the man that she'd known and loved. She tended to the children, kept a watchful eye on her husband, and let her new child grow. Her belly had become apparent and an announcement had been made that the king and queen were expecting another child. Unlike when she was carrying Ciaran, she was much more comfortable in her skin this time.

Spring had just begun when a letter arrived, requesting them both at court in Edinburgh for an audience with the King and Queen. Julia was nervous, but she made it known that she would be taking her children with her this time around.

"We don't have to go, love." She said softly as they shared a meal together privately in their room.

 

[KieranSoares]

"We do," he sighed, "I owe it t'them fer their help an' their long friendship... but they won' be 'appy with me fer lettin' Sarah off with exile." He rested his chin on his hand as his elbow set on the edge of the table. "They're probably wonderin' if I've lost m'mind."

 

[heartofcourage]

"Brogan, you haven't lost your mind." Julia said with a sigh as she stood from her spot at the table and moved to her husband.

She cupped her face in her hands, leaning down to kiss his lips gently. She gave him a smile, pressing her forehead against his own. "I know I'm the only one that can make you lose your mind."

 

[KieranSoares]

"I won' argue with tha'," he whispered before rising to wrap her up in his arms with another kiss. As their lips parted, he ran his fingers back through her hair with a soft smile. "What'd I do t'deserve an angel li' you?"

 

[heartofcourage]

"I'm not an angel, love." She murmured softly as she wrapped her husband in a tight, loving hug. "And I don't want to be an angel. I simply want to be your wife. I want to be your lover. I want to bear you all the children you could have ever imagined."

The past few weeks had taken a toll on Julia. While she had proven that she could be in control of Inverness, she missed her husband's judgment. She valued his opinion very much and it warmed her heart to see that he was getting back to normal.

 

[KieranSoares]

"I still say yer an angel," Brogan whispered before laying a hand on her swollen belly. "I r'member ya said y'had a feeling tha' this one'd be a li'l lass... I think yer right." He lifted that hand back to her cheek and stole her breath away with another kiss, one that she hadn't experienced the likes of since the night before he'd gone to war. She hadn't felt his intimacy since then either. "I love you," he whispered like it was a precious secret.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia sucked in a breath as his hand cupped her swollen belly. She didn't have to say what she worried about, that the child might not be his, but it didn't seem to matter to Brogan. He would love their child no matter what. Then he did the unexpected...he kissed her with a passion that had been missing for so long.

She closed her eyes to hold back the tears as he husband held her close, whispering that he loved her. That was what she needed to hear. She had missed him in the time that they had been apart and having him close was what she needed.

"Take me to bed, Brogan." She whispered against his ear, letting him know the thoughts that were racing through her head.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan honestly wasn't sure of himself after Sarah, but that hesitation was thrown away when Julia let him know she wanted him, needed him. For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt true arousal and a need to please her. With the strength she knew and remembered, he scooped her up off her feet like she weighed nothing at all.

He carried her confidently to their bed, laying her down across its surface. He abandoned his belts, kilt, and tunic before crawling up over top of her. Just as he was when she was carrying Ciaran, he was incredibly gentle and careful, but he didn't deprive her of anything she wanted. His fingers slipped beneath her and worked at the laces of her dress while he stole her soul with another kiss that she'd so missed, that he'd missed giving.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia let out a gasp as Brogan lifted her into his embrace and carried her to their bed. She grinned and kissed her husband as they walked, nuzzling against his throat as she murmured sweet nothings into his ear. She let out a sigh as he gently placed her upon the surface of the bed, watching as he undressed himself before he came back to her and kissed her with a passion she hadn't seen in so long.

She whimpered as she felt his hands reaching beneath her to pull at the ties of her gown. This was the Brogan that she missed and the Brogan that she hoped would come back to her again. Her patience had paid off and it seemed that he was there with her once more.

 

[KieranSoares]

His lips found her neck, savoring the taste and feel of her skin once more as he slid her dress away with ease before following it with her underclothes. He always seemed to have such an easy time in loving her, but...

Just as she was finally laid bare before him, Julia saw something change in Brogan's eyes and he hesitated. He closed his dark eyes, and took a deep breath. Sarah's slavery of his body was returning to his mind and guilt settled over him like a lead weight.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia saw the change in Brogan and instantly knew at that moment that he wasn't ready for this. They both wanted this badly, but she didn't want their reunion clouded with thoughts of Sarah. It wasn't fair to either of them, she thought as she gently pulled her husband down to the bed beside her.

Snuggling up against his side, she didn't say anything as she kissed his cheek and rested her head against his shoulder. She didn't judge him and she certainly didn't blame him for anything. It would take time.

"Just hold me then, love." She murmured softly against his ear.

 

[KieranSoares]

Tears had filled Brogan's eyes, at the sheer fact that Sarah's time with him had made him unable to even look at Julia without a depressing feeling of deep guilt overcoming him. "I'm sorry, love..." He whispered. "Gods, what's Sarah done t'me...?"

He wrapped her up in his arms, willing his memories to fail and fade so that he could just enjoy being at Julia's side without the deep lancing pain in his heart.

 

[heartofcourage]

"It'll take time, Brogan." Julia said softly, kissing his cheek as he wrapped her up in his embrace. "I'm not going anywhere, love."

She rubbed her hand over his shoulder in a comforting manner. She didn't need him to love her, she just wanted him to be back to the loving man that he'd once been. She carefully took his hand, pressing it to her belly to let him feel the child moving, struggling to turn his thoughts towards other things besides the failed attempt at love making.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan had never felt so weak and useless, laid low by a memory... but then again, it wasn't the first time something like that had happened.

The next day, Brogan quietly set about packing for their visit to Edinburgh, but he made plenty of time in-between for Ciaran and Annie. Thankfully as children, they didn't detect something off about their father. He was still deep in depression, but with time he'd learned to hide it like he had after Cassie's death. Only this time, he hid it behind gentleness rather than a lack of humanity.

He was settled with Annie on the floor of her room, listening to her reading her fairytales aloud to him. She was an exceptional reader for her age and she adored it. She had even begun to write her own stories and displayed immense creativity. When Julia found them, carrying Ciaran, Annie was asking her father about getting a pet. As all children eventually asked of their parents, Annie wanted a puppy or a kitten. She had seen Ballas with Ashien and Dylandra, and desperately wanted her own pet.

Brogan stroked his bearded chin in thought. "Y'know what, darlin'... give me a bit t'think about it." That was enough for Annie for now.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia stood to the side, listening to Annie as she asked her father for a pet. She smiled at the little girl's request, patting a sleepy Ciaran as he snuggled against her shoulder. Her boy was healthy and happy, a joy to be around as he loved everyone so fiercely. He especially loved his father, happiest when it was just the two of them in front of the fire as he listened to his father's rumbling voice tell him a story.

"Alright, Annie, time to get ready for bed. We have a long journey to make tomorrow." She said as the little girl nodded and dutifully stood to start getting ready to sleep.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan rose as Annie did, and he put away her book on her small shelf that was packed to the brim. He was carving another for her at the lumberyard, it'd be finished soon. Coming to Julia's side, he kissed her with a soft smile before taking Ciaran carefully. "C'mere, lad... Time fer bed, aye?" He kissed his son's forehead and turned as Annie came back to them in her night clothes. Brogan knelt and she wrapped her arms about his neck, and he picked her up too with one arm, carrying her to her bed. He tucked her in and kissed her cheek. "G'night, little love. We'll see about tha' puppy when we get 'ome after seein' t'Edinburgh."

He went with Julia to put Ciaran to bed before taking her hand once they were in the hall. "Julia, love... Will y'come with me on a walk? I'll try not t'keep ya up too long." He took both her hands in his own then. He had some idea in his mind, she could see it in his eyes.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia saw the look in her husband's eyes, the little twinkle that she hadn't seen in so long. She gave him a smile and nodded, pulling her hands from his and slipping her arm through the crook of his elbow. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, laughing softly at his soft and gentile manner.

"You know that I'd follow you anywhere, Brogan." She said as she leaned into his side and rested her head against his shoulder for a moment.

 

[KieranSoares]

"Fool thing t'do, really... but ye'll never know 'ow much I love ya for it..." He muttered softly in her ear before he led her out into the warm spring night. The wind blew by ever so lazily, barely bothering the tree branches it passed.

Brogan brought Julia to the loch, and he paused at its edge for a moment. He took in the reflection of the moon on the water in its fullest peak. Taking a deep breath, he shed his belts, boots, tunic, and kilt. He let go Julia's hand to allow her the choice to follow as he waded into the cool water. It became suddenly clear what he was doing. He was willing the loch's waters to purify his mind and cleanse his body. Julia knew of the Invernessian stories about how broken and scarred men from all across Scotland would seek its waters for purity of the mind, soul, and body. They truly believed that it, purified by the dragon that entered it a century ago, could mend hurts of mental, emotional, and physical caliber.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia let go of her husband's hand as he walked into the waters of the loch, watching as he sought to purify himself of the hold that Sarah had on him. She was quiet for a long while before she slowly started to pull at the ties of her gown, wading into the water in her undergarments. Still, she waited for him to ask her to join him.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan stood in the cool water up to his lower chest for a few minutes, but he found that he just didn't feel right without Julia. He turned to his love and came to take her hands, "Julia," he whispered softly, bringing her with him further until the water was half up her shoulders. It was a wonderful feeling of weightlessness, being in the water. It freed her from the weight of her second child for a while. Brogan brought her in close. He lifted a hand to her cheek with a gentle and welcoming smile, the same welcoming look she'd always known.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia looked up at her husband with a luminous smile, her arms wrapping around his neck to hold herself above the surface of the water as he looked down at her with such a peaceful look. His large hand cupped her cheek. He was always so gentle with her, careful to the extreme, even more to while she was with child.

"I love you, Brogan. I will always love you, no matter what happens in our future." She promised him, unwilling to mention any of the fear or doubt that he had so recently gone through.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan's answer was a kiss, the comforting and endearing kiss she'd so missed. Wrapping his arms around her, he laid back in the water with her laying against him, closing his eyes and letting them both float freely. "I love you too, darlin'... Gods, do I love you..." His voice rumbled.

 

[heartofcourage]

She had to smile to herself as he supported her upon his chest, floating in the water without a care in the world. She pressed her lips against his bare chest, listening to his rumbling voice tell her how much he cared. She had always known that he cared, but she had a lot of fear about the state of his mind after his time with Sarah.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan looked to the sky in deep reverence, the moon lighting the dark depths of his eyes and bringing out the deep brown in rich color. His eyes had never seemed so clear, and Julia could see how he seemed to be searching the skies for the Goddess he prayed to, to cleanse him and allow him to be Brogan Ghis again, rather than a slave to his own depression and memory. He took in a deep breath and his eyes closed once more, and his entire body relaxed in a way Julia had never known before. There had always been some part of him still tense, ready to kill, ready to defend and fight.