Ghis (closed)

[heartofcourage]

She closed her eyes against the kiss that Ciaran pressed against her cheek. She whimpered softly, the tears blurring her vision as she watched him hurry on his way to battle. He wanted to run away with her, to make a new life together. The thought both lifted her heart and broke it in two.

It took a while longer before she was on her feet, gathering a few precious things she would take with her. Her books were placed in a sack along with three gowns. Her jewels, along with her wedding ring, she left behind. It was the least she could do to make things up to Brogan. The final thing she did was write a letter using his pots of ink and a piece of white paper.




My dearest Brogan,

By the time you read this letter I will be gone just as you asked. I cannot express the sorrow and guilt that cloud my heart at this moment. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen and I will cherish the time that I had with you always. You are a good man, one that it seems I didn’t deserve to have as a husband.

I am leaving behind my jewels and gowns. Do with them as you see fit. I know that money cannot solve the problems that I have brought upon you, but I hope that in some small way that it helps. Buy something for Kitty or use it to bring Annie home. Show them the lovely man that I knew and will always think about.

Love, Julia



A fresh wave of tears was blurring her vision as she folded the note and left it upon his pillow. She pulled a simple green cloak about her shoulders and gathered her sack, pausing at the door to look back on the life she was leaving. She didn’t care a thing about being a queen…but she did care about Brogan. It was on impulse that she moved back into the room and grabbed her wedding ring, slipping it back on her finger before leaving at the closing the bedroom door forever.

 

[KieranSoares]

The tree in the highlands was easy to find, and she could distantly hear the clash of battle. It lasted for hours, til late into the evening. Finally, the sides parted before sunset to rest through the night. Within another two hours, a dark rider came slowly out into the highlands toward her. It had to be Ciaran.

 

[heartofcourage]

Shivering in the darkness, Julia struggled to keep warm and her hopes alive as she waited for Ciaran to come. The sounds of the battle had been brutal and since she had no one to help her through the horror and fright, her imagination had run wild with what was happening out there.

The distant sound of a horse drew her from her thoughts and she stood to greet Ciaran as he came nearer. She squinted to peer into the darkness, wondering if he could see her where she stood in the gloom.

“Ciaran?” She asked softly, her voice louder then she would have liked.

 

[KieranSoares]

The horse drew nearer, and she knew it wasn't Ciaran's horse. The rider carried a torch, but his hood blocked his face from the light. As he dismounted, he drew back his hood, and she saw the face of her husband. "Julia..." He spoke softly, stopping several feet from her.

 

[heartofcourage]

Brogan was the last person that she expected to see coming for her that evening. The fear bloomed in her green eyes as she wrapped her arms around her trembling body and struggled to stay calm and collected.

“Brogan…” She said softly, her voice shaking. “I did not mean to still be on your lands. I know you told me to leave…and I was waiting for Ciaran to do so…”

Please don’t put me to death…please have mercy…a strong shudder wracked through her body at those thoughts. It was within his right to do all those things. She just hoped that the time that they had together had been good enough that his thoughts would not turn to that.

“I…I’m sorry…” She said softly, unsure for what she was apologizing for. “I’ll just gather my things and go further…”

She turned her back to him and made her way to the sack lying at the base of the tree. Ciaran would find her if she walked just a little bit further…

 

[KieranSoares]

"He's not coming, Julia..." Brogan said quietly, catching her hand gently. "He sent me... I want you to come home... Don't go."

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia paused as Brogan caught her hand and told her that Ciaran had sent him. “He’s not coming? You want me to come home? Brogan…I don’t understand.”

“You wanted me gone, Brogan and I don’t blame you.” She said softly, her eyes turning from his towards the ground.

 

[KieranSoares]

"He... he was cut down in the fight... he's gone, Julia. He died begging me to forgive you. He said it was okay if I never forgave him, he just wanted me to keep loving you and bring you back home... And I told him I didn't intend to stop loving you... I promised him, and myself, that I'd bring you back. I know why you were with him... Because you never thought I'd really love you... But I do."

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia’s world completely shattered as he told her that Ciaran had died in battle. She felt the air ripped from her lungs and each breath afterwards felt as if she were struggling against water. Brogan was there to bring her home and act as if nothing had happened. No…Ciaran couldn’t be dead…

“He’s not dead…” She whispered, seeing the look upon his face that told her that what he said was true. “He can’t die. Ciaran can’t die…”

Besides being her lover, he was her dear friend. He was the one that made her smile and looked after her when she was ill. He was the one that made her new home a little brighter.

“NOOOOO!” She screamed, her voice full of anguish as the news ripped the emotion from the very center of her soul.

 

[KieranSoares]

Brogan drew her into the warmth and safety of his arms, "I'm so sorry, Julia... I tried to save him... I swear I did..." He felt so incredibly guilty for his actions earlier that day now, he wished he hadn't caught them, he wished he'd not returned for his axe. If only for the sake of Julia not having her heart broken twice.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia cried in the warmth of her husband’s arms, her grief something heavy and real. Her friend was gone, nothing more than a memory now. She truly was left with an uncertain future now. What if Brogan decided that it was best she returned back to Chester? Who would be with her on that journey now?

“I…so…sorry…Brogan…” She sobbed, the words coming between deep heaving breaths. “I didn’t want any of this to happen…”

 

[KieranSoares]

"It's my fault..." He whispered, his accent creeping back in. "If I'd treated ya with th' love y'deserved from th'start... None o' this woulda come about..." He kissed her forehead. "I love ya... an' I don' blame ya... 'E loved ya when y'needed love... I shoulda thanked 'im..."

 

[heartofcourage]

“No. No.” Julia murmured as his lips pressed against her forehead, the tears still flowing thick down her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have strayed. You’re my husband and I promised to love and honor you no matter what. I’m a horrible person.”

She wanted to feel the pain that she had caused her husband. She didn’t want to be forgiven so easily. Her guilt was still heavy on her heart and the sorrow that she felt now that Ciaran was gone…she wanted to be punished.

“Brogan, you deserve so much more and so much better. Even the kitchen maids are better than me.” She muttered in a miserable voice.

 

[KieranSoares]

"But I don't love them... I love you," Brogan scooped her up, setting her up on his horse's saddle, then he retrieved her belongings before climbing up behind her. He rode home with her, avoiding the battlefield. The Keep was mostly empty as most everyone was out helping with whatever they could. Brogan carried Julia inside and to their room, making sure to get her warm so she wouldn't get sick again.

 

[heartofcourage]

She was still trembling even as Brogan placed her upon their bed and wrapped a thick blanket around her shoulders. She was numb inside, her chest aching as she thought about Ciaran. Every time her thoughts strayed, a fresh wave of tears began and soon she was left feeling miserable as her eyes ached. Turning her gaze towards Brogan, she blew out a little sigh and gathered the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

“Brogan…” She said softly to gain his attention, the shame and guilt in her eyes so great that she trembled again when his dark eyes met hers. “Please don’t tell anyone else about Ciaran and I. It breaks my heart to think about what I did to you and I don’t know if I could bear the whispers and looks from everyone else.”

“Whatever you decide is a suitable punishment for me, however, I will gladly accept.”

 

[KieranSoares]

"I wouldn' dream o' tellin' anyone, love... Th'pain o' losin' Ciaran is already more'n y'deserve. I ain' gonna make it worse..." He wouldn't make it worse, but he found it difficult to trust her now. And one question nagged his mind. "Julia... when ya said y'loved me... did y'mean it...?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia was still shaking as Brogan declared that he wouldn’t tell anyone nor would he punish her further. She supposed that was good for her, but the guilt of what she’d done still hung heavily on her mind. Then he asked her the question that she hoped he would never have asked.

“Of course I meant it, Brogan.” She said softly, her eyes finding his and holding them as she spoke. “I love you very much…and I loved Ciaran.”

She sighed and stood from her spot on the bed, starting to pace the length of the room as she struggled to tell him everything. “Brogan, from the moment I met you, I knew that you would be the person to save me from my life. I had so much hope for our marriage, even if it was arraigned. And then…and then Cassie got in the way.”

It pained her so much to say that to him. She didn’t want him to forget his first wife and love, but that hurt still remained. “And I didn’t know if it was possible for you to love a woman after Cassie. Ciaran…Ciaran gave me what I wanted in that moment and like a fool, I took it even though I knew it would hurt you.”

“But never doubt for a moment that what I said was false when I expressed my love.” She said, stopping in her tracks and turning back towards Brogan. “I’ve done a lot of damage. I know that I have. And I will work the rest of my days if need be to repair that damage.”

 

[KieranSoares]

"All I want is fer y'to tell me if yer e'er un'appy with me, Julia... I won' lie an' say I ain' 'eartbroken, but I know it's my fault too." He drew close and hugged her close, kissing her cheek. "I ain' gonna pretend this didn' 'appen, an' I think it'll be 'ard t' trust ya fer a while, I'll be honest... But once everythin' settles, I wan' t'ferget this an' start new."

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia buried her cheek against Brogan’s strong shoulder as he pulled her into a safe hug. It was like being in his arms was the answer to all of her problems. He warmed her to the bones, stopped her shaking and sheltered her from all of the sadness that wanted to break free.

“I’ll never be able to say sorry enough, Brogan. I promise you that you’ll trust me again.” She murmured softly as she wrapped her arms around his broad chest.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone…” Her voice was soft and her emerald eyes grew moist again as she thought about dear Ciaran.

 

[KieranSoares]

"Neither c'n I..." He sighed quietly. Ciaran had, after all, been his best friend.

The battle raged for nearly a week, and Brogan and Julia slowly rebuilt their relationship in the evenings when they could talk. But as the week drew to a close, Wick was beginning to waver, and they were getting desperate. Brogan and Julia were together in their room, getting ready for bed, when a man came to the door. As Brogan was talking with him in the hall, Julia didn't hear the window slowly opening outward, nor the man slowly making his way in.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia watched Brogan leave with room with a small smile, turning back to her evening rituals. Wrapped in her warm robe, her nightgown beneath, she hummed to herself as she brushed out her hair, thinking about the week that had happened. She and Brogan had talked late into the evenings, learning to overcome the indiscretion that had happened. She felt much better about her life there in Inverness and the future with her husband.

 

[KieranSoares]

Slowly, the intruder crept in, but when he saw himself in the vanity mirror, he leapt from his low crouch and grabbed Julia in a headlock, drawing his dagger. He was just about to plunge it up under her ribcage when both of them were tackled to the floor. Brogan had grabbed the man, and with tremendous force, dislocated the arm that was locked around Julia. Brogan pushed Julia away, pinning the man to the floor, but then, with a painful grunt, Brogan froze, the assassin's dagger meant for Julia was now stuck halfway down into Brogan's right shoulder. With a snarl, the angry Scotsman ripped the blade from his own body and plunged it into the assassin's heart before collapsing and rolling to the side onto his back, clutching the wound in his shoulder.

 

[heartofcourage]

Julia’s eyes strayed from her mirror for just a moment to place her brush down upon the vanity. The feel of a thick arm closing around her neck was surprising and as it tightened, she let out a frightened squeak and her brush clattered to the stone floor. Her emerald eyes were wide with fright as she saw a flash of silver and realized it was a knife about to be plunged down to her body. Her fingers closed around the arm, scratching at the man that was about to end her life.

Then everything around her tipped wildly. She was thrown to the floor with a crash as another heavy body descended on them. Her head hit the stone floor hard, dazing her as she felt the arm removed from her throat and her body shoved away. She lay there, afraid to move until the sounds of the fighting behind her ceased.

“Brogan…” Her voice shook as she tried to speak and ever so carefully she pushed herself onto her hands and knees, turning to look at him with a frightened and dazed expression as a large knot formed on the side of her forehead from where she’d hit the ground.

She saw the dead body with the knife sticking from it’s chest and the blood upon Brogan’s body as he lay on his back, his hand clutching the wound in his shoulder. It was then that she heard the distant sound of someone’s frantic screaming and she struggled to figure out just where the sound was coming from. Then she realized the screams were coming from her own two lips.

 

[KieranSoares]

The man who'd distracted Brogan had long since run away, but several men and Valentina came rushing to their aid. Valentina drew Julia into a protective and comforting embrace, whilst Brogan was carried away between four men, and the assassin's body was carried out to be thrown into the forest for the wolves and wilds. "He'll be okay," Valentina said softly as she held Julia, "He's strong enough to survive."

 

[heartofcourage]

She was still screaming when Valentina’s arms wrapped around her and held her tightly. Her throat was raw and her head was aching as Brogan was taken from the room towards the healers. Julia was shaking again, scared out of her mind as Valentina struggled to calm her down.

“I want to go home!” Julia sobbed, her cheek pressed tightly against Valentina’s shoulder. “I want to go home…”

Her fright was clouding her brain, the still new grief over Ciaran’s death, and the uncertainty of her position with Brogan all came back to haunt her as she went through a full break down.