Getting Over THIS Girl (Cliche, right?)

[Christopher2012]

Let me preface this by saying that I have not posted too much craziness in a very long time. My past alcohol abuse and attention seeking behavior definitely played a role in my posting history. So, yeah... also, this story revolves solely around a video game. Yes, I said that and yes, I know I need to meet actual real people, which is a thing, I hear. But I'm terribly socially bad at every thing social. That's a thing, too. When people are bad at being social, they sometimes find friends and communities in games called MMOs (World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn, Tera, etc.)

I met a girl on a video game, through voice chat, while trying to clear an incredibly difficult boss fight. Let me put it that way. The first time we met and attempted the fight, we spent a full 12 hours trying and retrying this fight. And it just worked out that she liked me and I liked her. And bam, we were a couple. It was pretty fast and things moved rapidly from there. As a matter of fact, I even posted some of the problems I was having with her here on this site.

What's worse, is that we met an amazing group of people who were just amazing. And we met these people AFTER we got together. So, now we have a close group of friends that are OUR friends and not MY friends nor HER friends.... And due to previous events of me being sucked up into a world of this girl, all of my prior friends had moved on to other places.

I also should point out that I hated this relationship. I was miserable. I complained about her all the time to everybody. She made my life a living hell and we fought all the time. She was needy, clingy, and the worst of all PASSIVE. And I hate passiveness because I'm that guy who can't let shit go. I have to know what's wrong. And it bugs the living fucking shit out of me when I don't know what's wrong. So I never let it go and it creates issues. Also, I don't like leaving her mad. I just can't do that. She would get mad the most insignificant bullshit and I was advised to just let her calm down.... BUT I HAVE AN INABILITY TO DO THAT. I have to address the issue and resolve it. But no, when asked what's wrong, I would always receive "It's fine" or "I'm fine." I am now no longer accepting the word "fine" as an English term. So if you tell me that something is fine, I'm going to ask further questions because that term is bullshit and not real.

So we break up..... or rather, she breaks up with me.... because I can't break up with her. I tried, like 10 times.... Yeah I really did. But I came right back every time. I remember breaking up with her and then we would fight and then we would get back together and she would yell "46 minutes! That's a new record for our shortest break up!" But this one time, she breaks up with me and it's for real and done. I was absolutely freaking heart broken. I was in the worst pain possible. And there was no seemingly way to fix it. (I'm just now realizing that I start too many sentences with the words And, But, and So...) I couldn't believe it. I honestly couldn't. I just... I dunno... Worst pain ever.

At this point, I try to run. There's one problem with running. We still have those friends, and those friends have placed a very high value on each of us. And during the break up, there was a split in the group. There was sort of a Team Chris and Team Mandy. Being that most of the people there were girls and gay guys, Team Chris was pretty strong. Team Mandy was not as strong admittedly. And so when I left, I apparently hurt some people. My friends would give me guilt trips and ask why they were punished for something that happened to me. Why would I abandon them? Would would I want to never see them again? Why couldn't I just stay civil with her and block her in-game?

Because I'm in Pain

That's why. And I don't know what to do about this. I love these people but I want to run. I hate seeing this girl. Not only do I hate seeing her, I hate hearing about her, I hate seeing her do well and accomplishing stuff, and I hate the fact that the game is 99% men who hit on her. Because well, she's actually attractive and she has a good personality and a nice voice. Since she's attention-driven, she eats all of it up. She loves it. And I sit here... painfully. I'm stuck and my brain will not allow me to move on. As long as it's been, I still to this day have a small bit of hope that she will come back to me. Very stupid and very very pathetic.

My friends have warned me not to burn the bridges. My attempt to leave made them angry and they told me that if I leave again, they will never rebuild those bridges. Deep down, I don't want to leave them but at the same time, I just want to burn those bridges with hell fire and brimstone. I want to yell at the top of my lungs for them to go fuck themselves and I want to escape. Some times are worse than others. And some of the times I have with them are amazing and I don't want to leave that. But others.... I feel such anger that I hate every one of them. I have absolutely no idea what to do.

So yeah, that happened. I never want to date again, and if I do date, I'm going to date men. Because women didn't work out for me.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Yeah, Women, can't live with 'em and you can't kill 'em.

I remember way back when...it was the late '60s into the early '70s...there was this young lady...soft brown hair, green eyes, nice and I mean nice, breasts and she liked to fuck. She was the older woman I always wanted...she was 6 months older than me. We were both 19. Well for four years we went out.

Then one day she just broke up with me.

Six months later I saw her marriage announcement in the paper. Her fiance had finally mustered out of the service a she was getting married.

Talk about heartbroken. Six months after she was married, she divorced him. She called me. I laughed in her face. I had moved on. Four or five women later...I found my wife of 40+ years.

 

[Harold_Hill]

Are you familiar with the term, "get over it". It's not like you lost a new pair of shoes, or someone stole your new car, it's just a girl. There's over six billion of them on this planet, and I seriously doubt that she has anything the rest of them don't have. You said, "because I can't break up with her, I tried it, like ten times". You wanted out of the relationship, so she did you a favor. You should send her a thank you card instead of whining about it.

A wise man once said, (actually it was Jerzy Kozinski in his novel "Being There", 1970) "Life is a state of mind", and this is all in your mind. You said it yourself, "I'm the guy who can't let shit go". It's not like you love her, you just don't like losing the game. Unless I missed it, nowhere in your lengthy post did you mentioned anything about loving her.

Or you might take your own advice, "I never want to date again, and if I do date, I'm going to date men. Because women didn't work out for me". Yeah, sucking cock, that's the solution.

Or you might follow the advice of another phrase you have probably heard a lot during your life, "grow up". It sounds like your entire life is a video game. Try living in the real world with the rest of us. You sound like a whiny child.

 

[Christopher2012]

snip

You missed a huge point of that lengthy whine if you only saw those parts of the post. Granted, I will admit that it's a TL: DR type thing, but you obviously didn't see the big dilemma of just "getting over it." It's REALLY big and highlighted for you.

I'm really not trying to be an asshole, but I'm going treat you the way you treated me in the post. You treat me like a whiny child and I'm going to treat you like an idiot who totally missed the point.

 

[Christopher2012]

Yeah, Women, can't live with 'em and you can't kill 'em.

I remember way back when...it was the late '60s into the early '70s...there was this young lady...soft brown hair, green eyes, nice and I mean nice, breasts and she liked to fuck. She was the older woman I always wanted...she was 6 months older than me. We were both 19. Well for four years we went out.

Then one day she just broke up with me.

Six months later I saw her marriage announcement in the paper. Her fiance had finally mustered out of the service a she was getting married.

Talk about heartbroken. Six months after she was married, she divorced him. She called me. I laughed in her face. I had moved on. Four or five women later...I found my wife of 40+ years.

I most CERTAINLY hope that becomes the case with me because yeah it definitely sucks.

 

[may_I_please]

So..you haven't actually met any of these people in RL?

 

[Christopher2012]

So..you haven't actually met any of these people in RL?

I have not.

 

[may_I_please]

And have you seen any of these people, or it's all voice and avatars?

 

[Christopher2012]

And have you seen any of these people, or it's all voice and avatars?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Typically, you communicate via Skype. And when groups get together to talk, we get on voice chat apps like Teamspeak, Mumble, Ventrillo. etc.

 

[may_I_please]

So, are you over the game itself or is that something you want to keep playing?

And when was the last time you did something to work on your level of social anxiety in RL ie with real people who you could actually form a physical bond with?

Cos it seems to me in order to "get over this girl" you need to find yourself a real life and put your fantasy world back into the box it belongs in...which is something that you do as a hobby to have fun and on top of your real life ...and not a substitute for a real life

Probably sounds harsh ..but it's true

For a RL relationship break up you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and meeting new people...and any mutual friends come with or fall by the wayside

For an online relationship you have to realise that it wasn't a real world thing to begin with and take what you learnt and apply it to a real world situation where you can actually build a life

Because dude, you need to get yourself a real life

 

[Christopher2012]

So, are you over the game itself or is that something you want to keep playing?

And when was the last time you did something to work on your level of social anxiety in RL ie with real people who you could actually form a physical bond with?

Cos it seems to me in order to "get over this girl" you need to find yourself a real life and put your fantasy world back into the box it belongs in...which is something that you do as a hobby to have fun and on top of your real life ...and not a substitute for a real life

Probably sounds harsh ..but it's true

For a RL relationship break up you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and meeting new people...and any mutual friends come with or fall by the wayside

For an online relationship you have to realise that it wasn't a real world thing to begin with and take what you learnt and apply it to a real world situation where you can actually build a life

Because dude, you need to get yourself a real life

Okay fair enough.

 

[may_I_please]

As for this girl and online / Skype meets you just fake it till you make it

You are over her, get it, so you smile and be pleasant with minimal social chitchat if she's in the same "room" and you focus on your "friends" and having fun with them

If it gets too much you do a BRB or AFK for a moment, calm yourself down and get on with it

She can't touch you or hurt you because it was fun while it lasted but now it's over

You're not a victim and you've moved on.

But the most important thing is to find something to do ..one night a week..take a class in something you're interested in or a life skill...practice meeting real people ...

 

[FGB]

I dated a woman on and off again for eight years once.

I was married twice and she was married twice during those years but when we were single or separated we dated.

She was waiting for me to come to my senses and I was waiting for her to grow up.

That happened in1988...it all went to hell while we were engaged and she died before we could get together again.

Sometimes life sucks.

Timing is everything and some things just are not meant to be.

Raise up nor thine eyes and march onward through the fog, Grasshopper.

Love is the only situation worth trying and yes the stakes are high...as they should be.

 

[Christopher2012]

As for this girl and online / Skype meets you just fake it till you make it

You are over her, get it, so you smile and be pleasant with minimal social chitchat if she's in the same "room" and you focus on your "friends" and having fun with them

If it gets too much you do a BRB or AFK for a moment, calm yourself down and get on with it

She can't touch you or hurt you because it was fun while it lasted but now it's over

You're not a victim and you've moved on.

But the most important thing is to find something to do ..one night a week..take a class in something you're interested in or a life skill...practice meeting real people ...

I think I may uninstall the game then. Maybe it's time to give it up. :/ Sucks. The problem with the games like this is that you have goals to meet, and when you meet those goals, the developers raise the bar and create an ascended level of play. So then you reach that goal. And the cycle continues. You basically invest all your time into the game so that you can play at the highest level and then you have to invest a greater amount of time to reach new levels.

I have played many many hours per day and then when I reach the highest level of play, my character becomes a trophy case of what I have accomplished.

So yeah, it's not video games that are the problem. It's this particular type of video game. MMORPGs. The developers design the games to hook you and keep you. Because if you take any time off the game, you miss out on maxing a character. Then people surpass you.

Giving up the game is the best way but it's the most difficult because I have a character that I have literally put hundreds of hours into and I don't want to regret the decision tomorrow or the next day. An uninstall might be better than an account termination. But then there's the fear that I will relapse back.

 

[phil_o]

Lol

Ha Ha ha ha ha funniest thing I have read in a long time.....keep em coming chris

 

[Harold_Hill]

You missed a huge point of that lengthy whine if you only saw those parts of the post. Granted, I will admit that it's a TL: DR type thing, but you obviously didn't see the big dilemma of just "getting over it." It's REALLY big and highlighted for you.

I'm really not trying to be an asshole, but I'm going treat you the way you treated me in the post. You treat me like a whiny child and I'm going to treat you like an idiot who totally missed the point.

I posted as I did because your post was written by a 13 or 14 year old adolescent. This is an adult web site and you are way too young to be here.

 

[Christopher2012]

I posted as I did because your post was written by a 13 or 14 year old adolescent. This is an adult web site and you are way too young to be here.

*grumble grumble*
Yes, mother....

 

[GrrlFriday]

Hi Chris - if I told you to take all the time in the world to get over this girl, what would your response be?

 

[Christopher2012]

Hi Chris - if I told you to take all the time in the world to get over this girl, what would your response be?

Well I wish I could indulge in that concept, but unfortunately I need to push myself to rely on healthier methods of dopamine and endorphin release for overall happiness. I honestly do not have all the time in the world to sit here and think about her.

I need to find an addiction, a healthy one. And then when all this is over, I need to find a healthy relationship.

 

[Dianthus]

Online or RL, the emotions and the pain are still real. Time helps.

Here's Ted talks to watch when someone just stomped on your heart.

 

[Christopher2012]

Online or RL, the emotions and the pain are still real. Time helps.

Here's Ted talks to watch when someone just stomped on your heart.

Thank you for understanding that this pain is very very real and not just coming from a 12-14 year old. Here's what gets me. I'm on a forum where people spend hundreds of hours with many thousands of posts and then I'm told that I'm a child for being on the internet. Yes, it is a video game but it's not a mainstream video game that you see on store shelves. These games are designed to be communities full of people who invest most of themselves into friendships and relationships. The person who calls me a child is completely oblivious to what MMOs are and what they can do to people. I'm not saying that I don't have childlike behavior and that I'm not immature. I have been for years and yes I need to grow up. However, there is real true pain here. I'm not just making this up. I believed it. I had hope. And I lost hope.

And yes, I watched that TED talk. I loved it. I watched the TED Talks over quitting video games and it was really bad. The guy was so vague and off point. There was hardly any statistical data and the guy generalized all video games as addictive. He blanket statement said if you're addicted to video games, you should quit cold turkey. That's an argument for a different day, but anyway, I'm glad you shared that.

It's really difficult to disinvest from something and someone you believe and feel is real. It's painful and feels like heartbreak, but it's not that. It's the letting go of a fantasy you've made up together. It's never been real, Chris, it's always been holding you back from finding the someone that is real.

Time will do it's job and some day someone you can actually touch will come along and you will look back at that fantasy world you and she made up and shake your head in dumbfounded amazement at all it was not and all you were missing out on by dwelling in it.

All you can do is let time do its thing, take the lessons from this and not make the same mistakes again.

I don't necessarily believe that. You're talking to the real Chris. I'm real. You're real, I believe. The romantic relationship I had with that woman was as real as any LDR that happens. It's no different just because it was on a video game. The video game is the fantasy world but our work together to clear objectives and progress through the game was real. It was a shared interest. It's as if someone were to say, "The fancy restaurant you went to on your first date wasn't really yours" or "That vacation to the Bahamas with your partner was just a fantasy." No, I couldn't touch her but I knew this woman intimately. I spent every day with her on voice chat. I fell asleep to her and she fell asleep to me. We cared about each other. We just moved at different paces. She was 32 and wanting children and I'm 27 and not wanting children.

Maybe in the end, the thoughts of what truly existed was fantasy but I promise you, the feelings were real and the hope was real. It's no different than meeting somebody on Lit or any other social networking platform.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Well I wish I could indulge in that concept, but unfortunately I need to push myself to rely on healthier methods of dopamine and endorphin release for overall happiness. I honestly do not have all the time in the world to sit here and think about her.

I need to find an addiction, a healthy one. And then when all this is over, I need to find a healthy relationship.

You're right - you don't have all the time in the world to get over her. So the question becomes, how are you going to do that? What else do you have in your life that makes you happy?

 

[NightL]

She was 32 and wanting children and I'm 27 and not wanting children.

I'm still trying to get my head around discussions of future and children between avatars.

Did you ever ask her if she desired virtual children or real pooping ones?

I'm not doubting your feelings of pain and loss, but why don't you give that real life thing a go? You are missing out on SO much more than gaming and pixels can ever offer.

The feeling of going weak at the knees when she walks into the room. Her perfume, how her hair flows when she walks or when she turns back to smile. All the nuances of facial expressions - body language. Touch - actual physical touch (you know - from someone other than yourself), touch that feels like a bolt of electricity has passed through every cell of your body leaving your head spinning but yet a thousand times more alert. Eyes you want to fall into for the rest of your life. The perfume again... combined scent of arousal that staggers your breath and races your heart beat. Why don't you try that game?

While you open with "In the past - my posting history..." is this thread going to be any different? Why do you assume no one can understand you therefore it is not worth trying to break your cycle of life. You ask for advice and suggestions every six months or so, then usually getting shitty with everyone who bother to reply. Will this time be any different?

Rainshine offers up valuable insight, but you dismiss it because she can't possibly appreciate your real feelings of loss, real feelings of being self absorbed and self pity. No one can know what it is to be like Chris - that is true. Maybe Rainshine does, however, have experience in something you can relate to though - maybe her words are worth listening to, but you won't allow that will you. You love feeling miserable, you have got that down to a fine art, complete control over that one haven't you?

While your avatar love affair was "real" for you, just like long distant relationships, just like PM exchanges in any forum of social media it will never be as complete as what a real hug can offer.

Ultimately you ask advice from people who would never swap a real life, up close and physical relationship, complete with the aromas, smiles, body language and hugs with that of a keyboard or microphone offering, EVER. Seems that real life game is way too scary and advanced for you.

So you are pity seeking yet again and you will dismiss people who have experienced feelings of loss over relationships that matter most in life. Feelings of loss far greater than you, at this stage of your gaming life and one avatar love, can ever appreciate.

When you finally experience losing someone who once held you in their arms while whispering "I love you", you may start to understand how easy it is for some to dismiss your pixel devotion as being somewhat trivial and insignificant.

Good luck though, hope you can move on up to the real game sometime.

 

[Christopher2012]

NightL, I'm going to take your advice. I'm going to stop placing value on "pixelated avatars." Which, btw, you're much much less than a pixelated avatar. You're just a GIF. There's no real genuine person, just an asshole with a GIF as an avatar.

So I'm going to tell you yet again to go fuck yourself. Nobody ever benefits from your bullshit posts and you're always condescending. So do yourself a favor and leave my situation alone. Because it will save you the frustration.

BTW, all the real responses to my question came through PM because people were obviously scared that they would be seen in the same light as NightL is portraying. Many people invest their time and effort into communities on video games. Is it unhealthy? Absolutely! That's why I said I was going to uninstall and live healthier. I guess you missed that part because you had a deep desire to yet again be a complete fucking douche.

Seriously, dude I can't even remember how you got unblocked. You're such a hypocrite and a tool. That's all I have to say about your posts. So don't waste the time to type out another post unless you want to address everybody else because I won't see it. Go. Fuck. Yourself.