Getting him to take what he wants, when he wants it

[insatiable_whore]

My bf and I enjoy what we consider a fantastic bdsm lifestyle. We are both VERY happy with our AMAZING sex life. My only question is how do I get him to do whatever he wants to me, whenever he wants. During sex he tells me I am his slave, his slut to do with as he pleases, at all times, and that I better comply or be punished. I tell him how much that is exactly what I want, i beg for it. He tells me how badly he needs me to be his complete slave, at all times, but then he never tries to do anything unless we're already in a sexual situation. How do I get him to use me whenever, wherever, however he wants??
I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom. Isn't this when I should be punished for being disobedient and forced to do what my Master says?
I know he wants the same thing, we talk about it ALL the time...we just can't seem to get there.
I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time? I NEED TO BE HIS SLAVE!!

ps...He is VERY dominant during sex.

 

[SpunThings]

My bf and I enjoy what we consider a fantastic bdsm lifestyle. We are both VERY happy with our AMAZING sex life. My only question is how do I get him to do whatever he wants to me, whenever he wants. During sex he tells me I am his slave, his slut to do with as he pleases, at all times, and that I better comply or be punished. I tell him how much that is exactly what I want, i beg for it. He tells me how badly he needs me to be his complete slave, at all times, but then he never tries to do anything unless we're already in a sexual situation. How do I get him to use me whenever, wherever, however he wants??
I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom. Isn't this when I should be punished for being disobedient and forced to do what my Master says?
I know he wants the same thing, we talk about it ALL the time...we just can't seem to get there.
I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time? I NEED TO BE HIS SLAVE!!

ps...He is VERY dominant during sex.

Accept that when he wants it is when he gets it.

 

[CutieMouse]

I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom. Isn't this when I should be punished for being disobedient and forced to do what my Master says?
I know he wants the same thing, we talk about it ALL the time...we just can't seem to get there.
I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time? I NEED TO BE HIS SLAVE!!

ps...He is VERY dominant during sex.

1) Maybe he IS taking what/how/when he wants... Just because he isn't dominating you the way YOU expect him to, doesn't mean he isn't getting what HE wants.

2) Maybe the attitude "And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like..." is contributing to the issue?

Most men I've known would respond to that attitude by NOT giving me what I want... For some reason, the dominant men I've known, are looking for submission, not struggle.

TL; DR - it's your choice to submit [or not]. Have you considered actually submitting, instead only doing so when it's convenient [to you]?

 

[amofiga]

<<<I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom. >>>

You already answered your own question. If you are the controlling type and he isn't looking for a fight all the time, he's not going to "punish you". I sort of have a similar situation. My wife likes to be submissive in sexual situations, but it she's not in the mood, she's not in the mood and it just falls flat. My advice is to accept that he at least gives you what you want most of the time and when it matters. There are a lot of frustrated people that get nothing of what they want.

 

[Primalex]

I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time?

You need to change his perception about you outside your bedroom. If you want to be treated as a slave you need to show him that you are a slave. Call yourself a slave when talking to him, belittle who you are and what you do, ...

Once he does see you as slave, the punishment for misbehaving will happen automatically.

 

[Lord_Steve]

You need to change his perception about you outside your bedroom. If you want to be treated as a slave you need to show him that you are a slave. Call yourself a slave when talking to him, belittle who you are and what you do, ...

Once he does see you as slave, the punishment for misbehaving will happen automatically.

nope

1) Maybe he IS taking what/how/when he wants... Just because he isn't dominating you the way YOU expect him to, doesn't mean he isn't getting what HE wants.

2) Maybe the attitude "And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like..." is contributing to the issue?

Most men I've known would respond to that attitude by NOT giving me what I want... For some reason, the dominant men I've known, are looking for submission, not struggle.

TL; DR - it's your choice to submit [or not]. Have you considered actually submitting, instead only doing so when it's convenient [to you]?

yep

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

Submission is valuable when it is freely given. If he has to take it from you, it is meaningless.

 

[IrisAlthea]

My bf and I enjoy what we consider a fantastic bdsm lifestyle. We are both VERY happy with our AMAZING sex life. My only question is how do I get him to do whatever he wants to me, whenever he wants. During sex he tells me I am his slave, his slut to do with as he pleases, at all times, and that I better comply or be punished. I tell him how much that is exactly what I want, i beg for it. He tells me how badly he needs me to be his complete slave, at all times, but then he never tries to do anything unless we're already in a sexual situation. How do I get him to use me whenever, wherever, however he wants??
I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom. Isn't this when I should be punished for being disobedient and forced to do what my Master says?
I know he wants the same thing, we talk about it ALL the time...we just can't seem to get there.
I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time? I NEED TO BE HIS SLAVE!!

ps...He is VERY dominant during sex.

It could be that he sees the fact that you are already in a sexual situation as his ok to go ahead, as your active consent.
If so, you might be able to work out some signal or code word that lets him feel you are on board.
Could be something in your behaviour, perhaps like what Primalex talked about and I remember someone wrote here about a vase or something that changed place in the living room as a signal, because the couple had kids and needed a discrete way to send the message.

What you talk about when horny during sex isn't always practical or even palatable at other times. The practical part of it can be worked around but it is also quite possible that he is happy with things as they are.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Submission is valuable when it is freely given. If he has to take it from you, it is meaningless.

This is not true for everyone. Lots of people have fun with resistance play of some kind.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

OP, this seems to be resolved with communication, like most issues. Non-judgmental communication, probably outside of the metaphorical bedroom.

Submission is valuable when it is freely given. If he has to take it from you, it is meaningless.

There is no "one true way to BDSM" so your answer, spoken as a universal truth, is garbage.

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

OP, this seems to be resolved with communication, like most issues. Non-judgmental communication, probably outside of the metaphorical bedroom.



There is no "one true way to BDSM" so your answer, spoken as a universal truth, is garbage.

Now that I reread it, you're right. I was speaking strictly from my own perspective within my relationship. Probably had a few drinks the night I responded. LOL.

 

[richard_daily]

My bf and I enjoy what we consider a fantastic bdsm lifestyle. We are both VERY happy with our AMAZING sex life. My only question is how do I get him to do whatever he wants to me, whenever he wants. During sex he tells me I am his slave, his slut to do with as he pleases, at all times, and that I better comply or be punished. I tell him how much that is exactly what I want, i beg for it. He tells me how badly he needs me to be his complete slave, at all times, but then he never tries to do anything unless we're already in a sexual situation. How do I get him to use me whenever, wherever, however he wants??
I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom. Isn't this when I should be punished for being disobedient and forced to do what my Master says?
I know he wants the same thing, we talk about it ALL the time...we just can't seem to get there.
I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time? I NEED TO BE HIS SLAVE!!

ps...He is VERY dominant during sex.

If you're not getting what you want, in terms of M/s submission outside of the "bedroom" then you might not be giving off the vibe that is eliciting the response that you're hoping to get. There are two people in this scenario, and if he's "very dominant" in the "bedroom" and you want it to bleed into the rest of your life towards more of a 24/7 TPE, then you need to make sure that's clearly known and understood.

You should probably sit down and discuss what your desires are, and how they would make you feel if you got them from him. Those sorts of conversations leave a lot of space for fun, playful submission as well.

If you're having trouble taking a direct approach, you can try involving some roleplay into situations where you can show a little more clearly exactly what it is you want.

There's no one way to punish, or be a slave, or a master, or anything related to BDSM, so a lot of it is feeling out what gives you the reaction/s that turn you on with your partner/s.

 

[MeekMe]

My bf and I enjoy what we consider a fantastic bdsm lifestyle. We are both VERY happy with our AMAZING sex life. My only question is how do I get him to do whatever he wants to me, whenever he wants. During sex he tells me I am his slave, his slut to do with as he pleases, at all times, and that I better comply or be punished. I tell him how much that is exactly what I want, i beg for it. He tells me how badly he needs me to be his complete slave, at all times, but then he never tries to do anything unless we're already in a sexual situation. How do I get him to use me whenever, wherever, however he wants??

Positive reinforcement. If he suggests something, enthusiastically comply.

I will admit that, in our relationship, i am almost always in control except in the bedroom. And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like to make me give him what he wants outside the bedroom.

If you want to be a slave then submit. That part is on you.

Isn't this when I should be punished for being disobedient and forced to do what my Master says?

No, this is the part where he throws his hands up and says "fuck that noise!" Because it's easier than wrangling someone that doesn't want to submit.

I know he wants the same thing, we talk about it ALL the time...we just can't seem to get there.

What's stopping you? Are you both on the same page? Could you be using the same words but have different definitions and ideas about how things work? Sit down with him and talk about what it looks like. If you think a punishment system will help you, tell him about it.

I guess my question is how do I get him to be more dominant all the time?

It's that whole positive reinforcement thing, again. Offer him services throughout the day. Keep communicating with him about it and show him that you actually enjoy it.

I NEED TO BE HIS SLAVE!

Some motivation: Just do it.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

1) Maybe he IS taking what/how/when he wants... Just because he isn't dominating you the way YOU expect him to, doesn't mean he isn't getting what HE wants.

2) Maybe the attitude "And if I'm not in the mood, I do make it very clear and i know this is why he doesn't try as hard as i would like..." is contributing to the issue?

Most men I've known would respond to that attitude by NOT giving me what I want... For some reason, the dominant men I've known, are looking for submission, not struggle.

TL; DR - it's your choice to submit [or not]. Have you considered actually submitting, instead only doing so when it's convenient [to you]?

Genius! Fuck struggle.

I've never agreed with about shit, but this time you nailed it.