Getting back out there

[Ebonyfire]

Thank you for that great advice, Eb. I did, in fact, drop in on the dungeon tonight. Was pretty quiet, but did meet a couple of new people. Hadn't been there in a few months, so was nice to visit again. I'm a fairly social creature, so meeting new people isn't usually an issue for me. It's more that I'm pretty new to the city and just don't know where to go yet. But I'll find my way around. I just need to learn patience - not a trait often associated with me.

I think that patience will serve you well this time. And it seems to me that since you realize you are not as patient as you should be, that will help. You are aware and that is half the battle.

Eb

 

[JMohegan]

I am the tortoise- koo koo ka choo.
(My apologies to the Beatles... I think it was the Beatles.)

Youth, these days. Such cretins.

Yes, it was the Beatles. No, it was not a tortoise.

 

[CutieMouse]

Youth, these days. Such cretins.

Yes, it was the Beatles. No, it was not a tortoise.

Dude- I was making a funny. I knew it was a walrus.

(Sigh- the art of subtlety is lost on the older generation... *duck*)

I'm 34; I vaugely remember Lennon getting shot; and I grew up listening to Peter Paul & Mary, the Beatles, etc on LP. So there!

*blows a big ol' raspberry at JM!*

 

[JMohegan]

Dude- I was making a funny. I knew it was a walrus.

(Sigh- the art of subtlety is lost on the older generation... *duck*)

ROFL! (at myself )

You really don't strike me as the tortoise type, but I get it now. Better late than never.

 

[CutieMouse]

ROFL! (at myself )

You really don't strike me as the tortoise type, but I get it now. Better late than never.

Ohhh honey- I am such the tortoise... in a lot of ways, I'm probably the most reserved, private, prudish, ya-gotta-pursue-me-to-get-me kinky girl on the planet... but the man who manages to pull me out of my ivory tower will hopefully be very very happy in the end, and so will I.

 

[JMohegan]

Okay, I've checked out alt.com (not been very impressed, too many wannabee doms there), collarme.com kind of gives me the willies, at least the local profiles do. bondage.com seems to be much more upper level, but still has the wannabees - it's so far my fave, and not just for the personals. What other sites have you had success with? Or have you had more success locally with munches and dungeons?

I don't have any experience with online searches, so I can only comment on the search for mates in the physical world.

You are looking for a dominant male. Is that right?

Most of the Doms I know spend only a very small percentage of their leisure time at munches or the local club. So..... where are they? They hang out in non-kinky environments, just like everyone else. Ball games, restaurants, rock-climbing, tennis courts, dinner parties, etc.

My suggestion to you, BeachGurl (especially since you want to take things slowly here) would be to visit munches & clubs for the specific purpose of finding friends with similar interests. Then head out together and just have fun.

Kinky people know other kinky people, and the best introductions often come in a relaxed, non-sexual setting, where you can get to know each other talking casually about something you both enjoy.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Okay, I've checked out alt.com (not been very impressed, too many wannabee doms there), collarme.com kind of gives me the willies, at least the local profiles do. bondage.com seems to be much more upper level, but still has the wannabees - it's so far my fave, and not just for the personals. What other sites have you had success with? Or have you had more success locally with munches and dungeons?

Tough question to answer.... I've had good relationships develop from online, and from local contacts. With online, I personally prefer using chat rooms as a way to "converse" with someone, to try to get a feel for how they think, what their sense of humor is like, how quick they are to act and adapt, how they interact with others, what kind of reputation (at least online) they seem to have, etc... then add phone, then work towards a f-2-f. I had a relationship that started from online that lasted over 4 years after going realtime.

That relationship ended because it was time for me to take it to the next level, to go from long-distance to 24/7. But she wasn't willing to relocate to be with me, and I wasn't able to relocate to be with her (my kids were still minors and in high school, and I was NOT about to bail out of their lives at that point...). So it was time to let go and move on.

Now my current girl, janey, and I, met through our local munch group. Took a while before we connected, but we've been together 3 years plus. *grins and shrugs*

So just remember that when one opportunity ends, another will present itself, and Good Hunting!

 

[Netzach]

You don't have to hate your ex, you just have to find other things/guys to do. Eventually they won't be held up in comparinson to him, because they're not, they're different people with their own unique thing going on.\

I'm an advocate of face to face meetings, it's how I met my inner circle. I find that the munch one month may completely suck, and the next and the next, and then the month after the ideal person may be there, but he/she may be there only once because they may go, see it sucks, and never go back.

I know that if I had not been at the munch when my husband was, I probably would never have met him at a subsequent one.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I really haven't been comfortable with the whole online dating thing, but have continued it out of a lack of time. The local munches happen on Sunday afternoons when I'm spending time with my 11yo or picking her up from her dad's, so they don't work for me at all. Saturday night dungeon parties are a fun place to meet people, but for the most part, people are already paired off, so you end up sitting around chatting occasionally with someone who might be taking a break from a scene. They have sub meetings every other week, but they are in the evenings during the week when I'm busy with kid stuff. So I either have to look elsewhere or rearrange my schedule with my daughter. Don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. So I'll be patient. I'm thinking about joining a gym where my daughter and I can workout in the evenings together. We're looking into activities the two of us can do in the city. And I am without her every other weekend. Now that we're settled in, it's a good time to start venturing out.

 

[Ebonyfire]

As someone who have used the computer to screen the men I have dated since 1986, I prefer the computer. I do not call it online dating, I call it online screening. It reduces the bad, boring dates, you are put through when either others try to set you up (you find out that these people do not know you at all) or the accidental places (bars, church, e.g.).

The longer you chat with them online, the sooner you find out the lies because it is very hard to lie consistently over time...unless you are a sociopath, lol.

I convert to real life when my intuition and curiosity gets the best of me. It has not been a bad experience. Since I do not "date vanilla" anymore, it is even easier to meet the kind of submissives I like. It may be more difficult for a submissive woman or man. I dunno, I only speak of my own experiences.

I have found like I have said before, your chances are best when you take your time.

I also failed to mention, that at no time was I searching for a husband.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I met my vanilla on Yahoo personals, and we dated for 3 years. We are still friends, and he knows all about Me. He is a widower and he is a very nice man with a very nice job. We knew we were not ever gonna get married, and it was fine for us both.

 

[BeachGurl2]

As someone who have used the computer to screen the men I have dated since 1986, I prefer the computer. I do not call it online dating, I call it online screening. It reduces the bad, boring dates, you are put through when either others try to set you up (you find out that these people do not know you at all) or the accidental places (bars, church, e.g.).

The longer you chat with them online, the sooner you find out the lies because it is very hard to lie consistently over time...unless you are a sociopath, lol.

I convert to real life when my intuition and curiosity gets the best of me. It has not been a bad experience. Since I do not "date vanilla" anymore, it is even easier to meet the kind of submissives I like. It may be more difficult for a submissive woman or man. I dunno, I only speak of my own experiences.

I have found like I have said before, your chances are best when you take your time.

Eb

Oh, I'm not giving up online altogether. It has been difficult for me to wade through the trolls, but I will continue it. I've found that places like alt.com tend to have a high number of guys just wanting sex - so female, whether sub or not, get hit with a lot of troll mail. On bondage.com, I made my profile very intensive - I'm specific about who I am and what I want. That has mostly kept the trolls away - frankly, it's too long for them to wade through. But I prefer it that way because I know the people who have read through it email because they like what I had to say. And I have had some bites, just not ones that really turned my head. So yes, I'll keep doing it, I'll just be very patient. I'll know when it's time to dive.

 

[Ebonyfire]

So just remember that when one opportunity ends, another will present itself, and Good Hunting!

No truer words have been spoken. I know this from personal experience!

 

[Ebonyfire]

And I have had some bites, just not ones that really turned my head. So yes, I'll keep doing it, I'll just be very patient. I'll know when it's time to dive.

It seems to me that you are doing just fine.