Getting back out there

[BeachGurl2]

I know this has been done before but I didn't read RJ's searching thread and I'm too lazy to look for it.

Okay, I've checked out alt.com (not been very impressed, too many wannabee doms there), collarme.com kind of gives me the willies, at least the local profiles do. bondage.com seems to be much more upper level, but still has the wannabees - it's so far my fave, and not just for the personals. What other sites have you had success with? Or have you had more success locally with munches and dungeons?

 

[A Desert Rose]

I've never had a lot of success online. I do have online Dom friends but nothing beyond friendships. Munches don't do much for me either. But lots of folks here love them.

My suggestion is get out and meet people. Lots of them. A friend of a friend of a cousin you know might very well end up being the guy for you.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I've never had a lot of success online. I do have online Dom friends but nothing beyond friendships. Munches don't do much for me either. But lots of folks here love them.

My suggestion is get out and meet people. Lots of them. A friend of a friend of a cousin you know might very well end up being the guy for you.

I've only recently moved to the city and for the most part, the people I've met and become friends with are his friends. So now I feel like I'm starting from scratch. It's actually a little intimidating to realize how isolated I am now that the only people I know (beside those from work, who aren't real options) 'belong' to him.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I've only recently moved to the city and for the most part, the people I've met and become friends with are his friends. So now I feel like I'm starting from scratch. It's actually a little intimidating to realize how isolated I am now that the only people I know (beside those from work, who aren't real options) 'belong' to him.

Oh yea, I can see where that can really suck. But you're bright and attractive and I'm sure you eventually spread out on your own and make herds of new friends.

Again, though... some of those folks you already know could help you network into greener pastures.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Of course, who am I to talk? LOL This is another success story...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=457430

 

[Ebonyfire]

Since I do not know you I do not know how you prefer to socialize. I met most of my submissives online. I have met them from all of the websites people mention. Alt, Collarme, & Bondage.com.

I have met some very nice male subs for the most part mainly because I am very good at articulating my needs in the relationship.

So if I were you, I would write down what you want and what you need. What is important and what is not so important, if you do not already know that.

Then you must decide what you will not tolerate. The deal breakers. It is important to do that BEFORE you meet anyone, so you won't let your hormones or any other thing influence you.

Then just meet people. You do not have to have sex with everyone you meet, unless that is one of your goals. You do not have to look at every male you go out with as a potential husband. Just enjoy the process and keep your mind and heart open.


In my case I always know that I am only interested in a deep relationship with a submissive man. That is a deal breaker. If a man is not a submissive he will never be more than a friend or friend with benefits (and damn few benefits at that).

Only you can decide what is important. If you are not someone who likes to socialize then going to munches may not may you happy. However you may not know that unless you go to at least one.


Eb

 

[BeachGurl2]

Since I do not know you I do not know how you prefer to socialize. I met most of my submissives online. I have met them from all of the websites people mention. Alt, Collarme, & Bondage.com.

I have met some very nice male subs for the most part mainly because I am very good at articulating my needs in the relationship.

So if I were you, I would write down what you want and what you need. What is important and what is not so important, if you do not already know that.

Then you must decide what you will not tolerate. The deal breakers. It is important to do that BEFORE you meet anyone, so you won't let your hormones or any other thing influence you.

Then just meet people. You do not have to have sex with everyone you meet, unless that is one of your goals. You do not have to look at every male you go out with as a potential husband. Just enjoy the process and keep your mind and heart open.


In my case I always know that I am only interested in a deep relationship with a submissive man. That is a deal breaker. If a man is not a submissive he will never be more than a friend or friend with benefits (and damn few benefits at that).

Only you can decide what is important. If you are not someone who likes to socialize then going to munches may not may you happy. However you may not know that unless you go to at least one.


Eb

Thank you for that great advice, Eb. I did, in fact, drop in on the dungeon tonight. Was pretty quiet, but did meet a couple of new people. Hadn't been there in a few months, so was nice to visit again. I'm a fairly social creature, so meeting new people isn't usually an issue for me. It's more that I'm pretty new to the city and just don't know where to go yet. But I'll find my way around. I just need to learn patience - not a trait often associated with me.

 

[myinnerslut]

i dont have any personal experience with online dating, but ive heard a lot of success stories. good luck in your search.

 

[RJMasters]

Wishing you luck, happiness and safety in your adventures.

 

[BeachGurl2]

i dont have any personal experience with online dating, but ive heard a lot of success stories. good luck in your search.

Well, I obviously haven't had much luck with internet dating, either, since my last relationship started right here on lit. But I'm also trying to stay positive. Thanks!

 

[BeachGurl2]

Wishing you luck, happiness and safety in your adventures.

Thanks, RJ. Don't know about the adventures part of that, but we'll see.

 

[jlust]

I'm in the same boat, I just moved to Baltimore, and have so many things going on, it's tough to remain patient.

I am talking to one girl(no bdsm) who is leaning towards a fun get together, but she is only online a few times a week, so it's tough. This next week should be the deal breaker for me, if she goes, I know she's interested, if she cancels, I'm going to tell her good luck and be on my way.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I'm in the same boat, I just moved to Baltimore, and have so many things going on, it's tough to remain patient.

I am talking to one girl(no bdsm) who is leaning towards a fun get together, but she is only online a few times a week, so it's tough. This next week should be the deal breaker for me, if she goes, I know she's interested, if she cancels, I'm going to tell her good luck and be on my way.

I can totally relate to the lack of patience. It's hard to wade through and find what you're looking for. And to be safe doing it. Good luck!

 

[WolfShadow73]

I meet most of my encounters online. I prefer to 'get a feel for people' for a while online before meeting them.....I kind of have a hangup about social situations....

I met Master online (at AdultFriendFinder)....made a friend...met in RL....continued to get to know each other for several months both online and offline before anything physical took place. We knew each other's minds intimately before we touched each other's bodies.

My potential plaything I also met online...at MySpace...again, formed a casual friendship...we're meeting in the real world on Friday...ahhh the things Im aching to do to that man....but....we shall see....people can be very different offline to their online persona.

 

[BeachGurl2]

people can be very different offline to their online persona.

That's certainly true. Even when you start talking on the phone, you still can't really know someone until you've spent time with them. I think that's the crux of the whole dating game these days. At what point do you truly know someone? And even after months of being with someone, thinking you know them, they can still surprise you. It can be discouraging, to say the least. Don't you wish everyone would just be honest about who and what they are so you could cut through the crap?

 

[chris9]

That's certainly true. Even when you start talking on the phone, you still can't really know someone until you've spent time with them. I think that's the crux of the whole dating game these days. At what point do you truly know someone? And even after months of being with someone, thinking you know them, they can still surprise you. It can be discouraging, to say the least. Don't you wish everyone would just be honest about who and what they are so you could cut through the crap?

I don't think that ever was any different. I suppose 'in former times' people didn't check out each other's sexual preferences as obviously as we do today, but when dating you want to present your best. And for the relatively little time you spend with a (potential) partner at first, it's easy to not show your annoying habits, bad parts, negative side.
There will also be always some surprise coming. Even if you know your partner 100% when starting out (which IMO is not possible), they will change.

Reading again I realize you might just mean that it's easier to lie about oneself online, to say things you don't mean.

In any case, good luck to you in your search. Have fun and be safe

 

[BeachGurl2]

Reading again I realize you might just mean that it's easier to lie about oneself online, to say things you don't mean.

In any case, good luck to you in your search. Have fun and be safe

That's exactly what I mean. I wish that more people were able to truly be themselves online. Makes it difficult to wade through the BS to get to the person underneath. Thanks, Chris.

 

[Easy-Reader]

I know this has been done before but I didn't read RJ's searching thread and I'm too lazy to look for it.

Okay, I've checked out alt.com (not been very impressed, too many wannabee doms there), collarme.com kind of gives me the willies, at least the local profiles do. bondage.com seems to be much more upper level, but still has the wannabees - it's so far my fave, and not just for the personals. What other sites have you had success with? Or have you had more success locally with munches and dungeons?

For lasting relationships, I've only ever really had success with people I've met online (Literotica, and an old service called digital city).

Breaking it down, whenever I've actually made a good connection with someone online, it's usually been after months/years of sending emails into the void without an answer (other than the canned spam variety). So persistence pays. I hope.

All that being said, I visit OKcupid (not kink specific, but they're a young site that has quite a few kinky people on it), Alt.com, Adultfriendfinder, and of course Lit since all seem to have pretty expansive profile options. I tried a few more vanilla sites in the past but had terrible luck (lava life, match.com, -heh, Eharmony told me to get lost since they didn't have someone that matched me...guess I'm unique).

On the whole though, you should be ok if you're patient. And since the guys far outnumber the gals on these sites, you can also afford to be picky.

While I've never been to one, I have to admit some reluctance on my part about munches. I'm not only new to my area, but I'm a privacy nut, and the first to admit that I'm relatively new to BDSM. I figure that these things coupled with the fact I wouldn't be attending with a significant other would make it a bit hard for me to fit in.

Best of luck

 

[kitty4ever]

Good luck. I did a post like this a couple of months ago, and know exactly what you feel. Collarme has many people that can give the willies. I had PMs from many there, even though I clicked 'Friend Only'. I've got blind PMs asking if I wanted to be kept, asking for everything up front, and I didn't answer those. Really, people need to actually learn to read profiles.

Anyways, I agree with EB in setting out a list of what you want and deal breakers. Then, plunge in and go.

Also, don't be afraid to PM any Dom on those sites whose profile interests you, and read the profiles of anyone who PMs you. Notice if you share a hobby or interest (outside of D/s).

Good luck. I do wish you the best.

 

[WolfShadow73]

That's certainly true. Even when you start talking on the phone, you still can't really know someone until you've spent time with them. I think that's the crux of the whole dating game these days. At what point do you truly know someone? And even after months of being with someone, thinking you know them, they can still surprise you. It can be discouraging, to say the least. Don't you wish everyone would just be honest about who and what they are so you could cut through the crap?

*shudder* phones.....I cant and I mean CANT talk to someone I dont know in the real world on the phone.

Its frustrating crap out of my plaything at the moment as he really really wants to hear my voice....but I just *cant* do it. After Ive met him it wont be a problem....

I know....its a weird hangup....meh....its a weird world....

 

[LunarKitten]

Well, I obviously haven't had much luck with internet dating, either, since my last relationship started right here on lit. But I'm also trying to stay positive. Thanks!

I spent years going to my local groups and munches, making a lot of good friends and learning a lot about myself, as well. However, that said, Master and I met in the Playground, right here on Lit. So, not all the guys on here are all that bad

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Good luck. I did a post like this a couple of months ago, and know exactly what you feel. Collarme has many people that can give the willies. I had PMs from many there, even though I clicked 'Friend Only'. I've got blind PMs asking if I wanted to be kept, asking for everything up front, and I didn't answer those. Really, people need to actually learn to read profiles.

Anyways, I agree with EB in setting out a list of what you want and deal breakers. Then, plunge in and go.

Also, don't be afraid to PM any Dom on those sites whose profile interests you, and read the profiles of anyone who PMs you. Notice if you share a hobby or interest (outside of D/s).

Good luck. I do wish you the best.

And Kitty is a great friend to talk to as she never leaves you without a smile. And mean that in clean way. lol

 

[shy slave]

I was sorry to readabout your relationship split.

I am glad you have decided to start looking again.

At the begining of last year when something similiar happened to me, Desdemona put this in a thread

I know it hurts, but go get yourself another. He's just a man and they're making more of them every single day.

It works, there really are new ones everyday

I know on the sites there are new wannabes, trolls, idiots and 'non- perfect for you' creatures but there will be someone out there.

On the bad days, read the worst pm's you get from the idiots, you don't get laid but you do get to smile so it's not all bad.

Des was right, this remains the most useful advice I was ever given, plus it made me laugh (and if I remember correctly it made ADR pee her pants, which people here would pay good money to see!! lol)

Have fun, relax and know that he didn't deserve you anyway

 

[BeachGurl2]

I was sorry to readabout your relationship split.

I am glad you have decided to start looking again.

At the begining of last year when something similiar happened to me, Desdemona put this in a thread

I know it hurts, but go get yourself another. He's just a man and they're making more of them every single day.

It works, there really are new ones everyday

I know on the sites there are new wannabes, trolls, idiots and 'non- perfect for you' creatures but there will be someone out there.

On the bad days, read the worst pm's you get from the idiots, you don't get laid but you do get to smile so it's not all bad.

Des was right, this remains the most useful advice I was ever given, plus it made me laugh (and if I remember correctly it made ADR pee her pants, which people here would pay good money to see!! lol)

Have fun, relax and know that he didn't deserve you anyway

Thanks for the kind words, Shy. Oh, to be as lucky as you in love. Or is it your more domly half who is lucky? (i'm guessing both)

There's a part of me who thinks I should jump right back in the game. Hit the ground running and see who turns up. But it's hard to turn off love, so there's the other part of me who can't imagine being with anyone else. I truly wish I could hate him, but I just can't. So at this point I'm taking things slow and just browsing. And if someone comes along who interests me, I won't turn them down. One day at a time, right?

 

[CutieMouse]

But it's hard to turn off love, so there's the other part of me who can't imagine being with anyone else. I truly wish I could hate him, but I just can't. So at this point I'm taking things slow and just browsing. And if someone comes along who interests me, I won't turn them down. One day at a time, right?

You seem to be doing a wonderful job of dusting yourself off, and moving forward.

It seems silly, but in a lot of ways getting over this long distance relationship that wasn't quite a relationship (we never really moved past multiple daily phone calls... and we still talk every day), has been harder to step away from than when I decided to get divorced, or when I lost my best friends as Lovers.

We decided it wasn't going anywhere in May; it took until mid-August for me to even have the heart to start posting at Lit; I'm just now tentatively thinking of maybe, possibly, sort of contemplating casual dating... which just ... blergh.

I am the tortoise- koo koo ka choo.
(My apologies to the Beatles... I think it was the Beatles.)