Getting attached

[Vessira]

Something I've always found fascinating is how long it takes me to start getting "attached" when I start seeing someone new. I've found that my Non-BSDM relationships it's always much slower than my BDSM relationships.

I have recently started seeing someone new and I'm extremely pleased because it is my first BDSM relationship in a long time. But it's only been as few weeks and I already find myself "missing" him when he's not around and thinking about him constantly (although the rope burns definitely work as a pleasant reminder). I'm assuming this is probably very common, because of the trust required and bonding that happens during encounters.

These were just my thoughts, in case anyone else felt like sharing.

 

[Yang4yin]

The common interests... the special pleasures... it's understandable.

 

[FurryFury]

Makes sense to me. Of course I have a terrible tendency to over attachment anyway. I'm bad that way.

Fury

 

[Toa_lin]

I don't get attached easily... it generally takes alot for me to do so.... But with my pyl, I've gotten more attached to her then in any other relationship... and in a shorter time period aswell.

I think you're on teh right track with the idea of deepre trust etc. Cus I kow a major part of it for me, is she trusts me enough to let me tie her up to the point where she's completely helpess... The ammount of trust and, in my case, compassion that takes is.... yeah..

 

[subtleone]

I would agree, you really have too give a lot of trust too anyone who you will allow to dominate you, so as you let yourself trust him (her) you must 'fall' for them more quickly than with a new vanilla relationship where you just have to decide if you like them; trust usually builds up over a long period.

 

[BiBunny]

I would agree, you really have too give a lot of trust too anyone who you will allow to dominate you, so as you let yourself trust him (her) you must 'fall' for them more quickly than with a new vanilla relationship where you just have to decide if you like them; trust usually builds up over a long period.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

 

[wistfulone]

I think being attached is great when both people feel that way about each other but can’t there be a problem when one person is more attached than the other person. I guess this applies to both BDSM and vanilla relationships. With my little experience in BDSM relationships I’ve noticed that it can be harder for the less attached person to end a BDSM relationship, than end the relationship if it was vanilla. But I guess it’s a tricky thing to do in both circumstances.

 

[incubus'_sub]

I think it has more to do with what the relationship may offer than any special trust developing quickly.

I've seen this happen with quite a few kink friends. There are many fish in the sea, but not a lot of fish with whips, if you get my drift. When you catch one, you're determined to make it work & not let it get away, because catching another may not be easy, so you rush it.

 

[subtleone]

I think it has more to do with what the relationship may offer than any special trust developing quickly.

I've seen this happen with quite a few kink friends. There are many fish in the sea, but not a lot of fish with whips, if you get my drift. When you catch one, you're determined to make it work & not let it get away, because catching another may not be easy, so you rush it.

That's a very good point, especially after reading many peoples experiences with being 'stuck' in a vanilla relationship with someone they love but who does not offer them the release they need. I consider myself very lucky indeed to have both the love, the trust and exactly what my soul desires.

 

[Vessira]

I think it has more to do with what the relationship may offer than any special trust developing quickly.

I've seen this happen with quite a few kink friends. There are many fish in the sea, but not a lot of fish with whips, if you get my drift. When you catch one, you're determined to make it work & not let it get away, because catching another may not be easy, so you rush it.

Indeed, in my current situation, I'm actually SURPRISED by how well it's going, as it's very uncommon for me. I can get easily attached to people I'm extra affectionate with, so I'm aware of that, but I seem much more willing to test my boundaries and be open with him, after only knowing him a short while, than I have in certain relationships in the past.

Now I simply will have to deal with the fact of if I'm falling for him too quickly, and whether it's all for nought seeing as I'll be moving away in June.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I find that if I'm getting attached to easily, using more lube helps.

 

[Vessira]

I find that if I'm getting attached to easily, using more lube helps.

*groans* Only you EG. Haven't needed any lube yet

 

[Evil_Geoff]

*groans* Only you EG. Haven't needed any lube yet

*grins impishly* Have you tried fisting or anal play yet?

 

[Vessira]

*grins impishly* Have you tried fisting or anal play yet?

Fisting is so out of the question *shudders*

Mostly we've just been having bondage fun. Last night was fun with duct tape.

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

I've noticed this too. I'm much more attached to Snooze than I was with any previous relationships this far into them.

And here I was afraid I was the only one.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I've noticed this too. I'm much more attached to Snooze than I was with any previous relationships this far into them.

And here I was afraid I was the only one.

nope, you are not alone. i am more attached to Master than i have been to any of my other relationships. when i don't hear His voice, i miss Him tremendously, and i think it has ALOT to do with the trust that is required to give up that control that i've given up to Him. lucky for me, He is just attached to me as i am to Him *smiles* so it all works

 

[titmouse]

I do feel that sharing such intimate experiences and connection makes the time appart more difficult to bear.

I don't have a lot of personal experience in either regard, but I have the impression that it might have to do a lot with acceptance, or more precisely feeling accepted for who and what I am with all my desires and flaws and weaknesses. I think acceptance is to a great deal what I, and maybe also others are looking for in a relationship and may have a more or less legitimate hope to find when being involved with a person who is complementing us in different regards, sexuality included.

D/s tends to intensify experiences and feelings for me, I wouldn't necessary say that attachment builds faster, but it sure cuts deeper than in a vanilla only situation.