Getin' some.

[Never]

When I was much younger (last year) I decided that when I turned nineteen either my virginity or Mr. Onyx Eye, my stuffed donkey (don't worry, it's a perfectly plutonic relationship), would have to go. Now, here it is, five days after my nineteenth birthday and I'm still untouched. Damn.

Well, I like the donkey so I've decided I'd better get laid and I've been working on a plan..
I'll strip naked and lay down on the sidewalk of some fairly busy area. I'm guessing downtown, Cabot Street, you get the idea. Anyway, I'll lay naked on the sidewalk and cover myself with sticks and leaves for camouflage. I shall tie a string from a building, wrap it around the lamppost on the other side and finally, attach it to my big toe. Then I shall lie in wait for an attractive woman of the correct height.

When I see her, I'll jerk back my toe, creating a trip wire. She'll fall face first into my outstretched legs and, if my judging of distance is correct, her mouth should land right on my cunt. Now, I have strong thighs so I will just grip her there and after a couple minutes of her screaming and thrashing that should be enough for me to be 'nonvirginal'.

I'm just working out the details now so any posts on suggestions or possible 'Plan B's would be greatly appreciated.
BTW, as it's 3am here and I'm not serious at all ridicule and mockery are also welcome.
Have a nice night folks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They all call me mad but what shall they call me when my plan succeeds?
BWHAHAHA!

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Never...You absolutely kill me...It's 4 AM and you still can manage to make me laugh! God, sorry no can help with your plan, my brain is mush at this early hour, god I need some shuteye! But, I am addicted, I am here, not where I should be....snuggled under my warm covers...fast asleep..... Personally though, I would trap a man...

Don't ever ever change, not ever Never Hugs KitKat

 

[SimplySouthern]

I know I haven't said it before (cause often I'm too lazy to do it) but Never..you absolutely crack me up. Your devious plot to get laid shall be a source of constant amusement for me! If all else fails...we'll gather a posse of the Bi Lit women and arrange a road trip to de-flower you, bless your heart!

 

[Endlessly]

I thought she said sticks and leaves, not flowers..

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Neverbabes, you've got great hair, a great personality.. Women have been ravaged for less. I'm not worried about you.

 

[SimplySouthern]

She did...but somehow Un-stick and De-Leaf just didn't sound so poetic...FUCK IT. The next time I'm gonna be down and dirty...LOL

 

[Savage Kitten]

Neeeeeeever.. sounds like a plan to me ckickie poo.. so here ya go a back up plan if the first one doesn't net your desired results hehe

make up some invitational flyers, which you would hand to desired prospects. Include a catchy little slogan on the front. Something like "Dine at Never's, an all you can eat buffet" include a dessert that nobody could turned down ie: Cherry Cream Pie. You may even want to include a pic of an entre or two. Be sure to add serving time and locale. Then hand those little babies out and watch as their mouths drool and appetites rise!!

 

[Rosebud]

Never...
strip all your clothes off
take a dollar bill and tape it just below your belly button
put a sign on your chest that says...

ALL YOU CAN EAT UNDER A BUCK

 

[Siren]

Too Fucking Funny Rosebud

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Why go to all that trouble, sweetie?

Just walk into your local burger place and ask for it the way you want it. I think Burger King will give it to you the way you want it. And you can avoid all the cuts and scratches for the leaves and twigs.

 

[Never]

OH FUCK!
I'm still pure and untouched. What type of place IS this?

 

[Guest]

~ just sashaying through ~

OH!

~stepping over trip wire and past pile of leaves and sticks~

"have a nice day"

 

[Lightning]

Seeking Orgasm Donors...

OH FUCK!
I'm still pure and untouched. What type of place IS this?

Never, all you need to do is post a request to find an orgasm donor. I would offer my services, but I think my lover would object. Good luck, and take care.

 

[stargazer76]

Orgasm donors....

Never, if Lightning is willing, and it appears he is, you go for it, honey. Unless you'd rather I did the honors. Either way, you just let us know.....

 

[Svedish_Chef]

OH FUCK!
I'm still pure and untouched. What type of place IS this?

Well you wont visit me will you

 

[Adoratrice]

Oh lord ....I swear your going to make me pee my pants one of these days.


Do you not see the flaw in your plan hun? this is July...........if you want your stick and leaf plan to work then you have to wait til fall.

As for plan B, let me think hmmmmm oh I know, how about you lay in my bed under the clean cool white cotton sheets and I will slither in beside you and make it all go away?

 

[Never]

As long as there's no anal fisting involved it's a Plan.

 

[Adoratrice]

Oh my God!!!.....I just happened to stumble into that whole thing in that other thread. What is up with that?! there is digresing and then there is just plain WAYYYY off topic.


Good lord.


I can pretty much gaurantee that there will be no Anal fisting (it hurts just to type it) in my bed.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Oh lord ....I swear your going to make me pee my pants one of these days.


Do you not see the flaw in your plan hun? this is July...........if you want your stick and leaf plan to work then you have to wait til fall.

As for plan B, let me think hmmmmm oh I know, how about you lay in my bed under the clean cool white cotton sheets and I will slither in beside you and make it all go away?

Ohhhhhhh not fair....

 

[Adoratrice]

Fair? Fair you say?

Is it fair that you had her a whole month to yourself before I ever even got here ? I think not. I'm just trying to make up for lost time Cheffie....lost time.


and your still just as cute as a speckled pup under a red wagon .