Get un-shy?

[Hadar]

I have this problem. Well i
guess alot of people do and
some are just better at
controlling it. But i get shy
around girls i go to ask out. But
around anyone else im outgoing
as hell. Or if i do i get the fun
rejected line, "your a cool guy
and all, but, we should just be
friends." can i please get some
how to become or show more
confidence when asking
someone out? I think its just a
fear of being rejected. But what
do i know im nieve in all things
like this (damn sheltered
childhood)

 

[SweetErika]

There are lots of great threads on gaining confidence and becoming more outgoing around here. Click Me for some of them.

 

[Abradix]

Stop caring what they think or if they'll say yes or no. Just put yourself out there like it ain't no thing.

The more you turn it over in your mind the less successful you will be. Strike up and conversation and just be cool about it. Be flirtatious so she knows where youre coming from but not in a creepy way. Practice makes perfect, just take a day on the town and see what kind of reactions you can get. If you don't give a damn its actually a lot of fun.

 

[Mindyvixen]

I have this problem. Well i
guess alot of people do and
some are just better at
controlling it. But i get shy
around girls i go to ask out. But
around anyone else im outgoing
as hell. Or if i do i get the fun
rejected line, "your a cool guy
and all, but, we should just be
friends." can i please get some
how to become or show more
confidence when asking
someone out? I think its just a
fear of being rejected. But what
do i know im nieve in all things
like this (damn sheltered
childhood)

You need to just put it in your head that she (the girl you're asking out) should be the one that is lucky to date you. Don't worry about it if you get rejected...what's the big deal..just move on.

 

[Hadar]

Sorry its taken so long to reply.
I come here from my phone and
its a slow process.
One thing i have noticed/been
told im an out going guy but i
can be a silent bob type of guy.
But when i talk to people i tend
to overthink. And i think what
happens is that i start to think
the person wont like me. Im a
real low stress man kinda like
im always high. I always get
asked if im high. But i think that
because of that reason i freeze
up. Gahh i need a computer my
thumb hurts

 

[human_male]

I feel you pain. What you could try is don't go up to them to ask them out. Just talk to them exactly as if they were just a male friend, just like you chat to all your other friends, just without the swearing and with less sports references. Don't psyche yourself up like "This time I'm going to ask her out". Just chat, and wait until it feels right before you ask her.

I have no idea if this will work but I wish you well.

 

[Hadar]

Thats the thing when i talk to
her i have so much going on i
for get to ask and we just talk
about whatever. Well anything
cept sports. I know nothing of
sports lol

 

[Dan-The-Man]

I may have to read up as well. Thanks for the link

 

[human_male]

Thats the thing when i talk to
her i have so much going on i
for get to ask and we just talk
about whatever. Well anything
cept sports. I know nothing of
sports lol

That's good. Make them think you just want to be friends and lure them into a false sense of security. Slowly start to reel them in and when you get close... POUNCE!

 

[Hadar]

That's good. Make them think you just want to be friends and lure them into a false sense of security. Slowly start to reel them in and when you get close... POUNCE!

If being that fails at least i have
another friend lol. Mmmm
friendship the other white meat

 

[JustinStrange]

Just ask her out and don't fret the results. It gets easier with time and experience.

 

[oOScarletWingsOo]

Set attainable goals first. Go for girls that you feel more certain that will say yes to you asking them out....someone within your "range". Everyone wants to go out with the 10, but a lot of us aren't 10's. Hard facts of life.

If you think you might be a 7, let's say, hit up a 5. Go out with her see how it goes. Often times, why this works I'll never know, but more women will talk to you or seem more interested when they've had the opportunity to see you with other women. Maybe it's like a woman has giving you a stamp of approval and that means you are alright.

 

[dashd]

I have this problem. Well i
guess alot of people do and
some are just better at
controlling it. But i get shy
around girls i go to ask out. But
around anyone else im outgoing
as hell. Or if i do i get the fun
rejected line, "your a cool guy
and all, but, we should just be
friends." can i please get some
how to become or show more
confidence when asking
someone out? I think its just a
fear of being rejected. But what
do i know im nieve in all things
like this (damn sheltered
childhood)

I can understand how you feel. I always wanted to date this one girl in my younger days but was afraid to ask. We lost track of each other over the years and recently rediscovered each other after about 40 years. She's still single (never married) and we share many of the same hobbies and are even in related professions. If I could do it all over again I would have just asked. I am older and wiser now. The only tried and true method is just to go ahead and ask. The alternative is to wait forty years and be sorry that you never asked sooner.

 

[Reba67]

Don't go looking for a date, go looking for friends. It's like we all have radar about who's desperate or not.

I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at all, but I suddenly find I have one. We were friends for years and now we're something more. It caught us both by surprise.

 

[EjAcKuLaToR]

Figure it like this. If you ask out 1,000 women, you're liable to get a few to go out with you. Consider it a game of odds. Don't let it bug you if you get the friend thing. Just move on to the next one and keep asking. The less you get hurt by rejection the more successful you'll be. Don't let it affect you. Just be resilient and keep trying.
Oh and the less you give a shit, the better off you are. Go ask women out, but don't let it matter to you if they're too dumb to go out with you. There's a smart one out there.
Jack

 

[Lalah]

Please Hadar. I don't know if you're writing from a phone and maybe it's because my eyes are not so good, but can you try putting more words on every lines? I have trouble reading your posts when every lines are so short. That would really help.

 

[Hadar]

you know i have started going out more still no real gf or anything but i am leaving my house now thanks to all that helped me

 

[sethp]

I have this problem. Well i
guess alot of people do and
some are just better at
controlling it. But i get shy
around girls i go to ask out. But
around anyone else im outgoing
as hell. Or if i do i get the fun
rejected line, "your a cool guy
and all, but, we should just be
friends." can i please get some
how to become or show more
confidence when asking
someone out? I think its just a
fear of being rejected. But what
do i know im nieve in all things
like this (damn sheltered
childhood)

another way to go is study the teachings of "mystery" and some of the other "pick up artists"

The reason isn't so that you can use trickery to get the women but it will give you the confidence to start the conversation in the first place.

 

[Hadar]

i just act myself ... i think i scare more people then i do get them to like me but hey it happens

 

[sethp]

i just act myself ... i think i scare more people then i do get them to like me but hey it happens

Then get some "patterns" these are memorized conversation openers that are funny and amusing that you can use on anyone anytime. they aren't lines, like "hey are your legs tired cause you've been running thru my mind all night" ..those don't work. But they are things such us..." hey did you see that fight out front earlier?" "two girls were fighting over this guy named george. or maybe it was jorge. blah blah blah" and they get you into a conversation over the initial weird stage so that you can actually talk to them. it's good stuff!

 

[Hadar]

actually i have my own way of startign up convos ... expecially on weekends while im working at the renasance faire

 

[soxel]

it really, really helps when you dont imagine them naked all the time. i.e. what their breasts are like, staring at their ass all the time.

think of them a person instead of a fantasy, if thats what you do.

 

[Hadar]

actually i uhhh have nothign going through my head while i talk to a female but at the same time is is over cluttered with thoughts

 

[RozieMozie]

i find it easier to talk to someone for the first time if i've talked to them over the net for a lil while

 

[DRoc]

i find it easier to talk to someone for the first time if i've talked to them over the net for a lil while

Trust her on that one. She is an "expert" at talking to guys on the net...



I to have had (and still do to some extent) this problem. I just take a deep breath and dive in.