Gently...

[Shadowed]

I just caught myself looking seriously at a sexual enhancement drug advertisement. I had some kind of sexual epiphany though when I realised that I am 18, and I have nothing physically wrong at all.

My fiance' is a very beautiful woman and we have been sexually active for some time, however I have a desire to experiment and a raging libido, which I imagine is rather normal at 18. However my fiance' doesn't seem to share the same vein. I gently break the topic into conversation often however she has alot of existing insecurities that cause her to become defensive.

I just want to know if anyone has any tips to effectively communicate my desires and feelings without potentially unseating her confidence. I have in the past been alot more sexually active and experienced than she, however I have been more confident with myself and my appearance.

As a result I have developed desires that I dare not even mention for fear that she may take it that she isn't pleasuring me, or is sexually inadequate. Which isn't the case. I just wish that the communication lines were not so constricted when it comes to sex. Does anyone else share this problem? The awkwardness perhaps?

any and all responses much appreciated. I love her undyingly, I just hope for a more full and varied sex-life.

Cheers.

 

[SweetErika]

I think nearly everyone has experienced some awkwardness when it comes to talking about sex. It gets easier with time, trust, good communication, and experience.

There is tons of advice on communication in The Blank Manual at the top of this forum and you can also do a search to find other tips. I would choose a non- sexual moment to sit down and express your feelings about how important it is to you to be open and able to communicate about sexuality. Tell her you know it's uncomfortable for both of you, but you feel it's vital for the health of the relationship (or something like that). Try to use "I feel.." statements so she doesn't feel attacked or blamed... you may even want to tell her that your intention isn't to hurt or blame her up front. Be sure to ask how she feels and how you can come up with some solutions together to reinforce that you're viewing this as a couples challenge, not a problem with her.

The main thing is DO NOT get married until all of this is resolved and you can communicate with ease about this and every topic. If you need to go to pre-marital counseling to work on it, do so, but getting married certainly doesn't make anything better. 18 is very young to be engaged and deal with all of this...it would be wise to make it a very, very long engagement and wait until you've both had a chance to discover more about yourselves, eachother, and mature in terms of sexuality and communication (neither of you will likely recognize yourself in 5 years).

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Great advice as always Erika. I just want to ad - I still have awkward moments discussing sexual desires, etc with my S/O. Sometimes I send him a link from Lit. with a story or topic I'm interested in. Sharing stories or videos may be a good way to gauge her reaction to certain things without actually going out on a limb and saying it! You may be surprised. Perhaps she has desires you haven't thought of too! oh - to be 18 again.......

 

[Shadowed]

thanks very much for all of your advice.. I'm sure things will pan out much better from here on out.

 

[Evil Kirk]

It sounds like to me that you're not really ready to be married, which is okay. I think you might want to re-think having a fiance.

 

[LindaL]

Gosh, SweetErika. In the brief time I've been here, I've noticed: You give good info.

 

[SweetErika]

Gosh, SweetErika. In the brief time I've been here, I've noticed: You give good info.

Thanks, Linda...that's really nice, though I've learned a lot right here!