General Feedback

[Onoz]

I started writing several years ago... scratch that, started writing when I was about 10. However I started posting on Literotica about 3 years ago. I've been reading on the site for longer and originally just posted some of my non-erotic writing here to get an idea of what other people thought.

I lost my account information for a while, recovered it recently and have since posted two short erotic pieces. One is planned to be part of a series (I have written part of the next installment but it's not completed and so I refrain from posting any more, if you would like to see what more I have written let me know on a personal basis and I can email it to you) and the other is a standalone which was written pretty much in a single night with the sole intention of being about fantastical sex having little to no plot. I would however greatly appreciate feedback on any of my stories: plot, characters, writing, even grammar if necessary.

Any feedback on the non-erotic pieces would also be greatly appreciated because I'm somewhat stuck as to where to take the story from here. I have also written about two more pages to append to that series which I would be more than willing to share on a personal basis as two pages does not, in my opinion, merit another post.

Let me know what you think, here or by email/pm:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=878384&page=submissions

Edit: The non-erotic stories are science fiction based and, obviously, non-erotic. The two erotic pieces both deal with pretty mild bondage/domination and copious amounts of fantasy.

 

[StrictMasterD]

Why is is when people send feedbackto authors they rarely hear back from the Author, if the Author wanys feedback they shouls at least acknoeldge the feeddback they got, oyu you do not know i fthey even read it

 

[sr71plt]

Why is is when people send feedbackto authors they rarely hear back from the Author, if the Author wanys feedback they shouls at least acknoeldge the feeddback they got, oyu you do not know i fthey even read it

Didn't you ask this on another thread just a day or two ago? Isn't this sort of a "why is the sky blue?" question for starters? Is there some sort of law authors have to answer unsolicited mail? Do you answer all of the unsolicited mail that lands in your mailbox?

A large part of the interest in responding to feedback, I'm sure, has to do with the content and tone of the feedback. A fairly frequent laugh shared here on the AH, for instance, is feedback on typos and such that's illiterate itself.

 

[Onoz]

Why is is when people send feedbackto authors they rarely hear back from the Author, if the Author wanys feedback they shouls at least acknoeldge the feeddback they got, oyu you do not know i fthey even read it

I'm fairly sure I've replied to all the feedback I've ever gotten in regards to my stories, and now I'm looking for more. If you have feedback, let me know, if you don't then thank you anyway and I'll wait for someone that does.

 

[D_K_Moon]

Why is is when people send feedbackto authors they rarely hear back from the Author, if the Author wanys feedback they shouls at least acknoeldge the feeddback they got, oyu you do not know i fthey even read it

Well, when the feedfback consists of "I want character x to fuck character y in the ass..." I don't think a reply is warranted.

However, if a reader takes the time to send me real feedback, I will usually respond.

 

[CWatson]

Why is is when people send feedbackto authors they rarely hear back from the Author, if the Author wanys feedback they shouls at least acknoeldge the feeddback they got, oyu you do not know i fthey even read it

If I had got this as a feedback, I would have been unable to answer it, because I don't speak whatever language it was written in.

As to the original topic: I couldn't read the one about Slaanesh, because I can't take seriously the idea of her having sex with a mortal. (Yes, even though she is the goddess of lust. I've seen enough of her on my travels with Ciaphas Cain.) So I got going on Serenity, which I found to be an odd name for a costumed adventurer, but then who asked me.

First off, the titties. As any woman can tell you, these get in the way if you're doing any sort of athletic activity. There's a reason a lot of athletes are relatively flat-chested... and a reason that athletes with larger, ahh, developments don't stay athletes for long. Yes, we all grew up with the Most Common Superpower, but it'll still be a sticking point with anyone who actually owns boobages and can tell you firsthand about Jiggle Physics.

You also had a small technical error where you started a parenthetical phrase ("the new caped crusader in town") with an emdash but then ended it with a comma. That ain't right.

Finally, the extended description of Tori is completely unnecessary. Not to mention her perfectly-manicured lawn. How much money is she making if she's a secretary at a law firm, with only an undergrad degree?

Yes, I'm being nitpicky here. The truth is, there's nothing else really to point out. The vast majority of your technicals are in order, and you know how to tell a story--which puts you above like 80% of the site's contributors. But now it's time to rein in your imagination a little. Fun and sex appeal is all well and good, but there's a point past which it deviates from reality and you risk snapping the Suspension of Disbelief. What good does it do to write an awesome superhero saga if too many readers clicked "Back" because of silly errors like these? =(

 

[Onoz]

First off, thanks for some actual feedback for a change instead of meta-feedback, much appreciated.

I reread the opening passage of Serenity and found the error you were talking about, hadn't even noticed it with my previous run-through of self editing. As to the comment about the description of Tori and her lawn, I was hoping to convey the idea that, in conjunction with her modest house, the lawn was not overly large and she maintained it herself. Hopefully this would convey the idea that she was a very neat/tidy person. It seems I could have done a better job trying to get that idea across. Also, the extended description into her person is there because I hope for it to be a series and thus Tori will play more than a minor role in it, I wanted to build her character a little in the beginning. Looking back at things I could probably have put in less description there and just filled in details along the way, but hindsight is 20/20.

The bra-sizes were picked because I was kind of hoping to bridge the gap between senseless, gravity defying breasts that rivaled select celestial objects in size and the mosquito bites that most professional female athletes tend to cultivate. I could have probably gone for a small B cup instead but again, hindsight is 20/20.

I'm not entirely sure which part of the story you're referring to in the last paragraph of reining in the imagination. Are you referring again to the breasts? Or in this case do you just mean the entire situation at the end of the story? I'm not sure which you mean or if you mean something entirely different. If it's the situation at the end, I posted it in sci-fi because of the nature of Shade.

Again, thanks for the honest feedback. I'd be interested to know your opinions on where I might go with Serenity (like I said I have a tiny bit extra to add on to the end of it that I can email/pm to you) or any take you might have on the non-erotic chapters I wrote.

 

[Onoz]

Still looking for any feedback that might be out there.