Gender bias in kinks/interests

[Zenith77]

It's probably safe to say that certain acts are universally and equally liked - oral, for example (barring the occasional exception).

What acts/kinks/interests/fetishes/fantasies do you think are preferred by women over men, or vice-versa? And why?

 

[TheRedChamber]

EDIT - Simon found a more detailed one here
This reddit page has some data.

If I had to summerize the results in two horrifying sentances I'd go with - 'Women like being hurt*. Men like everything else'

Luckily it seems to be from an informal online survey and thus very easy to tear down and disprove which is definitely something I want to do now.

(* or possibly hurting people, it's a bit vague about who is doing what to whom.)

 

[onehitwanda]

This reddit page has some data.

why the fuck did I click on that link.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I’ve found that most things I like guys also like.

One possible exception and it more a question of nuance. I don’t mind receiving water-sports every now and again, though it’s been years. Never been in to giving it though. So one difference there.

However, receiving was also always something I did more for the guy / guys involved than for me. Not that I hated it, but lots of other things I’d prefer.

Water-sports with a girl (and I’ve only done it with one and again only received) is a wholly different matter.

Em

 

[Zenith77]

This reddit page has some data.

Thanks for the link. I found this interesting; I think, despite the small sample size, it's probably about what I'd expect.

 

[EmilyMiller]

why the fuck did I click on that link.

I was thinking of doing so. Would you advise against?

Em

 

[Zenith77]

I was thinking of doing so. Would you advise against?

Em

There's nothing there you haven't done before haven't seen before don't already know.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I was thinking of doing so. Would you advise against?

Em

It asks people to rank a variety of fetishes by how interested (out of 10) and how taboo (out of 10) they think they are. There are some fairly extreme fetishes at the far end of the scale which are ranked below 1 out of 10 for interest but which one would hope (against hope) would be at absolute zero. Plus the aforementioned women vote for pain trend. It's just words on a graph though so unless maths makes you feel queasy, you're probably okay.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Chastity and small genitals humiliation seem very male. I've almost never heard of women getting off on being told they're ugly or from being deprived of sex for long periods.

Women and queer men seem more likely to get off on being told they're naughty sluts.

 

[SimonDoom]

The best and most complete survey I've seen on this subject was conducted recently by the sex worker/former cam girl Aellagirl, who can be found at Twitter and who maintains a substack page where she posts the results of surveys that she's done. She has an interesting background and obviously is highly intelligent. I can't currently find a link to the chart of the survey results, but it plots hundreds of kinks on an X-Y graph where Y is the popularity of the kink and X is its degree of taboo, and the chart also plots the by color the degree to which the kink is relatively favored by men or by women. It's very interesting. For instance, mother-son incest is favored by men, but father-son incest is favored by women. Pain skews female, while scat skews male.

 

[SimonDoom]

I found the link:

https://aella.substack.com/p/fetish-tabooness-vs-popularity

 

[TheRedChamber]

I found the link:

https://aella.substack.com/p/fetish-tabooness-vs-popularity

Ooo, looks like thats a more recent version by the same person with way more detail. (I've replaced it in my original post)

And yes it only get worse....

 

[SimonDoom]

Ooo, looks like thats a more recent version by the same person with way more detail. (I've replaced it in my original post)

And yes it only get worse....

I think the best way of approaching this sort of data is to absorb it and study it without being alarmed. People fantasize about what they fantasize about. There's no necessary connection between what people fantasize about and what they want to do. It doesn't say much of anything about what people are doing in the real world.

 

[onehitwanda]

There was a time when I thought extreme kink was when I let myself be tied up and licked until I begged.

Then I discovered I was almost amusingly vanilla.

I found the link:

https://aella.substack.com/p/fetish-tabooness-vs-popularity

destructive pregnancies omg what

 

[SimonDoom]

There was a time when I thought extreme kink was when I let myself be tied up and licked until I begged.

Then I discovered I was almost amusingly vanilla.



destructive pregnancies omg what

I think vanilla sometimes gets a bad rap. It's an excellent flavor, although sometimes it's even better when you mix in something else.

 

[Zenith77]

I think vanilla sometimes gets a bad rap. It's an excellent flavor, although sometimes it's even better when you mix in something else.

100%.

Chocolate, for example.

 

[Zootonius]

I found the link:

https://aella.substack.com/p/fetish-tabooness-vs-popularity

Why do I suspect the methodology here ain't so great. My first concern is selection bias. It might be possible, but I find it hard to believe more people are more interested in anal sex than missionary sex.

 

[Zenith77]

Why do I suspect the methodology here ain't so great. My first concern is selection bias. It might be possible, but I find it hard to believe more people are more interested in anal sex than missionary sex.

I find this entirely plausible. If the operative phrase is 'interested in', I expect anal excites more than missionary. If the survey said 'you, personally, have physically experienced....' then it would be a very different result.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Why do I suspect the methodology here ain't so great. My first concern is selection bias. It might be possible, but I find it hard to believe more people are more interested in anal sex than missionary sex.

Depends whether people fantasise more about things they don't do very often?

And whether people interpreted 'missionary' as requiring a penis and vagina and everyone not interested in one or the other said no.

The log scale makes low-interest niches look more popular, too. Especially when interest could be 'yeah, love that!' to 'well, I'd never heard of that before but might try it once so I can say I have...'

 

[Seadog777]

This question will never ever be answered with any numbers that will be remotely close to being accurate.

People lie, people are scared to admit things to themselves let alone on some "poll", some people just consider their sex life none of anybody's business, etc, etc.

Personally, in all the women that I've had sexual encounters with, only 1 had any REAL "kink" to me.

I do not consider BDSM a "kink". I think that word is overused. I think people use it to try and make themselves be unique, and boost their own self-confidence.

JMO of course.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Depends whether people fantasise more about things they don't do very often?

And whether people interpreted 'missionary' as requiring a penis and vagina and everyone not interested in one or the other said no.

That, and missionary can be uncomfortable if the person on top is heavy or somebody has joint problems, and for some people it's just the wrong angle to get off. Or it blocks self-stimulation which they need in addition to penetration. "Anal sex" is less specific as to position.

I'm sure there is some selection bias - almost impossible to avoid with a self-selected poll, and more so since the method seems to exclude non-binary respondents - but hard to tell whether it's the cause of that result.

 

[jsmiam]

based on my life experience:

• Many women’s fantasies involve the where (no, I don’t mean which orifice) sex happens. I mean where, like in a museum after hours in front of a work of art, on the beach with roaring waves, etc. some kind of exotic or unique setting.
• guys: (perk). Someone mentioned orifices?? ;-)
• Women: romantic gestures where the man planned an elaborate evening
• Men: not having to plan anything at all.

Its not that I’m defending the caveman-like aspect of some of our tendencies. More case of me not pretend he not exist.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Why do I suspect the methodology here ain't so great. My first concern is selection bias. It might be possible, but I find it hard to believe more people are more interested in anal sex than missionary sex.

Likely that kinky people tend to click on stuff like this and participate and vanilla people tend not to (if they even know it existed). The entire survey skews kinky. That does not mean that the graph created is wholly inaccurate. It's probably in the ballpark and in the broadest sense at least, quite true.

 

[SimonDoom]

Why do I suspect the methodology here ain't so great. My first concern is selection bias. It might be possible, but I find it hard to believe more people are more interested in anal sex than missionary sex.

I have no doubt that there are methodology problems. The data is taken from people who volunteer to contribute online, and it's likely that their access to the survey is closely related to whether they follow Aella in some way. So selection bias and non-random sampling are significant issues. But it's still interesting, and the chart is cool, and I couldn't think of a better survey off the top of my head.

 

[gunhilltrain]

EDIT - Simon found a more detailed one here
This reddit page has some data.

If I had to summerize the results in two horrifying sentances I'd go with - 'Women like being hurt*. Men like everything else'

Luckily it seems to be from an informal online survey and thus very easy to tear down and disprove which is definitely something I want to do now.

(* or possibly hurting people, it's a bit vague about who is doing what to whom.)

My first impression: you mean being physically hurt? Then how does that explain dominatrices? Men pay for their services, although I suppose there are some volunteers too. And yes, it's basically a game, and people (mostly) are not truly injured. But based on what I know, some of those ladies whack pretty damn hard, and most of the guys are relatively stoic about it.