G'day!

[LadyJeanne]

You should consider getting to the Gold Coast. Surfers Paradise, Brisbane, etc. If you do, you might want to visit this crazy fellow.

And I'm shocked I, and no one else, mentioned the Great Barrier Reef. There are wonderful day trips out to the reef where you can snorkle, (or scuba). It is an amazing site, nothing else like it on the planet.

http://www.deh.gov.au/heritage/worldheritage/sites/gbr/images/rt20834sq.jpg

You gotta love his enthusiasm, but oh my, isn't that look in his eye just a little bit INSANE???

Snorkeling is on the agenda - my first time ever and will be in such a wonderful place! Can't wait to seeee everything.

 

[TheEarl]

You should consider getting to the Gold Coast. Surfers Paradise, Brisbane, etc. If you do, you might want to visit this crazy fellow.

And I'm shocked I, and no one else, mentioned the Great Barrier Reef. There are wonderful day trips out to the reef where you can snorkle, (or scuba). It is an amazing site, nothing else like it on the planet.

http://www.deh.gov.au/heritage/worldheritage/sites/gbr/images/rt20834sq.jpg

Seconded, thirded, fourthded and fifthded. Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns!

Seriously - well worth any money to go there; one of my favourite places in the whole world.

The Earl

 

[rgraham666]

Thank you, Yui! I'll try to stay away from the world's most poisonous snakes…

It isn't just the snakes, LadyJ. It's the ants (Bulldog ants), spiders (Assassin and Sydney Funnel Orb Weaver), and jellyfish (Box jellies and sea wasps) as well.

Have fun!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Seconded, thirded, fourthded and fifthded. Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns, Go to Cairns!

Seriously - well worth any money to go there; one of my favourite places in the whole world.

The Earl

Hmm, you're blasting the Melbourne portion of the trip out of the water, so to speak. Cairns, huh?

 

[LadyJeanne]

It isn't just the snakes, LadyJ. It's the ants (Bulldog ants), spiders (Assassin and Sydney Funnel Orb Weaver), and jellyfish (Box jellies and sea wasps) as well.

Have fun!

Great. Just great. As though the snakes and crocs weren't enough. Topless sunbathing on Bondi Beach is sounding better and better....

 

[Guest]

Topless sunbathing on Bondi Beach is sounding better and better....

More advice :

Take a camera!

And seven of the ten most deadly snakes are in Australia.

You won't see the Box Jelly that kills you I'm told. The stringers on them are like 60 feet.

And flys! I came from outside the first day and asked my friend if there was a horsefarm in the area--so thick were the flys. It was that way everywhere she said.

But the greatest draw I didn't mention and I don't think would interest you. Horny, beautiful woman. A magazine survey a few years back found Australian women the most likely to have sex on a first date. I met my wife about the same time, or I'd have moved there.

http://www.holiday-wa.net/elle1.jpg

 

[oggbashan]

You can protect yourself from jellyfish by wearing nylon tights - all over including your head. You might look odd and get heat exhaustion but you'd survive the stings.

Advice for visiting Australia - just enjoy everything for what and who is there. Have a few chilled beers and relax.

Bondi is overrated. The Northern beaches are better. If you can visit Pitt Water and Kuringai Chase on a boat trip.

Og

 

[LadyJeanne]

You can protect yourself from jellyfish by wearing nylon tights - all over including your head. You might look odd and get heat exhaustion but you'd survive the stings.

Advice for visiting Australia - just enjoy everything for what and who is there. Have a few chilled beers and relax.

Bondi is overrated. The Northern beaches are better. If you can visit Pitt Water and Kuringai Chase on a boat trip.

Og

And there's probably less competition there from those horny Aussie ladies, especially if I'm wearing nylon tights on my head.

What about the men??? Where are the best men to be found??? Pubs?

 

[oggbashan]

The best men are the surf lifesavers. Athletic, tanned, fit.
The best women are the surf lifesavers. Ditto.

Unfortunately some of them prefer their own sex and those that are heterosexual are much chased.

Og - who was a surf lifesaver and is very grateful to Australian women

 

[LadyJeanne]

The best men are the surf lifesavers. Athletic, tanned, fit.
The best women are the surf lifesavers. Ditto.

Unfortunately some of them prefer their own sex and those that are heterosexual are much chased.

Og - who was a surf lifesaver and is very grateful to Australian women

So if I jump in the water and flail around a bit, I might get to meet a lifesaver too? I like the butterscotch flavor best.

 

[oggbashan]

So if I jump in the water and flail around a bit, I might get to meet a lifesaver too? I like the butterscotch flavor best.

Flavour? Not sure.

If you flail around in the water at Bondi Beach you will probably be rescued but Bondi has a reputation for encouraging the gay community. Who do you want to be rescued by - a gay woman or a gay man?

That's why I recommend the Northern beaches where more of the men like women and vice-versa. Manly, Dee-Why or my preference Palm Beach.

Og

 

[TheEarl]

Flavour? Not sure.

If you flail around in the water at Bondi Beach you will probably be rescued but Bondi has a reputation for encouraging the gay community. Who do you want to be rescued by - a gay woman or a gay man?

That's why I recommend the Northern beaches where more of the men like women and vice-versa. Manly, Dee-Why or my preference Palm Beach.

Og

I preferred Manly beach to Bondi actually.

Jeanne: Will send you a PM extolling the virtues of Cairns as soon as I get my energy together.

The Earl

 

[LadyJeanne]

I preferred Manly beach to Bondi actually.

Jeanne: Will send you a PM extolling the virtues of Cairns as soon as I get my energy together.

The Earl

Thank you, sweets. Here fishie, fishie, fishie...

 

[herecomestherain]

LJ, sweetheart, just saw this thread, would love to help in your planning and in any way I can. Matter of fact I'd love you to visit! Squeezed for time at this minute, more later. I'm in Melbourne. Cairns and the reef are amazing.

Some pics of Melbourne and Victoria below -- click on the film strip thingos for a lager pic.

Melbourne http://www.travelvictoria.com.au/melbourne/photos/

StKilda Melbourne http://www.travelvictoria.com.au/stkilda/photos/

Williamstown Melbourne http://www.travelvictoria.com.au/williamstown/photos/

Victorian Travel Info --http://www.visitvictoria.com/

 

[LadyJeanne]

LJ, sweetheart, just saw this thread, would love to help in your planning and in any way I can. Matter of fact I'd love you to visit! Squeezed for time at this minute, more later. I'm in Melbourne. Cairns and the reef are amazing.

Some pics of Melbourne and Victoria below -- click on the film strip thingos for a lager pic.

Melbourne http://www.travelvictoria.com.au/melbourne/photos/

StKilda Melbourne http://www.travelvictoria.com.au/stkilda/photos/

Williamstown Melbourne http://www.travelvictoria.com.au/williamstown/photos/

Victorian Travel Info --http://www.visitvictoria.com/

I knew you were from Oz! Cantdog confused me with the NZ thing. Thank you so much for the links - and I'd love to get together! That would be worth missing Cairns this time around!

 

[cantdog]

Doh! I was thinking of wildsweetone for some reason. Pain meds. Sorry.

 

[cantdog]

Herecomes is sweet. Doormouse is ozzie, too, and wishfulthinking.

 

[ozfuzzy]

I've lived in Sydney, currently live in Melbourne and have been to Brisbane a lot.

Generic fauna warnings.

You don't see snakes a lot, and although they're very poisonous (deadly in fact), there aren't too many deaths from snake bite. Snakes don't like us either, so don't corner 'em, and walk carefully and slowly away and you should be fine. I've seen maybe 10 wild snakes in my 34 years and been far too close twice.

Jellyfish. There's vinegar on most beaches which suffer from jellyfish for stings, but there will also be signs. Read and obey the signs. The season for them is almost over, so don't get too worried about them.

Drop bears. Avoid. If you hear calling in the branches above you like an owl (but it's the daytime), run.

Spiders. These really are bastards. However, you will not see them unless they're basically harmless. The huntsman (about the size of a large man's hand outstretched) are poisonous, but their fangs are too short to bite human flesh, so leave them alone. Funnel webs you have to go looking for inside warm, dark and wet areas. Redbacks similarly. Most spiders are harmless. Put them outside if you don't want them in your room. Hotels generally don't have them, so don't worry about that.

One of the smaller huntsmans:
http://www.xs4all.nl/%7Eednieuw/australian/huntsman/Heteropoda_ZZ279_F2657.jpg

Here's the infamous clock huntsman:
http://web.archive.org/web/20030626031924/users.pandora.be/nicolas1/clockspider.htm

That one is about 20 cm in diameter, which is close enough to 8 inches for you folks using out dated measuring units. It is larger than any I've seen.

Lizards. Only really a problem in Far North Queensland. They're everywhere and will be on the walls of any place which uses only shutters. Absolutely harmless and fun to play with. Some of the lizards, like skinks and whatnot, which don't mind human company make noise during the night which might put you off sleeping. Again, just put them outside if they're troubling you.

Beaches. Always swim in marked, patrolled areas between the flags, or if it's a nudist beach, only when there's other swimmers around. In FNQ, patrolled areas have shark nets, so you'll be safe.

Rivers and gorges, other areas which may be infested by crocs. Read the signs. If the signs say there's no swimming, then don't swim. The crocs are big - about 4 - 5 m long (13 - 17 feet), and they love human. Several people die every year for not reading the signs. Mostly a problem in Kakadu (NT) and far north queensland (ie Cairns).

About driving in Australia. We drive on the other side of the road. Distances are huge here. Don't assume that just because we have cars that driving makes sense between towns. It takes five days to drive from Cairns to Melbourne, or four and a bit days from Melbourne to Perth, two days from Brisbane to Melbourne, and one day from Brisbane to Sydney or from Sydney to Melbourne. Unless you like highway driving, fly. It's cheaper, too. Fuel for cars is about $1.10 a litre at the moment ($USD 3.30 per US gallon).

If you do plan on driving long distances in the outback on roads which aren't travelled that much (ie a car or two a day or less), take an EPIRB, plenty of water, additional fuel, and something to eat and lodge a plan with the local police and let them know where you intend going and when you're likely to get there. If you get stuck, do not leave the car. The car is easy to find in the outback, humans aren't. I've never been on one of these roads, so I doubt you'll need to worry about it.

Working from north to south:

Broome (Far north, west corner of Australia - not really on your list of "to do" items, but I'll mention it anyway). This is where we go now that Port Douglas is overrun with tourists. Broome is very beautiful, and it's a nice place to relax and swim with the dolphins, etc.

http://www.broomevisitorcentre.com.au/

Cairns Right now, it's still a bit too tropical up in Cairns for my liking - they're having tropical cyclones and really hot humid weather at the moment. Cairns (the city) is somewhat of a shithole which can only be improved if it was nuked. I'm sure there's some people from Cairns who will disagree with me, but ...

Port Douglas - one of the most beautiful places on the planet, and it (and the surrounding area) is what most people really mean when they say "Cairns". It's about 50 km north of Cairns. I like to stay just outside of Port Douglas in one of the many rainforest resorts at Kuranda.

It's beautiful up there. Both Port Douglas and Cairns are very touristy now. Make sure you go to the Great Barrier Reef on the big catamarans. They do an all day tour to several places, like Green Island, but the one you want is if they have a platform in the middle of the reef. Utterly beautiful.

http://www.pddt.com.au/

Brisbane. After visiting this place maybe 50 times in the last five years, I've come to the conclusion that this is a hole best avoided. It's just a bit too humid for my liking right now (but it's really good climate from April through October). As it's a big country town, not much happens at night so you have to be able to entertain yourself.

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/destinations/australasia/brisbane/

Gold Coast. Hole. Avoid unless you have kids (in which case, it's one of the best places in Australia as it's really set up for them). Has theme parks similar (but nowhere near as good) as those in LA. Is renowned for schoolies once per year, but you're not coming during that time (thank gawd! It's awful).

http://www.goldcoasttourism.com.au/

Sydney. Sydney is well set up for touristy things. Bondi and Manly are the two main beaches for tourists, but if you want actual surf, you'll have to come to Bells Beach in Victoria. Coogee is one of the main surf beaches in Sydney. The ferry ride to Manly is well worth the asking price (cheap). Bondi has a few too many English backpackers for my liking.

The locals eat in Newtown, Balmain, Crows Nest, Oxford St and a few other places. Bondi and Manly are set up for tourists, so you'll find plenty of things to do there.

Coffee. It can be hard getting a decent coffee in Sydney city after around 3.30 pm, so unless you like the brown swill that is served in multinational "coffee" shops, make allowances. After extensive sampling all over Sydney city for many years, the best coffee in Sydney is at the Zoo cafe on York St.

The CBD can be a bit dead after the workers go home. The life moves outwards a little to the main entertainment areas, like the above mentioned restaurant districts, the Rocks, etc. If you like queer life, Sydney around Darlinghurst (Oxford St and the surrounds) are great. Lots of things and people to do and see.

Melbourne. Don't skip Melbourne. It's not quite as touristy as Sydney, but the food is far, far better and cheaper. There's approximately 3000 restaurants (or more), covering absolutely every cuisine. Name it, and I'll tell you where it is.

Definitely pay a visit to Victoria St Richmond for the Vietnamese food, Vlado's for beef (one of the best gaucho restaurants anywhere for any price including in Argentina), Lygon St for Italian, Fitzroy for a bohemian and eclectic mix (some of the best vegetarian restaurants ever, too) and so on.

We take our coffee very seriously here, and there's only a few places serving swill. They are easily spotted as they have a green sign and spotty teenagers trying to make cold sweet milk based drinks rather than proper coffee.

Unlike Sydney CBD, Melbourne isn't dead after 4 pm. It's a 24 hour city, and you can do pretty much want any time you want. However, avoid Russell St after around 11 pm as that's where the junkies are.

If you can, hire a car, and drive down to the Great Ocean Road. This is like a much more dangerous version of the Pacific Coast Highway, but longer, twister, and far more fun to drive in the right car. Fantastic views, and good places to stay along the way as well, like Apollo Bay or Port Fairy.

I go to breakfast in Williamstown every weekend for breakfast, so if you want any tips for a good place to eat there, just let me know (or even if you want to meet up

Weather. It's very hot to mildly cold here in Australia. Temperatures this week have ranged between 15 C in Melbourne earlier this week (unseasonably cold) 30 C (Melbourne and Sydney next few days) to nearly 35 C and ~ 90% humidity in Cairns this week. I don't know about you, but I can't handle that last combo.

Just as you're packing, check here to see what you'll need to bring:
http://www.bom.gov.au

Melbourne is the fashion capital of Australia, but you can get everything you need to wear in any of the places you've said you'd like to visit if you forget something.

Andrew

 

[ozfuzzy]

And there's probably less competition there from those horny Aussie ladies, especially if I'm wearing nylon tights on my head.

What about the men??? Where are the best men to be found??? Pubs?

bwahahahahaha!

What sort of best men do you want?

If you want BLOKES, then you want the footy matches. They are the genuine article, and a bit rough around the edges, but hey they are Aussie blokes, just as you see them on TV. They can be found in pubs, too.

If you want buff, a six pack with abs, you'll want the gyms around the beaches.

If you want a good night out dancing with a pretty young thing, then any of the clubs around Darlingurst, but he will not come back to your hotel unless he can raid the minibar or bring his boyfriend.

If you want cultured and urbane, Melbourne's the go. The jazz, opera, poetry, and artistic life here is fantastic. The Age on Friday's has an excellent gig guide.

If you want a human who will treat you right, I'm in Point Cook, Victoria.

Andrew

 

[ozfuzzy]

Visited there myself almost ten years ago. Australians are the nicest people, I think, in the world.

Be sure to tour "The Rocks" section of Sydney. It is where the initial landings were made when the "First Fleet" arrived. I had a drink in "Fortune of War", the first pub in Australia (you better like drinking beer if you are going there).

The Rocks is one of the first settled areas. The initial landings by the British who stayed actually occured in Botany Bay (next harbour down) where the airport is now located. But they didn't like it for some reason and moved up one.

Australia's west coast was first partially mapped by Europeans in the mid 1500's by the Portuguese. Of course, the Aboriginals have been here for about 60,000 years or more longer than that.

Andrew

 

[ozfuzzy]

Any Aussie slang that would be good to know?

There's heaps, but most of the people under 35 use American slang, the younger the more likely this is to be.

We always find it funny when furriners say "G'Day". It's a hard one to do.

Much slang is alliterative, so you'll understand when you hear it as it's just English words slung together.

http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

Most of the time, we don't use any slang, so don't use too much together.

Lastly, Australians do not hold back when it comes to swearing. Only the C word is off the menu in polite conversation. So join in if you hear someone saying "fuck that. I'm bored shitless. let's go piss those arseholes off". If your hosts don't swear, don't swear also. If it's blue, swear like a sailor.

If someone in a pub says that they want to "root you", this is not a geek thing, they really want to take you out the back and make sweet passionate drunken love to you.

Andrew

 

[rgraham666]

Drop bears.

LadyJ, there's no such a thing as a drop bear. It is, I believe, one of those things Australians like to tell tourists. Rather like we Canucks telling people they have to bring winter clothes and snowshoes, in August.

Still ozfuzzy, thanks for the information. I didn't know about the habitat of the various spiders. Thanks.

But drop bears, 'snicker'.

 

[AH Thread Archiver]

Bumping to bring it back to the first page, ahead of the archive threads.

 

[LadyJeanne]

bwahahahahaha!

What sort of best men do you want?

If you want BLOKES, then you want the footy matches. They are the genuine article, and a bit rough around the edges, but hey they are Aussie blokes, just as you see them on TV. They can be found in pubs, too.

If you want buff, a six pack with abs, you'll want the gyms around the beaches.

If you want a good night out dancing with a pretty young thing, then any of the clubs around Darlingurst, but he will not come back to your hotel unless he can raid the minibar or bring his boyfriend.

If you want cultured and urbane, Melbourne's the go. The jazz, opera, poetry, and artistic life here is fantastic. The Age on Friday's has an excellent gig guide.

If you want a human who will treat you right, I'm in Point Cook, Victoria.

Andrew

Wow - thank you so much for the info, although I maybe could have done without the scary spider pic.

Drop bears! Ha! (Thanks, rg! ) See, this is why I was asking about the slang. Figured the Aussie's would use some tricky little things to fool the tourists and get a good laugh...

I won't be doing any driving as nearly killed myself 100 times over just trying to cross the street in London last year. I'm assuming cabs are plentiful in Sydney and Melbourne? Also, I understand there's a monorail. I'd rather leave the driving to the locals, especially if beer drinking is involved.

As for the men, I'm not too worried. The friend I'm going with tends to attract them by the hordes so I'm sure there'll be all kinds of fine specimens buzzing around for a little flirting. Point Cook, huh?