Gasp, Moan, Whimper: what to do about verbs?

[HandsInTheDark]

My sex scenes bug me. They rate ok (or at least when I get negative comments it's never about the sex). But the writing of them gets slowed down by the fact that when my males start touching my females, the females have a limited palette of reactions. They'll shiver, their eyes might grow wide, they might whimper if they're finding it overwhelming, or moan if they've fully bought into what's going on. There might be a gasp or two.

I use bits of dialogue to slow down and break up the flow, so usually, I can get some distance between repeated verbs, but...

How do other writers deal with the fact that signs of arousal are pretty much predictable and repetitive? Because my male characters don't often want to rush into the actual penetration. They like ratcheting up the tension and anticipation. But it makes for a lot of female reactions before the main event starts, and I'm struggling to deal with the repetition.

 

[kauen]

Well this is only a little bit of help but try throwing some good old laughter or giggles in there. Sex should be fun and many women (myself amongst them) often giggle a little when highly aroused or during foreplay.

All the touches and sensations, its sometimes plain tickly and makes me wriggle around all excitedly. It may not be the most sensuous or passionate image but its a very common one and I personally think its adorable and very sexy when a girl does that, I'm sure many guys think the same way.

This is at least something extra you can add.

 

[FantasyXY]

Along with the laughter and playfulness, you can throw in some intangibles like nervous anticipation or the feeling of an elevated heart beat. Maybe some tingling. Tastes and smells (or scents as they are called in erotica) go a long way in small quantities.

The part of writing a sex scene I find most difficult is how to tell that the desire is peaking. I find that one of the best parts of sex is the primal wanting.

 

[Carnal_Flower]

That's a hard one. I'll let you know when I find some solutions. Haven't yet.

 

[Handley_Page]

I suggest you leave it to the imagination of the reader.

 

[Privates1stClass]

Gasp, Moan, Whimper:

I've written a number of stories of my own, and edited stories for several other LIT authors. I point out that as writers, they are painting with words. It's up to the author to paint the sex scene with descriptive words so the scene is reproduced in the reader's mind.

I also tell them to use all five senses when they flesh out their sex scenes. Not only do lovers gasp, moan, and whimper, but they touch, taste, smell, and see. Bring those tweaks of nipples, taste of cum, odor of aroused pussies, and sight of partner's genitals to your reader's attention.

To reduce the overuse of a particular word, I keep an on-line dictionary/thesaurus icon on my desktop. When I attempt to use the same word two or three times, I look up a similar word to keep my writing fresh.

Handley_Page wrote:

I suggest you leave it to the imagination of the reader.

I prefer to describe the action in more detail, but the choice is yours whether to be descriptive or let your readers imagine what happened.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I study sex like some of you study horoscopes.

I accept it as a Great Truth that males do sex for one basic outcome, and females have all kinds of destinations. Many want to cum, some relish different feelings, some go after other pleasures that are collateral to orgasm....some women told me the thinking about pregnancy is their satisfaction.

The other day, during sex, the woman revealed that she tunes out everything but the orgasm. Cameras and people in the room don't exist once she's aboard her cum ride. Other women report other stimulants...like whisky breath and male body odor and sweat, etc.

In the real world all of us favor some senses over others. Mine are sound and smell. Your's are prolly different. Maybe sight and taste. Or touch and pressure.

 

[HeyAll]

I am a victim of this too. I tend to use the same verbs and descriptions.

One thing I can recommend, besides looking up more verbs online, is finding a good editor with a writing background. There are plenty in the volunteer editor's program, you just have to find one that'll respond though...

 

[CyranoJ]

I try to switch things up as much as I can, but I don't worry overly much about which particular verbs or descriptions I'm using unless I find the repetition starting to pall and distract from the hotness of a scene. Usually as long as I can make sure that a sex scene is advancing some aspect of the characters involved (or of the plot, or both) that aspect of things helps to keep the more mundane thrustings and poundings and moanings and the mmmglayven relatively fresh for me. (In some ways I guess I actually try more to exploit the repetitiveness of the sex act -- which in the right quantities is a feature, not a defect -- instead of downplaying it.)

It's repetition in the non-erotic context that irritates me more. I find I have a tic where characters spend inordinate amounts of time "nodding" at each other to respond to dialogue. It's like the tic Robert Jordan used to have with his women who "sniffed" at everything so much that it seemed like they had defective sinuses, and it drives me crazy.

 

[SecondCircle]

I would agree with other posters. I try to touch on all five senses a little to immerse the reader in the scene. This may also be a good time to sneak in some character description that you hadn't addressed directly before. For instance if you hadn't mentioned anything about the woman's hair color, you could touch on it during the sex scene by maybe describing how it drives the guy (or girl) wild the way she flips her red curls over her shoulder or something like that.

Personally I enjoy to 'feel' what the characters are feeling as well so I generally write sex scenes that way as well. I dip into the character's head and if it's from their narrow perspective, I color it with their own way of thinking or their own "voice".

It's just a matter of keeping variety so that the sex scene doesn't wind up sounding like a monotonous play by play of repetitive verbs or adjectives.

 

[Kantarii]

The sex scenes sound vanilla. Is there no yelping, clenching the pillow tighter, trembling, shaking, ass slapping or grinding of the pussy on the cock going on? Fuck! Spice that vanilla shit up and roll with it. Make that ass beg for more or plea for mercy. Get midevil on that pussy or hardcore slamming it from wall to wall or make the head hit the headboard a time or three. Jesus, picture the sex scene in your head or write about the last really great sex scene you had. Is there no dirty talking? Coaxing, caressing, stroking going on. Is there no astonishment, amazement, staring, laughter, giggling, teasing, etc. there are infinite words to be used. Paint the picture with words and readers will find you by word of mouth. Kant

 

[Carnal_Flower]

I agree with all of this in terms of actions, you can always pile more on, or add dialogue, or look around the room and add descriptions. But that all seems like avoidance. Filler.

Still basically stuck with gasp, whimper and moan.

I can think of a few more. Shudder. Tremble. Break out on gooseflesh. Breathe heavily. Given this is before any raucous activity takes place. Then there's more variety. But slow building of arousal I find a perpetual challenge.

The sex scenes sound vanilla. Is there no yelping, clenching the pillow tighter, trembling, shaking, ass slapping or grinding of the pussy on the cock going on? Fuck! Spice that vanilla shit up and roll with it. Make that ass beg for more or plea for mercy. Get midevil on that pussy or hardcore slamming it from wall to wall or make the head hit the headboard a time or three. Jesus, picture the sex scene in your head or write about the last really great sex scene you had. Is there no dirty talking? Coaxing, caressing, stroking going on. Is there no astonishment, amazement, staring, laughter, giggling, teasing, etc. there are infinite words to be used. Paint the picture with words and readers will find you by word of mouth. Kant

 

[Kantarii]

I agree with all of this in terms of actions, you can always pile more on, or add dialogue, or look around the room and add descriptions. But that all seems like avoidance. Filler.

Still basically stuck with gasp, whimper and moan.

I can think of a few more. Shudder. Tremble. Break out on gooseflesh. Breathe heavily. Given this is before any raucous activity takes place. Then there's more variety. But slow building of arousal I find a perpetual challenge.

How about sighed, exhaled, squealed, shrieked, chirped, drooled, groaned, panted?

 

[karaline]

I find writing sex scenes hard, and as a consequence i've spent some time thinking about it and you can vary the places and positions but I guess I try to get to know my characters well so I can better focus on their feelings and their motivations.

why are they having sex? are they both entirely happy to be having sex or is someone conflicted? is it make up sex? is one of them less experienced than the other? is one of them married to another person? are they drunk? is it their first time having sex? how do they feel about each other? are they in love? do they hate each other? is this make up sex? or is it the last time they think they'll ever have sex? etc etc.

I include the sounds they make and physical descriptions of what they see/feel, where they having sex, how fast etc but mainly I focus on the internal dialogue & emotions of whoever's head i'm in and the reactions (verbal or otherwise) of the other person.

overusing description and verbs in sex scenes is sort of unavoidable I think, but its all the other stuff that gives them originality.

 

[CyranoJ]

The sex scenes sound vanilla. Is there no yelping, clenching the pillow tighter, trembling, shaking, ass slapping or grinding of the pussy on the cock going on? Fuck! Spice that vanilla shit up and roll with it. Make that ass beg for more or plea for mercy. Get midevil on that pussy or hardcore slamming it from wall to wall or make the head hit the headboard a time or three. Jesus, picture the sex scene in your head or write about the last really great sex scene you had. Is there no dirty talking? Coaxing, caressing, stroking going on. Is there no astonishment, amazement, staring, laughter, giggling, teasing, etc. there are infinite words to be used. Paint the picture with words and readers will find you by word of mouth. Kant

All of this, definitely.

 

[Kantarii]

Heaven forbid a guy makes a woman purr like a kitten during sex

 

[EverLux]

Tackling all five senses, as others have said, is a great way of giving the reader the full experience.

You can also think about the body's instinctive, unconscious reactions when it's anticipating or preparing for sex. For women, the parting or crossing of her legs, arching her back to accentuate her breasts, slight rocking of her hips, parting/licking/biting her lips, etc.
For men? Fuck if I know. You just seem to go into animal mode. I apparently need to pay more attention.

Next time you have sex, take it as slow as your male characters would and watch your partner's subtle movements.

And thank you, Kantarii! I have more sex sounds in my arsenal now because of you

 

[Carnal_Flower]

Perfect!

How about sighed, exhaled, squealed, shrieked, chirped, drooled, groaned, panted?

 

[SecondCircle]

Personally it's more about putting in variety in painting the scene than anything, because I like for scenes to come to life, to seem like they are off the page. So if it becomes monotonous, then no matter what the action, it can still read bland. Whether vanilla or hardcore. If I'm reading it, it has to sound like more than Ben Stein reading off a list of multi syllable descriptions. I just personally want to feel it, not merely read it. As long as that immersion isn't broken, any method could be used.

 

[lovecraft68]

I just finished a sex scene where a witch has sex with another witch and fucks her with flames. That way I got to use crackling, sizzling, shimmering... a whole new set of sexual 'ings'

 

[EverLux]

I just finished a sex scene where a witch has sex with another witch and fucks her with flames. That way I got to use crackling, sizzling, shimmering... a whole new set of sexual 'ings'

I'm a big fan of the word scalding

And I think I'll have to work crackling into my next story

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm a big fan of the word scalding

And I think I'll have to work crackling into my next story

Oh, scalding....thanks

 

[Carnal_Flower]

Personally I find minute description very difficult, but everyone's different. Another writer I know can describe kissing for endless paragraphs, and it is phenomenal. He "loves" writing it. He comes up with sh*t I could never think of in a million years.

I'm usually stuck with gasp, whisper and moan.

 

[Kantarii]

I just finished a sex scene where a witch has sex with another witch and fucks her with flames. That way I got to use crackling, sizzling, shimmering... a whole new set of sexual 'ings'

That sounds like an infernal good time or one helluva fuckfest

 

[KimGordon67]

Just think about the things that actually happen during sex. I have a friend I record things for sometimes, and what he wants more than anything is to hear the changes in my breathing - breath quickens, speeds up, grows more shallow, is held, released, etc, depending on how you're reacting to something.
Maybe your women could be a bit more vocal - I'll growl, shout, and sometimes scream, depending on the thing that's happening. And mostly, I'll use actual words - there's a lot of swearing and taking various versions of the Lord's name in vain.
Even 'moan' has variations - get some more adjectives in there. Are the moans long and low? Guttural? Breathless? Loving? Satisfied?
(I don't think I've ever in my whole life 'whimpered' during sex.)