Gaslighting oneself?

[redzinger]

After that gaslighting story on Reddit, this has been on the edge of my consciousness.

I'm currently staying with a family member and I've come to the conclusion she's gaslighting herself and others. Not maliciously, but as an attempt to gain some kind of control over her life.

E.g. She insists blind that she's told you something when she hasn't. Or she's only said half of it. Burgers for dinner means that she also said to get the burgers and rolls out of the freezer, cook off onions and other side dishes.
She pushed me out of the way earlier, then when i pushed back, insisted I had started it. Truly puzzled about that one.

I don't know why I'm mentioning this here, other than it could help generate some plot bunnies?

 

[LadyVer]

Gaslighting is a deliberate, intentional kind of thing. What you're describing sounds different.

 

[redzinger]

I understood it as when someone changes (or attempts to change) the narrative/reality to suit their own aims?

I'm not a psychologist so I'm open to other diagnoses.

 

[LadyVer]

Well, what you describe in your OP sounds more like aging or dementia. But I'm not an expert either.

 

[boomer177]

Speaking of psychologists, go to "Are you being gaslighted," psychologytoday.com/blog/
power-in-relationships/20095/are-you-being-gaslighted

 

[Handley_Page]

Sorry, but:

And the word means ??

 

[Bramblethorn]

Sorry, but:

And the word means ??

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

"Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity."

Named for a play & film where the husband tried to convince his wife that she was going mad by pretending not to see anything when the gas lights flickered, making her believe it was all in her head.

I think this is the Reddit thread referred to: https://np.reddit.com/r/relationshi...yfriend_25m_is_hiding_all_my/?sort=confidence

 

[jaF0]

" ... a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity."

Police call that interrogation when they're trying to get you to confess.

They also do it in the media when an officer is accused of something and they're trying to discredit the claims.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

GASLIGHTING is a new term for me.

In the old days we called the event a REFRAME. I call it CONFOUNDING, which is what it woulda been called 60 years ago. SPIN is another term for it.

 

[Messier82]

Gaslight (1944) . Stars Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer & Joseph Cotton. I suspect the storyline may be even older.

As for the family member in question, I've met people like that several times before. I'd agree with LadyVer, in this situation it sounds unintentional and indicative of some other issue, though I've seen it in people far too young to associate it with ageing or dementia. Some people are just made that way.

 

[Messier82]

Police call that interrogation when they're trying to get you to confess.

Yes, and they are trained extensively in how to do it in order to get the result they want (as distinct from 'the truth'). Unlike the typical subject who probably has not experienced such rigours before.

 

[redzinger]

I think this is the Reddit thread referred to: https://np.reddit.com/r/relationshi...yfriend_25m_is_hiding_all_my/?sort=confidence

That's exactly it, thanks. (Operating on a dodgy laptop which doesn't like searching.)

They also do it in the media when an officer is accused of something and they're trying to discredit the claims.

Oft used by politicians too.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Gaslight (1944) . Stars Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer & Joseph Cotton. I suspect the storyline may be even older.

As for the family member in question, I've met people like that several times before. I'd agree with LadyVer, in this situation it sounds unintentional and indicative of some other issue, though I've seen it in people far too young to associate it with ageing or dementia. Some people are just made that way.

I've gone 66 years and never heard the expression before now. The wheel is re-invented.

 

[Messier82]

Po-tay-toe/po-tart-oe, toe-may-toe/toe-mart-toe


Spin is definitely a modern term to my ears, and Reframe sounds like something which would in the past have been applied to paintings and for me falls into the arena of modern 'management speak'.

Cultural variants are not equivalent to 'reinventing the wheel', I could have said the same of your Bronx Cheer comment, as I'm sure the term raspberry has been around far longer.

And I don't think the age of one who comments adds weight to their point-of-view.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Po-tay-toe/po-tart-oe, toe-may-toe/toe-mart-toe


Spin is definitely a modern term to my ears, and Reframe sounds like something which would in the past have been applied to paintings and for me falls into the arena of modern 'management speak'.

Cultural variants are not equivalent to 'reinventing the wheel', I could have said the same of your Bronx Cheer comment, as I'm sure the term raspberry has been around far longer.

And I don't think the age of one who comments adds weight to their point-of-view.

Naaah, we're in an age where we make shit up as we go along. But etymology exists in spite of morons embracing every bit of crap they stumble over on line..

Gaslighting came along in 1938, reframe came along about 1580. Looks like youre an asshat.

 

[Messier82]

Gaslighting came along in 1938, reframe came along about 1580. Looks like youre an asshat.

That's just the kind of response I was told I would get from you, seems like folk have got your number.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

That's just the kind of response I was told I would get from you, seems like folk have got your number.

My ma said the same of me. But she didn't impress the shit outta me, either. If youre fulla shit, youre fulla shit, and kissing your ass don't change that. The same folks talk about you to others....enjoy their company.

 

[LustKnight]

That's just the kind of response I was told I would get from you, seems like folk have got your number.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v249/LastKnight/Mobile%20Uploads/Screenshot_2015-08-16-11-35-49_zpsktfpyu7d.png

Two clicks makes a much nicer forum. Just sayin'.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v249/LastKnight/Mobile%20Uploads/Screenshot_2015-08-16-11-35-49_zpsktfpyu7d.png

Two clicks makes a much nicer forum. Just sayin'.

Everyone says it but I'm more interesting than you are, and they keep read my posts. So you suck worse than me.

 

[Messier82]

Two clicks makes a much nicer forum. Just sayin'.

A good point well made

 

[jaF0]

That's just the kind of response I was told I would get from you, seems like folk have got your number.

When your signature line proclaims your shoe size to be higher than your IQ, what do you expect?

 

[Everyday_Man]

When I first read that term (in this thread) I pictured some kind of sexual fart/match thing (Gross!) .. but then I read the definition and ... Didn't someone try to do that to Erica Kane (Susan Lucci, what a hottie) on All My Children? I think that's the only thing I remember from that show, unless another word on Lit sparks a repressed memory of my mother's soap operas.

 

[49greg]

There's times my first wife, and lately my current wife have told me about how I agreed and had conversations about things I have no memory of.

My first wife was loony and I used to have no doubt that she made it up. Now I am not sure because it's happening occasionally with my current wife. So ... I'm either forgetting and going senile, both were, and are purposely screwing with me, Or, and most likely, when I'm reading, writing or thinking about something, I tend not to listen to what people say and just agree with them automatically without hearing anything more than the wa wa wa that adults sound like in the Snoopy/Charlie Brown comics and TV shows.

I know it's terribly disrespectful to my wife. I truly love her. But really, I won't care about going out on Thursday next for dinner with friends, and knowing about it ahead of time isn't important. I'm going to do whatever she wants, so there's no need to talk me into it. All she has to do it tell me and I obey.

Because my wife is "She who must be obeyed."

Even so, I should listen, because maybe she is working at driving me insane. It might be a conspiracy between old wife and new wife. mwahaha.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://www.insideprison.com/article_assessments_psychopathic_personality_traits_scale.asp

My score is 65

 

[49greg]

How easy was that to cheat on. It was completely easy to see where it was going. I scored 57 and only cheated a bit.