Games? You mean, like... monopoly?

[Svenskaflicka]

Yo, yanks, could you please explain a social phenomena to me? I like to browse personal ads, partly to see if I can find someone, partly for the entertainment value (you wouldn't believe what some people write in their ads...) and one thing that's listed in 90% among the things men are looking for in a woman, is that "she's not into playing games".

What does this mean?

I understand that we're not talking about board games or gambling, but probably some sort of mental thing, but I've never learned exactly what these games are. Can you give me a few examples, please?

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Yo, yanks, could you please explain a social phenomena to me? I like to browse personal ads, partly to see if I can find someone, partly for the entertainment value (you wouldn't believe what some people write in their ads...) and one thing that's listed in 90% among the things men are looking for in a woman, is that "she's not into playing games".

What does this mean?

I understand that we're not talking about board games or gambling, but probably some sort of mental thing, but I've never learned exactly what these games are. Can you give me a few examples, please?

I would hazard a guess that they mean not into playing head games. A lot of men, especially those prone to posting in the personals, consider the different way women think and act to be some kind of Machieavellian plot.

Basically, they want a woman who wants what they wanther to want. If that helps

 

[lil_elvis]

Yo, yanks, could you please explain a social phenomena to me? I like to browse personal ads, partly to see if I can find someone, partly for the entertainment value (you wouldn't believe what some people write in their ads...) and one thing that's listed in 90% among the things men are looking for in a woman, is that "she's not into playing games".

What does this mean?

I understand that we're not talking about board games or gambling, but probably some sort of mental thing, but I've never learned exactly what these games are. Can you give me a few examples, please?

Yes, it's a mental thing (as I'm interpretting it anyway). Basically, they want a serious relationship and not to be toyed with (i.e. they want you to be honest).

 

[rgraham666]

Svenska, speaking from a guy's POV, a good example of 'game playing' is that loaded question, "Does this make me look fat?"

If the guy answers, "no", the 'games playing' woman thinks he's lying and makes him pay for lying to her.

If the guy answers, "yes", she'll make him pay for that as well.

If he says nothing, she'll make him pay for being uncommunicative.

If he makes a joke, she'll make him pay because the situation is not funny.

If he runs screaming into the night, the next guy in her life pays for the guy that ran screaming.

This is what I interpret as 'games playing'. It's actually a kind of dominance ritual.

In fairness, guys are often just as bad.

 

[zeb1094]

Yo, yanks, could you please explain a social phenomena to me? I like to browse personal ads, partly to see if I can find someone, partly for the entertainment value (you wouldn't believe what some people write in their ads...) and one thing that's listed in 90% among the things men are looking for in a woman, is that "she's not into playing games".

What does this mean?

I understand that we're not talking about board games or gambling, but probably some sort of mental thing, but I've never learned exactly what these games are. Can you give me a few examples, please?

Don't try to be subtle, tell them what you want when you want it. Don't just drop hints, tell them.

 

[Guest]

Not that you want to know this much, Swede, but the phrase came from a 1964 bestseller, Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships, sometimes subtitled "The basic handbook of transactional analysis"; by Eric Berne, MD.

Perdita

 

[Norajane]

They mean games like playing hard to get - not calling back right away, pretending to be really busy and forcing them to schedule dates ahead of time, no last-minute booty calls, no booty until she gets what she wants, dating multiple people, etc.

 

[elsol]

For the most part, passive-aggressive behavior.

Some women use passive-aggressive behavior in the dating situation.

A lot of men don't react well to passive-aggressive...

I have lots of fun with it... especially if you do different things to confuse the females.

aggressive-aggressive response... followed by aggressive-passive... passive-passive and of course the most beautiful game God ever created...

"I can be MORE passive-aggressive than you can!"

Do you know how annoyed passive-aggressive people get when you're an 'aggressive-aggressive' and you out-passive-aggressive them... and they KNOW you're doing it on purpose?

Humanity and women... God's gift to me.

---

But some guys are just whining... "You're not doing this how I want you to do this? I want what I want... and I don't want to have to work for it."

Fuck... seduction is the fun part.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Kev H]

Svenska, speaking from a guy's POV, a good example of 'game playing' is that loaded question, "Does this make me look fat?"

If the guy answers, "no", the 'games playing' woman thinks he's lying and makes him pay for lying to her.

If the guy answers, "yes", she'll make him pay for that as well.

If he says nothing, she'll make him pay for being uncommunicative.

If he makes a joke, she'll make him pay because the situation is not funny.

If he runs screaming into the night, the next guy in her life pays for the guy that ran screaming.

This is what I interpret as 'games playing'. It's actually a kind of dominance ritual.

In fairness, guys are often just as bad.

LoL, perfect example, RG.

Another big one is the extreme courting ritual of acting like you are not interested to try and get them to chase after you (to prove worth?). This one works both ways, of course, and is intensely frustrating for those who crave a straight-forward relationship.

 

[chris 44]

Humanity and women... God's gift to me

I'd have to agree with the latter, not so sure about humanity though...there doesn't seem a lot of humanity about itto me.

 

[Kev H]

I'd have to agree with the latter, not so sure about humanity though...there doesn't seem a lot of humanity about itto me.

Heh, yeah, if I was a woman, I'd be frightened of people like ElSol; but fortunately I am not, so I can chuckle and think, "go get em man, give as much as you get."

 

[damppanties]

Not that you want to know this much, Swede, but the phrase came from a 1964 bestseller, Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships, sometimes subtitled "The basic handbook of transactional analysis"; by Eric Berne, MD.

Perdita

Quite interesting book, that.

 

[R. Richard]

I am able to handle the "games" that women play in relationships without having to read a book about the subject. At least I am able to handle the one-on-one games.

What I can't handle is games like a girl running off with another guy in the middle of a date. I also can't handle a girl cancelling a date at the last second, a date where I have made reservations and bought tickets. Actually, I handle the problems by immediately terminating all contact with the girl involved, however that is not really a solution. However, my strategy solves the problem for me.

What I can handle, without interference, is the situation where the guy who took my date off into the night because he convinced her I was some sort of whacko who would display violent behavior if she tested me comes back at some later time and gets in my face. He is usually drunk and tells me he is, "gonna' force you to come to your senses." When drunk boy comes to his senses, he is usually in an intensive care ward [if he is lucky] and the police have intruded into the private game of "Faithless Fifi." Does any other Literotica guy have the problem?

 

[angela146]

Svenska, speaking from a guy's POV, a good example of 'game playing' is that loaded question, "Does this make me look fat?"

The correct answer is:

"Well... I wouldn't say you were fat fat... maybe fat but not fat.

 

[rgraham666]

The correct answer is:

"Well... I wouldn't say you were fat fat... maybe fat but not fat.

You're trying to get me killed, aren't you?

 

[Norajane]

The correct answer is:

"Well... I wouldn't say you were fat fat... maybe fat but not fat.

Nah, correct answer is, "Are you kidding? You look hawt."

 

[rgraham666]

Nah, correct answer is, "Are you kidding? You look hawt."

D'oh!

And I'm hoping to make a living with my words.

 

[BlackShanglan]

LoL, perfect example, RG.

Another big one is the extreme courting ritual of acting like you are not interested to try and get them to chase after you (to prove worth?). This one works both ways, of course, and is intensely frustrating for those who crave a straight-forward relationship.

Interesting how no one ever seems to consider the possibility that the other person is actually not interested.

 

[Harry Leg]

Interesting how no one ever seems to consider the possibility that the other person is actually not interested.

a la Pepe Le Pew


Why is it that we are inclined to pursue that which retreats from us?

 

[Evil Alpaca]

They're talking about the game of Life.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Interesting how no one ever seems to consider the possibility that the other person is actually not interested.

Or the other quadruped.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Probably means they want to get laid right away.

Most things guys say mean essentially that.

 

[JamesSD]

Remember that book that came out a while back called "The Rules"?

Basically that was a how to book on how to play games.

At it's best, no game playing implies someone who wants honesty and directness. They also probably want the woman to know what she wants from the outset. But generally it means "don't waste my time if you aren't that into me".

At it's worst, it means "don't make me wait for sex". A lot of women won't sleep with a guy on the first few dates. Some men are impatient.

Really though, I think a guy would be better off asking for openness and honesty than "no games". Of course, a lot of these guys want to play games themselves.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Thank you, everyone. Now I understand completely what it means.

The only thing I don't get now is how come you American women can have been so careless as to let the men in on what's supposed to be a secret?

Seriously, I read The Rules in the bookshop, and wrote an essay about it in school, degrading it. I thought it was completely ridiculous and false. AS IF I'm gonna stand and wait for a guy to ask me to dance - I'm the first one on the floor, dancing all alone the first 10 minutes before anyone else dares to approach. AS IF I'm gonna turn down a date if the guy doesn't ask days ahead - I'll get in the car for a "wanna come over right now?" AS IF I'm gonna wait with having sex until I've been courted "enough" - why should I have to be without sex that long, just to prove a point?

What I WILL do, however, is teach the man to put the "%#&/"¤%(¤" toilet seat down OR ELSE..!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you, everyone. Now I understand completely what it means.

The only thing I don't get now is how come you American women can have been so careless as to let the men in on what's supposed to be a secret?

Seriously, I read The Rules in the bookshop, and wrote an essay about it in school, degrading it. I thought it was completely ridiculous and false. AS IF I'm gonna stand and wait for a guy to ask me to dance - I'm the first one on the floor, dancing all alone the first 10 minutes before anyone else dares to approach. AS IF I'm gonna turn down a date if the guy doesn't ask days ahead - I'll get in the car for a "wanna come over right now?" AS IF I'm gonna wait with having sex until I've been courted "enough" - why should I have to be without sex that long, just to prove a point?

What I WILL do, however, is teach the man to put the "%#&/"¤%(¤" toilet seat down OR ELSE..!

You're a dream come true, Svenskaflicka! And you show a lot of self-awareness and self-confidence.
But- you can't imagine (or maybe you can) how many women... and lately some men, too... will play these ugly games.