Game (i dont have it, but want it)

[ShyNerdHere]

Hello,

Im new here so be gentle

Also please excuse my spelling/grammar/syntax, I am at war with the english language. Odd that I would go to a literary board, huh.

While Im not 'scared' of ladies, there is a 'thing' I have no idea about.

Ever see a fella at a social gathering, talking into a pretty ear? Not exactly a whisper, but low volume directed speaking to a audience of one. The goal being to get the audience to smile, blush, or giggle.


I dont know how to do that.


Iv been sexually active for 20 odd years, plenty of conquests.. but not once do I recall ever doing that with someone I didnt bring.

By nature I am very shy and restrained. By training (many years in the navy) I am outgoing and unrestrained.

Maybe once a month I go out to a house party or such. Fairly liberal events, boobs fly and sometimes more.

I dont have a problem starting a conversation... Smile, complement something and try to keep my eyes above the shoulders. But getting past that, to 'close standing', casual touching and the smile/blush/giggle, I have no idea how that works.

The things I can think of to say are either fine for saying out loud for anyone to hear or not fit for anyone to hear (or say ).

As I read over this, I think 'how did those conquests happen'. Mostly I have no idea or a really good wingman.

Iv ask people before, ladies who I have seen participate in the scenario... Invariably they give the same non answers that I cant quote because I've forgotten what they are..

So picture yourself at a nice liberal event, plenty of fish lots of fisherman.. Spot your mark, perform the routine (Hi | nice X | im Y | nice to meet you). After some amount of familiarity is gained you've decided to try and set the hook. Step in close, put your hand on her back, lean in closer and

 

[Tomahawk26]

The times that this has happened to me, there has been no "Hi | nice X | im Y | nice to meet you" routine.

What there HAS been that I can tell you definitively, is tension across the room and a sense of pursuit or being pursued. Catching each others eyes throughout the night, holding a gaze a little longer than normal. Feeling his (or her) eyes on you even when yours are not on him (or her). For me, what has always preceded the hand on the back and the whisper in the ear is a strong sense of desire, needing to know more, and a distant pursuit. By the time that hand is on my back whatever he says in that moment I rarely remember because what has come first has been the seduction. If that makes any sense?

Oh yeah. SO accurate. It's all about the eye contact before that. If a chick's not already feelin' you from across the room, doesn't matter what you say to her--you won't be getting conversationally intimate. Dudes hardly ever approach me though. I always have to do the approaching, which is annoying.

 

[NightL]

Have to agree with Rainshine - there can be a lot more communication going on long before the verbal introduction - and that is the fun part. If you catch someone's eye don't immediately jerk your gaze away like you are guilty of something. Smile - a little nod - then carry on about your socialising. If you get a smile back, don't lurch in, in fact just move on for the time. See if the eye contact happens the next time your paths cross - are you both doing it at the same time? Haha - make sure there are indeed smiles coming back - don't want the evil eye grrr coming back at you. Even then you could always start with "Sorry didn't mean to offend you...", but you would have to be game .

If the eye contact and smiles continue, well you have established that there is at least interest. Then introduce yourself - but remember to ask questions and most importantly listen to the answers. Build on that - you don't have to agree with everything, that is just part of conversation. You can talk about yourself in answer to a direct question but don't over do it. Now that the comfort zone is established you can start to go back to why she caught your gaze. None of the quick "lean in" guys will get anywhere if they can not establish trust. Maybe their technique is the reverse to the above but I would suggest riskier.

If you go in cold - meaning she did not even know you were in the room until you introduced yourself - well that whole eye contact and smile thing still has to happen and there is really no shortcut to that. So if you do go in cold keep the introduction short then excuse yourself and go about your socialising. If you established some intrigue, the eye contact will start as you cross paths. Again don't be in a hurry - let the eye contact and smiles happen a few more times before going back for another chat.

Have confidence in yourself that you are comfortable in just enjoying the short moments of exchange then backing away. Appearing to be needy will get a cold shoulder. Flirting does not equal "I want to fuck you" - well not straight away. Flirt in a manner that you are paying a compliment, not requesting something. Offering genuine and teasing compliments may get you repeat discussion/contact times - If it appears you are requesting and you get a firm "no" then basically it is over.

Aim to make new friends - if you are attracted to them - fantastic. If it goes no further you are still on top. They may be just the one to say to a girlfriend "I met this really nice/cute guy tonight - I'll introduce you."

 

[ShyNerdHere]

with the eye contact game, i am one of those who looks away quickly like im guilty.. usually because i am guilty or would like to be.

but, guilt not withstanding.. looks across a room covers one scenario.

how about when in conversations that dont have that distance contact.

i find conversations at social gatherings happen like, various groups stand around and sporadically reconfigure as people pass by.

On your way back from returning some beer and refreshing your cup, you get pulled into an existing conversation. a person that pulls you in and the people they are talking with.

i understand basic wingmansmenship, sell your buddy up what not. but this isnt a bar, none of the group are total strangers even if you havent been properly introduced you all know the same people and may have names to put with the faces before you got pulled in.

how does that transition to smile/blush/giggle ?

 

[Trolltroll420]

What you need to do is get in touch with your inner asshole. Even though most of them will tell you differently... Women love assholes. Stop trying to be so polite. If she has great tits, look at them. If she looks your way, give her a look like you've seen better. If its the type of party that tits are coming out, it's okay to say nice tits. More important than being an asshole is to talk to a woman with confidence. Women can't help themselves. It's in there DNA. They love to fuck confident guys that treat them like shit. Sorry ladies, it's true. Doesn't matter if you are sixteen or sixty, my approach works on all of you.... Oh yeah, and the hotter a chick is, the more likely she is to have low self esteem. So the hottest ones are usually the easiest to nail.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I have to vote against "inner asshole." I've been approached by the assholes before. They usually appear stunned when I politely decline, but I should apparently take it as a compliment.
I'm more inclined to be attracted someone who knows how to parry and thrust than someone who thinks I'm an easy target. I've never really enjoyed the men who feel the need to go for the easy prey.

 

[Trolltroll420]

Not saying that you are easy prey, but I'm sure more than one asshole has been between your legs. Look, this guy is asking about "game", not how to find a wife. I've had more than my share of women politely decline. I have also nailed quite a few of the women that politely declined the first time. Part of having game is not being discuraged if and when you get turned down. I always start with the hottest broad in the room. More often than not, the prettiest women have the least going on for them. They are usually not very bright, and all of there self esteem hinges on how hot they are. Without being constantly complimented they have nothing to make them feel good about themselves. So what I do is hit on the hot chick, but I make her feel like I am the one doing her the favor. They usually start wondering why I'm not drooling all over them like everyone else. Then I become the one being pursued. Does this work everytime? No. Is every hot chick dumb with nothing good going for them? No. Does it work most of the time? Absolutely!

 

[GiggLeGasm]

lol.. he asking how to get her to "smile/blush/giggle"

we're so far away from "..blowjob in the car on the way to her house"

 

[ShyNerdHere]

If the setting was a bar, the asshole route would be perfectly fine. Its not a specialty of mine but i have seen it work.

This particular type of setting is friends of friends. I definitely dont need to put off all my associates associates.

contrast that, i guess, with nothing ventured nothing gained...

 

[Trolltroll420]

Sorry dude, thought it was people you didn't know. Just have confidence. Of its people you already know, unfortunately they may already have formed opinions about you. There may be no turning back.

 

[amofiga]

OK, from a guy's point of view, I think there is a definite line between "confident" or even "cocky" to "asshole". I've know a fair number of women in my many years on this Earth and most do appreciate a man who is confident, secure, and intelligent enough to be in control of most situations that crop up in the world. Think John Wayne or Sean Connery or even Humphrey Bogart. Then there are the assholes who THINK that they are hot stuff and are usually just full of shit. Think Rob Schneider or David Spade characters.

I can respect women who appreciate manliness and are attracted to the likes of Sean Connery. I can't think much of a woman who would give it up for a jerk-off who struts what HE thinks is hot stuff but is mostly just crap. Maybe there are women who don't see through that and maybe they don't have a lot going above the shoulders. I'd rather have a women that has enough confidence in herself not to fall for it. Maybe we need to define our terms better.

 

[ShyNerdHere]

Not exactly people I know. Id say the 5 or 8 people I know, know 99% of everyone else.

Like if you had a party and invited 8 people that were all supposed to invite 8 people. you would only know 8 but the others wouldnt be proper strangers.

 

[neecygirl]

What works for me may not work for most women, but I like confidence, an honest smile - we can tell a fake or polite one just as well as you can - intelligence, and a sense of humor. I'll talk to just about anyone, but I'm much more likely to spend time with the one that can carry on a conversation about a shared interest or can make me laugh.

When that whispered move has worked on me, it was because this connection had been formed. But I dated one for almost a year and another for 8. And had a couple FWB situations that started this way. It does work, but it's not an instant thing. At least not in my experience.

 

[dougsan]

The list is long and the road is rough, grasshopper.

Dress to fit the occassion plus a little bit - a colorful hankerchief in your lapel pocket, etc
Appear interested as you look around, SLOWLY
Maintain eye contact with all, men and women.
Walk up to any woman who seems at all interested and introduce yourself -- no stupid line just a simple, "Hi, I'm Fred Magoo." If she shoots you done hard, walk away. If the shoot down is not too hard continue talking about meeting her -- eye contact across the floor, etc.

You will get shot down hard many times but you will also be successful more times than you expect. Your banter will change with time to reflect your personal style.

Keep it simple. This is not a war with victors and death. It is a lovely game of beaking down defences.

How to make her giggle; whisper that she is the most stunning woman in the room, or the most sexy if your sure this wont be offensive, comment on her clothing - etc. Choose VERY flattering words with a hint of the risque.

That's all I got at this level. Now ladies please explain how quickly I would be shot down hard.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oddly enough, the single thing that helped me the most was a short set of improv acting classes. Not that I was a good actor, or ever would become one-- simply that they forced me to interact in a non-linear way, with no goal that I could control.

The one thing that I learned the easiest was "never say 'no' in an improv setting. "No" stops the game. If you want to keep the ball rolling, you have to say 'yes-- and furthermore.'

It's a thing I forget off and on, but life is more fun when I do remember it.

 

[Setanta84]

Just be yourself, enjoy the passage of time, and eventually good things will happen.

I spent my teens thinking that there was some method, some "secret" to picking up women effortlessly--like it was a specialized craft that pros only made appear easy. People make a lot of money off of that lie, but it's a lie nonetheless. (Pro-tip on life: If someone promises you extraordinary results, he/she is likely selling you something. Caveat emptor.)

You know when I started getting James Bond-like action? When I stopped giving a fuck. If you try too hard, you'll suppress whatever natural charms you have and appear awkward. This makes you look endearingly clueless at best and desperate/creepy at worst. The best bet is just to relax and be yourself and the women worth your time and effort--i.e. the women who respond naturally to your personality--will present the opportunity to have the kinds of experience you seek.

 

[cittran]

Ironically, I stopped giving a fuck well before I even left high school. Unfortunately for me, though, I have ADHD. The medicine I take for it doesn't exactly let my natural personality shine through, though, because it dulls my behavior.

Now, that said, I was approached 3 or 4 times between freshman and senior year by girls. I turned them all down, (in retrospect, I was a bit startled by the first one, so I wasn't very polite, much to my regret now. I did turn down the later ones more politely.)

I just wasn't interested. Not in them specifically, but in dating in general. So far, I haven't found a reason to actually do it.

Now, I can attest to the 'not giving a fuck' behavior working, albeit only to a certain extent.

Simply put, don't actively try to attract them. When we say, 'be yourself', we don't mean, 'find your Zen center, and focus on it', we mean actually behave like you would if you weren't trying to pick someone up. Some women can tell the difference, and some can't. Either way, you will, eventually, find someone who responds. Preferably someone who isn't drunk, as that helps your chances of 'retention', shall we say.
The best matches are ones in which both parties are attracted to one another's regular behavior, not a facade or a mask which one of them wears.

(Ironically, I'm still a virgin, but I helped a couple of my friends with this, and they didn't seem unhappy with the results, so I'm guessing it worked pretty well.)

 

[dougsan]

cittran, I understand the drugs and their impact. I have drugs for some psychological and physical conditions. The ones that turn me into a vegatable, which I need most of the time, I only take when I know I need them and accept the condition they leave me in. Yupp, I have "Take X Pills When Necessary" scrips. I might push the envelope of emotion and go 12 hours without the stronger meds so that I can communicate with the world. It takes a toll on me but life has to be played not watched.

 

[Que]

Geeze, where to start?

Your initial approach is inviting yourself to be immediately in the friend zone with someone you don't even know..

You said something about making sure that you keep your eyes above the shoulder...why? if she showing cleavage she wants you to look. There's a difference between gawking and appreciating..

Look, smirk and then say something inappropriate.

From: understanding your day question correctly you're wanting to know how to escalate to some kind of dirty talk.

The more pedestrian your initial approach is the farther the gap you created for yourself is to get to where you want to go.


Read roissy.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Okay I am going to go out on a limb and give an idea for a conversation starter. I use this all the time and in all types of situations. Don't know if it will help you but you are welcome to try it.

When you see someone you are interested in, find something on them or that they are holding and ask where they got it. For instance if you see a woman across the room, look at her jewelry or heck even her sweater. Then ask her where she got it. Tell her you like it and think your sister/mom/niece/female best friend/etc would love that for their birthday or Christmas. Or ask for a closer look as long as it doesn't make you too pervy. I am thinking along the lines of a bracelet and so on.

It's a great ice breaker because it is innocuous and non threatening but can open up a conversation about family and friends and so on. I have met a lot of people (men and women) using that as a conversation starter. And I have gotten some terrific gift ideas, so win-win.

Ultimately the trick is to relax and be yourself. The whispering in someone's ear and making them giggle and blush only works if it comes naturally. Which means you have to be at ease.

Good luck.

 

[ShyNerdHere]

Geeze, where to start?

Your initial approach is inviting yourself to be immediately in the friend zone with someone you don't even know..

You said something about making sure that you keep your eyes above the shoulder...why? if she showing cleavage she wants you to look. There's a difference between gawking and appreciating..

Look, smirk and then say something inappropriate.

From: understanding your day question correctly you're wanting to know how to escalate to some kind of dirty talk.

The more pedestrian your initial approach is the farther the gap you created for yourself is to get to where you want to go.


Read roissy.

sounds very reasonable.

 

[C2W]

---

Game, it doesn't matter if it's street game, corporate game, sex game...
it is all the same.
Rely on your training (outgoing and unrestrained...) and understand that sex is a NUMBERS GAME.

They made you guys read Sun Tzu's , ART OF WAR in the Navy right?
The art of war has many correlating factors with achieving sex or even laying the groundwork for getting sex at some point in the future.
To rack up those numbers you HAVE to PUT yourself out there, you HAVE to be able to MAKE YOURSELF VULNERABLE TO CONQUER.
Fortunately, to crash and burn when it comes to learning game in relation to sex, isn't as bad as crashing and burning in learning how to fly an aircraft.

Your question, just like 90 percent of the questions on this site, that have gotten me rolling on the floor, can be answered by this one phrase--,
practice, practice, practice.

 

[ShyNerdHere]

no, the navy doesnt make you read the Art of War, but they do give you plenty of time to read it.


overall the point/goal here isnt necessarily sex.

one sure way to spoil an afternoon fishing is catching a fish. the fight is far better than the cleaning and cooking.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

overall the point/goal here isnt necessarily sex.

one sure way to spoil an afternoon fishing is catching a fish. the fight is far better than the cleaning and cooking.

there will come a day when a woman will realize that you're smarter than she gave you credit for

 

[CelticKnotted]

Here is my primary suggestion:

Never get advice on how to attract women from women. It's not that they're stupid--it's that they have never tried to do it themselves. The psychological literature is very clear that people are incredibly inaccurate in explaining WHY the did something. Asking a woman to help you with seduction is like asking an art critic to help you produce art.

The people you should be talking to are men who are successful at attracting women.

Here are my secondary suggestions:

- Women are attracted to status the way men are to looks. It is not the sole reason a woman will like you, but it is arguably the primary factor.
- You probably know your social status. The way to improve it is by being a leader, by being successful, and by making people have fun/enjoy being around you.
- Sometimes your status is clearly visible (e.g. people are pointing you out as the organizer of an event, if you have many other women hitting on you, you have men wanting to curry favor, you are good looking, etc.)
- Sometimes your status is not visible. If you want to cause the attraction that comes with this status, you have to cue a person in on your status (telling stories, being funny around her, being confident, showing leadership, etc.) without looking like you're trying to show off/compensate.
- If your status is visible, you are probably attractive enough to most of the women in the room that you can openly show interest in them without them thinking you are a creep.
- If your status is no visible, you probably need to talk to a woman first and feel her the subtle status cues until she is sufficiently attracted to actively hit on her.
- Once a girl finds you attractive, the giggling and such tends to flow easily.