Gags?

[coatcheckgirl]

I have been finding lately that my refusal to use any kind of gag has become a deal breaker with some Doms. Is that really a big deal? I have a claustrophobia sort of issue with it - and drop straight into unpleasant panic if I am gagged in any way. I struggle to wear a turtleneck sweater in the winter...

Anyone else have the experience where a Dom insists on a gag? I was surprised to find this was a big thing.

xxxo
ccg

 

[Farawyn]

I have been finding lately that my refusal to use any kind of gag has become a deal breaker with some Doms. Is that really a big deal? I have a claustrophobia sort of issue with it - and drop straight into unpleasant panic if I am gagged in any way. I struggle to wear a turtleneck sweater in the winter...

Anyone else have the experience where a Dom insists on a gag? I was surprised to find this was a big thing.

xxxo
ccg

No.
Everyone has his/her limit.
I'm wondering why this is not accepted as yours?

 

[HdBalzac]

Anyone else have the experience where a Dom insists on a gag? I was surprised to find this was a big thing.

xxxo
ccg

Personally, if I were in dominating you, I wouldn't want you gagged...I like having my subs mouth available when she's bound...

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Everyone has limits. If a Dom is not respecting limits, he's not one worth respecting.

 

[TheWhiteBull]

Personally, if I were in dominating you, I wouldn't want you gagged...I like having my subs mouth available when she's bound...

This and I like to make them talk dirty/beg. Plus it's nicer if moans of pleasure aren't muffled.

 

[Nezhul]

For me, it's no big deal at all. I find gags to be fun (and some models - very sexy). but I have no problem playing without them. If I knew my partner disliked them - I actually wouldn't want to use them at all.

The crux of the problem is not with gags though. It's with Doms who think they should assume absolute power of making any decisions, and thus sprout all sorts of ultimatums, deal-breakers and even blaming that one is not a "real submissive".

It's a bad style of dominating steaming from the lack of care for the partner mixed with the lack of deep understanding of BDSM as a complex thing. Too many guys - the wannabe dominants - plunge into this world based on a few porn clips or an erotic story, both of which lack the depth. Their understanding is one-sided, a kind of an unrealistic "she must do whatever I tell her" scenario.

A remedy to this? Education and learning, the willingness of the dominant to value and respect your opinion. The willingness to accept your limits and move slowly through the "unsure" areas.
Too many people want everything all at once.

If the dominant in question is someone you treasure - you should talk to that person, try to teach him the proper and responsible attitude. Try to make him understand that there are limits you don't wish to cross, and how important it is for him to accept those limits.

Otherwise if it's a less important and involved relationship - I recommend you pull out of it and find something else. More often than not the refusal to accept your limits means that the person does not really care for you, is willing to abuse you and force you into an undesirable situation for his own gratification. That'd be a big red flag for me.

 

[DrDelirium]

I have been finding lately that my refusal to use any kind of gag has become a deal breaker with some Doms. Is that really a big deal? I have a claustrophobia sort of issue with it - and drop straight into unpleasant panic if I am gagged in any way. I struggle to wear a turtleneck sweater in the winter...

Anyone else have the experience where a Dom insists on a gag? I was surprised to find this was a big thing.

xxxo
ccg

What is the context? Just playing BDSM games with someone, or in a long-term D/s relationship, or what? I respect that your avoidance of gags is rooted in some sort of phobia, and is not merely a whim, but I would say that on the level of simply playing, people want to play how they want to play. You don't want to play with gags, and it doesn't really matter why. A dom only wants to play with gags, and it doesn't really matter why- you're just not compatible playmates.
In a longer term relationship, the why becomes important, the relative importance of specifics becomes important, and people's willingness to attempt to change becomes important. Many phobias are susceptible to change, if approached properly. Are both parties willing to do the necessary work to get the result?

 

[Bramblethorn]

You have the right to say "no gags" for any reason or no reason at all. Doms, equally, have the right to say "if gags are off the table, I'm not interested".

But if they try to make you feel bad for having that boundary, then they're jerks and you're well rid of them.

 

[coatcheckgirl]

You have the right to say "no gags" for any reason or no reason at all. Doms, equally, have the right to say "if gags are off the table, I'm not interested".

But if they try to make you feel bad for having that boundary, then they're jerks and you're well rid of them.

Thank you all for your opinions. I am not so attached with either of the individuals who balked at my no gag policy. It was surprising to encounter two in such short order, which is what prompted me to ask if it was a bigger thing I was missing. Sounds like my normal philosophy rings true - limits are limits and there is no need to press them unless it is with someone who I care deeply about and am willing to be so vulnerable with.

You all rock!!
xoxo
Ccg

 

[Primalex]

I have been finding lately that my refusal to use any kind of gag has become a deal breaker with some Doms. Is that really a big deal?

It would depend on your voice, how much you talk and what you tend to say. Principally, I can imagine a woman that I would only play with if I can gag her.

Sounds like my normal philosophy rings true - limits are limits and there is no need to press them unless it is with someone who I care deeply about and am willing to be so vulnerable with.

Ahem... essentially it was their limit, wasn't it? You know, dominants can choose who they play with, too.

 

[coatcheckgirl]

It would depend on your voice, how much you talk and what you tend to say. Principally, I can imagine a woman that I would only play with if I can gag her.




Ahem... essentially it was their limit, wasn't it? You know, dominants can choose who they play with, too.

Agreed, but my point is such that if gagging is a deal breaker, I'm ok with the deal being broken. Unless... maybe... with the right person, we are willing to work through my own hangup about gagging together.

 

[Miles Long]

You have the right to say "no gags" for any reason or no reason at all. Doms, equally, have the right to say "if gags are off the table, I'm not interested".

But if they try to make you feel bad for having that boundary, then they're jerks and you're well rid of them.

Bramblethorn nailed it!

All I have to add is, does anyone remember the expression, "Gag me with a spoon!"? You don't hear that much anymore.

So basically I had nothing valuable to add. But I got one more post count out of it, so that feels pretty good.

 

[Zionisacat]

Bramblethorn nailed it!

Agreed

All I have to add is, does anyone remember the expression, "Gag me with a spoon!"? You don't hear that much anymore.

Depends on how often you fire up the old Frank Zappa records.

 

[SissySalina]

I have been finding lately that my refusal to use any kind of gag has become a deal breaker with some Doms. Is that really a big deal? I have a claustrophobia sort of issue with it - and drop straight into unpleasant panic if I am gagged in any way. I struggle to wear a turtleneck sweater in the winter...

Anyone else have the experience where a Dom insists on a gag? I was surprised to find this was a big thing.

xxxo
ccg

Never had problems with or without.
Would like to ask a question, how are you at going down on cock?
Does that gag you or do you not do that?

 

[Farawyn]

Never had problems with or without.
Would like to ask a question, how are you at going down on cock?
Does that gag you or do you not do that?

I can't answer for OP, but a gag is constant and inanimate and a cock can be pulled and pushed and eased and manipulated.
I can see the gag being claustrophobic.

 

[Lascivity]

I'd add, also, that this is not even an uncommon limit to have. Many people don't like gags.