Gabrielle...

Nirvanadragones said:
Thank you, Lovelies. I love you all. Thank you for the support - even after all these months. Or should it be, especially after all these months? :rose:

It's like . . . I'm ok, and I'm coping, and doing reasonably well, and then something like this happens, and it's such a beautiful reminder. And then it all comes back to me as if it were yesterday. And I'm helpless with the amount of pain and tears that I sit with.

I don't see that time has diminished the intensity. It's made me able to ache less often, but when it's back, I cry for 6 hours, like tonight, with no reason to stop, other than exhaustion.

I'm a mess tonight. Tomorrow I will drag myself back to something resembling normalcy. Tonight, I mourn my way.

Even after more than four years, I still hurt from time to time. Thinking about what if, what "should" have been, thinking about the lives that weren't supposed to be taken.

It's hard to find answers, and harder still to accept that the answers aren't forthcoming.

Vana, I hope you believe me when I say I understand your pain. It's not an easy thing to live with, and there are no great words of wisdom to ease the pain. There's just time, faith, and the love of friends and family.

:kiss:
 
Melissa Etheridge - I Will Never Be The Same Lyrics




So you walked with me for a while
Bared your naked soul
And you told me of your plan
How you would never let them know
In the morning of the night
You cried a long lost child
And I tried on I tried to hold you
But you were young
And you were wild

But I, I will never be the same
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same

Secrets of your life
I never wanted for myself
But you guarded them like a lie
Placed up on the highest shelf
In the morning of the night
When I woke to find you gone
I knew your distant devil
Must be draggin' you along

But I, I will never be the same
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same

And you swore that you were bound for glory
And for wanting you had no shame
But I loved you
And then I lost you
And I will never be the same

But I, I will never be the same
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same
 
i was thinking of you today when i read this

We had wanted you and waited for you, imagined you and dreamed about you and now that you are here no dream can do justice to you.

:heart: :heart: :heart:
 
May the Warm Winds of Heaven
Blow softly upon your house.
May the Great Spirit
Bless all who enter there.
May your Mocassins
Make happy tracks
in many snows,
and may the Rainbow
Always touch your shoulder.

(I'm keeping you all in my thoughts this week. :kiss: :rose: :heart: )
 
I wasn't around the board when this happened, but I wanted to put a note in here about an organization that absolutely saved me when I experienced the same thing four years ago. (Four years, and three months exactly today, in fact.)

The group is SHARE, dedicated specifically to those who go through the loss of an infant. it is a tiny, low-budget organization with an international website and forum in which parents and families can get help and have someone to talk to 24 hours a day.

I went there a lot, early on, and I never saw a post go unanswered for more than a couple of hours. It is the most extraordinarily supportive group of people I have ever encountered. At any given time, there are several hundred or more bereaved mothers in there talking to one another, listening, helping.

About a million infants a year don't make it, for various reasons. One Million. That's a lot of grieving parents. You all probably know someone. Whether it happened yesterday, a year ago or 20 years ago, it changes people forever, and it's good to have a group who understands.

send them here:

http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.shtml

It has saved lives, including my own.

Blessings on you all.

bijou
 
unpredictablebijou said:
I wasn't around the board when this happened, but I wanted to put a note in here about an organization that absolutely saved me when I experienced the same thing four years ago. (Four years, and three months exactly today, in fact.)

The group is SHARE, dedicated specifically to those who go through the loss of an infant. it is a tiny, low-budget organization with an international website and forum in which parents and families can get help and have someone to talk to 24 hours a day.

I went there a lot, early on, and I never saw a post go unanswered for more than a couple of hours. It is the most extraordinarily supportive group of people I have ever encountered. At any given time, there are several hundred or more bereaved mothers in there talking to one another, listening, helping.

About a million infants a year don't make it, for various reasons. One Million. That's a lot of grieving parents. You all probably know someone. Whether it happened yesterday, a year ago or 20 years ago, it changes people forever, and it's good to have a group who understands.

send them here:

http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.shtml

It has saved lives, including my own.

Blessings on you all.

bijou
Thank you. :heart:
 
There are moments that cut deep. I only know the way I feel about this moment can't be put into words, and can't compare to the pain of those who were closest and dearest to this moment. I'm only an echo and a ripple, hardly the epicenter or someone who paid the dearest cost.

Knowing the reality and my shadow experience makes me want to hide and run to ground zero at once. This leaves me in the same place, anger and pain entwined with helplessness and impotence.

To wrest anything from this is to know the value of the lives touched, the life lost, and to hold that moment and these people close.
 
We loved her, yes, we loved her
But angels loved her more
And they have gently called her
To yonder shining shore

The golden gates were open
A gentle voice said "come"
And with farewells unspoken
She calmly entered home.
 
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