FUUUUUUCK (rant)

[Fly_On_Wall]

Why in the hell does everyone think I'll always be there to do whatever the fuck they want? Shit I have a goddamn life too, it may suck but it's still a fucking life.

My brother has work and his girlfriend is out of town so my mom volintears to watch his kids, he gets home from woking midnights, and is going to do some work at my aunts house. Me I have a job interview monday so want to put my portfolio together but my printer wants to print red as purple so I need to find another printer. I'm going to go to my frineds to do it that's a good plan. OHhhhhhh well my mom has to go shopeing but she volintered to watch the kids right? oh well no my sister is going to watch them shile she shops. but my sister is crying she wants to go with my aunt and brother to help so she can make a whole fucking $10 Jay will watch the kids. they don't even fucking ask me goddamnit. no just show up in front of my bedroom and say "Your watching the baby."
NO WAY I HAVE STUFF TO DO...
"oh it will just be a a little bit mabey 20 mins." bitch bitch bitch then my sister just fucking leaves. so I have 2 choices. watch the kids or don't watch them and not have any food in the house.

so i'm stuck with watching them for 20 mins right?
oh fuck no 2 hours later i'm still sitting there with a 1 year old and 2 year old beating me up.
Okay now it's too fucking late to go to my friends house, so Monday i'll only have half my portfolio to show. becasue my family is fucking assholes.

everyone is home I come upstairs to work on what I can go for supper.... what do I see sitting in the garbage.
the instrusctions and name and all the info I need for monday's interviewhow did it get there? oh acording to them noone knows.

finnaly my brother and his boys go home.
my mom comes home with my sisters 2 kids though
why? who the fuck knows. the baby is 2 and she just had stomach surgery, she wanted to sleep at meme's so my mom brings her... and her 6 year old brother for no aparent reason.

8:00 my younger sister is off work... she works 3 blocks away so of course my mom has to pick her up... goddamnit even with my leg problem I can even walk that distance, but nooooo bitch is too lazy. so of course, Jay your watching the kids. "mom I have plans i'm leaveing.... remeber I told 2 days ago"
oh but I'm just getting your sister at work i'll be right back.

how does it take 45 fucking mins to go 3 blocks and get someone at work????? so they are home I can now get ready to go out right?

NO GODDAMNIT everyone left already and instead of calling me to say when they are leaveing they leave messages on my computer to say we are leaveing at 8:30, then if you don't answer we are leaveing without you.

so I'm fucking stuck at home. I've not been out in god knows how long. and this would have been my last chance to get out for awhile since i'm haveing surgery tuesday and will be unmobile for a week or 2.

so there goes my whole day thanks to the family that think I can do anything for them. shit I've gone through enought shit wish one of them would get hit by a car so they can know just how I fucking feel.

okay if I can't go out i'll sit here and try and relax tonight. turn on my music..... ohhh my mom takes a fit they kids are going to wake up. so I can't even do what I usuealy do.

so of course all this sets off one of my black cloud moods which I hate cause I always hurt myself....
so I beat the fucking hell out of the walls and floor and desk. now my left hand is bleeding... and my leg oh fuck does it hurt. trying to stick your foot through a wall will really hurt you knee when i'ts still recovereing.

 

[EvilBrat74]

I feel your pain!

Gettin dumped on suck's.

 

[Wiggles]

God that's horrible Fly. You need to get your own place, pronto.

You should have just left when they sat the kids in front of your door. If they had asked you nicely, that would be a different story, at that point they could've given you the option to help out.

Stand up for yourself, don't be a doormat.

And don't hurt yourself either, especially not your healing parts.

You need to get into some meditation, or fuel your anger into other outlets, like writing or art.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

thanks.

Wiggle I would get my own place if I could.

and I'm too nice for my own good I've always said that.

Nice guys do finish last.
I can't say no to them I care for those kids too much.

If I have to sacrivice somting so they don't get hurt I will and do.
my family sucks and If I wasn't so dependent on them or them dependent on me. (most of the times things work out for the best me liveing at home. I can save my money, well not like I have any right now, and my mom can aford to live in the house instead of a one room apartment, I stay home more for my mom and sister then myself, I could live off shit if needed)

But fuck they just take me for granted, always expect me to be there always expect that I can do what is needed.

I pay my rent every week and give extra money once a month.... but for the past 3 years my mom has owed me $500 she borrowed. I need that fucking money for my loan payments.
now I do have the option of not paying rent for a month and a half (I pay weekly) to get the moeny back that way. but if I did we'd have no food in the house, I pay $60/week my mom uses $80 for grocheries..... so I"m not stupid enough to say Okay I won't pay then.....

I want this goddam job, so I can buy a car then hopefully in a year I"ll be the hell out of this place. Or maby I'll be aloud to move into the garage.... or make my sister move downstairs and make the attic into an apartment...... *sigh*

 

[patient1]

I'm really sorry

Sorry about your anger & your pain. It's an endless, viscious cycle.

Sorry about your accident.

Sorry about your medical "house arrest".


I'm really sorry about the lack of respect your family has shown you this weekend.


Obviously you've had your fill of frustration, but all of that is about to change. You're going to get the rest of the poison out of your mind by telling us all about it.

You are going to make up your mind that you are about to get your life back from your family.

You've got everything to gain & nothing to lose, so you're going into that job interview mentally prepared . You're going to enjoy yourself, and you're going to llike the interviewer enough to let him/her see the enjoyable part of Jay.

You are going into the hospital to recover your health. You are going to respect the nurses & cooperate with them, & they are going to reciprocate, and treat you very well. It will be a great vacation for you. When you get out, you will be on the way to recovering your life.

So let the anger out first...anything else you'd like to rant about?

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Sending big hugs