Funniest Negative Comments?

[ShelbyDawn57]

And occasionally a hero appears amidst the chaos...


I love how these "brave" and "moral" anonymous commenters can't even bother to create a fake screen name and then bash a writer for something that doesn't fit into their limited worldview. I wish Lit would require an account before you can comment.
This is a very sexy and well-done story. I enjoyed it very much.

 

[EmilyMiller]

No funny reader comments, but I did get beat up pretty badly on one or two stories about condoms, safe sex, etc, to the point I added this as an authors note at the beginning of a story I knew would egregiously violate those expectations:

And finally, there are somethings like STDs, wearing breast forms with adhesive, and preparation for anal sex, that are very real and require our attention. We all know that, so I’m not wasting your time with a detailed description of an enema every time someone gets fucked, ok?
Good, glad we’re on the same page.

I had a detailed space douche machine in Coleoidphilia.

Em

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I had a detailed space douche machine in Coleoidphilia.

Em

Having skimmed that particular work, I can understand why...

 

[ElectricBlue]

Funny in the sense of perplexing:

I got this comment from a reader to one of my stories earlier today:

Then an hour later I got this comment from the same reader to another story:

Why would someone read to completion a story that one thought was boring and a waste of time? And if one did, why would one read ANOTHER story by the same author that bored one so much the first time?

Dedication to a lost cause?

Very, very poor memory?

Confusing waste for waist? Who knows?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Having skimmed that particular work, I can understand why...

You need to go back and read it thoroughly

 

[StillStunned]

An anonymous comment (one of nine that were all added within the space of an hour or so) on You Know You Shouldn't:

You shouldn't have wrote this a 1

Despite the 1*, I'm tickled by the commenter getting into the spirit of the story.

 

[StillStunned]

A Christmas present from Anonymous on Flesh for Another Fantasy:

When your opening talks about something being the "unsexiest" in its category, it's hardly seducing the reader to continue much further. It's also a terrible choice of word, couldn't you think of another way to write your opening? It's also funny that you tied yourself to "unsexiest", but, apparently, had the vocabulary to include "coquettish", which lent a real obnoxious quality to this.

Not really sure how using both "unsexiest" and "coquettish" in one story makes it obnoxious. But considering what product I described as "the unsexiest" ("Not the Hitachi," I said. "It's the unsexiest of all sex toys."), perhaps the anonymous commenter is actually the CEO of Hitachi.

 

[lovecraft68]

This was a private-anon of course-feedback I received yesterday.

"I'd like to request that you give all of us at Literotica the best gift of all, you announcing your retiring from pusblishing here."

The typos are theirs as I copy/pasted this.

Irony.

 

[StillStunned]

This was a private-anon of course-feedback I received yesterday.

"I'd like to request that you give all of us at Literotica the best gift of all, you announcing your retiring from pusblishing here."

The typos are theirs as I copy/pasted this.

Irony.

It's like the quote on "1066 and All That": "We look forward to the authors' last work."

 

[Euphony]

A Christmas present from Anonymous on Flesh for Another Fantasy:

Not really sure how using both "unsexiest" and "coquettish" in one story makes it obnoxious. But considering what product I described as "the unsexiest" ("Not the Hitachi," I said. "It's the unsexiest of all sex toys."), perhaps the anonymous commenter is actually the CEO of Hitachi.

Trusting readers to hold two competing concepts in their head?

Perish the thought.

View attachment 2300031

 

[Euphony]

perhaps the anonymous commenter is actually the CEO of Hitachi.

In his defense, you'd be lonely and bitter too if your wife had unfettered access to Hitachi's R&D.

 

[StillStunned]

In his defense, you'd be lonely and bitter too if your wife had unfettered access to Hitachi's R&D.

I can just imagine the Board meeting: "I'd like to announce a new appointment. The new Director of R&D is... my wife. Shut up, you lot, she insisted."

 

[Euphony]

I can just imagine the Board meeting: "I'd like to announce a new appointment. The new Director of R&D is... my wife. Shut up, you lot, she insisted."

New ShEO: "We're moving away from the 'realistic' mega-dongs and octopus envy suckers and more towards the actual BS that holds womens' orgasms back."

"So seismic level rumbles?"



For Immediate Release: Hitachi has unveiled their new "SHEDOng." Modestly sized, its power comes not from its motor but that it handles all her least favorite work or home tasks, quells any body image issues, and keeps footsies nice and toasty.

It honestly doesn't give a fuck if she comes, so long as she had fun."

Hitachi stock:
View attachment 2300035

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I had to share this. It gives me a certain sense of pride that I managed to attract a troll like this one with a single post. This is of course my original and still active bomber, and the fact that he is pretending to be a Lit author is just endearing

Comments:

Hi man.

Just a point I've wanted to raise with you for a while now. I've looked at some of your ratios and they seem to be heavily skewed by something.

Your erotic art story, the map thing, I just gave it a one-star rating. It's only got something like 1.4k views, and that category has hardly any traffic. Your map has definitely aged out, so whatever score it has now, that's what it's going to be. It's really unusual though that it somehow ended up on 4.5, exactly, before voting stopped on it. A real coincidence, don't you think?

I think you boosted it in order for all of your works to have a "hot tag". I also think you've boosted some of your other scores, which are all old stories that are reposts.

The next few days will be interesting. If your map, which has aged out, starts to climb again, then it'll confirm that your scores are definitely being manipulated.

I can't see your dashboard, but I'd guess that your map with 1.4k views only has a handful of votes, so my 1-star rating will bring it down to around 4.42-4.44.

I just want to remind you that vote manipulation is against the rules of the website, and you can't give yourself 5-star ratings. The one bombs you spoke about get swept away, while the 5s you're giving yourself are boosting your scores permanently.

I'm going to send Laurel a message in the next few days and ask her to take a look at your account, paying attention to the clustering of 5s on your stories. I'm doing so because I don't think it's fair that I have to compete with you on the SF&F top list again, when it's abundantly clear that your scoring is deeply suspicious. Every vote I've got on that list is one that I've earned, I've never voted for myself in all the years I've written here.

Not that it matters in the long run. You've already quit once before over drama you started on the forum. It won't be long until you quit again, now that everyone knows how tilted you get when you attract low ratings.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I had to share this. It gives me a certain sense of pride that I managed to attract a troll like this one with a single post. This is of course my original and still active bomber, and the fact that he is pretending to be a Lit author is just endearing

I'm impressed. He's really putting the work in, but doesn't seem to know that a five bomb can be swept just as much as a one-bomb. You must feel like a father does when your toddler finally starts to run .

 

[RetroFan]

'Here's an idea, write about anything other than spoiled rotten bitches, i.e. write about normal women.'

One would think that it would be easier for one to avoid reading stories about spoiled girls on Literotica rather than wading through the many thousands of stories posted daily in all categories (even Non-Human and Gay Male) about spoiled rotten bitches, but perhaps one is mistaken by this assumption. Or perhaps if one saw an interesting sounding title but then noticed that the story was written by RetroFan, that one might think that it might have a better than average chance of containing spoiled rotten bitches and perhaps best avoided?

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

'Here's an idea, write about anything other than spoiled rotten bitches, i.e. write about normal women.'

One would think that it would be easier for one to avoid reading stories about spoiled girls on Literotica rather than wading through the many thousands of stories posted daily in all categories (even Non-Human and Gay Male) about spoiled rotten bitches, but perhaps one is mistaken by this assumption. Or perhaps if one saw an interesting sounding title but then noticed that the story was written by RetroFan, that one might think that it might have a better than average chance of containing spoiled rotten bitches and perhaps best avoided?

@RetroFan, are calling me spoiled rotten? How dare you? I'm taking my taffeta gown, diamond-studded tiara, and mink coat and going home.

 

[TruthwithaTwist]

I'm still not sure if this was a negative comment because over a year later, I'm still trying to figure out what they were saying...

"Great story! You like the "sound" of your voice. TOO much!!!"

Also, not negative, but my FAVORITE feedback I've ever received still makes me laugh when I see it...

"why everybodys youth so epic"

 

[AwkwardlySet]

This guy is just adorable and he doesn't seem to stop. He is basically accusing me of five bombing my stories, based on the fact that his one-bombs don't have as much effect as he would like them to. How do you become like this?

by Anonymous user on 4 hours ago

Wow, only 1.2k page views for an eight-page story and it's already got a huge amount of votes. So many votes that my rating doesn't alter the score at all. Not a suspicious ratio at all, lol. The vote manipulation here is off the charts.

My readers vote in such a high percentage because I explicitly ask them to at the end of the story in obvious bold letters, you dickhead

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Got this one because I had a break and pointed out the temporary shift in viewpoint before returning to the MC view on a story yet to feature here (it’s on another website but will be here once all done).

“You lost me ??? Emma's story???? Utter crap hopefully no more episodes”

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I wrote a story Her First Foot Boy with the description "She picks him up for some femdom shoe fetish fun... and more." I posted it in Fetish. I got the following comment:

Anonymous about 2 hours ago
Sexy shoes, NAY not that great, Sexy feet, Oh Yessss, often delicious. Hairy pussies, nothing in this world any better except for whole sibling and real parent incest! I rated it a 4 but a 3 rating was more like it.

How dare I not write...a completely different story?

 

[bestkeptsecret678]

I got called out for a math error in one story. Granted, was a BIG error, but not relevant to the plot, nor the sex. I’ve tried to avoid numerical references ever since, so all breasts are “full” and male organs are “ample.”

 

[Rob_Royale]

This one surprised me tonight. I never thought my voyeur story would get this kind of reaction. I'm sensing some unresolved emotional trauma with this guy. What about, "It's just a story" don't they get?

by xxxxxx on 53 minutes ago
His wife is a selfish bitch, she dates other women, and he gets sloppy seconds, what a cuckold. It doesn't matter if it another woman. Why would a man sign on for that kind of shit? You know the other male hatting lesbians are disrespectful as hell. This wife must have some low level contempt for his ass also.

 

[StillStunned]

What about, "It's just a story" don't they get?

Yeah, it's strange sometimes. Comments like, "I thought I was the only one who did that!" Well, maybe you are. I just imagined a scenario and wrote about it.

Or my first brother/sister story: "You'll be even more stunned when it turns out you've got her pregnant." Seeing as she's a figment of my imagination, yes, I imagine I'd be a bit surprised if something happened that I didn't write.

 

[RetroFan]

I got one Loving Wives reader so angry with my story 'Sister In Law Surveillance' that they actually created a new insult for the wife and husband's lesbian sister - 'Dorkspeds'. I started a thread about unusual insults because I had never heard the term dorksped before and a Google search brought up nothing in Urban Dictionary and other sites. It didn't seem to be a term from a country like Canada, Ireland, South Africa or New Zealand whose slang you hear less.

As it turns out dorksped is a combination of two insults - 'Dork' which I have heard of, and 'Sped' which is a derogatory term for a Special Education student which I hadn't heard before (the term is American, and I'm Australian). Not many authors can boast of a work that so angered readers that it inspired a new word.

The same story which attracted the usual type of comments also had complaints that I had referred to America and Canada together as 'North America'; caused angry rants about Donald Trump (who is not even mentioned and completely irrelevant to the story); and one reader advised me that at 11 pages it was too long, and that bad stories about dykes who fuck their brother's cheating wives should use only 3 pages. Perhaps good stories about dykes fucking their brother's cheating wives are allowed to go 6 pages?