Frustrated

[SecretPoster]

Thanks =) Finally got some sleep last night so I think I'll put up the violin.

 

[SecretPoster]

Stupid mistake. Stupid, selfish, idiotic mistake.

Mistook a self-centered, immature, greedy, 'curious' fling with 'Love', completely deluded myself that it meant more than that, and shattered every part of a woman who has loved me wholly, monogamously, and unconditionally since she was seventeen, by lying to her, consistantly assuring her, swearing she was all I ever wanted, my One True Love.

Now that she is destroyed, I realise with horror that she was all I wanted, after all. I'm not poly. I made a selfish, stupid, mistake.

I hurt my 'lover' by lying to her, and deluding myself.

My wife is young, and beautiful, and sweet and good, I've hurt her many times in the past, and she has never let me down or rejected me, even though I have lied about her and twisted facts to make myself look 'good'.

I threw everything she gave me away on a dumb whim.

Loving, innocent, wife now in intensive counselling and marriage destroyed.
Don't understand how she can want or love or forgive me when I've treated her so badly and devastated what she gave me. She's still fighting for me.
For us. She loves me that much. How could I not see that?

She is so sad and embarrassed, yet cares enough for me to hold my hand through STD appointments. She has spoken compassionately on the phone to my 'lover' and is desperately trying to come to terms with what I did. She's an angel, trying to support ME, when she herself is gutted and grieving inside.

I don't know why I did what I did.
Somehow, she forgives me.
I don't think I can forgive myself.

 

[Eilan]

Wow, you know how to judge don't you?

LOL!!

 

[MrsMellowCake]

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