Frustrated, Angry, blah, blah, blah

[PacificBlue]

I'm feeling a whole range of emotions that I do not know what to do with.

I feel lost.

My personal "truths" about life have all been shot to hell.

 

[Wiggles]

You want to share?

(I think you do.)

 

[Ishmael]

I'm feeling a whole range of emotions that I do not know what to do with.

I feel lost.

My personal "truths" about life have all been shot to hell.

'splain a little PB. They may not be as gone as you think.

Ishmael

 

[PacificBlue]

No, sharing won't change life. When the going gets tough, the tough take a nap.

Rules of Life

#1 Life is not fair.
#2 See rule #1.

 

[LukkyKnight]

The only applicable rule is "Take care of yourself." If you don't you can't help anybody else either.

 

[Ice Cold]

Or take the other side and say fuck it and make your own rules... Life is always going to suck if you play it by the rules.

 

[PacificBlue]

The only applicable rule is "Take care of yourself." If you don't you can't help anybody else either.

Why take care of other people when other people are out for themselves?!?!?

 

[LukkyKnight]

Not all of them are. However, if they were, that would further strengthen the notion of taking care of yourself.

 

[PacificBlue]

Or take the other side and say fuck it and make your own rules... Life is always going to suck if you play it by the rules.

and...if you don't play by the "rules of life" you get left in the dust time and again.

 

[LukkyKnight]

You have to take care of yourself first - that's what distinguishes an adult. When you are robust and healthy you may be able to forge a bond with another.

Raise the defenses awhile PBlue: tend you, nurture you, please you.

 

[PacificBlue]

Not all of them are. However, if they were, that would further strengthen the notion of taking care of yourself.

Show me one person that isn't. Just one.

Taking care of myself is what's left to do, self-preservation. Trust will be given sparingly in the future if at all.

 

[PacificBlue]

You have to take care of yourself first - that's what distinguishes an adult. When you are robust and healthy you may be able to forge a bond with another.

Raise the defenses awhile PBlue: tend you, nurture you, please you.

I am an adult and adults are supposed to know better or so I always thought. It's no wonder history repeats itself over and over and over again. The games just get more skilled with each time around the sun and the words change a little, that's it.

An "adult" in my twisted thinking has come to realize that this life is a very short journey and one that should be spent helping each other along the way. The truth of the matter is that we spend most of our adult lives screwing with each other and wasting valuable time by playing meaningless games at work and in our personal lives. As if by doing this we are somehow going to gain what in the end???

 

[LukkyKnight]

When wounded, PBlue, one must heal.

When wounded badly enough, one scars.

While hurting and healing you will not believe there are any selfless people out there, so I will not waste time trying to argue you out of it. I believe it can work, even though it's terribly rare.

In due time, if the wounds heal and the scars do not warp you, then you may want to consider a change in your willingness, but now is clearly not the time. Think back, later. For now, the past is just that: the past. Take your time.

You must, ultimately, offer what you seek. Even then it will not always work as you'd like, but that's the ONLY way it can possibly come out right.

 

[PacificBlue]

You must, ultimately, offer what you seek. Even then it will not always work as you'd like, but that's the ONLY way it can possibly come out right.

I do offer what I seek and that is exactly what got me to this place. It's used as a weapon for personal gain by the other party and by the time I figure it out, it's to late.

I sincerely do not understand what I'm doing wrong, if I did I'd quit doing it. I'm very teachable and not unwilling to change.

I saw the deception in this person's face today and my heart sank. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

 

[LukkyKnight]

This is why it doesn't always work, PBlue, exactly. However, if you think about the alternative, if you hypothetically go out into the world with your plan of action based on deception there is no way in hell it can ever get you what you want, what we all need to thrive. No way in hell.

Blow off the fool, and if you can find it in your aching heart wish them well sincerely no matter if you think they can be honest enough to achieve happiness or not - but do not respond by becoming what has devastated you.

 

[Ishmael]

Sooooooooooooooo

I am an adult and adults are supposed to know better or so I always thought. It's no wonder history repeats itself over and over and over again. The games just get more skilled with each time around the sun and the words change a little, that's it.

An "adult" in my twisted thinking has come to realize that this life is a very short journey and one that should be spent helping each other along the way. The truth of the matter is that we spend most of our adult lives screwing with each other and wasting valuable time by playing meaningless games at work and in our personal lives. As if by doing this we are somehow going to gain what in the end???

History repeats itself because we engage in the same behavior. Time after time. The 'games' are not more sophisticated than they were thousand's of years ago. Technology has made life more complicated, but to think that we are some how 'smarter' than those that came before is a grave error.

You're thinking isn't 'twisted'. Apparently your choices are.

As far as the "we spend" statement, speak for yourself, not for me, or for many others.

I hope that you get out of this 'funk' that you're in. And I hope that you find that which you are looking for. But most of all I hope that you understand that you find what you are looking for. And if you don't like what you find, look for something else.

Ishmael

 

[PacificBlue]

What I need to do...

Let go

Remember to breathe

Pick myself up and get on with it


What I want...

To be held for awhile

 

[LukkyKnight]

no strings hug

[font=Goudy,Garamond,Papyrus,Georgia]( ( ( ( ( ( ( PacificBlue ) ) ) ) ) ) )[/font]

 

[PacificBlue]

Re: Sooooooooooooooo

You're thinking isn't 'twisted'. Apparently your choices are.

As far as the "we spend" statement, speak for yourself, not for me, or for many others.

Ishmael

1. Do you know me well enough to know what my "choices" are or have been or will be?

2. "We spend" was a generalization. I tend to generalize when angry or upset, it isn't meant to be taken as doctrine. I'm glad I'm the only one who gets a bit irrational when her heart feels like it's bleeding.

 

[truegentleman]

There is no easy answer.

When we trust people we expect the same in return, but some people look at trust as a weakness and they try to take advantage of it. When that happens you just need to seperate yourself from that person as soon as you can.

There are good people out there who believe in the same things, trust, honor, and respect. You just have to keep looking or maybe quit looking and they will find you.

I have to believe that, because I'm like you. I have been hurt so many times that there are times I wish I could be like those hurting me. Then I realize that there is no way I want to be like them. I may get hurt again, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed of what I've done.

 

[nasty]

No, sharing won't change life. When the going gets tough, the tough take a nap.

Rules of Life

#1 Life is not fair.
#2 See rule #1.

Trust me. I know.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Re: Re: Sooooooooooooooo

1. Do you know me well enough to know what my "choices" are or have been or will be?

2. "We spend" was a generalization. I tend to generalize when angry or upset, it isn't meant to be taken as doctrine. I'm glad I'm the only one who gets a bit irrational when her heart feels like it's bleeding.

Nobody here knows you well enough to pass judgement on you or your choices.

Everybody has the right to feel, and to express themselves. A statement beginning "We spend" could just as easily be expressed as "It feels to me like we spend" but it was clear enough in context. The feelings that you have - and articulated - may not be universal, but if you feel at the moment as though they are it is valid enough to express them that way.

As to repeating choices - you are not demonstrably locked in a pattern. You are, clearly, hurting. With any luck at all you will draw on this experience and grow, and learn, and be better able henceforth to see such unfortunate shortcomings in friends and lovers. For now it is sufficient to vent and let the bad stuff ooze out so the healing can take place...

 

[Ishmael]

Re: Re: Sooooooooooooooo

1. Do you know me well enough to know what my "choices" are or have been or will be?

2. "We spend" was a generalization. I tend to generalize when angry or upset, it isn't meant to be taken as doctrine. I'm glad I'm the only one who gets a bit irrational when her heart feels like it's bleeding.

1. Bad choices lead to 'bleeding hearts'. Sorry, but true. It's the cycle that has to be broken.

2. OK, generalize if you will. The fact still remains that you contributed to being in every situation that caused your heart to bleed in every instance, by your own choices. As did I.

I think that you are a stronger woman than this thread would reflect. Soooooooooooo, hook your fingers under that thong. Pick your self up. Dust the sand off your ass and move on.

And (((hugs))) too. Known a little pain myself.

Ishmael

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Hey PacBlu, sorry I missed you on MSN tonight, sounds like you could have used an ear. I'm thinking that when whatever has wounded you receeds a little, you'll find LukkyKnight's words wise and reassuring. Wish I could offer as much.

Personally I reckon the only way to grow, is to give. To risk. You have to be happy with yourself first and foremost, cowering within walls that protect, and despising yourself is never going to bring you happiness. If you are happy being internally focused, then more power to you, but I for one need to interact positively with my peers to achieve a sense of satisfaction.

 

[cymbidia]

Hey, darlin'.
Not everyone is just out for themselves all the time.
You know that's true.

And sometimes we notice that Life just does not seem fair while at other times we don't notice that it does, indeed, tend to even out over time.

Sometimes people lie to us and rob us of the bright emotions and fragile hopes we've given to them. Sometimes, too, people hold our dreams cradled gently against theirs.

Life is a ragged dance full of highs and lows, my friend. When we're on top, it all seems bright and glorious and we sing and smile and stride around on feet that barely touch the pavement. When it's not our turn on top, though, our hearts plummet and the day turns cloudy, and we shiver in the cold wind of being not-wanted, perhaps, or not-good-enough, or notsomething.

However, as deeply hurt and angry as you are today, so will you be joyous and elated another day. You know that. I know that.

Life likes balance and abhors us riding for too long on either the very highest high edge or the lowest of the low. I know you understand this instinctually and from prior experience, just as i know it in that way, and Lukky knows it, and Juspar knows it, and, apparently, Ishmeal knows it too. We *all* know about this kind of low, darlin', and share your bewilderment and the pang of denied dreams.

Feel your pain.
Feel your anger.
Gather it inside you and examine it.

And then let it go.

Whoever hurt you is the loser here, not you. They have to be without you while you walk past them, smiling and secure, growing onward, leaving them behind.

Sometimes we have bad times.
Such is life, darlin', for all of us.
It's just your turn.