From the mouths of babes

[ABSTRUSE]

My six year old daughter loves to throw me off guard from time to time with questions and such that come from places unknown.
Today she asked me how Elvis died, she wanted to know if he died on the toilet. I was rather perplexed since I didn't know she knew anything about Elvis, but she told me her friend said he died on the toilet after he had to go real bad and banged his head on the sink and died.
Yes, I did clear things up on his demise and told her there was no need to worry about that.

This is the same angelic little girl who asked me (at age 5) if she could get her tongue pierced.

Not to forget the time when she put on my bra....

"Mommy! Look! I have boobies!"

"Yes, I see, and where did you get those?"

She then told me it was at a local park. I'm not sure if they come from trees, obviously in pairs, or there is a special cave where a magic Boobie Genie grants wishes for flat chested girls.

None the less, she always has something to catch me off guard and she is begining to become a novice smartass, does me proud.

I have a son, older, more subdued. He found my vibrator...that's another story.

I just thought it might be fun to post some stories of the crazy things that you've heard kids say.

~A~

Have to run, I'm going to meet Elvis by the boobie tree to get my tongue pierced.

 

[SeaCat]

Rotflmao

Aren't kids great for humor, after the fact? Reminds me of when my youngest niece-in-Law, (about six at the time,) walked up to my sister-in-Law at a family reunion.
"Mommy, why do you have these and when will I get some too?" She asked while pulling my sister-in-Laws bikini top up completely exposing her breasts. She never did explain to her daughter about breasts while in ear shot. Her daughter also was quite interested in why the rest of us almost died laughing.

SeaCat

 

[RenzaJones]

If both of you are wife's who's the daddy. D21's nephew (the same one that dubbed us lesbinims.)

 

[ABSTRUSE]

If both of you are wife's who's the daddy. D21's nephew (the same one that dubbed us lesbinims.)

As my daughter would say "that's beaufiful"

 

[RenzaJones]

lol we didn't tell him who the daddy was
Kids are fan-fucking-tastic

The neighbor's kid thinks God lives next door to santa.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

lol we didn't tell him who the daddy was
Kids are fan-fucking-tastic

The neighbor's kid thinks God lives next door to santa.

I bet you can't wait till yours starts talking, I bet her teachers will blanche at some of her stories....lol.

 

[RenzaJones]

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I once took my very young brother and sister (6 & 8) to a professional baseball game to watch our favorite team play ball. And of course, we sit behind two women who have a difficult time fitting into the seats provided, but are avid fans and know their stuff. They're keeping score and logging every play, run, out, hit...you get the idea...on their score card.

Anyway, one or the other of them got up at least ten times by the sixth inning and my baby sister happened to be fed up with this. The woman had just returned with the third round of nachos, hot dogs, peanuts and popcorn and it took her nearly three minutes just to settle the food and get her ass back in her seat.

A really nice double play was made during this time and I leaned to my kid brother and sister to ask if they saw it so I could explain the beauty of a double play and my little sister says rather loudly, "Well I might have seen it if the fat lady in front of me would sit down already!"

I was mortified, but could hardly blame her. The nice lady didn't say a word or turn around and amazingly enough, neither of them got up until the last out was made. *sigh* Kids.

~lucky

p.s. Abs, your box is full hon.

 

[SlickTony]

What a nice story, Lucky.

I have a son, older, more subdued. He found my vibrator...that's another story.

Do tell, Abstruse! My son is a relatively incurious sort, but the info might come in handy--who knows?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

What a nice story, Lucky.

Do tell, Abstruse! My son is a relatively incurious sort, but the info might come in handy--who knows?

I'll have to tell you another time...I made up something far fetched about what it really is, can't wait until he's older and realizes......lol

~A~

 

[herecomestherain]

I'm hoping that this isn't the precursor of some future road rage incident...my four year old daughter recently asked as we were passing through an intersection if it was a happy road or a cross road? She also calls the flowering shrub we know as hibiscus, hibiscuits. The most recent brain twisters from my five and a half year old son include,"What's after infinity? What's past outer space?

My princess/tyrant daughter also likes to watch when I'm getting dressed to go out, the other night she became the giggling little censor, I bent, wearing a low cut top to do up my shoe, next minute both her little hands on are pushing on my chest, "I can see your breasts mum, put them back in!"

Same night, she saw me in a G-string/thong , gives me the "What is that you're wearing look?...Where are the frilly bits that go at the back mum?" alluding to the amount of fabric that's missing from said underwear style... Very observant, that one.

 

[damppanties]

We had a guest for dinner and my four year old cousin was very interested in him, asked him a hundred questions all evening. The guest enjoyed his attention immensely. Well, we had dinner, finished coffee and the guest's car came to pick him up. Dialogue betwen the four year old and the 60 year old.

My cousin runs in from tha balcony where he saw the car arrive and merrily informs the guest that it's here.

Guest smiles and thanks him.

Cousin peers into the empty coffee cup of the guest. "Finished?"

Guest smiles. "Yes."

Cousin: "Then why aren't you going?"

_______

We had a guest at home who was well... not very tall. Like about 4 feet. The same four year old dubbed him (translated) "Small Uncle" and kept on calling him that until the poor guy left.

 

[SlickTony]

can't wait until he's older and realizes

He probably won't be able to look at you directly for days, once he does. Boys are a notoriously conservative lot, and most teens would like to believe that their parents have no sexual feelings. That's why teens are so appalled when their parents bring a sibling into the house--it's hard evidence that their parents have been (gasp) Doing It, at their advanced age.

 

[Remec]

When I first met my future stepdaughter, she was almost two years old, but was developmentally delayed and seemed more on a younger level than she was for ages and ages.

Sometime shortly after she'd turned four, one of the family's cats had kittens. She was fascinated and wanted to look in on them all the time. But, we assured her that they were okay, and that she needed to wait for a few days to get them used to being in the world outside of Polly, the mommy cat. (Short for Polgara, the cat being a rather opinionated black-and-white short haired calico.)

Several days later, my daughter began coming up and asking to "Blahblahblah". We were lost and she was so frustrated with us.

One of her delays was a tendency towards gibberish. I remarked to her mother that it struck me like the phenomenon of "twin speaking", where twins carry on conversations....complete with grammar, syntax, and everything a language needs or uses...in words and syllables that don't make sense to anyone but them.

Finally, after she'd begun crying one day, I knelt down and had her repeat, again, what she wanted. I made her say it for me very slow and ex-ag-er-a-ted, and discovered what she had been saying.

"I want to see the Polly-littles."

We whisked her in to see those kittens without another moment of hesitation.

 

[Guest]

There's some great stories here, and my kids, like most, say the most incredible stuff, which never fails to have us roaring with laughter.

When our oldest was about two and a half she walked in on us in the bedroom. No, we weren't doing *that*, it was morning and Adam was getting dressed. He was naked and was just pulling up his boxers. She caught a glimpse of him before he was covered up. The look on her face was a picture, it was a mix of shock and amusement. She said, "Mummy, why has Daddy got dumplings on his bum?" I nearly died laughing and it was a full ten minutes before I could sit down and explain to her that boys have extra "bits" that girls don't have. Adam is the type to get very embarrassed and imagine his horror when we went down into the bar later that day (we were running a pub at the time). She announced to all the locals that she'd seen "Daddy's dumplings".

Lou

 

[destinie21]

ANother one from my nephew this time it's my brotheres seven year old. Are you poor ? To whcih I answer no wht does he ask. he said he thinks we are because we never have any bacon. Apaarently he has misinterpreted the phrase bringing home the bacon

 

[pussy chaser]

many years ago one of my daughters fell foulf of my wrath!

she then proceeded to show the back of her hand with all fingers spread out towards me with the words "there have that".

I was perplexed to say the least. so asked her what she meant by that ? her reply! "
you are really bad telling me off, and you told me sticking my 2 fingers up at anyone is rude. so i done all of them cos that must mean it's really, really rude..and I think you are bad, Dad"

exit one dad from room unable to scold one little daughter through fits of uncontrollable laughter!!

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

I've always wished I'd write down the funny things my kids say, I'd have one hell of a hilarious book. Anyway, one afternoon when my youngest was about 4 or 5 my hubby and I snuck off to the bedroom for a nooner while she was engrossed in her cartoons, figuring she'd be there a good hour before she even knew we were gone.
We shut the door but never locked it for some reason. We didn't hear the door open as it normally creaks a little, not this time, all of the sudden I see her standing beside our bed. I quickly pulled the covers up over my head and pushed my husband off of me in one motion. She came up to the head of the bed and said, "Mommy what are you doing"
"playing hide and seek", I answered, with covers still over my head.
Her reply " Do I have to get naked to play"?

 

[mtnman2003]

wish I had the camera on record....

Kids provide the best, bring smiles to the insides of the heart...

My youngest, about 5 at the time, asked as I was tucking her in for the night. Noticing my greying hair, innocently and with full concern,

"Daddy, are you turning into a Grandpa"?

And with my first daughter, many years eariler. Having showered, I was standing at the sink shaving. Suddenly, I had my thing wacked, it was dangling and waving back and forth. My little one wacked the dangling thingy. Thought the wife was going to die laughing.

So many more, so little white box space.......

Mtn

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

I have to share this one...
My oldest daughter was 3 at the time and walked in on my now ex-husband after he had gotten out of the shower. He was bent over doing I don't know what, maybe drying his feet, at any rate my daughter saw him naked from the rear view and came running to me asking why Daddy has a tail and she didn't
So I sat her down and explained to her that boy parts and girls parts do not look the same and told the the clinical terms to use for these parts. Shortly after this conversation we went to the store, I put her up in the front seat of the cart and was pushing her around the store. When we stopped to look at something there was another woman standing beside us when my daughter precededs to them her what she had saw and that it's really not a tail, that mommoy said boys have "peanuts" and girls have "ginas". You see I told her boys have penises and girls have vaginas.
The woman tried to stiffle her laughter as she said "is that so". She looked at me as I stood there my face red and wanting to crawl under a shelf. I think my daughter made her day.


Wicked

 

[Sabledrake]

When my daughter was six, she coaxed a quarter out of me and put it in one of those junky little toy vending machines you see all lined up at the foot of the supermarket checkout lines. She got a plastic capsule with a cheap necklace in, a cord with a metal cross.

So, in the loud and carrying voice only children possess, she announced to most of Safeway, "Oh, good! Look, Mommy, now I have something to keep the vampires away!!"

The looks I got ...

Sabledrake

 

[cloudy]

a little too much info?

When my middle son was around 8 or so, he asked me where babies come from......said he knew from me, but how did they get inside to begin with.....

I begin this long, involved explanation, complete with sperm, egg, etc, etc.

He listens, completely engrossed, and when I finish, he gets this look on his face like I have got to be the most brain-dead person in the universe, and says "I was talking about people, mom, NOT chickens!"

Same child, only newborn, and my 3 year old neice is watching me change his diaper. Well, of course, she spots parts that she doesn't have, and asks "what's that?"

I explain about boys being different from girls, and she becomes quiet, obviously mulling this over, then says "when will it fall off?"

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Re: a little too much info?

"when will it fall off?"

Brilliant. A natural feminist.

Perdita

 

[ABSTRUSE]

After a crappy winter here, our streets are a plethora of potholes. When driving home one day, my son was complaining about them(he'll be ten). He wanted to know why the city didn't fix them. We explained it was a state road and they had lots of repairs to do this year.
Still not satistfied, he declared "Then the people who live here need to form an angry mob!"

~A~