From the Loft

[Beaker]

Oh Mister Raven Loft... delivery for Mister Raven Loft

Where are you?

 

[Ravenloft]

*Peeking outside to see Beaker, the delivery dude!*

My, my, my, what could this be? A package for me?! Oh, how thoughtful! I wonder what might be contained within! Do you need me to sign for it good sir???

 

[Beaker]

Yes Mr Loft, I require a signature...

I also require many other things but a pen for you...

 

[Ravenloft]

*Grinning, taking the offered pen and quickly signing for the package. Handing the pen back and taking the box, shaking it to see if it rattles. Looking up.* Oh! Forgive me! Would you like to step in for a dring Mr. Delivery dude? *Tilting my head to the side and fixing you with a lop sided smirk.*

 

[Beaker]

Well kind sir I always rely on the kindness of strangers
"Have mercy on me, sir
Allow me to impose on you
I have no place to stay
And my bones are cold right through
I will tell you a story
Of a man and his family
And I swear that it is true "

 

[Ravenloft]

Oh my, that is the saddest thing I have heard in a long time! Come in! Come in! And rest your weary soul for a time... Here, let me pour you a mug of hot tea to warm yourself with... For as long as you wish to stay you shall have my hospitality... *Smiling cheerfully as I set the mug before you and pour some hot, steaming tea into it.*

 

[Beaker]

Well a long time ago in a land far far away...

I was put to the test by a man named Jim.
He was a good man but people thought him strange
He liked playing with felt more than people
Nowadays people have a name for them but not when Jim started... no not at all

 

[Ravenloft]

*Setting across from Beaker, the delivery dude. Pouring a mug of my own.* What sort of task would a man that liked the feel of felt more then flesh put a such a weary soul to? Was he a... Feltophile?

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Jim had to share me...
I was so big he had to have a friend help
I didn't mind, I was out of my mind
But it did seem strange the attention
I saw lavished on others
I just think he couldn't keep up
Especially with me, being so big and strong

[Edited by Svedish_Chef on 01-31-2001 at 01:11 AM]

 

[Beaker]

You see Jim and I had a special relationship

He was *ahem* intimate with me...
And that was the only time I felt alive
The rest of the time I would just lay there in the Lab
Sharing my confines with Dr Bunsen Honeydew
And waiting for the next explosion.

But when Jim was around... oh god!

 

[Ravenloft]

*Slighly blushing.*

I... I have a confession of my own... This Jim of yours... He's not alone... For I too am a feltophile!

*Nervously taking a sip of my tea. Just then all the cupboards and closets fling open and piles upon piles of felt come spilling out, all over the place. Looking about the room in shock, I turn to Beaker and smile sheepishly.*

Um... Looks like my felt problem is out of the closet...

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I always knew that beaker was the one
He became something we despised
I mean he couldn't even speak!
But yet Jim lavished attention more and more
Like he was attached
And in a strange way he was
We could never work out why....

 

[Beaker]

Mr Loft, you too?

Well, these explosions weren't that exciting...
But Jim, oh god was he the man
He shaped me, he molded me
I became the beaker he wanted
And then he became a god
People vied for his attention
But he always came back to me

 

[Ravenloft]

Jim sounds unreal. Someone I would like to have met... And you, Beaker. You seem very taken with him... I don't think I have seen anyone with an expression quite like yours... I wonder... I wonder if I could feel your felt as finely as this... Jim felt it... *Sigh*

 

[Beaker]

Well Mr Loft I think you may be right
Noone can touch me like Jim could
I don't know whether I could bring myself to it
How could I ever go against his memory
He told me that I lit his fire
That we simmered beautifully
And when he boiled...

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Jim never let me in
He used me, manipulated me
Beaker turned him
And I think I know why

He was jealous of me!

Even now I have fan clubs
But beaker, nothing!!!!

 

[Ravenloft]

Sadly, I may not be able to hold a candle to Jim, but I do so love the feel of felt... *Sighing. Looking up at Svedish Chef.* Jim played favorites? Are you sure you just didn't feel abandoned? I... I would never abandon you... Not like that... No. That is just cruel... You aughtn't hate Beaker, for it was not his fault that Jim lavished his attentions the way he did. In fact... It would seem fitting if you two were friends... You both loved Jim didn't you? And what he could do for you both... *Cautiously taking a sip of my tea.*

 

[Kermit]

Look chef, you weren't the only one
We are all Muppets
We all had our attachment to Mr Henson
Its time to let your anger go
You know what beaker is shaped like, yes?

Well there is the reason Jim was so close
He not only loved felt, he loved that shape
We couldn't all be the same
I got a girlfriend and you got to cook
Just cause beaker (and Jim) exploded
Doesn't mean you should feel any less

Now come on let Mr Loft help you...
he is only trying to help
And Beaker, we all have to let go
he is gone and lives in all our memories
Now move on (and in)

It's OK, we can all be friends, really

 

[Nicole]

Ummm Did you GUYS wanna be left alone or what?

You are really worrying me you know

 

[Ravenloft]

I... I can really help you two you know... If you just let me... *Eyeing their felt skins in a slighly indecent manner... Letting my gaze linger just a second too long... Looking up in shock as Nicole walks in on us. Lowering my head in shame that I have been found out for the Feltophile that I am...*

 

[Kermit]

Mr Loft

It seems that since we have not had another...

Well since Jim died, you see ummmmm

We need someone to wash us
(oh yes)
And clean us
(oh yes)
And play with us
(oh yes)
And be um intimate with us
(oh god yes!)

Mr Loft... may I call you Raven?

Will you join us and take care of us?

 

[Ravenloft]

Let me get this straight... If I go along with you... I get to...

Wash you. *Panting*
Clean you. *Homina, homina, homina!*
Pu. Pu. Play with you! *Drooling*
And... And... Oh! The thought is more than I EVER could resist!

Just let me pack!

Lets see... A few spatulas... a stethascope...

What am I forgetting...

Oh! I know! Grandma's feather bed!!! Bwahahahah!!!

 

[Nicole]

Stop it your killing me

LMFAO.

 

[Kermit]

Stop it your killing me

LMFAO.

Oh no you must be one of Evil berts underlings!

http://fractalcow.com/bert/

Get thee behind thee, satan!

 

[Ravenloft]

*Crickets chirping, frogs croaking, adn a janitor walks in with a wide broom. He stops and looks up at Nicole.*

Um... I think the shows over...

*Turning toward the camera off to the right the janitor tugs on his ear lobe and winks, then walk off.*