From My Lust And Passion - Stuff from a Wannabe Gay Poet

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I wouldn't have had any notion of you're being gay from these - which is perfectly fine. Seems like thay could apply just as well for any person one cares about. In both explicit sexual references are absent, which make 'mate' sort of jump out form the first. Would 'merge' or 'join' work here?

 

[Palba_Noruda]

I like the look of the first one. The long lines and the way the endings make a diagonal line. I like the sweetness of the relationship. Aw.

The second one doesn't look quite as nice to me, the lines are more jagged. But I do like the image of snuggling under the covers. And I like that you tried to make the down quilt into something different by calling it a group of down.

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully it won't be another six years before you post some more

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[HoHoBomb]

From You to Me

Our noses rub ever so slightly as we nod to each other,
Foreheads touching,
Lips open,
Warm breath glazing warm skin,
Your masculine scent inundating my sinuses,
Causing my fullness even before our lips join,
You pulled back to tease me as I went to make contact,
You smile and give out a little slightly evil laugh,
Damn you man!
You see the look of disapproval in my eyes,
You rectify your tease by grabbing my head,
Pulling me forward,
Meeting my lips with yours,
Sucking my tongue into your mouth,
Rubbing your now growing hardness against mine,
This to prove your sincerity in our mutual lust,
I taste you,
Feel you,
Fleshy muscle against fleshy muscle,
The exchange of liquids from you to me,
From me to you.

The contact we made goes deeper than the lips,
We are having sex with our mouths,
The old “lost in the kiss” kiss,
Seepage everywhere from both of us,
We rub together glazing our organs with our mutual emissions,
Locked mouths,
Licking tongues,
Biting teeth,
Grinding crotches,
Heat,
More heat,
Sacks drawing up,
Vessels filling,
That feeling of its going to shoot,
The point of no return,
The simultaneous ejaculation of maleness,
The absolute resolved feeling of lust from you to me,
From me to you.

Hot and yummy, love it!

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[Palba_Noruda]

Here is....


Reading and Feeling


My breathing stopped when you came into my sight,
Lightness occurred in my head and a halo of pastel colors appeared around you as you came forward.
Your presence was arousing, me being in close proximity.
The heavy muskiness of you hit my nose and went straight to my crotch.
Due to the Sun, glistening crystalline drops left trails down your tanned brow and Rorschach designs on your clothes.
Fleetingly your dark brown eyes showed your capacity for intense lust and absolute sanity.
They smiled at me even before your lips parted to politely acknowledge my existence as our microcosmic spaces briefly blended together in passing.
Our heads and eyes followed each other even as we passed.
You later tell me with laughter of the electrical charge you felt as you came within my presence as we drift off on the bed.

I like this one. It sounds like a powerful experience happened between you and the other guy? Is it based on a true story? I would be interested to hear more about a halo of colors... I believe that can happen...

I like your direct language... I guess as an exercise I would try to play around with some comparisons using like or as aka similes. Not that they have to go into the poems, but might be fun to fool around with.

Again, I find myself enjoying the longer line lengths... keep it up!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Hello this is an experiment to see if I can express my feelings, experiences and ideas in poem. Like the title says I am gay so that will be my main focus in this experiment. This being my first time, ( yes a virgin,lol) help and suggestions are appreciated from everyone as long as it is constructive. There are some wonderful and experienced poets and writers on here which I have enjoyed over the years, so I thought I would try. So here goes......




My Boy’s Eyes

I look into your eyes and I see the wisdom and experience of life,
They compel me to love you, protect you, care for you and want you,
My uncontrollable urge to mate with you is initiated with just a glance from you.
Laughing, your eyes send me into a joyful rapture that I do not want to escape from.
In short your eyes have placed my heart, mind and soul into a sweet bonding with you.

The word that first comes to mind when I read this is expository. I wanted to think didactic because I have to rip the didactic crime scene tape from my own poetry so often these days, but it's not. It is, however, expository. I like labels because they give me a perspective from which to sit and consider. Is expository bad? Depends on the aim of the poem.

I like the length of the lines. I think the length lends itself well to the subject, which is slowly introspective. The theme invites a sit back and consider, to masticate over the ideas presented one by one, so the line feeds into this very well.

I dislike both sound and the words chosen to bear the weight of description. The sound is uneven and uncomfortable for most of the poem. There are too many single syllable words and many of them are repeated without a reason that feeds the theme or the subject. Swapping words for synonmyns isn't a solution (eyes for orbs, for example) because it's not only a false image, you would mean nothing by the use of the synonym other than to change it up, but it's also cliche. The descriptive words tend toward adjective/adverbs modifying a noun or other part of speech. The descriptive weight ought to come from an intentional image. "mate with you," for example, is an evocative thought that brings an interesting idea to mind and brings energy to the relationship in the poem. Uncontrollable urge does it no justice. The phrase is too familiar and it doesn't sound, in terms of pitch and stress, good in the line.

Personally, I wouldn't alter the poem much if you alter at all. I'd find little ways to shift attention away from the more prose-ish feeling in some of the sentence forms by adding in noun/verb descriptors and removing some of the repetitions. What you've got is a pretty solid beginning, I think.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

This one is a little more 'erotic' in mood then the previous ones. Please leave your comments, I learn from them.


From You to Me

Our noses rub ever so slightly as we nod to each other,
Foreheads touching,
Lips open,
Warm breath glazing warm skin,
Your masculine scent inundating my sinuses,
Causing my fullness even before our lips join,
You pulled back to tease me as I went to make contact,
You smile and give out a little slightly evil laugh,
Damn you man!
You see the look of disapproval in my eyes,
You rectify your tease by grabbing my head,
Pulling me forward,
Meeting my lips with yours,
Sucking my tongue into your mouth,
Rubbing your now growing hardness against mine,
This to prove your sincerity in our mutual lust,
I taste you,
Feel you,
Hard fleshy muscle against hard fleshy muscle,
The exchange of liquids from you to me,
From me to you.

The contact we made goes deeper than the lips,
We are having sex with our mouths,
The old “lost in the kiss” kiss,
Seepage everywhere from both of us,
We rub together glazing our organs with our mutual emissions,
Locked mouths,
Licking tongues,
Biting teeth,
Grinding crotches,
Heat,
More heat,
Sacks drawing up,
Vessels filling,
That feeling of its going to shoot,
The point of no return,
The simultaneous ejaculation of maleness,
The absolute resolved feeling of lust from you to me,
From me to you.

I like this one the best of all the poems not only for the content but also that it 'looks' more like a poem rather than a piece of erotic prose. One thing that I think might make it flow better is leaving out the capital letter at the beginning of each line if it's not actually the start of a new sentence and cut some of the gerunds (ing endings)

Meet my lips with yours,
suck my tongue into your mouth,
rub your growing hardness against mine,
prove your sincerity our mutual lust.
I taste you, feel you,
hard fleshy muscle against hard fleshy muscle,
exchange of liquids from you to me.
From me to you.

 

[CharleyH]

Hello this is an experiment to see if I can express my feelings, experiences and ideas in poem. Like the title says I am gay so that will be my main focus in this experiment. This being my first time, ( yes a virgin,lol) help and suggestions are appreciated from everyone as long as it is constructive. There are some wonderful and experienced poets and writers on here which I have enjoyed over the years, so I thought I would try. So here goes......




My Boy’s Eyes

I look into your eyes and I see the wisdom and experience of life,
They compel me to love you, protect you, care for you and want you,
My uncontrollable urge to mate with you is initiated with just a glance from you.
Laughing, your eyes send me into a joyful rapture that I do not want to escape from.
In short your eyes have placed my heart, mind and soul into a sweet bonding with you.

I like your boldness. Reminds me of me just dropping into the PH with a poem on my first post years ago. Nevertheless, I have some feedback, I hope constructive. I don't enjoy your word choices. They are too story-forward and not poetry-forward in my opinion. No worries, I often make the same mistake. You write poetry as if it is a narrative. I look at your posted poems on this thread and strongly believe that you would do better practising in form... getting used to the lines, the rhythm, symbols and music of poetry. I don't think this quoted poem does you justice. I don't mean to be mean, but I do mean to be blunt.

 

[arielsgoddess]

Welcome!

Very cool everytime this places opens up, and new people appear on the boards. Our first forays (both in life and in writing/art) are always about getting a feel for ourselves, as much as they are for what we are doing. Don't ever be discouraged, what counts is that you are out there, not wondering "what if I tried?". Karma Kudos.

@Charley H: Should sharp minds come with protective gear? Lol

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Everyone thank you very much for all of you help, encouragement,suggestions and warmth. I realize now that there is more to poetry then putting your feelings into words. I have a lot of work to do to say the least,lol.
Palba_Noruda all of my poetry is based in my life experiences. The poem, "Reading And Feeling" is about the first time that I met my current Lover. All of my poems are about him and I. It is due to him that I found my voice in this art form. Before him I was never really interested in poetry let alone writing it. So he is my muse for this . This is also the most passionate relationship that I have had.So that you know he is not a poet or writer but he does appreciate good poetry and literature. I wanted to put together some poems as a present for him. I don't know how long this poetic feeling or the relationship is going to last but I am enjoying it big time for now. Thank you again

However you write them he will love them for the feelings you have put into them and just because they are you ...... best of luck and hoping this lasts for a very long time

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Gay you are and woman I am but that is hot stuff content wise anyway ........ but then I always do find gay men sexy

 

[LatinoBill]

Please,look at the last one.

 

[CharleyH]

EDIT to nothing but a smile and kiss to you ...

 

[arielsgoddess]

You are no 'wanna-be', LatinoBill!

Very good, erotically inspirational and feel/imagery. How wonderful that you have only just begun! I think we are lucky when we find someone who will color any part of our lives beautiful, and I hope this romance for you either does not end or segues into deeper beauty in a lifelong friendship. I was fortunate to find someone, who atleast for a few months recently, was the perfect catalyst to my soul. Whether or not he is the RL soulmate who will become my everyday companion or he will drift off to his own bittersweet island remains to be seen, but I know that my work has been enriched because of this.

I have had my share of the pool- and cabana-boys, as I would not be surprised to hear you have and frankly, I am tired of them for anything but eyecandy. But the person who stokes our true selves releases a deeper passion in us than any lover ever could, yes?

Congratulations, and warmest candlelit wishes

@Charley H, again, lol: What, darling? If ignorance is bliss, does that mean we are sharing ecstacy?

 

[LatinoBill]

It is now time for me to get out of the pool and walk into the sun. I am going to follow the advice of UnderYourSpell and just give them to him as is. I do want to thank EroticOrogeny, Palba_Noruda, KillerMuffin, UnderYourSpell, and CharleyH for being kind enough to take time out for an aspiring wannabe. You have taught me to truly appreciate your art. Kissinggurl, thank you for the"hot and yummy",lol. Arielsgoddess,wow!!!Thank you for all the good Karma.I hope that your guy truly appreciates what a wonderful woman and human being you are and that the two of you get to grow old together just like I am hoping for with mine. You are right , eye candy is fun and good when you are a child but when you grow up you realize you need more. I will be deleting eveything that I did except this message and two others. Ciao, Bill

 

[UnderYourSpell]

why delete?!!

 

[annaswirls]

harumph I missed them