Friends...... Advice Please
- Thread starter TigerClaw
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A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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I'm not sure what you are asking here.
I have always believed in the direct approach with people. If you don't ask, you won't know anything for sure.
I also don't understand why you are going about this in a vanilla way... enlighten me, please?
I have always believed in the direct approach with people. If you don't ask, you won't know anything for sure.
I also don't understand why you are going about this in a vanilla way... enlighten me, please?
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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TigerClaw said:
ahhh... I see.
thank you.
TigerClaw said:
a friendship? or you want to now pursue a possible relationship?
And just do things gradually... don't tell her, hey I'm a big freak and like to leave a woman begging me to stop as i beat her ass.... tell her at first you love a little bondage - that's pretty mainstream.... or that you love the sound as you smack a woman's ass as you take her from behind... not altogether kinky either.
if she reacts well, proceed, if she freaks, then don't proceed
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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Random thoughts
I really think you should just let nature take it's course.
If this is someone who is meant to be special to you, you can both work out the little "kinks." I think too often we go into search mode with a laundry list of desirable traits and activities and get trapped by that list.
Let things happen.
It seems to me that if you and she are not going to connect on a sexual level, isn't it likely that you won't connect on other levels as well? You will know.
I also think it is safe to say you are "Adventurous" or use other such terms to describe your proclivities, without getting into the alphabet soup.
In fact, with scooter, whom I met on a nilla site, I simply told him that I had had a variety of experiences and was very creative sexually. Then, I did use the word kinky. It was some weeks before I introduced him to the specifics. By then, not much would have surprised him.
And yes, fortunately for us, our kinks just made that connection stronger and hotter. It is not the foundation for our relationship and I am happy about that. However, it is the icing on the cake!
I really think you should just let nature take it's course.
If this is someone who is meant to be special to you, you can both work out the little "kinks." I think too often we go into search mode with a laundry list of desirable traits and activities and get trapped by that list.
Let things happen.
It seems to me that if you and she are not going to connect on a sexual level, isn't it likely that you won't connect on other levels as well? You will know.
I also think it is safe to say you are "Adventurous" or use other such terms to describe your proclivities, without getting into the alphabet soup.
In fact, with scooter, whom I met on a nilla site, I simply told him that I had had a variety of experiences and was very creative sexually. Then, I did use the word kinky. It was some weeks before I introduced him to the specifics. By then, not much would have surprised him.
And yes, fortunately for us, our kinks just made that connection stronger and hotter. It is not the foundation for our relationship and I am happy about that. However, it is the icing on the cake!
FungiUg
Waves at Cats
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I agree. If you've no desperate urge to get into her panties (depending on what size they are), or have her over your knee... then just let things develop as they do. No pressure, no issue.
I think you being happy with yourself as you are is a precious period in life. So just enjoy, and don't work on complicating things. Trust me, they will complicate themselves!
I think you being happy with yourself as you are is a precious period in life. So just enjoy, and don't work on complicating things. Trust me, they will complicate themselves!
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
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It's a slippery slope when we try to project our desires onto another. The last thing I'd do at this point is force the issue. Chances are probably good she'll be open to it, but when someone is closed to bdsm, that door can be shut very tightly.
It may be that you are also carrying around some baggage from the last relationship. If so, you aren't going to attract what you need until you heal yourself. I do think that things work out in the end. Just not always to our timetable.
It may be that you are also carrying around some baggage from the last relationship. If so, you aren't going to attract what you need until you heal yourself. I do think that things work out in the end. Just not always to our timetable.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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Re: Re: Re: Random thoughts
[mini-hijack] Better than having someone else's laundry![/mini-hijack]MissTaken said:Ya, I was trapped into the laundry list and eventually realized I had someone else's list!
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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My thoughts on this, and what I haven't seen anyone else address is if this woman is associated with your working life, any sort of relationship/friendship is going to be high risk (especially if it doesn't work out), possibly doubly and dangerously so for a D/s type disclosure. No matter how well we think we know people, we cannot 100% predict their behaviour if they are shocked by something personal (and especially sexual) we tell them, or they feel slighted at the end of a relationship.....it is those moments we often find out too late that they are quite ready to do whatever damage they can to you out of whatever misguided notion they have as to their righteousness to do so. This lady may not be like that, but is it really worth the risk? And is it worth chancing the possible discomfort for you or both of you if things don't work out long term and you still have to be associated through work?
As to the list thing, I am sure you know already it is how I found my happiness. I was advised 18 years ago by my gynocologist and during my divorce to do this....make a list of things you absolutely have to have in a partner and those things which you would like but could be flexible on and don't let anyone persuade you to stray from those needs and wants. It is not being too picky, nor stupid, especially if you have been through enough heartache to know you do not want more. Of course, if you don't know yourself well, or what it is you seek, it can be difficult to do, but I don't get that feel about you. Unfortunately at that time I did not have any connections or solid knowledge about the lifestyle so kept looking unsuccessfully in the vanilla market and coming up empty handed so to speak.
I just can't fathom, especially post 30yo and if you want a partner of any sort why anyone would want to risk wasting several more years and a lot of energy dating people that may have no connection levels you can tap into. Friends are one thing but when you are looking for a partner IMO you need to refine your choices a bit more to increase your odds, not play russian roulette just so you can be seen to be making an effort based on other's perceptions. While dallying with someone who may be vanilla and never desiring to be anything else, the one of your dreams could pass you by without you having time to notice....how tragic would that be? Dare to dream your dream and live it, not hope it falls into your lap by chance.
Catalina
As to the list thing, I am sure you know already it is how I found my happiness. I was advised 18 years ago by my gynocologist and during my divorce to do this....make a list of things you absolutely have to have in a partner and those things which you would like but could be flexible on and don't let anyone persuade you to stray from those needs and wants. It is not being too picky, nor stupid, especially if you have been through enough heartache to know you do not want more. Of course, if you don't know yourself well, or what it is you seek, it can be difficult to do, but I don't get that feel about you. Unfortunately at that time I did not have any connections or solid knowledge about the lifestyle so kept looking unsuccessfully in the vanilla market and coming up empty handed so to speak.
I just can't fathom, especially post 30yo and if you want a partner of any sort why anyone would want to risk wasting several more years and a lot of energy dating people that may have no connection levels you can tap into. Friends are one thing but when you are looking for a partner IMO you need to refine your choices a bit more to increase your odds, not play russian roulette just so you can be seen to be making an effort based on other's perceptions. While dallying with someone who may be vanilla and never desiring to be anything else, the one of your dreams could pass you by without you having time to notice....how tragic would that be? Dare to dream your dream and live it, not hope it falls into your lap by chance.
Catalina
